Monday, December 17, 2018

Had a busy week applying for jobs, Xmas flyball meal and then Talk about a headfuck!!
So I went to FWB last night, and a good night was had, he treated me to pizza and raspberry vodka.
We watched independence day. He said he didn't care, whether I stayed or went and that he didn't care each time I came.
What to take from that?
Anyway he fell sleep leaning on me, I wasn't drunk but well aware I was a long way over the drink drive limit so sensibly put myself away to bed.

Had an interview today, easy enough job, knew it was mine when I left and it has been offered but I didn't like it. Didn't get good vibes. What to do???
Probably best to take and keep looking??
And what to do about FWB?? I need to get really drunk, I think as that's the only way I'll get the courage, and ask him outright!
Just don't want to risk losing what is a good deal!!

Sunday, December 09, 2018

Boom!! And just like that, my life gets turned upside down again.
My boss gave me my review on Monday. He realised that there's not enough work for me to do office wise every day and that I'm not enjoying the practical side of it.
So my hours are cut to one day a week, and we're financially fucked again.
Got very despondent Monday, cried a bit and wished I'd never left the museum and tried to better myself.
Pulled myself together Tuesday, rode, redid my cv and cracked in. FWB bless him has sent my cv around and offered to pay me to walk his dogs rather than a dog walker twice a week.

Gonna go see the agency I got the forum gig with on Tuesday and hopefully they will get me something.
Met FWB's ex again this week, chatted with her a bit more. He said she lied about 40% of what she told me. Also learned she's apparently partial to a bit of coke which also added to their breakup and adds more reasoning behind his behaviour. Not that I'm making excuses for that.

Went down to Winchester for a comp and came back this morning. I'd already paid for 2 nights non refundable hotel or I'd have cancelled altogether to save my petrol money and tried to get the hotel fee back.
Still - ate for free one night in the harvester and we got a 2nd place so it was ok I guess!!
Supposed to be doing an office day tomorrow so we will see!

Sunday, December 02, 2018

Literally spoken every day. Went over Saturday, was invited over today but yeah I chose to nap instead!
Stayed up till 1am talking Friday and then Saturday I had a meal with some of the dog walkers.
Not sure if one of them hit on me or just a compliment when he told me, if he wasn't married he'd make a play for me out of the blue.
Anyway. Met FWB's ex at agility. She's clearly not over it, left the class early to go talk to him. He messaged me to find out why I shot off, when normally I watch him do a run or two.
Apparently he dumped her as she was a compulsive liar.
Currently I'm listening to the on her voice that tells me I mean nothing to him and that I think is the sensible one to listen too!
Was pleased with Dog at both that and flyball, we have last comp of the year next week, a stay away one in Hampshire which should be fun.
Other news, think I've done all my Xmas shopping!! Unprecedented levels of organisation!

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

So he told me he wanted "alone time" so that's cool. Then the next message was asking me to come over but to know it would be a flying visit. I had nothing better to do so did.
He then repented of being rude and offered me a glass of wine before I left, I refused and literally took him straight upstairs, did what was needed and went straight home again.
I resolved not to bother him, after all I wouldn't talk to my friends every day as we have done so, the last week. And technically that's what we are.
He messaged me first yesterday and carried on until he declared he needed his "alone time". I didn't bother to reply saying bye or anything. I was in the bath, trying to read, you see and messing with a beeping phone and a book was clearly only going to lead to disaster.
Barely 15 minutes passed before he sent me a smilie. I just sent one back and cracked on with my evening.
Again left him to it. He's been beeping up my phone most of the evening, telling me he was going home early. Sending me videos of his Alexia programmed magic light bulbs and other inanities.
It's amusing more than exasperating. I feel like I'm too old for this nonsense and yet I know he'd throw a hissy fit if I tried to push for answers.
Tbh I don't know what the answer is, however this Charby is not the Charby who started blogging 15 odd years ago and it is water off of a ducks back.
I don't know if he likes me, but is now pushing back a little, if I'm reading too much into the nothing situation or what.
I'm live-blogging it as it amuses me and is a good diversion from a currently mundane little existence
 when I read this back in years to come, it will be fun to read.

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Not too bad a week in terms of the trees. Did climb a 25ft scaffold to help decorate a large tree and spent most of the week doing that. Not much bloody fun in the icy cold i can tell you!!
I think that's all done now, in terms of me helping with trees. I get to spend Monday working from home and I have my fingers crossed that I can do the same on Tuesday!
I love working from home! I get so much done around the house and work wise as well. And if it means I can sneak off and go ride Tuesday that's even better!!!
Away from work it's been a casual old week, spoken to FWB pretty much every day, he asked me back over Monday but I was already in bed and again yesterday morning but I was just about to take Dog to Physio. Hoping there's still time to arrange a visit tonight - and yes I'm not gonna pretend - I'd like to stop over again although realistically, I don't think so!
Saw him anyway last night when we had a flyball night out bowling which was loads of fun! 
Spent today mostly having duvet day with Dog watching the Sri Lankan cricket team collapse and the football all day. Lovely, lazy Sunday! 

Monday, November 19, 2018

Very tired. Went to watch David Attenborough at FWB. We drank a bottle of vodka and as I was obviously in no fit state to drive the 25 minutes back down the A2, I stayed over. Good night and morning lol!
God I've forgotten what it's like to be held by someone and cuddle up to them. It was nice.
He made the point of how it was all casual and we're mates and I know and yet..... I can't work out if I'm reading too much into a situation that he has honestly and frankly kept me in the loop over.
He messages me out of the blue to ask my opinion on sofas, to tell me how excited he is at new slippers, people that know us comment on when we are going to give into the tension  between us (if only they knew although they all suspect it), he tries to get my attention at dog things by putting worms on me, or insulting me in the group chat, strangers ask often if we are together and- well one story doesn't prove anything but I don't think he is sleeping with anyone else at the moment.
He's a joker and a bit immature but kind although also hard-hearted so I have no doubts that he has it in him to just use me for sex, but when he calls me endearing names and ruffles my hair or shows up to things that he knows I'm at, I can't help but wonder who is really fooling who.

Anyway. Enough of that nonsense. We are keeping ourselves grounded and reminding ourselves of the rules of the game and I WILL not allow myself to fall for him and get hurt.

Been a week of Christmas tree installations at work. At one of the hotels they were a base camp for tennis players at the ATP finals. Saw Jamie Murray, Federer and Djokovic walk past.

Dog all better now although we infected another team dog so all had to pull out of the comp yesterday - as it happened it worked out well for me because of the above and dog and I had a really nice long walk around Shorne and surrounding countryside.

Urgh. I am very tired now. I want to go to bed

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Did end up going to FWB not long after doing last week's update, hung out for a couple of hours too, lot nicer than the quick dash in and out its been the last few weeks.
He was trying to make me watch something called "50 first dates" and made a joke that I needed to go on that. Annoyed me and also I don't want him thinking I only have him (although that's true!) So made up a story on the spot about actually how I'd been out the night before on a date to watch fireworks.
Ha. Take that div.
He then told me how the previous night he'd had a girl over who had been a bit casual touchy feely and he'd kicked her out. Someone definitely had been over as I had nicked their fruity cider and I know he doesn't drink that stuff.
Read into that what you like, he's always been honest about other girls he's had over or slept with etc so I see no reason for him to lie about that but does that answer one of your questions a week back H2?
Wonder if I'll get another message later, he better not want me to go out and miss the start of the newest David Attenborough.
I went out last night to see Bohemian Rhapsody. I really enjoyed it, it seemed to have his mannerisms down perfectly. Kinda regret not being able to go to a Queen concert and wondering how shit the one with Adam Lambert would be.
Haven't been able to do to much with Dog this week as she came down with kennel cough which was disgusting! Dog flem everywhere and constant coughing. She's over the worst now fortunately but I'm still wary of her around other dogs as she's still got a bit of a cough. 100 quid that cost me for medicines! Bloody animal!

Also bought a henhouse as it seems the chicken is staying perminantly now.  Getting quite fond of the silly thing, it likes sitting on My lap getting cuddled and likes to try and get in the house.
Went to Bromley yesterday as couldn't take dog out and supposedly to shop for Xmas presents. Yeah. Ended up buying myself presents! Epic fail!!

Let's see what this week brings!