Bugged, Bugged, Seriously bugged.
Most people who know me, knew that THE last thing I wanted to do after uni was come home, however its the best thing I can do to help look after Mum and The Brat.
So I told MH, that unlike what we had planned I couldn't come to live in Sheff, with her like we had planned.
I told her that I planned to get a job, maybe working with E in Smiths if I couldnt get the job I wanted straight away, and save and go travelling, I asked her not to give me any grief over this as she has done, telling me to come live with her, that Dad would like to see me settled somewhere (conviently forgetting that Sheff was never going to be a perminant thing.)
I told her this, a few days ago, while I was on my Rescue mission, and her reply has bugged me ever since, she asked me what was the point of going back to uni, if I planned on working in Smiths forever.
EEEEXXXCCCUUSE MEEE!!!!
She knew how hard it was for me to make this decision, that it feels like I'm giving up all the freedom and independence I fought for at uni, surely telling me that is not supporting me?
I answered her telling me that its not forever, just till I find something better, save some money to go away, whatever comes first.
But God! It's bugged me, How dare she?!
She's known for ages how much I did not want to have to do this, but its not just about me, its about how I have to do whats right for everyone else.
Its bugs me, because it doesnt take me much to lose faith in people, all my life I've been let down, either intentionally or unintentionally by people that I have cared about, and now I feel like she's done the same.
It doesnt help that she's been talking about mine and LF's relationship to people that we used to go to the pub to watch the football with, which hurts cos its private and not to be talked about and she's told her new bloke in Sheff about Dad, telling me that I should talk to him as his Mum died of cancer too.
I do not want to talk to a random stranger, I do not want my private life talked about, and have told her this several times. I do not want grief over something that is hard enough for me as it is.
The more I think about it, the more bugged and annoyed and angry I get and the more I wish I had got stressed with her when she texted me.
Its too late now, she doesnt even realise how much it has hurt me.
But the more I think of it the more bugged I get.
Is it wrong at 21, to feel like the whole world is against me? Surely that's the sorta thing a 13 yr old should feel?
Maybe I'm over reacting a bit, but I cried for ages when I made the decision to go home and she didnt help any.
Bah! I'm gonna stop whinging now and eat an Ice-cream.