Last night I met up with STF to go see the final England Qualifier at Wembley. It was a pretty dire and boring match as neither team had much to play for, and how can Becks get Man of Match after only playing like 20 minutes?!
Honestly people, he's so shite its untrue and I swear the world is just fooled by the hype.
And before I get on my Beckham rant, people were leaving the game with 20 minutes to go, and yeah we were 3-0 up but really?!
You've paid 30-40 quid, maybe more to see this match, spent a fiver on a programme, spent another fiver on cheap and nasty food and god knows how much on travel and drink and now you're leaving "to beat traffic"? Wankers.
EVERYONE knows that you stick it out to the end, no matter how bad!
Anyway, at the end I left the ground, got lost walking down a STRAIGHT ROAD and walked about the back streets of Wembley for an hour before finding myself back at the stadium, only seperated by a motorway and a large IKEA. So I had to get a bus until I found a train station to ride back into the city.
My directional skills have improved DRASTICALLY over the years....
STF told me about A during the match. Now A has always veered and possibly more than once crossed the line from "heavy drinker" to "virtual alcoholic" in fact the day after we met the lads for the first time he ended up in hospital getting his stomach pumped due to alcohol poisoning.
Anyhoo, he went to Rugby a few weeks ago to meet JN and V more lads that we hung with in Derby. Got absolutely wankered and drank for about 15 hours solid, then realised he needed to get back up to Sheff for the local derby match.
Somewhere in the middle of the day on the busy M1 motorway he passed out at the wheel of his car, and woke up to find, that somehow he'd spun across 3 lanes of traffic and rather determindly driven into a wall.
Fuck only knows how he didn't kill himself or anyone else!
Anyway, he's got whiplash and a fucking great gash on his forehead from where he smashed the steering wheel but he's ok. Lost his license of course, but it seems to be the wake-up call to sort himself out and the last word from STF was that he'd not drunk in nearly a month.
I bet his liver is pleased and hopefully he'll either remin teetotal or this'll scare him into at least not drinking and driving!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Friday, October 02, 2009
A wee little catch up here. Everythings going fine, I love being around Welshy all the time and we're both infecting each other with moments of madness. We're seriously considering the idea of going to do a TEFL course in Prague next year for a month.
Where we're going to get the money from I dont know. Guess i'll be hitting the over time pretty hard!
I love having my freedom back, I've been here there and everywhere, staying out late! Imagine! Past 12! On a School Night!
I dislike the fact that I have a lot less money than I did living at home, but I'm coping, just.
I still feel insanely guilty for leaving Mother and she likes to inform me about her meals for one and her loneliness.
But this is good. This is the right move. I havent yet made an effort with the people I live with. I loathe them, but its all good.
I just need more money to carry out my random schemes!
Where we're going to get the money from I dont know. Guess i'll be hitting the over time pretty hard!
I love having my freedom back, I've been here there and everywhere, staying out late! Imagine! Past 12! On a School Night!
I dislike the fact that I have a lot less money than I did living at home, but I'm coping, just.
I still feel insanely guilty for leaving Mother and she likes to inform me about her meals for one and her loneliness.
But this is good. This is the right move. I havent yet made an effort with the people I live with. I loathe them, but its all good.
I just need more money to carry out my random schemes!
Monday, September 21, 2009
I fell out with MH just after Xmas, there had been a huge amount of just general shit that I had taken from her, comments about how "I was only moving back home" (when Dad got diagnosed) "so you can avoid getting a job" and "oh why bother finishing your degree?" How my mother's accident was a convient excuse on my part to stay at home and not join in the real world.
(yeah cos nursing her and panicking cos I was told that she could suffer a stroke) is really me avoiding the world. (I never really blogged about this, it was the start, I think of me not being as avid to record my every move as I was once)
How she ignored when I told her of my Granddads own cancer battle, just three years after Dad.
She never once cared about how I was, and I ignored this, tried to put her comments down to just being silly and tactless, but I couldnt never forgive or forget them.
7 years we'd known each other, I'd helped her through all sorts of relationship and university issues. And yet when I needed her, she wasnt there for me. She let me down, but being a bit of a doormat, I let it go unchecked, clinging on to the past and how we'd been in Rowditch.
She made sarky comments, jealous about mine and Welshy's relationship, with him being in Wales at the time, that it wasnt a proper one.
She had affairs with married men, I really disapprove of this, no, what I disapproved of more, is how she made herself the victim in all of it, when it went wrong and the partners eventually found out, she blamed the man, the wife, the girlfriend. I could have just about coped with those actions if she took responsibility for herself.
She miscarried a child, fathered by one of those men.
I supported her through that, albeit at a distance, wondering why, when she'd never been there for me.
My Derby lads, Welshy, they were all angry at me for being this doormat, for not standing up to her, but I remembered long nights talking, endless laughing fits, mini-adventures to football games and late nights at Our Beloved Friary and trips to Derby Grill and I couldnt, somehow throw that away. She needed me, although I, by this time, was sick of her relentless selfishness.
She fell out with H2, and was angry I think, deep down that I stayed friendly with her. H2 came to see me and there were rumours going about, about her actions with those men and the baby.
I felt the best thing to do, was to try and deny knowledge of the baby and say, that yes, there had been an attraction with a married man, but it had stopped before it got too bad. I believed that this would stop the rumours (she's fantastically paranoid about people talking about her) and still protect her and not make her seem like some crazed skank.
She was angry at me when I explained my actions and I'd spent all afternoon that day with my Granddad in the Chemo ward and had run out of patience. So told her to fuck off and that other people had problems too.
She deleted me from FB and MSN after this, blaming me I think for spreading gossip and lies about her. I sent her an email explaining how I felt and that was the last contact we had.
I've heard other stories since, stories that have made me worry about her (and why should I Welshy asks and he's right, but I still cant stop hoping that she's ok)
She left her previous social worker position, because of misconduct. Now I find that it is a case in her current job of "leave or get sacked" because of her unprofessionalism and letting young kids mix with adults who havent been police checked.
I find that a boyfriend she met on facebook, has been taking money and using her cards to get her in shocking amounts of debt, so much so that she faces being made homeless.
I cant help it, I am concerned for her. I am not ready to forgive because I cant forget how much she's hurt me, but I dont want her life to be fucked over, if I ask how she is, she'll assume that I'm apologising at best, at worst if the stories are true/false I will be blamed once again for causing rumours and lies to be spread about her.
I cannot ask CL as she will have been primed to keep her mouth shut.
I really want to know she's ok, but don't know the best way to go about it, nor do I know why, I cant just shrug my shoulders, say "she had it coming" and then move on with my life.
(yeah cos nursing her and panicking cos I was told that she could suffer a stroke) is really me avoiding the world. (I never really blogged about this, it was the start, I think of me not being as avid to record my every move as I was once)
How she ignored when I told her of my Granddads own cancer battle, just three years after Dad.
She never once cared about how I was, and I ignored this, tried to put her comments down to just being silly and tactless, but I couldnt never forgive or forget them.
7 years we'd known each other, I'd helped her through all sorts of relationship and university issues. And yet when I needed her, she wasnt there for me. She let me down, but being a bit of a doormat, I let it go unchecked, clinging on to the past and how we'd been in Rowditch.
She made sarky comments, jealous about mine and Welshy's relationship, with him being in Wales at the time, that it wasnt a proper one.
She had affairs with married men, I really disapprove of this, no, what I disapproved of more, is how she made herself the victim in all of it, when it went wrong and the partners eventually found out, she blamed the man, the wife, the girlfriend. I could have just about coped with those actions if she took responsibility for herself.
She miscarried a child, fathered by one of those men.
I supported her through that, albeit at a distance, wondering why, when she'd never been there for me.
My Derby lads, Welshy, they were all angry at me for being this doormat, for not standing up to her, but I remembered long nights talking, endless laughing fits, mini-adventures to football games and late nights at Our Beloved Friary and trips to Derby Grill and I couldnt, somehow throw that away. She needed me, although I, by this time, was sick of her relentless selfishness.
She fell out with H2, and was angry I think, deep down that I stayed friendly with her. H2 came to see me and there were rumours going about, about her actions with those men and the baby.
I felt the best thing to do, was to try and deny knowledge of the baby and say, that yes, there had been an attraction with a married man, but it had stopped before it got too bad. I believed that this would stop the rumours (she's fantastically paranoid about people talking about her) and still protect her and not make her seem like some crazed skank.
She was angry at me when I explained my actions and I'd spent all afternoon that day with my Granddad in the Chemo ward and had run out of patience. So told her to fuck off and that other people had problems too.
She deleted me from FB and MSN after this, blaming me I think for spreading gossip and lies about her. I sent her an email explaining how I felt and that was the last contact we had.
I've heard other stories since, stories that have made me worry about her (and why should I Welshy asks and he's right, but I still cant stop hoping that she's ok)
She left her previous social worker position, because of misconduct. Now I find that it is a case in her current job of "leave or get sacked" because of her unprofessionalism and letting young kids mix with adults who havent been police checked.
I find that a boyfriend she met on facebook, has been taking money and using her cards to get her in shocking amounts of debt, so much so that she faces being made homeless.
I cant help it, I am concerned for her. I am not ready to forgive because I cant forget how much she's hurt me, but I dont want her life to be fucked over, if I ask how she is, she'll assume that I'm apologising at best, at worst if the stories are true/false I will be blamed once again for causing rumours and lies to be spread about her.
I cannot ask CL as she will have been primed to keep her mouth shut.
I really want to know she's ok, but don't know the best way to go about it, nor do I know why, I cant just shrug my shoulders, say "she had it coming" and then move on with my life.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
so hey there! I'm partially moved, a drastic shortage of coathangers means I'm regularly tripping over piles of clothes and Geronimo the Tortoise is throwing a massive wibbler over the lack of his super special heat lamp not working, I have a tumble on order, ASK and BWF didnt want it and claim they wont use it, well if i find that they have and wont give me a 100 quid towards it i'll pop the fuse out and take the motor out if I can.
I can be a petty cunt too!
There's a small battle of dominance going on in the fridge, and I've surrendered the living room in exhange for sky multiroom, although Welshy says thats a bad move and we should present a united front.
He rather cunningly managed to get us the largest room and they're in a wee boxroom type thing, although our bed is very creaky, which spoils my enjoyment of other things, as I fear people listening.
So its all going good, I'm at home tonight, as I've been off to give blood and it was just easier to stop here than go back.
(I love the fact that I can get up at 8.10 and still be in work by 9.10 rather than getting up at 7.30 BTW)
I've got my two applications in the post and Welshy is wetting himself with excitement over my maths and is constructing tests and homework for me in his head.
Patronising cunt.
Not managed to get in touch with new stables yet (I wanna learn to jump cross country like Zara Phillips!) and i seem to be being plagued with foreign calls that hang up as soon as I answer.
Ho hum
But yeah. Loving the freedom and Mother seems to be coping so far!
I worried about leaving her all last Saturday and then, I was waiting at the bus stop with Welshy with some of his bags, fretting about how she'd be.
And out of a window drifted...
"here's a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note.
dont worry, be happy."
and its really sad and I know its a co-incidence, which is why I never mentioned it to Welshy, who'd do that patronising "aw bless" thing he does.
But that was one of my Dads favourite songs, and he'd hum those lines or sing them to himself under his breath when under a bit of a crisis or when someone came to him with a problem.
So I decided to take it as Dads last bit of advice to me.
And i'm not going to worry or fret about her, but be happy, or as happy as I can possibly be.
I can be a petty cunt too!
There's a small battle of dominance going on in the fridge, and I've surrendered the living room in exhange for sky multiroom, although Welshy says thats a bad move and we should present a united front.
He rather cunningly managed to get us the largest room and they're in a wee boxroom type thing, although our bed is very creaky, which spoils my enjoyment of other things, as I fear people listening.
So its all going good, I'm at home tonight, as I've been off to give blood and it was just easier to stop here than go back.
(I love the fact that I can get up at 8.10 and still be in work by 9.10 rather than getting up at 7.30 BTW)
I've got my two applications in the post and Welshy is wetting himself with excitement over my maths and is constructing tests and homework for me in his head.
Patronising cunt.
Not managed to get in touch with new stables yet (I wanna learn to jump cross country like Zara Phillips!) and i seem to be being plagued with foreign calls that hang up as soon as I answer.
Ho hum
But yeah. Loving the freedom and Mother seems to be coping so far!
I worried about leaving her all last Saturday and then, I was waiting at the bus stop with Welshy with some of his bags, fretting about how she'd be.
And out of a window drifted...
"here's a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note.
dont worry, be happy."
and its really sad and I know its a co-incidence, which is why I never mentioned it to Welshy, who'd do that patronising "aw bless" thing he does.
But that was one of my Dads favourite songs, and he'd hum those lines or sing them to himself under his breath when under a bit of a crisis or when someone came to him with a problem.
So I decided to take it as Dads last bit of advice to me.
And i'm not going to worry or fret about her, but be happy, or as happy as I can possibly be.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Oh god am I doing the right thing? I dont think she's able yet to cope on her own. She's going to be alone and i've deserted her. I'm an evil, evil bitch.
Oh I wish my Dad was here to tell me I'm doing the right thing. I wish he was here to look after her so she's not on her own. So he can tell me I'm doing the right thing by moving with Welshy.
Oh god I wish he was here.
Oh I wish my Dad was here to tell me I'm doing the right thing. I wish he was here to look after her so she's not on her own. So he can tell me I'm doing the right thing by moving with Welshy.
Oh god I wish he was here.
I met The Lizard on Wednesday and we went to Woburn Safari park for a good old fashioned adventure. We also participated in Go Ape! Which everyone should have a go at! Its awesome, clambering about in tree tops, walking across rope bridges, zooming along zip lines, trying to walk a thin plank 30 foot up in the air and swinging tarzan like and being a spider in a web!
Tomorrow I shall be moving, which is exciting and a little scary at the same time, will me and ASK last longer than a week without falling out? Will me and Welshy get on, we've never actually, spent more than a week together in the past two years, three since meeting.
We're thinking of going to Paris on a cheap Eurostar dealy, That'll be fun.
My maths stuff arrived and I'm gonna start working on it as soon as I get settled. I've also seen two really good jobs, one at London Zoo and one at Colchester. Yeah I've been rejected from both places in the past, but maybe new home = new start.
I want the one at Col, it'd be a hellish commute, and i'd have to move nearer in a year but its what I really want to do.
And if I dont get them, I can still apply for uni.
I feel positive. More positive than I have done in a long, long time. For what seems like months I've been comparing myself to other people, my uni friends and feeling that i'm missing out on life as I'm at home, shit job, etc.
But now it's good. I'm moving out, I shall be independent again. I might get one of these jobs, I may not and go do teacher training next year, either way its all good.
And as I was swinging from a tree, I realised. I've done things with my life that they've never done, and now they're all settling down with kids and marriage, may never get to do.
They'll never leap out of a plane on just blind faith that a canvas sheet will open, they'll never scramble down a cave to see beautiful glowworms. They'll never see the same sunset as I did at Top of the Rock, or be homeless for what seemed like hours in what seemed like the coldest night ever in NY.
They'll never hand feed a shark or a pufferfish as I did at the Aquarium or have 200 people hanging on their every word as I have. And as much as I hate my job, I'm constantly stunned by the beauty of the surrounding parkland and the history in the buildings.
I have a lot to be grateful for, a lot of amazing experiences and memories. And I wouldnt trade them at all.
Tomorrow I shall be moving, which is exciting and a little scary at the same time, will me and ASK last longer than a week without falling out? Will me and Welshy get on, we've never actually, spent more than a week together in the past two years, three since meeting.
We're thinking of going to Paris on a cheap Eurostar dealy, That'll be fun.
My maths stuff arrived and I'm gonna start working on it as soon as I get settled. I've also seen two really good jobs, one at London Zoo and one at Colchester. Yeah I've been rejected from both places in the past, but maybe new home = new start.
I want the one at Col, it'd be a hellish commute, and i'd have to move nearer in a year but its what I really want to do.
And if I dont get them, I can still apply for uni.
I feel positive. More positive than I have done in a long, long time. For what seems like months I've been comparing myself to other people, my uni friends and feeling that i'm missing out on life as I'm at home, shit job, etc.
But now it's good. I'm moving out, I shall be independent again. I might get one of these jobs, I may not and go do teacher training next year, either way its all good.
And as I was swinging from a tree, I realised. I've done things with my life that they've never done, and now they're all settling down with kids and marriage, may never get to do.
They'll never leap out of a plane on just blind faith that a canvas sheet will open, they'll never scramble down a cave to see beautiful glowworms. They'll never see the same sunset as I did at Top of the Rock, or be homeless for what seemed like hours in what seemed like the coldest night ever in NY.
They'll never hand feed a shark or a pufferfish as I did at the Aquarium or have 200 people hanging on their every word as I have. And as much as I hate my job, I'm constantly stunned by the beauty of the surrounding parkland and the history in the buildings.
I have a lot to be grateful for, a lot of amazing experiences and memories. And I wouldnt trade them at all.
Monday, August 24, 2009
After a eternity of struggling, it seems me and Welshy will be moving in together come Saturday.
Imagine!
and We won the Ashes! Hurrah! I love cricket! Even if I couldnt go to any of the tests and work got in the way of me watching it, i still got to see a good few hours of each match! Hurrah! And we were shite as well!
And in other sporting related news, we're unbeaten in three, and top of the league! We'll be back in that prem yet!
Not sure if its sportingly related, but i've got hopelessly addicted to Bejewelled Blitz on Facebook. Oh the hours i've wasted!
Imagine!
and We won the Ashes! Hurrah! I love cricket! Even if I couldnt go to any of the tests and work got in the way of me watching it, i still got to see a good few hours of each match! Hurrah! And we were shite as well!
And in other sporting related news, we're unbeaten in three, and top of the league! We'll be back in that prem yet!
Not sure if its sportingly related, but i've got hopelessly addicted to Bejewelled Blitz on Facebook. Oh the hours i've wasted!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Back in June I set myself a few challenges to reach before I hit 30
1 - I will either own my own place or be living away from home.
2 - I will have that maths GCSE.
3 - And a horse.
4 - I'll have a good job to pay for said horse.
5 - I'm gonna go back to the old driving and very determinedly pass the damn test.
So I have been going about it, I've been making tenative arrangements to take an online Maths course to get my GCSE, quite honestly trying to fit 10 years of maths into one year is gonna be hard. Probably impossible, but if I can improve on that F it'll be a damn sight better than now.
I have also kinda arranged to move out again. And in with Welshy. I'd like nothing more than for it to be us together, but after looking at a few places I slowly realised that its impossible.
So we're going in with his current housemate (BDF) and his Mentalist Girlfriend (ASK), I dislike her intensely and the feeling is fairly mutual.
We have nothing in common and are good at winding each other up, so seeing as I've already threatened to smack her once, i'm not sure how good a move it is. But being with Welshy is.
I'm also reluctantly surrendering my Wednesday Riding Lessons (God Fagia is getting better and better and I'm improving so much!) to go volunteer at my Mams nursery.
Yuck.
I LOATHE children, honestly.
I question my own sanity about considering going into a career where I'd be stuck with the shits all day, every day. But the benefits'd be better than being at the Museum day in and day out.
I hate that place, I hate the inanity of a job where I spend all day alone. Wehre I get sent on a course telling me to greet every visitor. I hate how management implement crazy ideas, and ignore staff explaining over and over how it wont work, until someone threatens to sue and then they suddenly change tack. (a shipping reference I learnt the other day)
I hate how they ignore health and safety and disability discrimation acts, and have a grand plan to rid the museum of artifacts and make it a giant shop/cafe/playground.
I hate the fact that the overtime is given to the managers favourites and when I manage to get some scraps, I find I'm taxed for the food I am given and the taxi's home as its impossible for me to walk home at 7pm through the park in Winter.
Most of all I hate the fact that although they deny redunancies and unfairness in pay, that we all know its happening, but are unable to say anything.
So perhaps teaching, and the weekends and long holidays and proper money will be better.
2 of my 5 targets are underway. I shall be using this next year to try and get myself accepted back into uni so I can get hold of target 4, and from there, complete the 5.
1 - I will either own my own place or be living away from home.
2 - I will have that maths GCSE.
3 - And a horse.
4 - I'll have a good job to pay for said horse.
5 - I'm gonna go back to the old driving and very determinedly pass the damn test.
So I have been going about it, I've been making tenative arrangements to take an online Maths course to get my GCSE, quite honestly trying to fit 10 years of maths into one year is gonna be hard. Probably impossible, but if I can improve on that F it'll be a damn sight better than now.
I have also kinda arranged to move out again. And in with Welshy. I'd like nothing more than for it to be us together, but after looking at a few places I slowly realised that its impossible.
So we're going in with his current housemate (BDF) and his Mentalist Girlfriend (ASK), I dislike her intensely and the feeling is fairly mutual.
We have nothing in common and are good at winding each other up, so seeing as I've already threatened to smack her once, i'm not sure how good a move it is. But being with Welshy is.
I'm also reluctantly surrendering my Wednesday Riding Lessons (God Fagia is getting better and better and I'm improving so much!) to go volunteer at my Mams nursery.
Yuck.
I LOATHE children, honestly.
I question my own sanity about considering going into a career where I'd be stuck with the shits all day, every day. But the benefits'd be better than being at the Museum day in and day out.
I hate that place, I hate the inanity of a job where I spend all day alone. Wehre I get sent on a course telling me to greet every visitor. I hate how management implement crazy ideas, and ignore staff explaining over and over how it wont work, until someone threatens to sue and then they suddenly change tack. (a shipping reference I learnt the other day)
I hate how they ignore health and safety and disability discrimation acts, and have a grand plan to rid the museum of artifacts and make it a giant shop/cafe/playground.
I hate the fact that the overtime is given to the managers favourites and when I manage to get some scraps, I find I'm taxed for the food I am given and the taxi's home as its impossible for me to walk home at 7pm through the park in Winter.
Most of all I hate the fact that although they deny redunancies and unfairness in pay, that we all know its happening, but are unable to say anything.
So perhaps teaching, and the weekends and long holidays and proper money will be better.
2 of my 5 targets are underway. I shall be using this next year to try and get myself accepted back into uni so I can get hold of target 4, and from there, complete the 5.
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