Thursday, December 31, 2009

So its the end of the year and time for another review.

I think I pretty much covered everything I wanted to say about how the years gone in my previous post.
I've had highlights - Holidays. Fagia. Living with Welshy. and I've had lowlights. Nanny getting iller. STILL being at the museum.
Been a bit of a nothing year really, when in the past I've had huge highlights to talk about and think back on.
My resolutions are the same, but I'm going to try and blog more. I miss it sometimes, even though its a bit of a chore sometimes and hard when I share Welshy's laptop.
Its good to put your thoughts down sometimes. Get them out of your head, when you cant express them verbally.
And have them come out as gibberish when I do write it down.

Never mind.

So a super big FUCK OFF to 2oo9 and bring on the New decade and NEW YEAR!!

Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I had set one of my India injections today.
Now my arm is numb and I cant lift it. Gay.
More to come next week! Booo!
I'm glad I dont really have a problem with needles, but its not pleasant! Welshy is back home tomorrow, providing he makes it through the snow and I can come back on the Saturday.
Cant wait. Fed up at home. Ready to go back.

Monday, December 28, 2009

I feel good about this year ending. I've looked lately at my previous End of year/Christmas posts and they seem so desperately sad. Depressed.
I started this year and spent most of it, feeling the same way. Depressed.
but I feel good now. Positive. I had an epiphany halfway through the year to stop living my life compared to other people and live it how I want.

My New Years resolutions have always been the same. To leave home, to get a proper job, to travel more.
I went to Dublin and New York this year. Dublin is pretty if a little touristy-trappy and New York was, well fucking mental.
I'm glad I went, I did the typical touristy things and ticked them off of the mental list I carry in my head. But America is a strange place with strange people in it, more over the top, more fake-seeming. I wouldnt go back to New York. I'm not cut out for big cities and large crowds.
I did get to move out and in with Welshy, I hate the people we're forced to live with, but a few days at home has reminded me that its loads better than being here.
I like being with him, I hope he likes it too.
I like the effect he has on me, he calms and sedates the part of me thats constantly restless, needing entertainment and to be on the go. Although he complains that I'm constantly tapping my foot or jiggling when we watch telly.
I dont even know i'm doing it half the time.
Its so funny to think that we met four years ago and I dismissed him as being "ok, but no spark" and that he became my almost constant companion for a year before we got together and not one thought of what might happen crossed my mind then!

I still havent got a real job. But you know what? Its ok. I have a test/interview on the 6th (co-incidence that its Dad's deathday? and if I get past that, the interview will be on his funeral day? You decide.)
It'd be good money if I get it.
I want to go back to uni though. I got rejected cos of my lack of maths, but its ok. I'm working my way slowly through the Maths course with lots of tears and tantrums, but its going ok. I hate maths, will always panic if faced with a number higher than 20 but hopefully i'll get that C and then go into clearing.
Once I've done that year long course I want to go do a TEFL course. Welshy longs to escape the UK and live abroad in the south of France, or Italy.
I am an Anglophile. I love travelling and seeing new things, but I always want to come home to what's familiar to me. Foods. Transport. Shitty weather. Plants and animals. Football.
But a year abroad, that appeals.
That's different. That's an adventure. To say that you've lived abroad and can speak another language like a local. To a different way of life.
So if I manage to go down that route, who knows where I'll end up!?

I'm travelling again soon. To India. On the 18th of January for three weeks. I can't wait. it'll kill that travelling bug for now.

I read through some of my earlier posts lately and I cringe at them. How pathetic and childish I was.
Now I realise how much me and my friends have grown and changed.
CL is married two years now to UDOBF (I posted here about how it wouldn't last! How she wanted another man when she first slept with him!) Now she has his child.
I miss MH still a year after we fell out, She was the last person back then that I thought would let me down. But I can't forgive or forget the cruel way she acted.
TP and TJ have their own house, comfortable with their hens and dogs and being in the countryside. I cant imagine any man splitting them up, anymore than I could then.
JF has been living with her bf for two years as has STF. (I still remember him declaring "Charlton this one's different! I dont wanna cheat on her!")
He hasnt neither.
Two cousins that I played with as children have either married or got kids of their own. OF has got married. I am not in touch with her at the moment. I miss that easy friendship we once had.
I started this blog when I was twenty. I am now twenty-six. We are all grown up, no matter how I try to pretend different.
I started this obsessed with a guy who didnt deserve my blind devotion. I havent spoken, nor thought of him for years. Last I heard from MH was that he'd had a kid with the sister of the girl he was seeing at the time.
Lucky escape for me I guess.
I then got involved with a guy who didnt care about me and vice versa. I went to him for comfort that no one could provide for me, when I felt like the lonliest person in the world and when I felt perhaps I could open up to him, he shattered that.
I stayed in touch and we parted as friends, speaking occasionally. But I grew a backbone and got rid and dont regret it.
I have Welshy. My best friend. Maybe not the person I expected back then. But better. (I'd better say that as he reads this)

Its six years since we were the Rowditch Avenue gang, when MH and I did Pound A Pint mondays watching football, eating Pizza, and she cried on the end of my bed after leaving Jena, after a year together, after STF cheated on her. I miss that carefree time, but I dont dwell and wish for it back like I used to. Life is for looking forward. Not back.
I think about the girl who started this blog and I wonder what she'd have thought of my decisions to leave animals and try and become a teacher. She'd be horrified and refuse to believe it probably. But as long as I have animals about me, I'll be ok.
She'd not believe the twists and turns and how friends could turn out to not be.
I am a different person now. Changed by my experiences.

It is four years on the 6th since Dad died. I miss him. Perhaps I'll mention it then, like I've done on here in the past. But at the moment I do not feel sad about him dying. I am glad he lived and was my Dad. Mother feels ready at last to scatter his ashes and we're going to do that in the Summer.
Another sign of moving on...

2009 is ending better than it started, when I feared nothing would ever get any better and I'm confident 2010 will be even better.
My resolutions remain the same. Home of my own, travelling, new job. We'll see how it goes. I still want to achieve the 6 goals I set myself to do by the time I'm 30.
Will I still be writing this bollocks in another 6 years? Fuck knows. But it'll be interesting to see what will happen next...

Monday, December 21, 2009

more horrid and dangerous conditions today. Rain and Snow on top of the ice we already have. I waited nearly an hour and a half for a bus home, only to have that bus terminate after twenty minutes when we'd not moved as he couldnt make it up the hill.
I didnt fare much better, I had handrails to hold onto and hauled myself up with those, I saw a private ambulance slide back down the hill, smelt the rubber tyres burning as they tried to dig in.
I nearly got run over by a car stuck in a hopeless skid as I tried to cross the road. It was ok though. it missed me and it was going too slow to do anything but bump into pavement gently.
I was very scared though.
In total it took me over two hours and forty minutes to do what takes normally half hour on the bus or 40 minutes walking. And I only waited for the bus as I feared walking that hill anyway!

Still I'm warm now and busy putting Beatles songs onto my iphone. I'd like to know how to blog by using that but I cant seem to master that. I have problems working the damn ting anyway. Technology and me dont mix well.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Back home for Chrimbo...
Can't believe that just across the river, like three miles from home is my flat and yet there is no snow there. Here its covered and with glass like ice thats just as slippy.
Yuck.
Injections for India are booked, hopefully Welshy can get my visa sorted when he goes up to do his and then its all systems go! Go! Go!
I've been looking up diving centres there and picking at the remains of the scab from where Fagia bit me nearly 4 weeks ago now.
She went for me again when I was rugging her up but I dodged this time! Hurrah!
I do enjoy riding her, she's very different from the other scatty beasts I've been on, who if they get scared of something WILL not go past.
You can almost feel her thought processes as I go round...

"Jesus, shitting Christ!! What the fuck is that? NO WAY in hell am I walking past that pole/jump block combo. Its going to kill me. Look at it. Its evil. Are you mad? I'm going to run! I'm fast nothing will catch me!
Hey wait, why are you circling me around it, didnt I just tell you how evil it is? There is no way I'm going near it. Nope. No way. No. I'm stopping here. Where its safe and then as soon as its not looking i'm going to run.... NOW!
Again? Shit what is wrong with you? Well if you say its ok, I might believe you, but i'm walking EXREMELY FAST... oh alright we'll go at your speed, if you reckon its safe i'll try for you but I'm not convinced.
Hey I lived!"

And then we do the whole process when she reaches it again, or if she sees a killer sparrow.
Funny old thing!

CL had a baby this morning! She's called it Emily Grace. its 7 pounds, pretty ugly looking to be fair and apparently it was a tough labour. Been a tough old pregnancy for her, her first as well.
Congrats to her. I'm still very determindedly anti-child. I have far too much I want to do before I get round to even considering the idea and I'm only going to consider it when Welshy can carry it and give birth. Like a grumpy sea-horse.

Friday, December 11, 2009

I know! Mega long updating breaks!
Welshy's laptop is no nearer being fixed and iphone doesnt seem to have an app for blogging.
Anyway!
So I failed in all my attempts to go back to uni, its ok, there's clearing in September. I'm pretty depressed about it really, it'd have been nice to have a semi-concete offer at least.
I've actually quite enjoyed volunteering at her nursery, although the kids seem to spoil all my fun when I'm cleaning out the stinky fish tank or making sandcastles.
So fingers crossed that i'll get clearing cos really the museum is getting worse and worse daily. Our big main galleries are closing to be replaced by cafes/shops/wet play areas for kids and the main displays are being sent on loan to who ever wants them and our Visitor Services department, already under-appreciated and hit on by higher-ups is being thrown further into disarray by the recruitment of volunteers to do our jobs.
We got our back dated pay increase a few weeks back. I was really pissed to find that apparently I was only deserving of 3% despite doing over 18 added tasks and people that do nothing or loads less got 4%+ so I went to see the head of VS and asked her how when the initial pay offer came through it stated that average GAS would recieve in the region of 2-3% while those above average in the region of 5%.
She then went on about all the added tasks so I then hit her with my list and asked her why so and so got more for doing less.
Anyway, they're reviewing my pay in the New Year so Wheeee!

Speaking of the New Year, I might be off on my travels again. Some of Welshy's friends are heading to India, and it looks like we might be joining them!
We're gonna head to Goa for a week of beach/sea based fun and then I'm leaving Welshy with his mates as "why do I wanna see the Taj Mahal? I've seen a picture in a book and I saw a tiger at the zoo!"
So then, and fingers crossed cos E is still waiting on her leave. She's gonna come join me in Mombai/Bombay and we're gonna backpack about for two weeks before rejoining Welshy and flying home!
Its gonna be epic! But I have so much to do before the New Year... Flights/Visa's/ Injections....

Injections... I need my Tetanus updated.
I've been riding a new horse, Fagia, she's an imported Arab racehorse from the states, she's green, convinced EVERYTHING is about to kill her, loves her speed and hates stopping.
I'm used to all these batshit mental horses. But there's nothing about this horse to love.
I have a scar on my arm from where. And I'm quite convinced about this, she tried to kill me.
Its not an exaggeration. I've been around horses for the last 20 odd years, I know when they're grumpy and when they just don't want people about. I've been kicked and bitten and thrown off.
anyway, nearly three weeks ago now, I'd just gotten off her after a ride and had brushed the sweat off and was unfolding her rug in the corner of her stable.
Minding my own buisness, one eye on her, doing nothing to frighten or spook her, when BAM she swings her back end round and catches me off balance, luckily I didnt fall, I put my hand on her back to steady myself, but she shoved her weight against me again, trying to push me into the corner.
She could have kicked me there and then and it'd have hurt and broken bones but this was a deliberate thought out action, to pin me into the corner and then lash out.
And I dont fancy much being whacked with metal shoes with half a ton of angry horse behind them.
So I darted out under her neck, and she grabbed me by the arm with her teeth and dragged me a couple of feet.
Luckily I was wearing a thick, loose hoody and although she broke the skin with her teeth and left marks I wasnt too badly hurt.
I was totally shaken up and bemused by her actions, like I said. I know when a horse is acting out of fear or anger but this was pure evil.
I was shaking and then thought "I'm not gonna let you get away with that" and I went for her, slapping and hitting every part of her I could reach and I chased her round the stable screeching at her!
I rugged her up and left her in the end though.
Evil bitch! I'm on her again next week, lets see what games she pulls then!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Here I am at my Mum's again. Welshy has managed to destroy his laptop and quite frankly, I've been utterly exhausted by events to summon up any blogging want.
So... Yeah, I've applied to two schools to do a Graduate Teacher Program, well I applied to one and called the headmaster a woman, so not sure that'll go down well and the other school hasnt even replied to my request for more information. So you can take that what way you like!
I still havent finished my PGCE application despite starting it in September and the deadline being 1 Dec.

My maths is coming along slowly, in fact there's been more tears and tantrums than actual maths progression, but I've nearly finished the first module and only have 8 more to go... If only I could remember anything that I've done!

Family wise.... God its best not to ask, my Nanny's Alzehimers seem's to have developed massively and she's taken to running away from home, twice this has resulted on her getting on a ferry to North Woolwich and three times she's been found and brought back.
Because of this she's spending the night at my house and I've been relegated to a mattress on the floor.
Its really upset my mum and stressing me out, not only for the fear that something could happen to her (Lets face it Wooly isn't the safest place to be, you only have to look at my adventures working in the Health Food Shop that Can't be Named for that!)
Plus its giving my uncles and aunts more reason to put her into a home.
And lets get things straight. I'm not saying that a home will be the best place for her in the future, but its not now. What she needs now is a routine, she's happiest and most coherent when left to her own devices, knitting shapeless blankets, or deadheading roses in her garden in an attempt to weed.
She runs away from home cos my uncle J has moved in, to live rent-free and supposedly to care for her and Granddad. This "caring" consists of disappearing for days on end without telling anyone, leaving them without food or by trying to force them into building a shower unit for him, and moving all their possessions around.
(Oh and his "caring" went as far as ringing mum last Thursday to tell her that she'd gone missing and then going to work himself while mum rushed out of work AGAIN and spent all day with her calming her back down once the police brought her home.)
This is what upsets her and makes her ill in the head and makes her revert to thinking she's 14 and working in a care home on the other side of the water.
It stress Mum out and she's ill enough, without this, her work can't be expected to allow her to rush away all the time when her 4 brothers, 1 sister and their two wives can't even be fucked to go round there and see that they're ok.
And this is whats playing right into his hands for forcing them into a care home and having the house to himself.
My Nanny doesnt want him there, she won't go to sleep cos "there's a strange man in her house" he takes her things, whether this is cos he's taking them or cos he's moved them who knows?
But he's making her iller than she is and it'll force them into a home and we can't get him out as all the rest of the family support him being there.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Last night I met up with STF to go see the final England Qualifier at Wembley. It was a pretty dire and boring match as neither team had much to play for, and how can Becks get Man of Match after only playing like 20 minutes?!
Honestly people, he's so shite its untrue and I swear the world is just fooled by the hype.
And before I get on my Beckham rant, people were leaving the game with 20 minutes to go, and yeah we were 3-0 up but really?!
You've paid 30-40 quid, maybe more to see this match, spent a fiver on a programme, spent another fiver on cheap and nasty food and god knows how much on travel and drink and now you're leaving "to beat traffic"? Wankers.
EVERYONE knows that you stick it out to the end, no matter how bad!

Anyway, at the end I left the ground, got lost walking down a STRAIGHT ROAD and walked about the back streets of Wembley for an hour before finding myself back at the stadium, only seperated by a motorway and a large IKEA. So I had to get a bus until I found a train station to ride back into the city.
My directional skills have improved DRASTICALLY over the years....

STF told me about A during the match. Now A has always veered and possibly more than once crossed the line from "heavy drinker" to "virtual alcoholic" in fact the day after we met the lads for the first time he ended up in hospital getting his stomach pumped due to alcohol poisoning.

Anyhoo, he went to Rugby a few weeks ago to meet JN and V more lads that we hung with in Derby. Got absolutely wankered and drank for about 15 hours solid, then realised he needed to get back up to Sheff for the local derby match.
Somewhere in the middle of the day on the busy M1 motorway he passed out at the wheel of his car, and woke up to find, that somehow he'd spun across 3 lanes of traffic and rather determindly driven into a wall.
Fuck only knows how he didn't kill himself or anyone else!
Anyway, he's got whiplash and a fucking great gash on his forehead from where he smashed the steering wheel but he's ok. Lost his license of course, but it seems to be the wake-up call to sort himself out and the last word from STF was that he'd not drunk in nearly a month.
I bet his liver is pleased and hopefully he'll either remin teetotal or this'll scare him into at least not drinking and driving!

Friday, October 02, 2009

A wee little catch up here. Everythings going fine, I love being around Welshy all the time and we're both infecting each other with moments of madness. We're seriously considering the idea of going to do a TEFL course in Prague next year for a month.
Where we're going to get the money from I dont know. Guess i'll be hitting the over time pretty hard!
I love having my freedom back, I've been here there and everywhere, staying out late! Imagine! Past 12! On a School Night!
I dislike the fact that I have a lot less money than I did living at home, but I'm coping, just.
I still feel insanely guilty for leaving Mother and she likes to inform me about her meals for one and her loneliness.
But this is good. This is the right move. I havent yet made an effort with the people I live with. I loathe them, but its all good.
I just need more money to carry out my random schemes!

Monday, September 21, 2009

I fell out with MH just after Xmas, there had been a huge amount of just general shit that I had taken from her, comments about how "I was only moving back home" (when Dad got diagnosed) "so you can avoid getting a job" and "oh why bother finishing your degree?" How my mother's accident was a convient excuse on my part to stay at home and not join in the real world.
(yeah cos nursing her and panicking cos I was told that she could suffer a stroke) is really me avoiding the world. (I never really blogged about this, it was the start, I think of me not being as avid to record my every move as I was once)
How she ignored when I told her of my Granddads own cancer battle, just three years after Dad.
She never once cared about how I was, and I ignored this, tried to put her comments down to just being silly and tactless, but I couldnt never forgive or forget them.

7 years we'd known each other, I'd helped her through all sorts of relationship and university issues. And yet when I needed her, she wasnt there for me. She let me down, but being a bit of a doormat, I let it go unchecked, clinging on to the past and how we'd been in Rowditch.
She made sarky comments, jealous about mine and Welshy's relationship, with him being in Wales at the time, that it wasnt a proper one.
She had affairs with married men, I really disapprove of this, no, what I disapproved of more, is how she made herself the victim in all of it, when it went wrong and the partners eventually found out, she blamed the man, the wife, the girlfriend. I could have just about coped with those actions if she took responsibility for herself.
She miscarried a child, fathered by one of those men.
I supported her through that, albeit at a distance, wondering why, when she'd never been there for me.
My Derby lads, Welshy, they were all angry at me for being this doormat, for not standing up to her, but I remembered long nights talking, endless laughing fits, mini-adventures to football games and late nights at Our Beloved Friary and trips to Derby Grill and I couldnt, somehow throw that away. She needed me, although I, by this time, was sick of her relentless selfishness.
She fell out with H2, and was angry I think, deep down that I stayed friendly with her. H2 came to see me and there were rumours going about, about her actions with those men and the baby.
I felt the best thing to do, was to try and deny knowledge of the baby and say, that yes, there had been an attraction with a married man, but it had stopped before it got too bad. I believed that this would stop the rumours (she's fantastically paranoid about people talking about her) and still protect her and not make her seem like some crazed skank.
She was angry at me when I explained my actions and I'd spent all afternoon that day with my Granddad in the Chemo ward and had run out of patience. So told her to fuck off and that other people had problems too.
She deleted me from FB and MSN after this, blaming me I think for spreading gossip and lies about her. I sent her an email explaining how I felt and that was the last contact we had.
I've heard other stories since, stories that have made me worry about her (and why should I Welshy asks and he's right, but I still cant stop hoping that she's ok)
She left her previous social worker position, because of misconduct. Now I find that it is a case in her current job of "leave or get sacked" because of her unprofessionalism and letting young kids mix with adults who havent been police checked.
I find that a boyfriend she met on facebook, has been taking money and using her cards to get her in shocking amounts of debt, so much so that she faces being made homeless.

I cant help it, I am concerned for her. I am not ready to forgive because I cant forget how much she's hurt me, but I dont want her life to be fucked over, if I ask how she is, she'll assume that I'm apologising at best, at worst if the stories are true/false I will be blamed once again for causing rumours and lies to be spread about her.
I cannot ask CL as she will have been primed to keep her mouth shut.
I really want to know she's ok, but don't know the best way to go about it, nor do I know why, I cant just shrug my shoulders, say "she had it coming" and then move on with my life.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

so hey there! I'm partially moved, a drastic shortage of coathangers means I'm regularly tripping over piles of clothes and Geronimo the Tortoise is throwing a massive wibbler over the lack of his super special heat lamp not working, I have a tumble on order, ASK and BWF didnt want it and claim they wont use it, well if i find that they have and wont give me a 100 quid towards it i'll pop the fuse out and take the motor out if I can.
I can be a petty cunt too!
There's a small battle of dominance going on in the fridge, and I've surrendered the living room in exhange for sky multiroom, although Welshy says thats a bad move and we should present a united front.
He rather cunningly managed to get us the largest room and they're in a wee boxroom type thing, although our bed is very creaky, which spoils my enjoyment of other things, as I fear people listening.
So its all going good, I'm at home tonight, as I've been off to give blood and it was just easier to stop here than go back.
(I love the fact that I can get up at 8.10 and still be in work by 9.10 rather than getting up at 7.30 BTW)
I've got my two applications in the post and Welshy is wetting himself with excitement over my maths and is constructing tests and homework for me in his head.
Patronising cunt.
Not managed to get in touch with new stables yet (I wanna learn to jump cross country like Zara Phillips!) and i seem to be being plagued with foreign calls that hang up as soon as I answer.
Ho hum
But yeah. Loving the freedom and Mother seems to be coping so far!
I worried about leaving her all last Saturday and then, I was waiting at the bus stop with Welshy with some of his bags, fretting about how she'd be.
And out of a window drifted...
"here's a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note.
dont worry, be happy."
and its really sad and I know its a co-incidence, which is why I never mentioned it to Welshy, who'd do that patronising "aw bless" thing he does.
But that was one of my Dads favourite songs, and he'd hum those lines or sing them to himself under his breath when under a bit of a crisis or when someone came to him with a problem.
So I decided to take it as Dads last bit of advice to me.
And i'm not going to worry or fret about her, but be happy, or as happy as I can possibly be.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Oh god am I doing the right thing? I dont think she's able yet to cope on her own. She's going to be alone and i've deserted her. I'm an evil, evil bitch.
Oh I wish my Dad was here to tell me I'm doing the right thing. I wish he was here to look after her so she's not on her own. So he can tell me I'm doing the right thing by moving with Welshy.
Oh god I wish he was here.
I met The Lizard on Wednesday and we went to Woburn Safari park for a good old fashioned adventure. We also participated in Go Ape! Which everyone should have a go at! Its awesome, clambering about in tree tops, walking across rope bridges, zooming along zip lines, trying to walk a thin plank 30 foot up in the air and swinging tarzan like and being a spider in a web!

Tomorrow I shall be moving, which is exciting and a little scary at the same time, will me and ASK last longer than a week without falling out? Will me and Welshy get on, we've never actually, spent more than a week together in the past two years, three since meeting.
We're thinking of going to Paris on a cheap Eurostar dealy, That'll be fun.

My maths stuff arrived and I'm gonna start working on it as soon as I get settled. I've also seen two really good jobs, one at London Zoo and one at Colchester. Yeah I've been rejected from both places in the past, but maybe new home = new start.
I want the one at Col, it'd be a hellish commute, and i'd have to move nearer in a year but its what I really want to do.
And if I dont get them, I can still apply for uni.

I feel positive. More positive than I have done in a long, long time. For what seems like months I've been comparing myself to other people, my uni friends and feeling that i'm missing out on life as I'm at home, shit job, etc.
But now it's good. I'm moving out, I shall be independent again. I might get one of these jobs, I may not and go do teacher training next year, either way its all good.
And as I was swinging from a tree, I realised. I've done things with my life that they've never done, and now they're all settling down with kids and marriage, may never get to do.
They'll never leap out of a plane on just blind faith that a canvas sheet will open, they'll never scramble down a cave to see beautiful glowworms. They'll never see the same sunset as I did at Top of the Rock, or be homeless for what seemed like hours in what seemed like the coldest night ever in NY.
They'll never hand feed a shark or a pufferfish as I did at the Aquarium or have 200 people hanging on their every word as I have. And as much as I hate my job, I'm constantly stunned by the beauty of the surrounding parkland and the history in the buildings.
I have a lot to be grateful for, a lot of amazing experiences and memories. And I wouldnt trade them at all.

Monday, August 24, 2009

After a eternity of struggling, it seems me and Welshy will be moving in together come Saturday.
Imagine!

and We won the Ashes! Hurrah! I love cricket! Even if I couldnt go to any of the tests and work got in the way of me watching it, i still got to see a good few hours of each match! Hurrah! And we were shite as well!
And in other sporting related news, we're unbeaten in three, and top of the league! We'll be back in that prem yet!

Not sure if its sportingly related, but i've got hopelessly addicted to Bejewelled Blitz on Facebook. Oh the hours i've wasted!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Back in June I set myself a few challenges to reach before I hit 30

1 - I will either own my own place or be living away from home.
2 - I will have that maths GCSE.
3 - And a horse.
4 - I'll have a good job to pay for said horse.
5 - I'm gonna go back to the old driving and very determinedly pass the damn test.

So I have been going about it, I've been making tenative arrangements to take an online Maths course to get my GCSE, quite honestly trying to fit 10 years of maths into one year is gonna be hard. Probably impossible, but if I can improve on that F it'll be a damn sight better than now.
I have also kinda arranged to move out again. And in with Welshy. I'd like nothing more than for it to be us together, but after looking at a few places I slowly realised that its impossible.
So we're going in with his current housemate (BDF) and his Mentalist Girlfriend (ASK), I dislike her intensely and the feeling is fairly mutual.
We have nothing in common and are good at winding each other up, so seeing as I've already threatened to smack her once, i'm not sure how good a move it is. But being with Welshy is.
I'm also reluctantly surrendering my Wednesday Riding Lessons (God Fagia is getting better and better and I'm improving so much!) to go volunteer at my Mams nursery.
Yuck.
I LOATHE children, honestly.
I question my own sanity about considering going into a career where I'd be stuck with the shits all day, every day. But the benefits'd be better than being at the Museum day in and day out.

I hate that place, I hate the inanity of a job where I spend all day alone. Wehre I get sent on a course telling me to greet every visitor. I hate how management implement crazy ideas, and ignore staff explaining over and over how it wont work, until someone threatens to sue and then they suddenly change tack. (a shipping reference I learnt the other day)
I hate how they ignore health and safety and disability discrimation acts, and have a grand plan to rid the museum of artifacts and make it a giant shop/cafe/playground.
I hate the fact that the overtime is given to the managers favourites and when I manage to get some scraps, I find I'm taxed for the food I am given and the taxi's home as its impossible for me to walk home at 7pm through the park in Winter.
Most of all I hate the fact that although they deny redunancies and unfairness in pay, that we all know its happening, but are unable to say anything.

So perhaps teaching, and the weekends and long holidays and proper money will be better.

2 of my 5 targets are underway. I shall be using this next year to try and get myself accepted back into uni so I can get hold of target 4, and from there, complete the 5.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Why are parents so good at making you feel guilty?

Since May, Mother has been on and on about going away during the summer hols, I've been putting her off, but since E has bottled on travelling again, I've sorta become resigned to it.
Anyway, she wanted to go to Lanzarote, a place I've been before and she's been many, many times and believe me, it gets its nickname Lanza-grotty for a good reason!
I hate it, its boring, full of nasty ex-pats determined to set up London-by-the-sea and its hot. Christ is it hot. I can't bear to be out in anything higher than 15 degrees for long and its 30+ over there.
And me and Welshy are half-heartedly looking for somewhere to live together, so its 500 quid, money I dont really have and a waste of my leave to go to somewhere I dont really like. Anyway, last Tuesday she guilted me into going.
"I'm all on my own, all my friends have their own families and I'm alone in the world! Alone, neglected, unloved, unappreciated." etc.
So I said I'd look into getting some leave which I did so on Monday.
Only problem is, I've gotten all the week off apart from the Thurs, she wanted to fly out for, there aint flights on Fridays or Weekends.
So I've asked a few people, tried to get a swap, but we're short-staffed so its no good.
So now she's running about sobbing and stropping about:
"You did this on purpose! You could have asked last week" Yeah, like i'm REALLY gonna be able to chase our leave guy to his Tent where he was camping in order to get time off.
"I've ruined her summer holidays, she's now unable to go anywhere. And its all YOUR fault. Everyone else gets to go places and she can't. She was so looking forward to it, now she has nothing to do all summer."
And shit on toast how i'm hearing about it.
Over and Over and Over
Everything she can find to shout at me she does, opening a window, not being able to eat the tea she's cooked as its far to hot for a full roast, for falling asleep.

Sometimes I really just want to scream at her and make her see all that I do for her, the years I've wasted, how I've put aside my own happiness for her, how I bend over backwards for her, how I have to put her first when both her and Welshy make claims on my time. When the Brat couldnt even be bothered to drive down to sainsburys to get shopping, when she was ill in hospital, how I worked, spent all my free time visiting her, or looking after the house and him, struggling down to the shops on the bus with bags and bags of shopping while he stormed about moodily, and she lay sick in bed.

But there's no point in that. And now i've 5 wasted leave days, unless she gets outta her strop and decides to drag me off to some other shithole.

To Stop this being a completly self-pitying post.
Hurrah for Welshy who despite his own obvious boredom took me to see a Horseball tournament on Saturday and then let me watch Hickstead all afternoon!


video

Horseball - Rugby on Horseback (I SO wanna go!)

Monday, July 13, 2009

Honestly it seems like its just a never ending list here of drama and things never going right.
We'll start with what seems like the littlest of the two.
Meant to be a delivery today of worktops for mothers kitchen extension, now two years into the project and going strong.
Anyway, was told on the phone that the delivery would be by half 9, which would leave me late for work, but I could still do my relief shift as that starts at 10.30. Anyway 10am, still not arrived so I'm panicking trying to get hold of work, ringing constantly and not getting anywere.
Finally get hold of someone at 10.25 which is the EXACT time the lorry pulls up. Turns out that the worktops weigh about 100kgs and the chances of me and the driver unloading them alone are Zero.
So its a wasted journey for him, I get to work at 11 after racing for a bus and I come home to find Mother sobbing cos "everyone she asks for help with the house lets her down and how can she get the builder round when the worktops aint here"
Anyway when I calm her down we move onto Drama 2.

Drama 2 consists of someone who has posed as Mother (Mother has put all of My nan's accounts into a joint account to prevent her taking it out and losing it)
And this pretend Mother Person has taken TWENTY THOUSAND POUNDS out of my Nan's account and into an internet account. My Nan is so addled she cant even remember her phone number and they don't own a computer.
So who's done it? And how can the bank let them do it with out any authorisation from Mother?
Anyway Mother only found out about this by Nan waving a statement at her and demanding to know where her money was.
I dont know how we're going to get the money back, or even how its got there, although we have our suspicions. Other money (smaller amounts, perhaps only 50 or a 100 quid) have gone missing previously and my Granddads Work tools.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Apparently using the words "spastic scrotumheads" to describe a moron gang of 14 year olds is frowned apon by my boss. Even if she then has to resort to calling the Park Police (who helpfully failed to arrive) in order to deal with the little shits.
Well I guess you learn new things every day.

E and I have been thinking since April about travelling, either to Peru or Botswana for at least three weeks, we both agreed to save all our leave and try and book something for their winter (our summer - less heat!)
She's proved very evasive ever since at pinning down a date, and now has hit me with the news that she's booked other leave and only wants to go away for a week or two at the most. Its really annoyed me, as I've been putting off going away with Mum and Welshy so I can have all my leave for this and she told me to save my leave up and now its probably too late to book for this summer as we'd need 6 weeks of injections and shit like that.
Grrr. I'm especially annoyed as the company we were going to go away with, have a 25% sale on at the moment. Sigh.
She also told me about how we should go away to The Lake District to this place where we can ride proper Shire Heavy Horse types, and now she's buggered off with another friend without me.
I dunno maybe I've upset her in some unknown way and thats why she's messing me about a bit and not wanting to hang out.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

today it was so hot i fried a piece of bacon on one of the metal structures at work.

Friday, June 19, 2009

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Thats one of the few good things about my job. I have time to sit and think. And I've come to a conclusion.
One way or another the majority of my 20's have been a bit of a disaster, from one thing or another. When I was 10 I remember making a list of things that would have happened to me by the time I'm 25 (as I considered that grown up and old)

1 - I would have my own place.
2 - I would have lots of animals. At least one pony
3 - My house would have a swimming pool.
4 - And a Helicopter.
5 - I would either be a top class showjumper/vet/author.

Well here I am rapidly approaching 26 and its very much time I dug myself out of the rut I'm in at the museum and did something with my life.
So. Before I'm 30 I plan to have achieved the following.

1 - I will either own my own place or be living away from home.
2 - I will have that maths GCSE.
3 - And a horse.
4 - I'll have a good job to pay for said horse.
5 - I'm gonna go back to the old driving and very determinedly pass the damn test.

So. I plan to enrol back in college in September and do that GCSE, as an evening class. I may fail it completely again. In face its very likely that I will fail it. But I think just attempting it again will be an accomplishment, due to my fear and sheer panic when faced with any number higher that 20.
After I have completed the course, I am considering doing teacher training. Despite loathing children. I want a job with weekends off again. I want to do something where I can go home and think I've done something worthwhile with my day. And of course the decent pay and all the holidays encourages me more. I may change my mind. I'm certainly not giving up on the dream of working with animals. I figure that the 6 months of GCSE may give me time to get that job, but its time to be realistic. I'm 4 years since graduating and nothing has worked out. Maybe I'll go into vet nurse training. I can if I have that GCSE. I will have more options, even if I have to deny the degree.
Welshy's flat contract runs out in September. We may, no will look for a place together. I dont know how we'll afford it on my pittance and his casual work, and the fact that we cant agree where to live. But they're irrelevant. I want to live with him. I want to be independent again.
So we'll aim for those targets by September and maybe from there I can reach those goals I've set myself before I hit 30. Which most definitely has to be grown up.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Welshy was supposed to go back home today for his sisters birthday, only because of the tube strike, it was virtually impossible for him to get up there in time for the train, as all the buses were crammed! at like 6am!
anyway he reached there just to find the train pulling out of the station and because he had a saver ticket, he is only allowed to use them on the specified train. so i rang up and asked if they'd make allowances for this, as he left a lot earlier than needed.

After they refused and basically said he could either buy a new one at 60 quid or he should have slept at the station!

So I rang back and made up this huge lie about how he had a dying cousin and had to get up for her last birthday and that they had ruined this for him.

And yet they still didnt wanna change their minds! How can you be such heartless bastards?!
And how can i make up such a lie? Going straight to hell. yup.


oh and the weefit today told me i was 31 :(

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Mother brought a wiifit thingy at the weekend. I prefer to have it known as a weewee.
Spookily it knows I have a tendancy to trip over lots. And it can measure your BMI (Ideal since you ask! Fuck knows how!) and weight (8 and a half stone).
My aim, is to get it done to an even 8 stone. Not that I consider myself overweight. Hopelessly unfit maybe, but there's something nice and right feeling about being a proper stone and not these piddling quarter and half efforts.
The other main thing it tells you is your "WeeFit Age" Which started off at 69.
Oh.
So my number one goal is to get that down to 25, which I feel is a happier sum as its my real age.

I did have it down to 27 yesterday, but then I went riding and now i'm stiff and sore.

I rode a new horse yesterday, a pure fully trained Arab ex-Racehorse. I dont think I've ever gotten on anything and felt so much power and muscle under me. She was amazingly responsive, eager to please and just a pure joy to ride.
Not to say that she's without her problems, due to her background. Everything needs to be done at a fast pace and I hate having to constantly remind or nag (hehehe geddit?!) her into going at my speed. A happy medium paced trot is all I ask for, but from her reaction you'd have thought the world had collapsed around her. Standing still doesnt exist in her world and she nearly bit my ear off when I ducked my head to tighten her girth. I felt the air get displaced and heard her teeth snap shut a few inches from my ear!
She's kinda spooky, but again thats due to this all being new to her. I'm a bit worried about that first real fright as I have no doubts that if it came down to it, she would take off and I would have no way in the world of stopping her.
I'd love to get her in a real dressage test. Well if I could convince her that standing still is good.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

http://www.nmm.ac.uk/explore/podcasts/ontheline/ yeah check me out! I'm the link about Jack Cornwell VC, bastarding museum still managed to spell my name wrong though!

Monday, June 01, 2009

I had the best fun at work today. I so love public speaking, once you get over that initial fear its the greatest thing in the world!
I debuted a new talk on the HMS Challenger and some of the pickled specimens taken from it. It was awesome, I got 25 people on my 2nd go, which is a massive crowd for the museum, but a fair average one when I used to be at the Aquarium. admittedly 11 were a school group, but that made it more fun!
We carried out simple experiments on water pressure, we dissected the inaccuracies in Finding Nemo and talked about the gruesome way octopuses feed, the bizarre sex life of Anglerfish and how some species of crab can be half male and half female and fertilise their own eggs.
And of course a round of applause makes the talk!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

i applied for a job at a zoology museum, only two days a week maternity cover. And the bastards, still havent got back to me, despite demanding my personal statement three times as it failed to send.
So either

A - my personal statement convinced them that i'm not good enough despite my other qualifications meant that they NEEDED to see it, (and if they were that bad, then why ask for it in the first place?)

or B - They decided that i'm not even capable of looking after and talking about dead animals.


wankers.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

So last night I threatened to rip Welshy's housemates live-in girlfriends face off. But to be fair. She threatened to harm our baby tortoise. And She's a horrid, mentally ill, overly paranoid witch, so i dont think I was entirely unjustified in doing so. I mean I didnt really say anything beforehand that a normal working human being wouldnt have laughed off, so she shouldnt have gone mental at me first. Although I was ready to kick her head in, what kinda silly bitch threatens to "mark my face" anyway?!
I cant stand fakes. And she is so fake it drives me crazy.

Meanwhile in other news CL announced that she's 10 weeks pregnant. So Hurrah for her I guess! Another sign that we're all growing older and I shall determinedly ignore the little voices that tell me I should be going and doing all these grown up things, like having a real job, or moving out, or the boring engaged-married-kids route. (Yuck)

Oh and on Tuesday after my Uncle attempted to Poison my Granddad, by ignoring the doctors and Mother who TOLD him that he wasnt allowed to give him alcohol! He then proceeded to take him out, get him drunk, and then call mum and have her deal with taking him to the hospital as "he'd done his bit and now had to go to work."
So Considering it was my Mum's 25th wedding anniversary and she was already emotionally fraught. That was a good move on his part.

And in her rage she broke the porch door, we now have a six inch wide plank of wood, attached to the hinges which are still in the door frame.

On Friday Welshy took me to see The Woman in Black, which is my favourite ghost story, it was good, not as scary as the book, and yet I jumped even though I knew what was coming, and had my heart banging in my chest at the scary bits. It was set out really cutely too, with only two actors, and a wicker chest being a train, a horse and cart and a desk amongst others! Very School Production like!

A rather busy, manic old week!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus!!!

Surely the best crap movie ever?! I cant WAIT to see it in all its shit graphics glory!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fa7ck5mcd1o

Friday, May 08, 2009

Dear Charbs.

Thions to remember.

Trying tyo rape a pubs expensive and flimsily fastened statue of Nelson whilsht screaming "you've ruined mty life you wonky -eyed cunt" does not go down well in polite society.

Neither does jokes about date rape or necrophilia.

At least, make sure your audeience finds if funny too.

three. Hungry Charbs go "om nom nom whilse eating noodles"

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

I have a door! and Hot water! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

I have had neither for a while, well a bathroom door for a year, just a curtain! and no hot water for a month, but now its all fixed!
And last night I went to see WElshy play cricket with his little team that he organised. He'll tell you it was a shite match, but it was ok, even if they did lose by about 50 runs and he got 48 N.O. which is good for a bowler!
I was annoyed by the fakeness of his housemates GF, who was bored throughout the match and then got out her knittting, but claimed she enjoyed the game and was starting to understand it. She made no attempt when I offered to explain the rules to her to look interested. Why would you pretend like that? Silly Girly. I'd have told him straight up and then saved myself from future hours of boredom!

And Welshys taking me to see Woman in Black. Which is THE shit-scariest book i've ever read in my life. I love being scared! I'm so looking forward to it! and at 11 quid a ticket, you cant complain!

Friday, May 01, 2009

ergh. I swear i have the most moronic person in Welshy. How can someone so good at maths be so shite with money?

He owes me close to a grand, well maybe 900 pounds, admittedly most of this is for the tortoise and his course and our holiday but still...

He's just got a loan off of his Dad, is paying off god knows how much council tax, possibly some phone bill that mounted up to a horrid level and is possibly still in debt to his two housemates.

So how can he think that borrowing a sum of money from a friend to "invest in the stock market" be a good idea?!

Honestly he has shit for brains and yet he still manages to go out every weekend, and alright he gets drunk as cheaply as possible but if he sat at home, he'd save 12 quid or so a week, which soon mounts up.
He shows no inclination to actually look day in day out as I do for a better job and is happy to doss about being lazy and sponging off of other people.

I honestly think I should be in charge of his finances and give him pocket money. and he certainly aint gonna get any more money from me, till he pays me back.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

I had the best, sweetest little old man come to my talk today!

He'd come to my talk a while ago, around the winter time i think and returned with presents for me!
He'd found this old bok, from the 70's, pre-decimalisation anyway, which mentioned my boy and photocopied some pages for me, with a picture of his younger brother from the newspaper propaganda and a picture of all the medals that he'd been awarded posthumously and showed me his VC that either his Dad or Granddad had won in ww1 and seeing as they dont give them out that often, it was so cool to feel it!
Bless him to think of me and return to show me and give me his goodies!

I'll be recording a shortened version of my talk, later this week hopefully so you'll have more of an idea what i'm whittering on about!


Also I gotta give a special mention to the two girls who came in and looked a punchbowl and then asked "is that a real bowl?" I was SO tempted to say "No its a frog"

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Its Cherry Blossom time again.
I love cherry blossom time, it makes me all nostalgic and i think back to when I was small, back in Primary school and the hardest thing ever to deal with was learning to colour in the lines.
We had a Cherry tree in the middle of our cul-de-sac. It never produced fruit but was so immense that even now I dont think I could put my arms around it.
We were banned from climbing it and plucking the blossom but each spring brought about the resumption of a game we invented and played. Me, OF, Brat and her sister and brother.
A complicated game using the fallen flowers, we'd pick a particularly good looking flower each day and have that as our "mayor" of "Blossomtown" We'd have solemn funerals for the wilting, brown petals and fill our bike baskets with them and ride around and around as fast we could trying to revive the blossom, convinced that the rush of air helped.
We protected our tree from invaders from other parts of the estate who'd come and climb and break branches and steal our flowers.
We'd dangle and shake the branches and pretend the petals that fell were snow or confetti in our hair.
Seems a silly game now but it makes me smile remembering it, looking at the pink and white blossom now. I wonder if the others remember it with as much fondness as I do at this time of year?

Thursday, April 02, 2009

So lastn night we did the Charing Cross part of the Monopoly board. It was good, bit bad planning as we discovered several bars on our route had no disabled acess and we had Wheely H with with us so we had to lift her and her chariot up into some bars.
I think we did 6 or 7 stops, I was rather good and paced myself by only having the one drink in each bar as we were on a time limit to get round, so I didnt wanna end up getting to the bar and getting another drink in and then holding everyone else up by waiting for me to finish up.
I think I stayed rather sober too, well you'd have to check that with Welshy who I badgered into coming to meet me at Leicester Square and came with us to two bars, before his lack of ID meant we couldnt get into the final one and we went home early via Burger King.
I *think* i was on the happy giddy side of drunk before it descends into ramble, violent actions and abuse (on my part)
I did berate a man on the tube who was talking about TV detectives and had forgotten the greatest one of all - Mark Sloan on Diagnosis Murder!

And I had another nutter come after me! Oh yes, not satisfied with being harassed by TrainMan on Saturday I had a mental Big Issue Woman chase me into a bar at Covent Garden, claiming "I'm gonna start a riot with that whore!"

All I did was say to her "I don't want a Big Issue, Goodbye!"

Not quite sure it was deserving of being called a whore and threatened several times! And its good to know that the three guys I was with leapt to my defence with a "I'm not sure that's needed?" before fleeing into the bar with me!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

On my way back from the England Game, I was sat on the train carriage home trying to eat a sandwich.
Half of it proceeded to fall into my lap.
"Oh for fucking cunting sake" I swore, possibly more louder than I shoulda done in polite society.
An Asian man sitting opposite me raised his eyebrow.
"I'm sorry" I said.
"That's not very ladylike." He remarked. I smiled and pulled out the programme to read.
He then told me that I shouldnt go to football as its "for men only to get some privacy from women and I was invading their space and it was immoral of me to go!"
I was really bemused and didn't know what to say so I went to get up and went to sit elsewhere and he then told me I would never get a husband as I was too unladylike
I wish I'd been faster thinking. I'd have loved to have seen his reaction when I told him I didnt believe in marriage.
Guess he dont get out much!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I'm going to the England game on Saturday! Wheeee! I'm really excited, i've never been to an international (even if this is just a friendly) STF, N and A are about and i've not seen those boys for yeeeeeeeeeeeeears! I can't wait to catch up with them and be beaten up by them!
I've never been to New Wembley either! In fact my one and only trip to Wembley was for this.


Although I'd been to games before, this is what made me fall in love with them, even if they have broken my heart lately! (Looking to be relegated into the 3rd tier of football now, what a fall from 6th in the top league!)
Attendances have dropped and performances have been well. Shit, but i'll be there again next season (hopefully) and we'll come back. Maybe not right away, but they will one day! I hope!

Also on Wednesday I'm doing part of a monopoly pub crawl with guys from work, I physically ache to attempt to do it all in one day, but i might die. but it'd be a good death!
Ha!

Bring on Slovakia!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Today I got to have my first conversation with a real Deafie! Well I say first conversation, its not really, our tutor is deaf but you know what I mean.
It was a bit of a struggle really, with lots of finger-spelling and guesswork and nervous giggles on my part, but we concluded that this girl, who was doing an MA at Wolverhampton Uni in steel work, or some kinda metal work. and wanted to have some pictures or use the telescope for getting ideas for designs and then we had to complicatedly explain that the telescope dont really get used now as the days are longer and disappoint her, we sent her to the NASA website to look for other pictures.
It was hard work and a little confusing but I guess the lessons are paying off and it serves me right for skipping yesterdays refresher session!
Anyhow things are moving on slowly at work, by next Tuesday I should have my meeting to confirm that me new talk "The Challenger Expedition and Creatures of the Deep" can go live as it were!
And there's talk of me putting my original Talk "Jack Cornwell VC" onto the interweb so visitors to the museum website can hear my dulcet tones and come along and listen.
This'd be good for me as I can then use it in covering letters to say to potential new employees, for a sample of my talks and talking style see so on....
I'll keep you all posted as I'm sure you'll want to hear part of it, although it may blow the mystery behind me as you'll all hear my awful cockney twang!

Monday, March 16, 2009

yuck.

Today I was busy adding to my talents at the museum, by offering my services as a "buddy" or a mentor to the summer newbies. Only the girl it turned out that me and one of the older guys that I was shadowing, used to go to school with me.

And whilst never one of the ringleaders of those that were mean to me, she always freely joined in. I hate this, I hate that, ten years on, I still don't feel comfortable in Eltham, I hate that I saw her today and got that awful sinking, "oh no" feeling.

Its awkward trying to explain the bullying that I got at school, if it was the traditional beating I think I could have coped with that more, but being ostracised, isolated the way I was, its more mental bulling I guess, the way they'd stop conversations to stare as I went by, the way they'd all move to another desk if I came and sat there, or moved as far away as I could and pretended I wasnt there, the refusal to work with me if it came to group coursework etc...

Seven years I endured that silent bullying, of course there was the more traditional name calling but that mostly always washed off of me, where as that stuck. How do you at 12, or even up to 17 when I left, deal with day after day of that treatment? with name calling or days of silence and evil looks if I was unlucky enough to be forced into a group that resulted in them getting split up from a mate?



So no, I wasnt best pleased to see her and less pleased to realise I'd be working with her, spending the day with her. She doesnt seem to have changed much, when we were at school, she was always quick to correct the teachers, if she felt something was wrong, or should be done another way, and it was the same today. She clearly feels the job is beneath her and was asking about how quickly she could apply for other roles in the museum, about how she could contact the curators/education staff. About the wages and seemed horrified that I'd been there almost two years and how little I was paid.

My manager, who is lovely came out of a meeting with her and instantly remarked "She will be trouble"

I'd like to think she's grown up from what we were as kids, but I also think I'll be avoiding her as much as I can in the mean time until one of us leaves!

Monday, March 02, 2009

This weekend I headed up to Scarborough to meet with The Lizard and prepare for our Marine Mammal Medic Course. It was great to catch up with her, she's always a little mental and up for fun, and is even more fun now she's chucked her boring cuntfluff of a boyfriend who most definately DIDNT approve of us throwing a space hopper around uni, making bin bag outfits and having a water fight once that covered the kitchen floor in an inch of water.
Anyway, once we checked into our B&b We had to get ourselves wetsuits, which proved not an easy task in a seaside town!
The shop that the course reccommended was closed, and the tourist info place told us about a place that didnt hire one, so we decided the best course of action was to go play in the arcades, eat ice cream and chips and then procede to get horribly drunk in the b&b.
and then having run out of drink, the most obvious thing in the world to do, was to walk down to SAinsburys, covered in stickers and comic relief red noses!
Its a wonder we got served really, staggering about, squeaking to each other, and clutching bottles of drink and a large chocolate cake!
We danced in our hotel room, comparing our shit music collection and texting everybody in both our phone books until 1am before deciding we needed to sleep.
So we possibly wasnt in the best state in the morning to listen to a three hour lecture on seal and whale biology!
We explained our wetsuit dilemma to the lady in charge who then organised for us to have two delivered.
And off we set to be at the beach by 2pm
Only. Me and The Lizard were at the wrong end of the beach at 1.56 and had to run a mile down it to the right place.
Well she says it wasnt a mile, but what does she know? it FELT like a mile and that was enough!
and we got there at 2.02 (i checked on my watch) only to find that the wetsuit hirer guy had taken them back. Fucking hell, nothing like being precise is there?
So we had to ring around and found that there was a surf shop near where we parked the car and we might be able to get a suit there! So we ran all the way down and BACK! and then joined in the rest of the course, being glowered at all the time, for not being organised and taking it seriously!
But I am now qualified to rugby tackle a seal to the ground, check it for injuries or illnesses and to help refloat a beached whale or dolphin!
Not sure how helpful this skill will be in London, but as TDR pointed out to me. "If there's one thing mankind needs its more whale first aiders." What a legend that guy is!

A quick mention has to go to Welshy who had his own interesting Saturday night, in which he ended up in a "minor scuffle" (or more accurately "Grabbing someone by the hair and bouncing their head off of a wall") and then racially abusing some poor chinese man who refused to serve him in his offie!
He's a bad, bad person!*

* I do not approve

Friday, February 27, 2009

I had an interview today over at Chessington World of Adventures. They have had a small zoo (and not a great one) for a long time, I remember going there as a kid anyway and seeing it.
In the last ten years or so they've been rebuilding and rethinking their zoo and now its pretty good, small still but a lot more forward thinking in their animal care and have successfully bred Sumatran tigers (one of the worlds most endangered tiger species) My intervew was for the sea life centre, again very small but on the process of being developed.
I think the interview went well, Its-a-small-world-syndrome struck when I found that the guy interviewing me used to work alongside me at the Aquarium! And now if I got the job he'd be my boss!
I dunno, I think it went well, but I didnt like the place itself. It was nothing to do with the people who were lovely and like I say, nowadays you cant critise their approach to the animals in their cares welfare. But I just left with a horrible atmosphere and I dont think I want to work there. Of course if I got the job I'd have to say yes, after trying for so long I'd be daft to reject them, but still....

I'm off to Scarborough tomorrow to play with the Lizard on our Marine Mammal Medic Course, which promises to be very cold and wet but hopefully great fun!
Perhaps after that its time I hung out at home and had a quiet weekend or two to sort my finances back out.

Talking of finances, my wonderful Welshy scored us 100 off our next BA flight! When we flew back from Newark, the lady faffed about with everyone else around her and then claimed that she couldnt get us seats to sit together.
Although once we took off it was apparent that there was two seats spare and free, so unless some one just never turned up I dunno what she was on about.
Anyway he wrote a letter of complaint about it,
He put in some rubbish about how I was a nervous flier (which I am, although he exagerated it heavily) and got a grovelling letter in reply and they sent us both 100 quid off our next flight vouchers! Blatantly means we need to go away again soon!

Monday, February 23, 2009


So hi! I'm back from NYC! And sweet fucking Jesus is it cold! I blame the city builders, its all very well having straight lines everywhere, but did you not stop to think about the wind tunnel effect?!


I was homeless too! Well effectively homeless! I booked my hotel here, going on the nice pictures of a 4 poster bed and a nice shiney white bathroom, but the reality was awful. I swear it gets used as a crackden when its not being a hotel room, the "bed" consisted of a mattress on the floor, the room had weird stains and half finished plasterwork, and a noisy pipe and the bathroom was brown, full of broken tiles and a drippy tap and there was a BRIDGE across the window into another apartment, just strong enough to carry the weight of a serial killer.



They'd made a vague attempt at making it nicer by putting a portrait of a man/woman/girl from The Ring up. We lay on the bed, exhausted after our flight, trying to convince ourselves for half an hour that it wasnt so bad, we could cope and then I snapped. I can handle grotty, but not a crackden.
So we went to the hostel that we'd past on our way and enquired about a room, yes there was one available and they thought we'd be legally entitled to our money back.

But of course the Crackden leader was unwilling to give it back, trying to swap us to another room, which was unopenable! and then throwing a hissy fit when We demanded our money back. I can throw a hissy fit with the best of them too. And Threatened them with all sorts, threatened to sue and then threw myself into a chair and refused to move until I got my money back.


He reluctantly phoned his boss
"He's not a nice guy, he wont give it back."
Strangely the man on the phone gave it back right away and we were out of there less than an hour after moving in!

So we went up to the hostel only to find that they actually only had dorm beds and in a seperate room. So that was out.
And there we were, Me and Welshy, lost, homeless, tired, hungry and slowly freezing to death. It was kinda fun for the first half hour, convinced as we were that we'd get somewhere easily. I mean in London you cant WALK without falling over a hotel.

Three hours later and somehow we found ourselves in Times Square. It was something close to 4am our time, and I was near to breaking down in tears.
When we stumbled across the Hotel Mela, it was dead posh and that always equals dead expensive.
But like Welshy said. "We can manage tonight and then start again in the morning"
So I went up to them and explained that we were refugees from a crackden and probably a huge herd of cockroaches. and the lovely lady behind the reception went to speak to her manager, and then got us a huge $100 discount, it still made the room $50 dollars a night more expensive than what we'd originally paid for but still a beds a bed and homeless people cant be beggars.
(I think my trembling lower lip and quivering voice helped move her towards our plight.)

So we crashed into bed and prepared ourselves for a fresh attack on the city the next day. We planned to look for other cheap hotels, as this was SLIGHTLY out of my budget and as I was funding Welshy's holiday I didnt see how I could afford both of us to stay in such luxury, but in the end we caved and the nice people let us stay at the cheaper rate.

So we explored the city, Broadway, 5th Avenue, Time Square, and all the little offshoot streets. We went up the Rockefeller building towards sunset and played in the mad room at the top with coloured lights and music and watched the sun go down and all the pretty lights came on.
It was so MOTHERFUCKINGLY cold though! We were prepared for the cold, Christ knows we've been coping with -6's lately but this was awful, nothing could prepare us for that coldness, all day!
The next day we took a trip on subway again down to the Statue of Liberty and spent the day climbing the monument and exploring round there.


It was a fun, like London on acid as Welshy said, but as always when I visit the city I just wanna get out of it after a while, so I got my fix of the big city and then we flew home again!














Stairs to Nowhere - What the fuck is that about?!



















Named after you Hyde-y?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009



So yo! Did you miss me? I thought not!


I've just got back from Dublin and I've decided that now, whenever possible, I shall fly hand luggage only, fucking hell it makes such a difference, sailing past baggage and all those poor suckers waiting for it.


It was ok, more a holiday for mum more than owt else as she got to catch up with a few friends of hers that live out there. WE visited the Guinness factory and the Jamesons Whiskey Museum and the jail out at Kilmainham and the Post Office, home of the Easter Uprisings. I like that kind of history. I suppose its the whole romance part of it, struggling for independence and all that bollocks. (Despite nearly getting blown up myself in the whole IRA bombing bit, and my Uncle M twice narrowly missed out on being blown up, by little quirks of fate like leaving the office early or forgetting a paper and going back for it, only to return to a bombed office.) Interestingly theres still bulletholes and damage to the pillar structures of the GPO.


So yeah all that was interesting and then we went out drinking in the evenings in the Temple Bar area, although as Mother Dearest was there, I was very restrained and good!


We also met, "The trollop with the scollops"!


Friday, February 13, 2009

So despite making it up to Worksop on Evil Wednesday, the day of snow and ice, despite "Impressing them with my commitment, my knowledge and the way I conducted myself" They decided in the end to award the job to someone with more experience.
FUCKING HELL. Why is it always that catch-22? I cant get any work cos no one wants anyone without experience, but no one wants to give you that experience in the first place.
I have another application being processed with Dudley Zoo, (who have already turnt me down in the past) and at least thats a trainee role, so we'll see!!
Anyway I went out last night to see my good friend TDR and had a bit of a catch up and he brought me chips on the way home, hurrah! And I'm off to Dublin this afternoon! and then New York in 5 days! Wheeeeee!

Friday, February 06, 2009

WE had the most snow ever on monday! 4 inches! Its the deepest I've ever seen snow, and it pretty much destroyed London, no buses, no trains, hardly any tubes. Strangely the DLR was running normally.
We were warned not to travel unless we had too.
So. With schools, and buisnesses closed around us, the sensible thing to do would be to close the museum right?
Wrong.
I trudged through that snow, that came up half way to my knee to find that only 16 of us had made it in, half the galleries were closed but we stayed open until the Director finally admitted defeat and closed us for 3pm.
On Wednesday was my Worksop interview and I felt like a polar explorer trekking up there. I think the interview went really well, I got to cuddle all sorts of new animals, a barn owl, a skunk, some rather creepy but kinda cute giant milipedes...
I also got to inform them of a fact about one of their parrots that they didnt already know, which has - if nothing else - at least show that I do know what I'm talking about.
I should find out in a week or so how I did, so at least I'll be on holidays when the rejection comes which'll make it easier to bear!
I've been running about like a nutter trying to get this sorted, I needed a place to stay in NY and Dub, holiday moneys and insurance all of which I've now managed to get sorted in a week.
Welshy is rather excited too, he's never been on a long haul flight before, bless him!

Sunday, February 01, 2009

its SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Wheeee! We beat the scum 1-0 and I've got my leave sorted for my adventures!
Since my intended trip to India was cancelled, I've been kicking me feet and trying to control my itchy feet, thats not been helped by E who has a mate who works on the airlines and gets her discounted flights and in the last year she's been to Vegas, Boston and LA and may be off to Shanghai or Hong Kong with him later this year/month.
Yesterday I could stand it no more and texted Welshy to "Find me a holiday"
By 8.30 that evening I have myself booked on a flight to Dublin with the mother and then I'm coming back from that and a day later jetting off with him to New York!
Hurrah!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

I've been in a very bad mood over most of the weekend.
Resenting everyone and everything and most specially of all, poor Welshy who asked for help moving more of his crap down to London.
Which resulting in me hissing angrily (maybe not hissing as in screaming it at him) "I fucking hate you and wish you'd stayed in Wales" and then throwing his suitcase down the stairs at a rather crowded Oxford Circus Tube Station and kicking it angrily breaking the handle.
Oh and telling some poor lost tourist to "Fuck off" When she asked me what station she was at.
I'm a bad, bad person.
Poor guy, I dunno why he seems to be the brunt of all my anger and bless him for putting up with it and soothing and petting me back to a good humour.
I even took a sickie today rather than deal with the tourists and I'm in a fairly chilled kinda mood now.
Still I have lots to do, I'm only halfway through putting my Gallery Talk into BSL, I have another one to learn, oh and I have two to prepare for this interview. Well one that I know what my topic is and the other, they're just gonna ask me to pick from three animals and whitter about them, which worries me, I'm happy talking nonsense as long as I can prepare for it, but bullshitting is not my strong point.
And all this needs to be done in the next two weeks.
Busy, busy, busy!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Well they promised they'd get back to me by Wednesday and I heard nothing. So I guess mum's right! There's always gonna be someone with more experience than me and they'll always pick them over me.
I have another interview in Feb for a seasonal job until October in a bird park. After 4 years of constantly raising my hopes and getting them destroyed and ripped apart, I can't say I'm hopeful.
Nor do I want to leave my job and uproot myself to Worksop for 6 months and then come back to the museum to beg for my job back.
Sigh.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Lol, cheers guys.
She is only doing it to try and keep me about, whether she realises that or not. IF I got offered the job, I'd take it and somehow try and cover up my lack of knowledge on S.O Pumps and underground filtration, but we'll see Tomorrow....
Anyhow, me and the Lizard last night in a fit of excitement signed up to do a Marine Mammal Medic Course whether we were more excited about the idea of being qualified to rescue stranded whales and dolphins or the chance to play with a life-size real weight (2 tonne!) inflatable Pilot whale is debatable! Wheeeee!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

So yeah! I went and had this interview, disappointingly the park was closed so when we rocked up an HOUR AND A HALF early to check it out, we were forced to sit in the reception room, which does nothing for my nerves. I think it went ok, I had to blag my knowledge of feeding lionfish and S.O pump systems, but they seemed excited about me being at the aquarium and applying to do this shark thing.
I'd be given my own tanks to do whatever the hell I liked (within reason) which scares the hell out of me although I'd get full training in it and made Mother comment "You'll not get the job as its beyond you and even if they were stupid enough to offer it to you, you should turn it down"

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Fucking hell we won a match last night! Our first one since the 4th of october! World domination clearly beckons!
I'm off on a whirlwind tour of the midlands later today, spending the night with Welshy's friend in Birmingham, before we go to Kidderminster where I have an interview for a job I have no chance in hell of getting, but the safari park has WHITE LIONS! Yeeah! Not albino Lions, but proper hardcore white lions, which, on its own, in my eyes makes the trip worthwhile considering there's what less than 30, 20 in the wild and they're pretty much genetically extinct.
So how exciting!
After the interview we're heading off to Derby to meet TP and TJ, they moved back to Derby late last year I think and I've not seen them for two years now! So although its a quick tea it'll be good to see them and Welshy's not met them.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Happy 50th Birthday Daddy!

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

So here we are again.
The third anniversary. We've not done anything this year, The Brat is working late and couldnt change his shifts. Its different this year. Perhaps I'm finally coming to terms with it.
I still think of him virtually every day, although its not every day like it used to be, and although it still eats me up inside and twists my stomach with pain I've not yet cried. Maybe I will, maybe I won't this year.
He'd have preferred that, that this year I acted normally, laughing and joking with work friends, that I havent sat around and moped.
I miss him terribly still and wish that he was here with us. Friday might be hard as it will be his 50th birthday, if things were normal we'd have had a massive party.
Instead there will be just us and a quiet dinner, we might go ski-ing at the Dome, I think his sense of humour would appreciate that. Being silly and doing silly things was high on his list of agendas, although He would have watched us make fools of ourselves and toasted us with alcohol.
I wonder how my Mother is coping, deep down. She makes brave statements about moving on with life, but I wonder deep down, if she really is.
I miss my Daddy, we all do.