Saturday, December 30, 2006

So its time for my end of year post!

Obviously the main event of my year was Dad dying. Perhaps I'll post more about that next week on the anniversary itself. but needless to say its something that has had a bearing on everything I do every day.
The best events have been my holidays, Iceland is an amazingly beautiful country and its somewhere I've wanted to go for many a year, maybe I'll wait though until they stop whaling again before I go.
Ireland too was beautiful, but totally different to Iceland.
Planning my great adventure to New Zealand too, is a huge highlight.
Incidently I need someone to be in charge of my blog while I'm away... so I'll be holding a competition to find my perfect blog-sitter! The Winner will not only get to post here at will, but will be given special emails with pictures and stuff about my adventures to keep every one else updated!
It'll be like Blog Idol!
You guys have a week to post in this comment section here! With a 20 word comment on why YOU should be the lucky winner of all my embarrassing holiday photos and get the choice of which ones to post and what to put in the blog from my emails and obviously you get to get to keep this place clean, dust occasionally that kinda thing...
Then, the comments will be posted on here and you get to vote for who you think the winner should be!
Sounds complicate? Hopefully not!

Anyway! Other Highlights this year have included the meeting of two other BlogFriends, the Awesomely cool Spinny and the always funny Red Squirrel!
i'd like to put that the football has had a highlight too, but after losing Curbs and the fiasco with Dowie and Reed and our dreadful position at the bottom of the league its hard to see a positive there, but hopefully Pards can sort it out!
So thats my post of the year and all thats left to do is to Wish you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR and beg you all to think of me, who's working hard on NYE and on New Years Day itself!

Friday, December 29, 2006

29 days till I go away!
Shit! Maybe I better sort out accomdation and insurance and boring stuff soon!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Fucking hell Poll!
You robbed us of all 3 points.
Bastarding Cuntbag.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Happy Chrimbo all!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

I did a bad thing..

Isn't it a shitter knowing somethings bad for you and yet doing it anyway and then the endless guilt feelings about it?

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Oh dear.
Why do people come to me in the shop, asking for advice and then refuse to take it?

Monday I had a woman come to me asking about stuff to keep her bones strong.
so I showed her the calcium supplments and advised her to take one of the ones that contain added stuff like the Vit D and Magnesium.
"And thats the one?" She asked.
I nodded.
"Really, really." I assured her.
It took several minutes before I had convinced her I knew best.
She paid for her items, looked at them in the bag suspiciously and then I lost her in the queue of people I was serving.
Bad mistake.
She returned full of indignation and waving an iron supplment and some gingseng
"Look! Iron! Iron will make my bones strong! Why didnt you reccomend this to me?"
She made me refund her calcium and get the other two supplments instead.

I also had a man come to me wanting help with his sperm, So I said how bout Zinc cos of that being in your sperm and he said that he'd had something else before.
I elimated our line of herbal aphrodisiacs and drew a blank, and then he returned with folic acid.
"This! This is what I had before!"
I shook my head. "Thats no good for sperm, its for like pregnant women and the developing embryo"
"You sure?"
I sighed, pointed out that not only do I get sent on random courses about the rubbish that I sell, I have a degree in biology.
He still refused to believe me. So i got the book out and looked it up for him and then checked it with The Big Boss Woman.
He took the zinc and folic acid and walked to consult with his friend and then returned with, yes you guessed it, the folic acid.
"I want this."
"But its not gonna help!"
"I want it."
Honestly, why do you bother asking for help, if you're not gonna take my advice!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Lets talk about the football.

Lets talk about how tonight was so cold, even with 4 layers of clothes on.
About how we lost to Fucking Wycombe wanderers, who to be fair had more bottle about them than any of us.
About how we had a possible penalty turned down.
About how We have no midfield, constantly hoofing the ball down the pitch and hoping for the best is not good.
Dennis Romm, stop running on the inside and go down the motherfucking wing.
About how We booed them all off the field and sang about wanting Pards to take over, or "Premiership, we're having a laugh" or "You're not fit to wear the shirt"
Cos none of them were tonight.
We were fucking poor.
I'm not daft enough to put all the blame on Dowie and Reed (As much as I'd like to blame Dowie!)
The rot had set in long before Curbs left.
Now we have that tactical genius Reed, who if he is a tactical genius, I am the Prime Minister.

Monday, December 18, 2006

So lets try and catch up on my weekend!
So Thursday was the night of the party on the boat and then Friday I talked Welshy into coming to the Natural History Museum with me so I could look at a pickled Giant Squid.
It was a little awkward at first, considering the relevations of the other weekend but we quickly moved past that, played happily with the interactive displays and then went to his union where we got hammered and I decided to stay at his place rather than worry about the hour and a bit that it takes to get home, via tubes and trains and DLRs and buses.
Really you'd think he'd be more considerate and move closer!
Saturday I had to wake early and head home as the mighty Addicks were playing in the morning Kickoff against Liverpool, I soon wish I hadnt bothered.
Then I had to rescue a sick Budgie and head back into the city to meet my good BlogFriend Red Squirrel who also got the dubious pleasure of meeting Welshy.
Today I had to work in the Blackheath Health Store That Shall Never Be Named.
I really am annoyed with this store, they asked me to cover 3 weeks cos they were short staffed, which I have done so, now last week, there was 3 of us, which mightily pissed me off, cos its hard enough finding enough to do with just 2 of us on a Sunday.
But I was happy with the thought that I dont need to go in there again, at least thats what I thought until I had to go into the office and discovered that they've put me down to work this weekend.
From 8-6.
On Christmas Eve.
Without checking with me, or my home store or anything.
So I'm mightily pissed off cos they still never mentioned anything, but I need the money for going away, so I dunno what to do.
And after that was my works Xmas do! Which I've just got back from!
The Morning Girl is a Pool Shark!
It was a pretty good night really!

Friday, December 15, 2006

After a rubbishy sleepless night (not surprising I guess after yesterday!- No news on the girl either.)
I headed into the City for 's works Xmas Do.
We partied on a river boat, sailing down to my part of London and back up again. Its kinda awkward going out with them, cos they are a bit clique-y and despite all efforts, I am always singled out and retreat into my own little world.
but the city at night all lit up is amazing!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Was gonna write a post about how I met up with H2 and Bump in London today.

But at 12 in the afternoon I saw a girl fall under one of the tube trains, dunno if she jumped, fell or what, but I'll never forget her scream.
Dunno what happened to her, they were talking to her when they evacuated the station.
Awful stuff, I've always made sure to stand well back when the trains are appraching and will be doubly careful in future

Monday, December 11, 2006

"Aw Bollock off you saddo!"

Flashback scene starts*

It started as an averagely boring Monday Afternoon, I came into work, was thrilled to see that the damage to my little BlueTack Elephant had been repaired and he had been joined sometime over the weekend by a Bluetack Snail and a BlueTack Snowman.
The BlueTack Snail is actually bigger than both Elephant and Snowman, but hey! In Bluetack World perhaps Snails are bigger than elephants!
Someone asked me to get them a protein shake mix from the stockroom, as I returned to the till aread my Aunty G banged on the glass and waved at me accompanied by one of her Nutters (She works for the council Mental Health Team)
I grinned, waved back, served the gentleman and then turned to see if I could see where she'd gone out the window.
And then I saw him, Poor Hoppy, this kid on a crutch was making his way across from Poundland to our store Hopping with all the speed he could muster.
Closely following him was Afro.
Hoppy clearly already had been hit by Afro and as I looked Afro threw a traffic cone at Hoppy, which just missed him and smacked into our Window.
Hoppy fell up the step and into our store colliding his crutch with our sample table.
"Jesus Christ!" Cried my supervisor!
"Help me!" Cried Hoppy!
The Morning Girl instantly garbled a report down the Walkie Talkie to Street CCTV, and I pulled the doors too and locked us in and Afro out.
Hoppy feels safer now he's in the store and starts mouthing off to Afro who is standing outside waiting for him to leave.
The Morning Girl and my Supervisor are making a series of panicked calls to the CCTV headquarters and trying to find the keys, not remembering that I'm clinging onto the door, attempting to lock it and Afro is still lurking calling people on his phone and is joined by some chavvy bint
(Oh My god, look he's getting reinforcements! Where are the Coppers?! Its like a fucking Vigilante squad out there!) The Morning Girl is nothing if not dramatic!
When the coppers show up its in their proper wagon thingy, from what they were garbling about, it sounds like they were expecting murder to be committed in our shop.
They arrest Afro, take Hoppy into our Staffroom and we point out the Chavvy Girl who's been joined by some other bint who they chase off and THEN to make matters more dramatic the fire alarm decides to use this opportunity to go off.
Which then results in a five minute drama by them pair as they try to figure out how to turn it off, I serve the few customers who got locked into our shop, make a sign that we're closed for the foreseeable future - not that anyone reads it and they continue to demand entrance into the store for their multivits.
I guess they assumed we'd invited the Police round for a teaparty or something!
And then a girl from Savers comes round, alerted no doubt by the panicked witterings of them pair to check we're alive!
Finally Hoppy is taken away by the Coppers, the fire alarm is switched off and they decide that fags and cups of tea are needed to restore their shattered nerves.
So we sit in the staffroom, while they smoke lots of fags and I drink Hot Chocolate and they muse over who Afro was phoning and what will happen about them girls.
"Thing is Charbs," My supervisor muses. "You gave them your name and address, they might want you if it goes to Court."
"What if he was phoning for reinforcements and they'll be waiting for us after work?" Thrills the Mornings Girl.
"You finish in a few minutes anyway." I point out "And dontcha think you're being a little dramatic?"
But the idea has caught on and both are convinced they're never safe to walk home or be in the store alone again.
So 5pm rolls round and I prepare to go home.
"How you getting Back Charbs? Anyone coming to get you?"
I laugh and say that if I did what they did, I'd be laughed at by my family and forever have the tag of sissy on me.
""I really dont like you going home alone." My supervisor worries.
"Aww Bollock off, you Saddo." I laugh. "As if anyone will be that sad out there!"

At least working in Woolwich is never boring and best of all, the interruption and retelling of everyones thoughts on the matter and how they lived through the event, means that magically an hour and a half of my day vanished!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

I wanted the morning girl at work to like me again. She went off me a week or so ago, when in a fit of boredom I launched myself at her screaming at her to catch me and then wrestled her to the ground.
So I made her a little blue-tack elephant as a gesture of friendship.
She put it on top of the till.
Imagine my sadness when I saw that the little elephant had been crushed by a thumbprint. Possibly by evil Blue-tack hunters who wanted the little elephants blue-tack ivory tusks

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Poor old Bump is not not well.

If you remember Bump was H2's baby, that she had in late October and I went to see last time I was up in Derby.
Apparently he's been diagnosed with Glaucoma, which H2 had as a child and left her blind in one eye, so the poor thing had to have a quick operation up in Derby to check him out properly and then got taken down to Moorfields Eye Hospital down here, for a quick op, when I was in Scotland.
Now the specialists want to take him to Great Ormand Street here, as its more designed for babies and stuff as he was underweight for the minimum operation in Moorfields, so in the new year he has to come for an op, which hopefully has a has a 70% chance of working the first time and an 80% chance of working the 2nd time.
So they go back into the new year. They'll check him again under general anesthetic and operate again if necessary, hopefully it won't be. Poor Bump! Fingers crossed for him!
We're not bottom, we're not bottom, we're not bottom any more!

Yes! The Once Mighty Addicks are now 2nd from bottom, a couple more points and we're clear from relegation!

Altogether now!

"We're not going down, we're not going down, we're not going down!"

Sunday, December 03, 2006

I went out last night with Welshy and we hit Weatherspoons in Greenwich and proceeded to get hideously drunk on Cocktails.
And then he hit me with his bombshell.

Well its not really. See I've always been aware of the fact that he fancies me, and I've always done my best to let him know that I dont think of him in THAT way. And we muddle along happily in our own little way, I dont bring it up to save us both from embarrassment, and he's too shy a guy to actually make a move.
And then I was saying something, and then he said I was really unappreciated at home, from the things I've let slip to him, and I laughed it off and then he suddenly confessed, that he loves me and has done since the second time we met, and I was totally taken aback by this, cos this breaks all the unspoken rules of our friendship.
And he came out with all this stuff about how he just longed to be close enough to be trusted with some of my secrets, some of the stuff that I dont tell anyone, like the real reason behind my panic attacks.
And how it was the best moment of his life when he woke up and found me snoozing in his bed the night I had to stop over and how "holding your hand walking down the street would be bliss" and all the rest of this bollocks.
Seriously though I was fairly touched by it all, even if he is a crazy nutter, and was heavily influenced by our "Straw-pedeoing" and many, many cocktails so all the shit is just words, but still! Bless!
And then I had to let him down gently, how he's my friend and I can't think of him in any way other than as a best mate, and like I said, we've known about this and its just bubbled away under the surface but I think the drink forced it out of him and he needed to hear confirmation again.
I can't see it making our friendship any different, he knew that I knew he liked me and I knew that he knew that I dont feel things for him.
But I still feel bad and a little sad for him.
Lets talk about the day from hell.
I knew it was going to be bad when I woke up at half 6 and decided to watch the cricket, considering I went to bed at half 4, this may not be a smart move.
I was working in the Blackheath Store for an hour from 9, which didnt make me happy but I need the money.
I got there too early so went to StarBucks to get a hot Chocolate, only I burnt me tongue, ever burnt like the top layer of your tongue off and then it feels all rough?
Thats what mine was like.
So I got to the Blackheath Store and then found out they didnt even want me!!!

Apparently they wanted me Friday, but they told me and The Big Boss Lady Saturday so go figure.
And then they decided to send me on a Road Trip!
They wanted me to go to Catford to collect some carrier bags, only I refused, seeing as its awkward to get to on the bus, and I frankly didnt know how to get there.
So they sent me to Woolwich and my normal store to collect carrier bags.
And when I return to Blackheath I find that theres 4 yes 4 boxes of carrier bags waiting there and I am really pissed off and refuse to believe that the 4 boxes of bags will be used before wednesday.
And then they send me home! So I truely am pissed off that they dont even need me, and send me on a fucking road trip wasting my money in the process.
And yet I agreed to work there for the next 3 weeks!
Charbs! you are a fool!