Sunday, February 11, 2018

Sitting here trying to think of things to tell you about this week.
Insurance finally came though. Of course it came two days after I ran out of money and took out a payday loan. So that's where that is going!

I took the receptionist at work and her daughter to the yard to meet V and have a sit. Perfectly behaved for them. half hour later we're cantering on the spot and bouncing to get away from a wood chipper. Daft mare.

I booked to get new tyres put on the car. My boss and I had to go to Sidcup and she asked me to take my car so "she didn't have to leave her parking spot" I was still on the verge of poverty then and decided to "pretend" that I had forgotten as I really didn't want to waste the petrol, especially after driving to Gatwick and back!
She only made me go home and get my car and then we were late to the meeting! Hahaha!

Dog training today. She is frustrating. Running properly with netting, running out the minute it is removed. I think maybe we have to keep the netting in there and hope she forgets? Although you can't have netting in competitions....

We're at Maidstone next week and I'm dog sitting One Night Stand's Dog - No mince pie incidents there hopefully!

Been a bitter cold week, with a disappointing lack of snow.

Sunday, February 04, 2018

Obviously dog not cured as ran out lots today. Sigh.

Insurance is dealing with my claim now so that's something. Fingers crossed it comes back soon. A lovely, lovely lady in the field where I walk Dog gave me £50 for her plight. I felt awful. I hadn't told her my tale of financial woe for that but at same time overwhelmed that she did so.

Mothership and TMWMITW came back Friday night and then flew away Saturday to LA. Its possible that his money/copyright case will be dealt with by time he comes back.
Joked that he could buy me a horse and pay for its upkeep each month. Took it all rather seriously and busted my bubble. Not that I was serious, I'd struggle with time if I had one of my own anyways.

Nothing else really to report back here. its bitter, bitter cold and the forecast is for snow but I bet its a huge disappointment again.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Not too much to report on. Dog got all clear from blood tests. Nearly cried in despair however when she found a raisiny cinnamon roll yesterday and took a bite. How can you take her to the vets for the same thing in not even a week? I self medicated with wine and scraped out the last of the activated charcoal and fed her that.

Sent insurance forms off so now to sit and wait for them.

Day off tomorrow and i'm looking forward to it. I have lots of plans, the dog and I are going for a long walk, I have to take flowers to Nanny and Granddad's grave and pick up mum's travel insurance. I had planned to get a new car tyre but yeah.... stupid dog put paid to that one this month!

She ran really well at training today, very pleased and hoping that she has got over the worry of having another dog run at her, but we'll see how she gets on next week. Too much to hope that she is cured right away but luckily there is two more training sessions before next comp.

Horse is lame but I wasn't really in the mood for a long ride today after training so that suited me to have a short potter around the woods.

Welshy's birthday today and i'm busy overthinking a comment from Lolly. Urgh. Tired of this nonsense.

Monday, January 22, 2018

What a disaster the weekend turned out to be!!!

As mentioned i'd been booked into a hotel for this party. So dog in tow we rock up at the hotel. No record of me, under my name or under the ladies name. Tried to ring her but of course she's already at the party so doesn't hear me calling.

Drive to the venue in the hope that she can speak to them over the phone and get it sorted. Took nearly an hour to find somewhere to park and i'm on the verge of going home out of sheer frustration when I bump into someone I know and they help me get a spot! Go in and find her and she calls the hotel
Turns out she's actually booked it for SEPTEMBER! 
Old people should not be allowed near the internet!! Anyway she and I went back to the hotel and I'm there watching them pay for a new room - 90 quid!! 
Whatever. I vow to buy them some flowers to make up for it.
Party good fun, got to leave Dog in hotel room and I dance and generally have a jolly time. 
Get up next morning and go to the comp in Maidstone with the lady and her dog. We do our morning racing. Win first race, second went a bit astray. It's ok, there's still the afternoon to go and we're in a good position still.

About 12 she goes and takes both dogs for a walk and then about 1 goes to get something out of her bag, turns out she left a packet of mince pies in her car. Turns out Dog likes mince Pies. Turns out mince pies can cause irrepairable kidney damage in dogs.
So she gets rushed into vets, put on a drip, given medicine. I beg money from the Mothership as payday is today and I had 30 quid to my name. So now mum's out of pocket by 241 quid - well 200, paid her some today.

Dog is ok now, but awaiting blood tests to see if there has been any kidney damage. So that's another 100 quid gone. I had a fair few loans being paid off this month so I knew it was going to be tight but fuck me I now have 65 quid until I get paid again.
At least. I know I've filled the car with petrol, I have food for the month, just be replacing things like bread etc.
I can claim insurance back for Dog so that's my next port of call but I wanted to get a new car tyre after the mini explosion a couple of weeks ago so that's a bugger!!!

Trying not to be annoyed as she's genuinely upset about it and it was just one of those things but I really, really could have done without this!!!

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Naughty Charbs.
Already one week behind.

In my defence last weekend I spent in Cambridge at a dog show and drove back sunday, rode two horses and was then zonked and had to get ready for work still!

It was an ok weekend. dogs ran mostly well. Had a nice meal with One Night Stand and then hung out watching the scouse FA cup game.

This weekend was a party for one of the people in my dog training team. Cake didn't go to plan twice as I fucked up reading instructions, but all worked out well and they seemed to love it.
Danced a lot, drank a bit and had a great time. One Night Stand was also there, a mutual friend asked when we were gonna do something about the sexual tension between us. I was drunk enough to want to tell her, sober enough to realise that was a no no and there was an internal struggle momentarily before sober Charbs won! Haha. I do love having that as a secret but it'd be nice to share with someone. 100% he's got another girl on the go though, he was getting texts I noticed from someone with emoji hearts in their name and that def won't be a guy! Not fussed. Would have been nice for more, was never on the cards and I've gained a new friend out of it so win win really!!
Hopefully not another 18 month dry spell before I sleep with someone else though

I met up with Flash from early blogging days as well Wednesday just gone which was great!
And of course we have the usual Awful January milestones. I was a bit shocked this year that I was getting the dates muddled in my head. I guess cos they are so close together. 6th 12 years since he died. 9th his birthday.
Last Thursday as well was 4 years since that awful night when Granddad died and convieniently would have been Welshy and I's anniversary. All I have left to get through now is Welshy's birthday and the breaking up day.

Life moves on. I move on. As I told him in my drunken, ranty email, he has no say over my happiness any more. I am mostly happy, just occasionally lonely.

Next weekend I might not get a chance to blog as again I am at a dog show.
Odd night before - I have been adopted by a lovely old couple as a surrogate grandchild - they tell people I need mothering! Anyway, for some reason I got invited to their son (who I've never met!)'s 50th birthday. There's a few other people I know going so its all ok. I was going to drive, not drink obvs and then go home and take the wife to the comp next day.
Except they booked and paid for me to stay in a hotel close by - really lovely of them but wish they hadn't! Its only saving me 20 mins in the morning and now I need to faff about taking dog with me, taking her to the party, leaving the poor sod in the car as I can't leave her in the hotel over night alone!

Haha! It'll be alright I guess!! Maybe....

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Rode THREE different horses today, There's no way i'd be able to cope if by some miracle I got more than one horse!
Already in PJ's and Dog snuggled on my lap. Not been invited out anywhere, so why the hell not?

I wrote to him a couple of days ago, a long as is my style overly dramatic email.

I've developed a dry hacking cough. I went to see Lolly in his new home at Blackheath Rehab and had the traditional Xmas drinks with Babbs and L. I went to a dinner party at YO's house with some of the other liveries and played cards against humanity (I won)

So now its time for the end of year review.
My goal was to post at least weekly in this and I mostly did so. 45 posts out of 52 weeks. 2016 wasn't the hardest year I've ever had to deal with but it was the first rough year I dealt with on my own and for that reason I struggled greatly. 2017 has been better, although having looked back I've only managed one of my resolutions


1 - I will sit the DELE A2 exam finally. February or April.
2 - I will blog - if not every day, at least once a week.
3 - I will go on at least one foreign holiday by myself.
4 - I will write that story, and see what happens with it."

I did some crazy shit this year, stuff I never thought I'd do. Trying weed for the first and last time, my random adventures with One Night Stand Guy. My epic holiday to Greece.
Yes I've lost Welshy, one of my longest, best, closest friends. TP remains cancer-stricken, having finished chemo she now awaits a date for her lumpectomy. Lolly is learning to walk again and my hopes for both of them is that they get a clean bill of health for 2018.

Flyball went well, lots of new adventures there, plus Muddy Dog, plus the halloween party and summer BBQ, the Xmas meal and bowling. Looking forward to our attempt at entering the championships in the summer and hopefully she'll get her award for 5000, (10k would be nice but perhaps a bit too much to aim for!) We have two comps in Jan and two parties to look forward too as well.

Riding too, more hacking would be nice, we're rapidly regaining the hacking brave pants, although I've kinda lost my mojo with V i'm hoping its just this time of year. It was fun playing with others today.

Hopefully work will sort itself out, I'm still hoping that I might get that new role if the funding comes through and i'm worried about this Quality Control Mark - although that's for 2018 Charby to worry about tomorrow!

Resolutions for next year?

Well I'd like to rack up a new country, I don't think realistically it'll happen though, TP and TJ want to go to Mull, the flyball champs will be expensive and of course there's Mum's wedding, all in July and August....

Speaking of money I'd like to pay off one credit card and make a sizeable dent in the other. I have one loan due to finish December next year and if possible I'd like to pay that off a bit sooner but again we'll see, the credit cards are the main goal really.

I can end 2018 200 pounds a month better off than I am now, although the above may hinder it a bit....

and finally I'd like to end 2018, not on my own. I feel this is the hardest one to achieve. Not sure how to go about it, not even sure what people do in relationships anymore. 

We'll see. So time to say FUCK off to 2017 and a big HELLO to 2018.

Monday, December 25, 2017

So time for my usual morose Xmas post.

Christmas is firmly what you make it, In the words of Elsa from Frozen "Yes I'm alone but I'm alone and Free!"

I don't mind it too much, its just another day really, its when people try to force it upon you that I start to feel miserable about the day. I realised as nice as it is for people to invite me (and i'm genuinely touched that people do) I can't help but feel its not because they want to, but out of pity - out of a sense that no one should be alone at Christmas.
The other thing I realised is that its painful for me to be around happy families. Pain that physically hurts the pit of my stomach. I had that once, I don't have it any more. I don't want it rubbed into my face.
I like my own company.

I've struggled today however. Welshy - fuck it, let's call him by his real name for the first and last time - Ed messaged me last night and I read it first thing this morning.
He's found someone new. He's been with Someone New for over a year now. He thinks its time to
finally say goodbye.

I was talking to a friend about this a couple of weeks back, about how its like another bereavement, except this time I know the person's alive and well.

It hurt. I've fought back tears all day. I wish I could have been the first to move on - can I call the two quick fucks I had with One Night Stand Guy a rebound? Wish I could still call Ed a friend. It's been on the cards all year. Less and less contact from him, suspicion when I saw a post from his mam when she visited.
I mucked out my social media, (he had already deleted me from Facebook), I deleted him from instagram, deleted his phone number, deleted him from twitter, removed his friends and family.

I was as grown up as I could be about it, wished him well, told him i'd always be there if he needed me, but he's finally gone now and it hurts so goddam much but I need to move on with my life.
2016 was hard, hardest year in a while, this has been a better year. I gotta keep on focussing on that. 2018 will be the year of Charby.
My next post will be my year review.