Slow old day at work! I was knackered, weekend adventures catching up on me!!
I also discovered secure browse at work. Hurrah! I could get on to facebook et al before but felt guilty as it is monitored and i'm supposed to be working!
But. I feel its ok to ease off, convinced as I am that I'll be leaving soon, also I've got 60 odd people on 80% or more and I need to wait for things to come in the post, CRB's to arrive, interviews to be done. If I can get  more onto the 90% though I'd be happier.

In horse related news - been offered to take to competitions! Eeek and whee at same time. Scary biscuits!

ARGH. Spent so much more money than planned lately. 

Friday was an interesting day at work - Got headhunted again (whoop whoop!) and am going to interview Wednesday after work. Man was rather alarmed that I'd be chased by other people and shocked at how low my pay was!

Riding was a bit hit and miss that night. Horse kept jumping and being all skittery at a noise from one of the houses. Not sure if it was as she had a day off or if there was def something that freaked her out.

Saturday I met the lovely TDR before football and we had a few drinks before and after (funding his night out though!) we wandered into Greeny and met Babbs' who was celebrating his 30th with some of the other crew from work. When I first joined I'd go out with him, Lovely and Delgado a lot. Then I replaced them with TDR as main drinking buddy and then when he went the N M M C A S C crew joined so I had new male drinking buddies!

I do miss hanging out with them all! Anyway we had a few drinks (a lot) in The Yacht and then moved onto the Pelton Arms which we left close to 1am and as TDR had missed his last bus I ended up walking both of them to Babbs' home. 

It all got so flirty! Both boys competing and playing about. Lovely spending time with them though.

Got home at 2.15 and then woke up at 8.45 so I could get out to the marathon. So very tired! Good to go as always though! Off to see Horsey (who has been losing her Wonderhorse tag and feels like it could go completely after today!) Finally got to hack out, very over excited and bucking into canter on the main road when we were trying to have a sedate trot down it. A couple of other little explosions but I felt pretty secure when we were out on the fields ambling about on the buckle end of the rein and then suddenly a bit of a bronc and then back to being sedate and calm again.

A little trot through the woods turned into a bucking fit and a small rear (I'm not down with rears. SO SO much more dangerous than bucking with the risk that the horse may topple over and crush me and I know I can sit reasonably well a buck. No idea how to cope with a rearer.)

I tried to stay calm and relaxed but she was jigjogging a lot all the way home. Doesn't help that she (being thoroughbred) wants to race the others and trying to overtake all the time.

Started to apply for new jobs today. I said I'd leave it till May, when all the chaos at work got sorted. Well its more or less sorted now, so I figure that it'll take a couple of weeks for people to sift through CVs and get back to me, so its ok to start looking!
Also Idiot Northern has managed to get herself an interview for an admin role at 22k a year. So yeah. Charby's all down with that. So reluctantly fiddling with the CV and covering letter and starting all over again!
Can tell i'm being all optimistic! Currently looking for roles that pay an average of 20k! Some even 27k a year!

Went for a working lunch yesterday. Went well even with Idiot Northern suggesting completely seriously that I demonstrate strawpedo-ing!
God we spent ages worrying about what she'd come out with but it was good, thank God! Very chilled. Nice lunch at Zizzi, lovely lemon tart for afters and back to work with only an hour to go!
All days should be like that!

Another really good lesson. She praised me on what I was doing, told me she saw huge improvements between last week and this and even from the start to the end. Gotta keep it up. Determined to improve. My new goal now is not to piss about going to prelim dressage tests but to give Novice a crack.
First things first though - get the jumping under way. I'm happy doing the flatwork that i'm doing at the moment, its building towards the jumping. Perhaps after I could ask for a flatwork lesson - only if I change jobs so I can afford it! or to alternate in the weekly lesson.

Maybe May I'll see about if I can compete. I don't want to be a cunt though and its not my horse!

Today was such a slooooow day at work. My activity report showed over 40 items in it, but it just didn't feel like I'd done anything you know? TBH though a lot of it was calling people and leaving messages to see if they got the documents I spent ages posting out last week.
Wanted to get a bit ahead of myself for this business lunch tomorrow, whatever that entails.

Not only do I have current woes regarding this hen night/dirty dancing thing but P after having rejected my idea of South Africa wants to book to go to Sweden bear spotting. I'd been keen on this, except its a tour group with 8 other people so not down with that. Also (and I know animal spotting is all luck and chance) the possibility of spotting deer and squirrels also...... Well I spent four years fending off squirrels and Greeny park has fallow deer!

also close to 900 for four days is a lot. Especially when I'd budgeted 1600 for 10 days including safari and shark diving for South Africa.
She's really keen to book. I really don't wanna blow all that money on that when it could probably be done cheaper and without other people about (so anti-social!!)

How do I say no without seeming like a spoilt brat?

So The Lizard is having a hen do. I signed up to this reluctantly. Its in London and tbf apart from there being other people there, the idea of an 80's themed roller disco sounded exciting.
I deliberately ignored the call for names of people interested in going to a "dirty dancing" class which includes "that lift".
Didn't know what they meant. Vaguely thought it would include a trapeze. But didn't interest me at all.
Discovered today that my silence meant I'd been signed up for it. Eeek. Tried to google it. Probably should have put the safe search on first.... Poor eyes.
So I asked and I discovered its a film.
It sounded horrendous from the Wiki plot and then Welshy found me the footage of this dance thing and now I really don't wanna get involved.
Also. How rough does the girl in that look? And how much older is her bf in that? No wonder her parents didn't want them to get together (or so I gleamed from the plot on Wiki) Peado alert!!

Lady never got back re the other job... Been a funny week at work. Internet server down for most of it so very little I could do which I ended up getting pulled over.
We have a business lunch with Big Boss and Uber boss on Tuesday. I'm hoping I can subtly ask for more money. Subtle doesn't really come into Charby's vocab though!
Thursday I met TDR and a few others from the NMM for drinks after a friend/ ex work colleague died over Easter. Bless her, I shall miss her and her kindness.
Riding on Friday. Trying to work on the pointers given to me in my lesson about picking up more of a contact and I feel that at points perhaps it was coming though, she was relaxing into the contact and mouthing it nicely. Will be riding again tomorrow so can practise again although I'm hoping to be able to tag along on someone's hack. Bit bored of just endless circles!!
Ended on a bit of a poor note when she skidded to a halt and the motion propelled me up her neck and smacking my face on her ears because of spotting a dog.
Walked and trotted on after that but called it quits and I'm glad I did as the moment we got back into the stable the heavens opened and I got absolutely soaked in the two hours it took to finish my chores and get home and would have been an even later day should I have had to spend time drying her off after.
Still toying with the idea of entering a prelim dressage test in May and took a pic of an 80cm jump combination to inspire me to get cracking with that.

Very lazy day today, lots of napping and sitting in bed as it was chucking it down and it was cold and awful out.

Can't believe it was one year ago today that I had my last epic night out in Spain!!! What a crazy year its been!

Having a bad day today. Woke up and its grey AGAIN! A struggle to get out of bed knowing everything I have to do and fail to do. Geronimo's lamp had broken. Can't afford to replace it yet.
No bread as someone had finished the loaf and not replaced it. No breakfast. Brought a chicken pasta thing for dinner. It was disgusting. Too spicy.
Busy on the bus and tube. Couldn't get a seat.
Cracked on at work but ground to a halt by lunch time due to lack of internet. More tasks building up! More pressure on me to get things done and turned around.
Been talking to P about the possibility of going to South Africa since the New Year. Today she told me she didn't want to go.
I have no other friends who are a) commitment free, b) not trapped by the fear that their partners will leave them if they go away for a week, c) consider that holidays should be more than a week on a beach. In Tenerife.

Welshy talking about going to Bali. Its not gonna happen. Can't afford to. Need to cancel the week I booked off for San Adrian's fiesta.

I thought my lesson yesterday had gone well, but then I realised today that she was obviously lying. She doesn't want to tell me all the bad points to my riding and make me stop. Stop giving her money in the vain hope I'll improve.

I think I'll go to bed, I have nothing to eat or any plates to eat off of. Could do with losing a bit of weight by not eating anyway! Lol!

Unsurprisingly that place never got back to me re a possible new job.

Today started a little sluggishly, the lovely weekend sun had been replaced by cloud and it was hard to get out of bed but I eventually did so. Cold! Had to shut my window!

Internet was down at work which makes it hard to do anything and I was a little shocked to learn that I've got the fewest people compliant since Jan and have the fewest ready to go.

Still. I have 20 people on the 90+ marker and I got one done today, another waiting to get checked and am hoping to get a 3rd done this week, be even better if I can get a 4th!

Ended up doing a lot more than expected! 32 items on my activity report and then I had a phone call!

Yes Charby's been headhunted! Couldn't really reply until I was on my way home but a lady wants to forward my CV on to a company, that basically does the same thing I do, only for doctors.

We don't actually deal with that many doctors (I only have one on my books - who is a jerk!). But its pretty much the same principle, chasing and phoning all the time for work.

It'd be in Victoria which means commuting properly - boo!!! But is 18-20k dependent on experience so pays a hefty whack more than I'm on now!

I'd be happy with the 18k but would prefer (obviously) the 20k but all's good really! Just waiting to see what happens! Hopefully will speak tomorrow and we'll get a telephone interview done.

Not sure how I feel about it! I do love my job and all the little perks that come with it, but yeah. The money'd be good. Even- whisper it - own pony worthy. Although at the moment I'm really happy and enjoying the loan I've got going on! Jumping class tomorrow! Eeek!

What a brilliantly lovely Sunday. The Sun was shining. I made the adventurous option to sleep with a window open and it was lovely waking and feeling a gentle breeze on my face. Not as sunny as it was yesterday but still a lovely day.
Got up, had cheese on toast and watched Basil The Great Mouse Detective (one of Disney's underrated animated classics IMO) before heading to the yard.
Quickly shed my fleece jacket and mucked out in just a jumper, the wee girl I befriended offered to take me on a hack but I didn't go in the end, hopefully maybe next week.
I did some fast schooling work with her, Lots of canter work, I realised I grip with my legs in her canter so was trying to make a point of keeping them long and stretched out.
Played with doing 8 shapes and picking up canter in different parts of the school, even a flying change which didn't go well! My fault not hers.
Popped out a couple of trotting poles afterwards and just hopped over them. Arranged a jumping class on Tuesday. Starting from basics and moving on from there.
Came home about 4pm had a little nap and just played online. Not ready to go back to work tomorrow!!

I've done some juggling of my finances lately. I decided it was taking too long waiting to reach the 1k figure on my everyday account and moving tiny wee sums into my holiday account was silly.
So now I moved all the money in the holiday account into my normal account working on the theory that this makes it almost tantalisingly close to the 1k marker. And indeed, next weeks pay packet will move it into it, unless I somehow spend 200 in a week.
So. Next week should push me comfortably into the 1k marker and then I can move any excess that I've not spent in the following week into the holiday account (minus 50 that I shall leave to help cover the rent at the end of the month).
This. Should and I say should loosely, best laid plans and all that, mean that I should be able to move maybe close to a hundred a week into the holiday account and therefore raise the cash to get that up and running a lot sooner.

There's something so ridiculously comforting about having a decent amount of savings and the chance to be able to save more!!

So Welshy's off on his travels again. *Sigh* *notjealousatall* Visiting his friend in Gothenburg for the weekend and then another three week stint in Austria. At least we think its three weeks... They've not booked his flight home yet....

Works going ok, not really been in the mood to do it properly this week, still battling a bit of lurgy and my stomach bug so I guess that's not helping. Thinking more and more about moving on, actually counting down the days till May which is when I said I'd look.

Gotta get settled on it though, awful of me. I'm holding my team up.

Rode new horsey on Tuesday, arena's only small and there were three of us using it, bit too aware of personal space issues! Again tomorrow and on Sunday. I might go Monday to watch the flatwork clinic the YO runs before I decide if I want to join it or not. Absolutely desperate to get some jumping in. Not keen on others being in the school though and I need some lessons. Can't afford that as a private and I certainly am not up to the standard of joining in the clinics either, although maybe I'll go watch that one too next week.

Really feeling tired actually! Eye strain I think from work. Early night might be in order (despite curling up with Welshy for a 2 hr nap yesterday from work!!)

I know none of you care, but I've contracted dysentery. Please pray for my soul.

Went to see Horse. Horse is absolutely perfect. I even busted out a bit of dressage, some turn on the forehand and legyield. Gonna try and teach myself shoulder-in and flying changes (special trottyness Welshy!!)
She's so forgiving and tries to anticipate my requests. Practised going up and down the gears in trot and walk. Got a bit more used to her canter transitions. Still a bit forceful with my leg I think judging by the way her head flings about when we make the movement up a gear. She bounces off with a tb ooohm but settles down after two or three strides and then you need to remember to keep your leg on.
Did a little road hack after with a nice lady and her palomino cob. So happy with her. She was looky but not spooky and I'd much rather it was that combo! Plus first time she'd been hacked out for a while!
Gonna try and get a jumping class in. My aim is to be able to jump 80cm by the end of the summer.

Mother left to go to Grotty today, landed ok, not sure what happened as there were fire engines waiting for her upon landing! Still all is well.
We even have a real floor down in the hall and back room.Immense.

Bit of work done on the house today! Floorboards in the hallway! Only been... 7 years? Maybe longer.
No longer looking like the Weasley burrow today! Well until people trash it!
Went to football, bit disappointed that my favourite keeper Adam Bognan wasn't playing for Bolton. Did think it would be a long (snowy!!) day when we went 1-0 down after four minutes and 2-0 after 20!!
Eeep! But all ended well on 3-2 to us, after a penalty and two Bolton sending offs. One deserved. Other harsh? Will wait and see MOTD before I decide.

So yeah, I did call in sick on Tuesday, which I think was justified. It was kinda flu-like (and having had real flu I can justify saying that, unlike all those flu-fakers) achey, headaches, sleepy, snot like a hagfish. So gross.
Wednesday THE COUGH appeared. And is still resolutely here.
Oh and on Wednesday I decided to rectify the fact that my friend Lolly has never been out of the country by booking us both onto the eurostar to Paris in May for a day trip.
I think once he got over the shock, he was quite excited. Lolly is a really sweet guy so I'm glad.
Went into work on Thursday, coughed a fair bit, then met Welshy after work, had a cocktail and played Macdonalds Monopoly and then brought Crepes to eat on the way to meet his friends at Liverpool street. Except crepes are messy. Charby got the cinnamon/apple sauce thing ALL over her, down her coat, down her sleeves, on her glasses and face.
I was sticky.
So we started to drink with Welshy's friends who brought us all strawpedos. My strawpedo was going quite well, until I got a coughing fit near the end. Smirnoff Ice came out of my nose :(
I valiantly tried to hold it in my mouth while I choked but ended up spitting it all out :( More sticky for me.

Also... Night got rather odd later when Welshy's sex crazed friend tried to gross me out by getting his cock out. Oh silly, silly boy. I gingerly moved it, like moving a dead animal or poking it with a stick and then told him he should be ashamed to have got that out and all the nonsense about growing, not showing. Always, always gets a guy fretty. Not quite sure Welshy was down with that. But I was the winner.
Home on the night bus and stupidly overpriced disgusting kebab that somehow seemed completely right at 1am.

Went to meet the new horsey today. So nice to ride something that's responsive and educated! It was a little messy as I was a bit more forceful than needed and we even hopped a few jumps. Tiny ones but I looked a mess on them, wasn't expecting it to be so enthusiastic!

So, my Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays look to be busy playing with the lovely Vimto! The lady is quite nice, I think unlike the other lady she'll leave me too it pretty much. Happy days.

Welshy is at home now in Wales and I still have three days away from work! I really don't know what to do about all this bank holiday stuff! Crazy times!

God, I am dying! So very ill! Went with Welshy and E2 to Wembley to see Wrexham play Grimsby in the FA trophy final.
Wrexham really should have taken more of their chances and it ended up going to penalties, but all worked out well in the end. Had a few drinks after and then came home, suffering.
Struggled into work despite feeling like shit, came home and napped. Hoping that I might be able have a sicky tomorrow despite having so much work to do!

Welshy's home! Yay! Out visiting friends at the moment. I'm busy feeling like death. Supposed to be joining him and E2 at Wembley tomorrow but Ew do I feel bad!

Two new budgies have arrived! Pretty white and blue hen and green and yellow cock, if the weather ever improves I can put them out to join the others!

Welshy is home tomorrow! Hurrah!
The woman with the expensive horse got back to me! Hurrah!
I'm close to having 700 pounds in my account! Hurrah!

So what have I been up too? Dying mostly. Got a horrible lurgy which is causing all sorts of pain and coughing. Not the kind that disturbs your sleep - yet! but the awkward tickly throat is annoying and its starting to make my ribs ache.

Went out on Wednesday in a team bonding effort. I think it worked. We all had a nice time, nice meals. Demonstrated Strawpedoing which caused much admiration.

Got my hair cut yesterday! For the first time since oooh the London Riots. (Not counting my "do fingers grow back once they get cut off" adventure in Supercuts. 99% convinced not a single hair on my head got trimmed.

Why oh why is it so grotty still? We're clearly living through the last days of humanity as climate change takes over (hate the phrase global warming, so many idiots latching onto it)

Urk. Mopiness again. Partly done from Welshy's news that his father is forcing his mum to sell the house that she owns 90% of. That he's not paid a penny for, for the last 10 years. Seems horribly unfair to me.
I offered the 1k I've managed to scrape together in case it helps in some way, I wish I had the 4k that I once had.
I lost it in what September? October? Had I known that come November I'd have been employed again would I have struggled on a little longer?
Highly unlikely tbh, I was so low down to the end of the overdraft. But maybe I could have given up on Idiotpony sooner and saved the pennies there? But then Idiotpony was giving me my reason for living.
Still. I wish I could do more to help.

Talking of ponies and work, its 6 weeks countdown now until I start looking for a new position. Start of May we'll be going crazy. I don't want to leave, but what can you do? My department is going out for a meal and a drink tomorrow. Should be good.

Spoke to a woman yesterday about her horse (not pony! TBx! Going up in the world!) All sounded very promising, except for the price expected. She was supposed to text me today with the postcode. Hasn't. Maybe if I haven't heard anything tomorrow I should text asking? Don't wanna seem pushy though....

Gonna have to reign in the open hatred of The Brat, Mother is growing weary.. Also, although he is a brat. I'm starting to think he's 27 now and too old for such a nickname!

Well this is the dilemma! Possible new pony (well horse a good 8 inches taller than the last two ponies). Schoolmaster jumper, happy hacker, owner happy to let me mess about and not have to worry about teaching it anyway.

Downside? 50 quid a week...... That's a fair amount really! Even for three days of pony fun!

Comment after a stash of my post was found today, including the letter I needed to authorise my new ISA, the one I hadn't got and the account had been closed.

"Christ will you stop going on about him? Neither of you are perfect but he's a damn sight more perfect than you."

Sad times.

So said goodbye to NewPony on Thursday, now to look for a new beasty.
Went out with the NMM crew last night, good to see everyone and catch up.
Charlton were playing Millwall in the early kickoff which did not go well....... 2-0 in atrocious conditions.
Watched the Rugby and wished I was with Welshy to share in the joy of Wales 6 Nations win.

Tomorrow I have to tidy all the mess the Brat has made in the spare room, then try and fix the mess that he's made on the computer so that the printer works. Of course he's incapable of fixing whatever he broke and can't be expected to tidy up his mess.

"Why do you always have a go at him! You're just as much to blame as he is."

So yeah. Fucking fun Sunday for me lined up!!!

Also. Attempt to keep this up to date more seems to have paid off. I've already posted 44 times. Thats the same that I did in the WHOLE of 2011.
Admittedly this is because Welshy is away and I'm bored but still.. Small sense of achievement here.
Next step? To hit 60 posts.
This will DESTROY the 53 I managed in 2009. The 54 in 2010 and the 55 I managed last year.
Then to chase down the 70 in 2008 and 91 in 2007!

I had a wee chat with my little manager today. We had a office wide meeting yesterday and there was lots of thinly veiled critisism of what we're doing. Confusion about the back dated files we're trying to fix.
Little manager got upset. I stuck my oar in. Ignored though. Decided going in May is the right thing to do.
I'm not staying in a position where this kinda shit goes down and i'm paid at least 4k less than what I deserve for doing this role.
I was umming and ahhing about going right away but Little Manager doesnt want me to go, so I relented and told her I'd stay and help get things sorted.
But I gotta get my shit in order. I can save more now as tomorrow is my last day traipsing to Kent to see Newpony.
So. Setting up a new ISA. I got 357 in my holiday account. 100 in the new ISA. I can put the 20 a month I'm now saving into that ISA. So an extra 80 a month on top of that 80 for the foreseeable future.
Its not the amount I was hoping for, but fuck it. It's a start.

Well here's my dilemma. Had a bit of a google to see what I could find similar to what I do now. Found two jobs that pay at least 5k more than I'm on now.
Then I googled my job and it was advertised in May 2012 as starting salary of 7k more than I'm on now. How do I argue this? How do I say that I want that salary or at least close to it?
How long can I leave returning my contract to see if my wage goes up this week or even next week?

ARRGHHHH!!!!

Always, always setting myself up for crushing blows.Turns out my payrise wasn't my payrise after all, but a one off 100 pound bonus for being "employee of the month"! Hardly feel like I deserve it. I'm fairly useless in that place.
Turns out according to my new contract I'll not be getting a pay rise at all. So. Bang goes the dream of a pony or possibly moving away. Out.
Bang goes the possibility that I'd finally be earning OK money and not have to face E's scorn for being a "bad" saver as she sees it.
I will wait and see for a fortnight, just in case the money does change but I think my decision to move on in May has been made for me and that in itself makes me sad. I like my commute and its lack of people. I like the surprise treats in my office. I like being busy. But if I know my job is valued by other people as paying more than 7k than I am currently getting, it only makes sense to move on.
It would be good to be closer to home, it would be good to have less dicking about getting anywhere, although I do not want to travel with the hated commuters, nor pay more than the current 23 pound a week I do on travel already.
I like the people I work with and I feel I'd be letting them down if I go, but I think I need to. One fortnight. Just enough time to see if its not just an error. I think I'm better off staying till May so then I have a good solid 6 months experience. Must go!

So cold today! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Back from my hols! Loved Budapest, totally reccommend it for a short break, rode on a boat down the Danube, went to a 16th century Turkish bath for the day (inc massage!), learnt what duck with lavender and honey tastes like. Oh and tobacco ice cream and rosepetal sponge cake!
Tried an awful shot called unicum and then we got a sleeper train (not much sleeping down - totally put me off the transiberian railway idea!) to Krakow.
Again loved it, took a bit longer to get used to it than Budapest, Climbed up to Walwal castle and had two lovely meals in the restaurant. Made a harrowing journey to Auschwitz and went to one of the oldest universities where Copernicus himself studied. Found a lovely cocktail bar and had a great time before zooming on to Prague.
Found Prague a bit of a disappointment, lots of lads on "lad's weekends" and bit more expensive than the other places. Saw the Astronomical clock and had a good wander about. Ate pancakes and laughed when the man told Welshy rather firmly "No. No you cannot have bread and butter."
Another nice meal and more cocktails in the Old Square and then to the zoo, not sure I liked the zoo, lots of lovely animals but some doing rather disturbing repeating behaviours.
Lame Ocelot kitten and otter with no working back legs as well.

Home late on Saturday and today just lazing about, I got my payrise. Not as much as I was hoping, but still 6k more than I was on and 3k more than I've ever earnt before. I could get my pony now. Soon, although I'd struggle to then make any savings. Hard decision!

I also appear to be getting new birds! Two budgies to live in my aviary and possibly an African Grey parrot to live in the house. We'll see.

God I hate packing. I can never find anything, there's always the dilemma of what to take and what to leave (solution - only take hand luggage, if it doesn't go under Ryanair's 10kg limit, you probably don't need to take it. Always take extra socks though.)
Where to find your camera when its under all of Welshy's tat - why we need to keep two broken rucksacks is beyond me.
Getting wound up because people insist on buying you bollocks for your birthday or Christmas, its just fucking rude, I've been telling people I don't want owt for years, but yet they insist on ignoring my wishes and buying crap that I don't want nor need.
Anyway *deep breath* its done now. Passport, boarding pass, moneyx3, book, camera. Done.

Rode last night, put out the poles to help amuse Newpony, then Owner broke bombshell that they're moving and I can't come as its too far for a non-driver.
Back to looking for a new ride I guess then!

Internets didn't work at work today. Scary how much you rely on them, couldn't do anything without them, let alone file as you can't check that its been put on the computer system before you match it with its paper file.
We alphabetasised the CRB draw, just for shits and giggles.

So yeah. I'm staying at work! Hurrah! I chickened out of asking about wages/holidays though. I figure I'll find out soon enough once I get a new contract, it all starts from new on Friday anyway. Hoping to get a new contract sorted before then anyway.
Riding started well, she was really bustling along and then switched off completely, Pony club kicks and smacks with the stick didn't encourage her at all, but made her throw her head up in protest.
I may try and put some poles up for her tomorrow, I know she's only ridden 4 times a week, but she's a baby and all its been is schooling as I can't hack in the dark, she's had a week off but is probably bored of the school.
Not that I'm convinced I'd be allowed to hack her out....

Well tomorrow's the big day! Who know's what'll happen! At least I think I know what will happen, the big question is whether I'll get the hoped for money or whether I'll have to wait a bit longer.
OMG. The cutest thing on the penguin programme. Tallest Emperor chick standing up to the naughty chick-eating Petrol, stretching himself up tall and holding his wings/flippers out to protect the others behind him.
And then an Adelie penguin rocks up to the rescue.
I love penguins!

So. On behalf of the Mother coming home today, I super cleaned the kitchen, including the work tops and dining table (which hasn't been done since she was away in the Summer). I washed all the clothes, mopped the floor.
I then blitzed the living room, again cleaning all of the crap from the coffee table, making it so we have two usable sofas rather than one. I took all of The Brat's dirty socks out, and his plates and cups and hoovered and then I went upstairs and cleaned the bathroom.
It took me two hours to do. Did anyone notice and did I get any thanks when she got home. No. But! On the other hand KFC was purchased, so it all evens out I guess.
Watched the Chelsea - Citeh game and then the cup final - silently cheering on Bradford. Hopefully I'll be off to Wembley when Welshy gets back as his team has qualified for the FA trophy, so glory hunting ahoy!

I did a little tidying in my room but wasn't really in the mood after all the cleaning I've done elsewhere but it desperately needs doing.

I wrote a little today too, rather enjoyable. I've not written anything properly (unless you count this and a few half hearted essays for that equine course I did last year) since my first year at the NMM when I wrote a rather ridiculous murder mystery story in the QH.
I used to create stories in my head but I kinda miss having the imagination to do that and the time actually. When I was younger, lonely and friendless, I made up so many stories! Hundreds and thousands! In primary school and secondary, walking the playing fields endlessly in my head, creating undoubtedly dreadful versions of Lassie Come Home or something else. I don't remember feeling lonely then. I had my stories to keep me entertained. I remember laughing at something I'd created in my head and thinking "well if I can amuse myself, then who needs friends?"
Poor lonely little Charby!
I wish I had the time and imagination to do so again, and the skill. I realised I didn't have the talent to be an author so it kinda died a little.
The last stories died inside me a few years ago, but I enjoyed revisiting that game again today.

I so wanted a drink on Thursday but then when Friday rocked up I just didn't fancy it and today its so, so, so, so cold I really don't want to go to football. I have so many layers on its tricky to do my jeans up and my feet hurt in trainers as my toes are so crumpled!
There was a little snow flurry this morn which raised my hopes but its gone again now. It didn't settle either. So annoyed. It was lovely at the start of this week I thought I'd be able to go get some plants for Geronimo and get them in the ground. Now I think its too cold for that and possibly too early for pansies

 *makes mental note to google later*

I want to go out and get pissed tomorrow. Sudden urge! Will make do with being good.
There was a mouse in my office today. Never in your life would you have seen such a drama! Everyone on their chairs screaming.
I'm so used to seeing them at the yard and in my aviary, I wasn't fussed at all, and had to go searching for it. And then I had to search everyone's handbags in case it had got in there. Despite me saying I'd seen it disappear under the floorboards.
It came back an hour or so later and I helped catch it so it could be taken outside.
Ridiculous!

Mother has disappeared for a few days hurrah! I feel its def time from a break from her. And then next Sat I'll be away and not long after that she'll be away for Easter.
TBF she did bring home Churros and Chinese sponge cakes home yesterday.

So yeah. No pony today or Thursday as I can't be trusted to be there unsupervised. Apparently.
Never mind, could do with saving pennies.

Anyway. Got on tube and the scruffy, dreadlocked guy smiled at me and I smiled back and pulled out my book. I'm currently reading a book I picked up on the free book stand this morning at Stratford. Its Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway, I'm trying to get into him because of the Spanish and Pamplona connections.
This is about his experiences in an Italian ambulance unit in WW1.
"Huh." Dreadlocks said. "I figured you're too pretty to be reading that?"
I put my book down. "What do you mean?" Not sure if I should take that as a compliment or insult.
"Well. Figured you'd be a 50 shades of Grey girl."
Definitely an insult then!

Another day, another critisism from The Mother about how little I do to help. And fuck it, I wish it didn't have the power to hurt as much as it does still. How much I realise I just pathetically want her to like me, to like her.
I tried to write a letter to her one friend today, because I can no longer have the strength to deal with it. It turned into a rant.

Dear J.

I don’t know if I’ll have the courage to send this. I know I’m not brave enough to talk or speak about this. I feel like some pathetic 14 year old brat rather than a grown woman who will be 30 this year. But I need to speak to someone and I don’t know who else would do.

My mother needs help. Do not worry, it is not financial or physical or anything like that, but I am genuinely concerned and I no longer have the strength to deal with this myself.

It is so difficult to know where to begin, I feel like it’s been happening forever and I think it has. I have spent my whole life trying to help and please her and I haven’t.

It is very difficult to grow up when you have a brother like Brat, my mother likes to talk – I’m sure you’ve heard – of how everyone in Kidbrooke Park knew him, and I passed silently under the radar, how I would be summoned away when doctors and specialists came, how he was made to feel extra special when he went to Greenacres. And it is especially hard when you’re still of school age and you hear your mother talk about how if she had had him first she would never had, had a second. Now I am old enough to realise how she means that his problems took up so much of her time, how she had to fight for him, but then when I was a child I believed it meant she didn’t care much for me.

Always, always Brat. My grandparents. My dad’s family, they would bring him presents all the time. I remember, in the flat we lived in a long time ago, in our old house and always being told that “Oh they’ll bring you something next week” and then I don’t remember if I was told to stop asking or I learnt that it was pointless to ask.

Always, always Brat,. Always made to feel second best to him. I could list many examples from growing up and I do genuinely believe she doesn’t realise how she made me feel.

Going on to secondary school, I was bullied too. I just never made a fuss about it as Brat did. I accepted the kicks, the stealing of my possessions, the endless, relentless name calling and mental torture. I could deal with it, It was my fault for being different. I knew that, for loving animals, for not having friends, for not knowing how to interact with people. Socially awkward. But Brat was fragile. IS fragile. He needs looking after, must be defended.

The one day, not long after we moved here. The one time I ever tried to explain how miserable I was. I was helping to paint my room. My Dad was preparing to go out. It was a Saturday during the summer. The first of my a-levels. I was wearing a blue tshirt and jeans. Stupid the way it is fixed on my memory.

“Oh, stop complaining. Your life is worthless anyway.”

Do you believe my mother said anything like that? Do you think perhaps I mis-interpreted something?

I wrote it in my diary once the tears had stopped. So hard to hear something like that from my own Mum.

I have tried so hard to please her, to please my dad, and it is so confusing for me. Sometimes to try and befriend her I would go with her to your house. To Sharon’s house. To try and talk to her, to understand more about what made her tick. And I would go because I had no friends except my books.

I know they are proud that I went to uni. At least I think they are. I remember sitting in our car outside my Grandparent’s house and my mother trying to talk me out of going to university.

I was desperate to go. I was so miserable. I don’t think anyone knows how miserable I was, how difficult I found it to get up in the mornings, how I dreaded going to school but yet I dreaded weekends. How I couldn’t sleep, how I couldn’t concentrate. How the teachers in my 6^th form mocked me openly, to get cheap giggles from the rest of the class, to appear “cool”. The classes I skipped when I simply couldn’t bear it any more.

And then at home. I was doing the washing and cleaning for everyone, I hoovered, I cleaned the bath, I folded socks and cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen. And it hurts as I do this all today, for her. And he does nothing. He leaves his plates lying about and I am told it is my responsibility to tidy after him.

I am expected to clean and cook for him when she is not there and if I do not do as he says, how he will lash out at me, hitting, punching, kicking and screaming.

All this when I was 16/17. All this going back years. Always, looking after Brat, because it is not fair that he is not like normal people. That he needs help.

Irrelevant.

Dad was getting sick as we know. I would face all this and then walk home. Slowly. Always slowly and I would wonder what I would do if he was not up when I got home. Who I would call first. Mother? An ambulance? You? His parents?

Sometimes I would creep into his room and watch to see if he was still breathing.

Perhaps it’s not unsurprising that I failed my a-levels. I could, should have worked harder, but I am weak. I crumbled under it all, I tried to look after him, I tried to look after her, I tried to look after Brat, I had his paper round to do while he was at school and wanted to save for a Playstation and I let my own studies suffer.

 So she tried to talk me out of going, perhaps reasonably after my a-level results. But I was determined to go! To make a life for myself, to be able to go out without someone asking where I was going, who I was going with. To be normal and make friends.

And I went, and I was so happy. I made friends! I went out! And yet I was not free, called every morning, afternoon and evening. The panic when I accidently unplugged my phone, the way the housekeeper came to find me laughing with it all, saying they were coming to Derby. To look in hospitals after 24 hrs with no contact, how they had called the police. 18 years old, living 100+ miles away and yet still as if I was at home and had gone out without telling them.

So confusing. On one hand she smothers me, even now. Needing to know what I am doing at al hours. Who I am with. When I will be going home. On the other hand sarky comments about how useless I am. If I was failing my classes. And the comments that still hurt nowadays.

Counting down the days until I could go back to Derby and be me again.

I was offered a job you know, when I went back that last time. After we found out about Dad. And I knew I could not take it.

So I went home and I helped look after Dad, I helped look after Brat, I helped look after the house  and I helped look after Mum. Or at least I thought I was. Instead there was more guilt. Guilt that I wasn’t doing enough, guilt that she lashed out at me because she was angry and frightened and I have always been there when she needs someone to be cross with. I would fold the clothes wrong, I would forget to hoover or wipe the sides down. I would go out occasionally and she could not go out. And she would shout and tell me how useless I was and I would silently agree.

How many times I cried? How many times in that year did I silently promise to be a better daughter, to help more. I left my friends, the boy I was seeing, the chance – the only real chance I’ve had of doing a job I’d love, to help out, to be there for everyone and instead I was hindering, messing that up as well.

I did the things Brat should have done, but Brat needed looking after too. He couldn’t/wouldn’t sit with Dad, wouldn’t take him out in the wheelchair. I wasn’t physically strong enough! The times I nearly knocked him out off it! I would ask and he would grunt and go out.

His rage grew, to the moody and sullen person he is today. He is someone else who needs help.

I fretted in those nights about what would happen when he died, how on Earth I could look after everyone, the way Dad asked me too.

And when it did, it was me who sat with Mother and Dad’s body. It was me who helped organise the funeral, it was me who did the calling when Mother felt unable.

And at the funeral. I always find it strange looking back, how surreal it was, The boy in tears, Mother needed me but I didn’t know what to say, so I linked arms with her.

I looked after her. She says we both did, but he never. He never discussed anything with her, never sat with her. It was me, me and my stupid need to be liked by her.

And then she went into hospital and it was me who re-arranged shifts to see her, me who struggled down to Sainsbury’s on the bus and back again to do the shopping (the one time he took me in the car, he threw a strop and left me to pay for 50 pounds worth of shopping alone and take it home).

I have always put her first, I have turned down nights out for her, Welshy – bless him, realises that I need to make her happy, before I make him happy, that I had to hide him from her for a year, how when I told her about him, she refused to have anything to do with him. To meet him. All the snide comments and awful things, about how I’d rather have sex than go out to Lakeside with her, how I’d rather spend time with him than her, how she feels unwanted now I have him, but I need him. He makes me feel normal, he does not put judgement or make me feel guilt like she does.

 I have done things that I really do not want to do for her. I still cook, and clean and tidy for her. And he does nothing. And this is what really hurts J. Because I hear her. I hear her talking to you, to Debbie, to B and B about how wonderful Brat is, how much he is looking after her. Or alternatively how we do nothing to help. And I wish it didn’t hurt but it does. I still run around taking her to places, inviting her out, spending my money on things that she’d like, that I have no interest in, going on holiday with her, because she makes/made me feel guilt that she has no one to take out.

And I still cry, because I cannot make her happy. She comments on Facebook about how she is having meals for one because I have gone out, she tells me that if I moved out she cannot afford to live here, that she’d have to sell Dad’s house, that she’d need to take a second job, get a lodger in.

So much guilt for wanting to be normal. I am the only one of my friends who is still living at home at the age of 29. I have guilt because I want to go away and never, ever speak to her again. Guilt because I cannot do that. Because she has no one else. Because she needs me to be cross about, to scream and shout at. To tell me I’m useless, to throw my clothes into the garden because I’ve failed to fold up her clothes as she particularly wants them.

And The Boy. The boy does not pay as much rent as I do, as he has a car to run, despite earning more than I do. I gave her money for the leccy bill and he never as he had to buy a new bike for some reason.

But yet, he is the one she talks about on Facebook, how he gave her some money to get a new boiler, I gave her over a thousand pounds for that and the only reason I couldn’t give more, was because it was locked in an ISA. And why should I have to justify it?

It is always Brat she talks about, how he looked after her. How he still looks after her. He can barely sit in the same room as her, he does not eat with his knife and fork, if he lowers himself to eat with us. He has the manners of a pig, but it is acceptable and it is because he is Brat and this should not turn into a rant against him. I want to portray things at home fairly. It is not his fault, he is not like normal people and he needs to be looked after, it is not his fault that he is always angry because he cannot get a job he would like, and because he too, is still not recovered from Dad. I need, must, remember this and be tolerant. But it is OH, oh so hard when he hurts me, and when he rather childishly covered all the plates, and bowls and kitchen surfaces in tomato ketchup last summer because I did not clean up his dinner plate from the night before. That was my fault and I will try to be a better sister and not anger him.

I realised a long time ago that my Mother is ill. She needs help, she needs counselling in some way, I am oh so tired of trying to make her happy, and so tired of the guilt when I fail (as recently as New Year’s Day when I chose to go to football instead of sit at home, in silence with her).

And I wish it didn’t hurt so much when she tells people how useless I am, how in her moments of judgement she deems me as bad as Brat, how I do nothing to help about the house. I could, I should do more and perhaps you will read this and agree with her, and this is why I may never send this, because I am too afraid you will say it is the ramblings of a spoilt brat – as she often accuses me – that I need to be more tolerant and patient with her, that she has been through a lot.

But surely I am right to be angry when she goes through the possessions in my room, how she helps herself to my clothes, how she’ll even sleep in my room during the day. Again she does not realise that I am 30 and surely entitled to a little bit of space? I get cross how she talks to me as if I was one of her children at nursery, I – as awful as it is – couldn’t care less about who has been awful to her, what kid did what. But I smile and feign interest and then watch some godawful TV with her, just so she is not alone. Because she has been through a lot and needs looking after.

I have been through a lot too J.

I feel better for having written this, perhaps I needed to get it out of my system and realise it is me and that I need to be a better human, to be more tolerant but I genuinely think she is ill and she needs help of some sort.

I woke up today and it was beautiful out! Clear blue skies and fluffy small clouds. The kinda day that makes you seek adventure. So what did I do?
Well........ Nothing. But its ok, I watched the two FA cup games, I napped, I played online. And now I'm getting ready again to go back to work.
Just counting down the time really... I feel more than ever that I'm on a waiting game. And that I want to stay at work but am prepared for every eventuality.

Gah. I so need to get out more. Just sat and read a 22 page thread on who is the worst sibling in Game of Thrones - now I am unashamedly geeky about the books but really Charby? On a Saturday night, you have nowt better to do than read that?
I saw H3 as we'll christen her today, had a couple of drinks in the King's Arms and then pottered in the park seeking the parrots and deer, and playing with squirrels, I do so love Greenwich Park.
A nice peaceful day.
Mother is away from Wednesday until Sunday. Not too sure what I'll do with my time off! I feel like this is an excuse for an adventure, except of course I have football on Saturday and work the rest of the time so no real adventures can be had.
Just two weeks till my holiday and seeing Welshy. Just 10 days until I learn my fate at work.

TP and TJ have split up! Its unthinkable. I guess it shows how I still think of people from 10 years back, as I haven't seen them for ages.
But still. 30 years together and now TJ is in Scotland again and TP in Derbyshire. I don't understand it. Can they afford to live apart? (I guess I am thinking about London prices).
They will be alone! They have few friends, they've never needed other friends! They've had each other. I just don't get it. I wonder (being cynical) if there was more to it.

H (I realised I never gave her an initial!) is going to be down tomorrow. I can find out if she knows any more.

What else is new? I have to give Mother another 100 pounds to help pay the electric bill. I pay minimal rent so why does this irritate me? I'm just too tight, but I'll have given her 550 by the end of this month (400 of this has gone to my rent Jan and Feb - see told you I was being tight!)
I get annoyed as the money I give her for that instantly gets put away for her holidays. I don't begrudge her escapism but... I dunno. Tight.
Its annoying in another one as I'm struggling to get my money sorted as I've mentioned. I can't somehow seem to get my savings over the 500 mark in my normal account, 405 in there today and 100 going to Mum and then 100 to clear my holiday moneys and then rent at the end of Feb which is my weekly wage and then whatever for riding and then holiday spends.
Once this month is over, I shall cut down! I'm hoping that my wage goes up (bizarrely I got paid an extra 20 quid the last two weeks - again being greedy I assumed that this was the wage that I'll be going up to and was disappointed). Another twenty quid a month means I can raise the amount I put aside every week to 40 quid, so its all good. I must keep telling myself that and not get disappointed if that turns out to be the case.

Bah tired.
My alarm isn't going off properly any more, just beeping like when I get a text, is a bit worrying.
Riding wasn't a success today. She just wasn't in the mood, if it was light out I'd have just hacked but don't have that option in the dark. God it seems like its been wet and muddy for ages! Even back in the last october-y days of Sunny Pony it was rainy and muddy then.
Bidding on a pair of stirrups. Strange new Pony Owner has brought me a second hand saddle, well its second hand for her pony but i'll be the only one using it, the kids have their own smaller one.
Needs stirrups though, so thought I'd give it a go (wish I'd kept the ones I gave away in the summer now!) not 100% sure of my stirrup size. Hoping 4 1/2 inches will be big enough. TBF they will cost me under a tenner if I win!
Never had flexi stirrups before, they have wee hinges at the base rather than being fixed like normal stirrups, so should give a bit more cushioning to my joints and should help keep my feet in the right position.
We'll see. If I don't win them, then I think I may go crazy and buy the beautiful bright metallic blue ones featured in the Robinsons Equestrian sale at the moment.
(and yes I realise the irony of this when my last post was about saving money!)

There is definitely a cold draft in my room. I can feel it...
So. Tuesday went well, got to the yard by half past, got told I'm now mucking out on both days... I don't mind really, just a bit sad when I feel so rushed.
Saved money as my lesson was cancelled - Whee! Although I was looking forward to it, anyway my ride went really well, pony is getting a lot fitter and I know where to push her now, although still a bit of a work in progress.
Anyway she's not going to be there tomorrow so maybe i'll be able to get everything done a bit quicker, not sure what she'll do before I get there. Feeds and hay would be good.
8 days till I find out with work. Its good having 4 people here now, I feel like things are getting done unlike before when it was a kinda losing battle to keep our heads above water (we were clearly failing)
I gotta start sorting my finances out. I am saving a little which is good but I simply seem to be hovering around the 200-400 mark in my usual account. Its good compared to 6 months ago (!) but I need more pennies! Never satisfied!
Need to get a bit more strict with myself I think, work out what I can cut down (obvious answer is NewPony but we won't go there!)
I need to pay off the money I used on my credit card to pay for my upcoming adventure, might do that this week with my wages. Stupid short February, will have to pay Mum some money in two weeks.
Ah well, back to playing silly farts online.

Watching a programme about penguins. EVERYONE loves penguins!
Horrid, yucky, rainy and snowy day. Will the weather ever improve? Its enough to put you in a right depressed mood. Mothers in one of her funny moods again. Abusing me cos she doesn't know how to use the skyplus remote. Cross with me because I was cross that she's taken my nice warm thermal socks to work.
Actually its wrong of me to be grumpy about that. Not her fault that she brought her own thermal socks and they don't fit under her shoes.
Still annoyed though as her feet are bigger than mine and when she's wearing them, my thick winter tights and another pair of socks, they'll be even more stretched than they are getting now.

Glumpy mood isn't improved when I think about how much riding is costing me and how little i'm saving now. And it's her birthday tomorrow so I need to give her some money to put towards her holidays.
Kinda hoping the arena isn't fit for riding.

Welshy doesn't want to come home to this. Can't blame him. We can't afford to move out though and should I really be thinking about getting my own pony when it means keeping us here? Selfish of me. Should dismiss the idea completely and concentrate on getting out of here.

Lovely, lazy weekend, just what I wanted. Chinese with Mother on Friday, and then yesterday off to football - once again we snatched a draw from the jaws of victory - Poor Kermogant looked well fucked off at the end. Glad I wasn't a player, they were disgustingly filthy and the pitch is a mess!
Awful weather!
Then off into Greeny with some of the N.M.M.C.A.S.C and met up with some friends from the museum, drank a lot, did a little dancing, educated people into strawpedo-ing and eventually got home a little after half 12, made vague plans to do it again soon.
Today - laid in bed for ages, just played online, read my latest H&R magazine and ordered a head torch off of Amazon - hopefully won't need to use it much now the days are getting noticeably longer but it'll do for next year as well, if, as I suspect I'll either be at that yard or possibly another one that's down a dark lane.
Only 16 days till I learn my fate at work and only 20 days till my holiday!

Yeah! Lunged yesterday, its all so complicated 30m rope, 6ft whip and a fiesty pony at the other end! Tiring though.
Got a contract at work! Sadly just the one I should have had when I started! Learnt that I can have 20 days leave dec-jan so plenty to get though!
Just to find out if my inter-railing adventure counts as part of it. Will be sad if it does as I have already planned three weeks of adventures! 22 days till I go and 19 work days till I find out whether I have a job or not!
So looking forward to this weekend, had a lovely lazy evening eating Chinese and my bath and a new book and a bottle of bacardi breezer. Football tomorrow and out with the Museum gang which I am also very much looking forward too and a lazy Sunday, might tidy my room a little, might read my new horsey magazine which I have been saving for such a day.
Yay for lie-ins!

Yay. New Pony owner had to leave early yesterday so I got to faff at my own speed and not feel rushed or pressured into anything.
I want to do polework with the pony but I don't feel like I can as she'll be constantly in a rush to get things done and to move on tomorrow, I don't mind. I'm grateful for the lift down that scary lane but tbh I'd rather do the walk than this kinda rushing and snide comments.
Did some more researching about the best way to get there rather than the 2hr trek I do at the moment. Sure she told me I couldn't get there from Chislehurst station but apparently I can and will save me time as well...
We'll try it tomorrow and see!
Work is still mega busy. I've expressed to KOM my sudden and new boss how I feel everything is kinda slacking as I work on repairing the damage with her. Sure unlike old boss she'll take it in.
Last of Africa tonight, enjoyed it and bless David Attenborough. How I hope I'm still fascinated by all animals and adventure the way he is at his age!

I seem incapable of lying in! Was up at twenty to nine, sat in bed though till close to 11 watching the news report on Richard 3rd. So fascinating!
Went and posted Welshy's brothers birthday present - only what? 4 weeks late? -  my bad. Couldn't find any wrapping paper either! Still... At least he's finally gonna get it!!
Collected the last of my Song of Ice and Fire books to read. Might put off starting it for a bit as much as I'm longing to get cracking, Welshy's left two books here so might sit and read them first.
Plus longer I put it off, closer it'll be to the next book coming out? Hah! Think there's been something like 15 years between book 1 and the one I have now so who knows? Makes my fevered wait for the Harry Potter books seem like they came out all really close together!
Set up a new ISA as well too. Gotta start replacing the money I had to spend, especially if I want to buy a pony in the Autumn!
Did a little weeding for Geronimo, must remember to have a look for pansies for him to plant soon.
Had a 2hr nap - nap intended - certainly not for that length of time though!

Back to work tomorrow and my Graze box will arrive. Secretly very excited about testing this, then pony in the evening.
Planning to meet with some of my chums from the NMM over the weekend which'd be cool :)

Woke up at 8.30 today. WTF. Ended up going to Granddad's and then got to Bluewater for 9.30. Except Sunday opening means shops don't start till 11. Big Win there.
Met a girl I knew from the stables a long time back and her mum. Very jealous for her, she's off to work on a Super Yacht! All that travelling. Lucky beast.
Got home and suddenly crashed. Napped for 2 hours, then just chilled watching the football. Busy updating my plan for horse budget now. I really dislike how it seems to be such a long day. Well over an hour home, well over an hour to get there from work.
Hadlow college is def closest option but no idea if they have private livery facilities or if I can afford it... Have heard rumours of 3k a year bills

Yawn, yawn, yawn. Going in today wasn't too bad. I caught up with some of the work that I'd not been able to do during the week. And then I swapped over and worked on the Big List while the other girl got on with the work she hadn't been able to do.
We had KFC, I ordered a Graze box to try. I was happy listening to Rock and Roll football harking back to my uni days until the other two girls decided they didn't want to listen to that any more so it went back to Heart playing the same 6 songs all day long. I prefer so much more the Virgin No Repeat workday.
And Rock and Roll Football.
But it passed by pleasantly enough. And now I have Sunday and Monday to myself.

So yesterday was pretty bad. I had such a stress headache!
The monthly NMC pin checks had to be done and as I suspected for a long time no one's ever thought to update it. So I set about it.
I came up with 60 confirmed names from those who had worked the last 6 weeks and then set about the task of tracking down their pin numbers and investigating if they were still registered, failed, lapsed etc.
Not an easy job when some of them didn't have pin numbers logged on the system so I had to hunt through their paper files - Oh and some of them didn't have it recorded on their paper files!
It was 4 hours of absolute frustration.
Then it was the usual race to the yard to get the comment of how she doesnt like the horses to be fed in this late. Not sure really what she expects me to do. I get there at 6.30 straight from leaving work at 5. I cannot get there any earlier!!
Anyway, had a lunging lesson which was interesting. Definately more practise needed I think.
Today I agreed to be a hero and go in tomorrow to try and help get a head start on what needs to be done.
Wishing I hadn't. But. Makes me look good, I get paid time and a half and Monday off for doing so.
Welshy has finished his first week! Just 4 to go till I have my epic week of adventures with him!

Wow.... Been a crazy 48 hours at work.My boss got sacked "with immediate effect" That leaves me second most experienced member of staff. Behind a girl who's been there three months longer than me. .
We had an internal audit of 10 staff... All of whom failed. Drastically. Enough to get us shut down immediately. Not sure how much of it was my bosses fault as he'd only been there since April and until I rocked up there was only two members of staff working on 903 candidates and the consultants are bastards for sending people to work before they are full 100% legal. So maybe he was the fall guy. Hopefully its made them realise what they need to do now to support us. Me. The other girl and the two new temps. One of whom started Monday.
So its a mental case of damage limitation now. I could build a decent sized fort out of the pile of the files in front of me.
I'd just started to feel at ease with what I was doing. I could work through it slowly and in a week. Now everything's turned on its head and I feel swamped and overwhelmed again. Like the wee dung beetle on Africa at the moment I'm pushing a dungball up a sand dune. Backwards.
I am feeling quite sorry for it at the moment! It keeps falling back down!
On to riding.
Lovely, lovely session yesterday. Was amazingly hard work and she bogged off with me twice but we got bend. We got her off the forehand and into a baby outline, all very good things. She complimented me on my "quiet seat and soft hands"
Going to learn to lunge tomorrow which'll be interesting should I survive another crazy day!

Urgh. This lady who owns newpony is seriously doing my head in.
She wants me to have a lesson with her instructor. Fine I say, I have no problem with that. Its good to have lessons. I want them anyway.
So she booked it for 6.30. I cannot get there earlier than that unless I leave work at 4.45. So I'll arrive at 6.30, change and get the pony ready (at least 15 minutes) and then be late. Unless I can get a cab... More expense.... I pointed this out to her and got a bit of a lecture about how I knew it was a way away and she can't change the time because she has to go see her child.
Sigh. At least I got warned this time. Last Tuesday I only found out there was a lesson on my way to the yard when there was no chance to go to a cashpoint to pay for it. Lucky she was texting me to tell me it was cancelled!
I've been looking into the possibility of keeping a horse at the new college yard in Shooters Hill. Unfortunately I don't think that's a possibility. They want the horse to be used every day in the lessons and limited turn out. Big problem is that they want large horses that are weight carriers. Minimum of 8 inches taller than Idiotpony and Newpony. Too tall for a Charby. Well I could kinda get away with it if they didn't want weight carriers.
Sigh. Am still hoping for the chance of private livery though. I think that'd be very expensive 3k a year? But if I looked into it properly and it covers hay and feed and bedding it may work out cheaper than a cheaper yard and buying my own of the above?
Still all just pipe dreams for now....

So that's Welshy gone again at 2am this morning. Already looking forward to 5 weeks time to see him and our week of adventure! (all sorted now bar buying train from Krakow to Prague)
Its been a busy old week. Tuesday I was at the yard, I got to finish at 4 which was good cos I got there at a reasonable time, shame it was too icy to ride.
Wednesday me and Welshy went to see Django Unchained. I do like Quentin Tarentino films - mostly. We won't talk about Kill Bill or Inglorious Bastards.
Thursday I went to give blood, Mum changed my appointment to 6.50 cos she didn't know at the time when I'd get there after work. I got there at 6.10 - Ooops. And they were running 30 minutes late. Couldn't leave in case they called me so sat there for the longest time reading "Gurgle - The magazine for Modern Mums."
Friday was Welshy's leaving do/birthday drinks, so cocktails with his friends in Farrendon weatherspoons and a nice meal in a nice restaurant and then off to a strip club.
Got home about 2.40, so spent most of yesterday tired and at football.
Granddad got himself admitted to hospital yesterday and Mum was there till late and went first thing this morning. She's just got back so I should go see what's what there.
Just sat up in my room at the moment watching Murray in the open. The sun is warm (for late Jan) so I have an open window and I feel rather content. Like a sunbathing cat at the moment.

Got to finish at 4 today! Hurrah for leaving work in the light! Got to the yard at a sensible time. Didn't get to ride though unfortunately :( Ground is frozen and slippy for horses too! Got to try my new torch out on the dark creepy lanes so that was fab and works well.
Had reasonably good day, got a lot done at work. A new girl has started who seems nice. I remember how overwhelmed I was with it all (still am tbh) so am trying to help her out as much as possible.
Welshy goes on Sunday morning, that'll be sad, but I'm looking forward to his night out Friday, maybe we'll go to the cinema tomorrow

Some of my booking is done! Flight to Budapest, two nights there. Sleeper train to Krakow and hostel there booked. Few problems booking sleeper from Krakow to Prague but hopefully I can call up the Rail Europe people tomorrow and get that done there. :)
Very excited.So far its cost me about 140 quid, hopefully I can get it all sorted for less than 200 as all I need is the sleeper to Prague, a hotel there and a flight home. Actually having considered this I've discovered flights home from Prague was 73 quid so that's that budget blown! Still adventures don't come along often so  it'll be worth it.
Snowed all day today, only light looking but its certainly settled. Shame it couldn't have happened a few days before. Not sure how it'll be getting to work. Or riding on Tuesday come to think of that....

So no 5 inch snow still. Grass is still poking out of the top of it all. Pitiful. Apparently tomorrow is the day when we'll get it. Rest of country seems knee deep. Course London has one inch and ground to a complete halt!
Had a lovely, lazy day. Was so cold downstairs I've spent most of it huddled under my duvet hugging my human hot water bottle. Had disturbing dream that I fell on Bad Leg and had it amputated.
Having small self imposed FaceBook break at the moment but once I'm back I'll upload my pictures of it here!
Been doing some homework about mini-inter-railing. Seeing as The Welsh One is off next week for five weeks before getting a week off, hopefully we'll go to Budapest, Krakow and Prague in a week, I've never got a sleeper train before. All very exciting, Welshy is out with friends at the moment but hopefully tomorrow we can book some shit up now I've got prices and times of trains and shit. Will be pretty expensive. Probably same as what I would have spent in India for two weeks but this will be just as much fun and three new countries compared to one I've already been too is loads better!!!!
And then back to saving, saving, saving. Saving for South Africa, saving to replace the savings I've lost. Saving to perhaps look into getting a pony of my own. We'll see.

Snow, snow, snow. Its been fairly light but consistant and settling. Welshy is out with friends, I'm glad I decided not to join him, it was already icing up when I left work at 4pm and I have no wish to make my already fucked leg worse by falling on black ice.
The way people have been kicking off, I was expecting the same as a few years ago, when it was so deep it was indistinguishable from road to pavement. This is barely an inch, I expect it to be at least 6 inches deep by the morn or I shall sulk.

Rode last night. Not sure if I like the lady that owns the pony I ride now, not only is she slightly patronising I get the feeling she feels put out to have to take me to and from the yard, although I've stressed I don't need it. Yes its intimidating but I've brought a headlamp and should I figure out how to use it, all will be well.
She sent me a text this afternoon telling me she needs to be able to leave the yard by 8.30 at the latest on Thursdays and I should have considered this when she told me about it being in the dark originally and ideally needing a car. If you thought like that, why didn't you politely say no thanks, you're not what we're looking for at the time?
I had a nice little session with the pony, she's already getting more responsive, although I'm putting that down to the cold. Anyway Owner Lady rocks up and starts telling me the best way to canter the pony, I listened politely for a bit and then said that I'd got a few short nice canters from her. She asked to see. Should I be right to be a bit annoyed by that? I got the feeling she didn't believe me. I think she forgets that the pony is young and yes she can be lazy but small short canters are the best way to build up muscle and fitness and soon she'll get the hang of going around corners in canter, she struggles to get a good trot or walk bend so canter bend would obviously be out of the question... Hmmm. I miss Idiotpony and being left to get on with things my own way.
I hope its just us getting to know each other and soon she'll back off and not question my tacking up skills. And I long for the days to hurry up and get longer quicker so I can get up there without being reliant on her, Tuesday I will go on my own as I can finish work at 4pm so I can avoid that although the walk will still be in the dark!

They've taken TWO new people on for my department at work, I still feel like I'm on trial and now I'll be competiting against the two new people. We'll see. They gave me a weeks leave for when Welshy is away so we might go mini-interrailling. Prague, Krakow and Budapest are currently being touted. Lots more exciting that two weeks in India!

So very, very cold! Went for first proper schooling session on New Pony yesterday. I considered it satisfactorily. Working on bending correctly and straight lines. Owner whinged cos I never cantered her. She's a nice lady, little patronising, reminding me how to tack up and rug a horse correctly. I just gotta bite my tongue and get on with it I guess! Going to the yard is a little frustrating. Takes ages to get there on the bus, despite being 20 mins away from my house and its a 15 minute walk in rather intimidating pitch blackness. Ordered what looks like a decent head lamp and I figure if I take my rape alarm and keep that in one hand and a hoofpick in another, I should be ok? At least with the hoof pick I can do a bit of damage!
Talking of damage, my bruise is EPIC! Huge, black and red with green and blue edging. Today was the first day I can walk properly which is exciting!!!
My contract at work's been extended! Till end of Feb, so that's seven weeks at least of pennies!
Not sure I liked my department managers way of saying "oh I put my neck out for you." What does that mean? I should be doing more than I do? I struggle to not be swamped under it all as it is and yes I've made a few cock-ups but on the whole I think its going ok? Or at least I thought it did until then!

Developed the most amazing, HUGE vibrantly coloured bruise. EVER! And I can walk again! Albeit with a limp!

Went to try new pony. Lovely ride, bit of a cow on the ground. Something to work though! Am in a hellish amount of pain though, through a foolish, idiotic moment by me. I got kicked. By 500kg of horse wearing iron shoes.
Ow isn't even beginning to cover it. Considering myself very lucky to have been kicked on the top of my thigh rather than below my knee which would have shattered it, no question.
Co-codomol isn't kicking in though and it keeps buckling when I try and limp on it.
Stupid Horses. Stupid me for forgetting the most basic rule of horsemanship. And most annoyingly I don't even have a bruise to show for it.

Although!! New Pony worked out so I'll be doing that Tuesdays and Thursdays! Wheee!

So cold today! Its so gonna snow at some point! Football today which was good, first back to back wins this season, things moving in the right direction? Good debut by Callum Harriot though, how long since there's been stepovers at The Valley????
Still no idea whats happening at work. Starting to presume I'm staying. Will carry on waiting though! Welshy has his first five weeks lined up abroad, shame it seems too expensive to visit atm. Double the price it was for me to go in Sept! Guess its cos its ski-ing season!
Off to visit New Pony tomorrow. Hopefully will go well, I miss pony fun!

So yesterday would have been Dad's 54th birthday. And Mother wanted to celebrate, so we (except The Brat who made vague excuses as usual) went out for Italian and then to see Life of Pi, it was really good actually. The 3D went with the film perfectly and it was all pretty and coloured!

Turned so cold today! Wonder if there will be snow later this week? Wonder how I'd get to work if it was snowy?!

Another crazy day, I had made a huge cock-up so had to spend extra time rectifying this. I did get a well done for my fraught day yesterday. We had a big meeting that got a bit tense between my department and the consultant team.
First time EVER (since I've been) all my people attended their training and believe me some of these people have been a NIGHTMARE to get booked on (often calls once a week, people simply not attending or cancelling last minute) so we all got KFC Krush-em's to celebrate!
Yay!
I'd like to have a bit more of note to tell you about my weekdays, but tbh I'm mega busy at work and in the evening just crash. Hopefully will get a bit more interesting if Pony trial works out and if I'm kept on, then I can at least start working towards things like visiting Welshy, South Africa and most importantly, achieving one of the Big H targets I have for this year (Horse or House).

Mega busy day at work! One minute it was 10am and then 3pm and I'd not had a chance for lunch!
Good news :) Gotta interview to try a new pony chum on Sunday. Sounds exact same deal as I had for Idiotpony only this time I pay for the privilege!

Rather thankfully today went as a normal Sunday. No moping more than necessary, no unneeded reminders. I am rather glad for that. I miss him and wish he was about. But there we go, that's the way of the world and its time to move on.
Back to work tomorrow and one day closer to finding out my fate there and one day closer to Welshy going.

Went out with Welshy and friends last night, after work. Was their Cricket AGM, lots of drinking, he was unsurprisingly (no one else can be fucked) was voted captain again. Ended up in a expensive cocktail bar in shoreditch (9.30 for an apple martini?) Fuck me.
Such a lazy day today. Didn't wake up till late, dozed for a lot of it. Applied for a couple of jobs just in case nothing works out at work next week.
Learnt how to do filters on excel - surprisingly easy!
Tomorrow is Dad's anniversary. 7 years! A lifetime!

So. My Year of Adventure is already ended. No India for me. Welshy was offered a 8 week contract in Austria. So off he goes. Maybe I'll get to visit. Who knows.
Should find out end of next week if I'm being kept on or not.

Also as soon as I got home Mum started ranting about the lady next door. See The boy has had his car written off and has left it outside the lady next doors house for coming up to 7 months now? Definitely 6 months anyway.
It got clamped Christmas Eve, so He paid for it to be unclamped and then put it on the drive in front of the ladies garage (she is a non driver btw)
Anyway 9 days later she asked Mother if it was going to be there long and Mother thinks thats completely unreasonable. And I'm using my hatred against the boy as a feeble excuse to agree with the lady, who has had to put up with an abandoned car outside her house for 6 months, and now gotta put up with it blocking her garage access for another 6 months until it goes.
Imagine. Next door neighbour is SO UNREASONABLE!

Starting as I mean to go on today.
Went up to Watford to see the Addicks play THE most exciting game! 4-3 and with three disallowed goals (one for us, two for them) a penalty (for them) and other excitements!
Met a nutter on the way home who ranted about lesbians - despite being rather obviously gay - and then asked me "You go to football? You must be a man. Or one of those girls who like girls"

My mission to be nicer to Mum has already got me feeling guilty - This morning's facebook post from her was all about how 2013 hasn't changed anything from her, she's still sitting at home alone all day.

I don't know what to do to help her. I wish there was something I could..

Welshy is back! Yay!

Hey! You know what else? I realised I have stats to look at where people come from. Rather big in Russia for some reason. Since starting over 2860 views.
с Новым годом to you guys
and 550 from the Netherlands so Gelukkig Nieuwjaar to you guys too.

(Hope Google translate hasn't let me down there)

I'm gonna put my new year resolutions on here, as it seemed to help me remember everything I wanted to try and achieve before the 30.

So:

1. Be a nicer person, stop getting ratty with the Mother and remember to be patient with her. Likewise I need to stop taking my rage and general misery out on Welshy, this includes random assaults when he's asleep and I'm angry. Counting to 10 is always good.
2. Try and concentrate a little harder at work. I'm so overwhelmed with it, I need to take a few more minutes out of my day and think about what I'm doing. Make a list if I need too.
3. Travel more. - Starting with tomorrow's trip to watch the Addicks play Watford! Haha!
4. Consider doing the Spic properly, aiming to sit a qualification.
5. Save. I need to replace the money I spent whilst unemployed.
6. Buy my horse!
7. Keep this a little more up to date!
8. keep a list of all that I read. Just to see what I get though in a year.

These are all rather boring........

7. Drink more and dance more!

Happy New Year all. 

Maybe I'll do my end of year round up now! Just for shits and giggles like!

Crazy old year, started in Spain, ended back in London (Will I ever go for good?) I miss my random adventures. Those crazy drunken nights. The odd fiestas. The cold. The Apocalypse days. The horse friends I made, my toddler boys I taught. But I don't miss the other lessons. I don't miss the man who pretty much sexually assualted me on the road to Calahorra. I don't miss the endless arguments me and Welshy had. The way he had me feeling so miserable. Wondering if we were ending our relationship. I learnt a lot out there. I learnt that we couldn't live in each others pockets. I always guessed this. We're too different. We wind each other up. We need our own space, our own friends, to be separate from each other.
I genuinely thought we'd break up.
Maybe one day I'll add some of the adventures we had out there to fit in the gaps when I didn't blog. I'm lazy. I probably won't.

So we came home. And the novelty of being home quickly went, I need to work, I learnt. To not work takes  stuff away from me. The Mother and boy telling me I shouldn't have left the museum. The bastard who prevented me returning. The job centre who refused to help, destroyed me, made me use my life savings just to keep going. The utter, utter misery and black heavy depression. All bad points.

But! Good points! Sunny Pony. Learning how to trust each other and hack out. Learning to read him and what I could take from him, how far I could push him. I miss my little pony. Going to Lisbon! Such a pretty city! Getting to go to Austria and fulfilling a life long dream to visit the Spanish Riding School.
And another life long dream realised! The Olympics! Ever since Barca '92 when I was 8 I've loved and dreamed of going and it was good to be unemployed during those two weeks. And being there all throughout the 3 day event. Cheering us on to Silver medal. I'll never forget it!

And my new job. I spend a lot of the time virtually overwhelmed with it all, my tasks sometimes threatening to overflow my mind, not knowing where to start. Its still a learning curve. But unlike any other job I've ever had my days go quickly, I don't have time to be bored. Don't have time to cause mischief.

Tomorrow is NYE.  I won't be celebrating as ever. Its been a strange old year. I'm very excited about next year. Life changed during 2011. Continued changing though 2012. I have plans about what I want to happen in 2013. Patience will show if they happen or not. I want to go back to India, I want to go to South Africa for my 30th Birthday. I want to buy a horse and I want to move out. I doubt all those things will happen (most likely the moving out going by track record!) But we'll see how it all plays out!

Football was cold and wet yesterday. Yuck.

Back to work tomorrow! Seems silly to be back for one day but ah well. Good to ease myself back gently into it I guess.
Meeting Lovely in Greeny after work though which'll be fab. Felt a bit meh today. Last night I had a brief Reed search for my new job role and saw it for ridiculous sums - I'm talking 40k yearly upwards. Quick look and it seemed the same thing I do. Looked today and not really sure my skills'd be transferable after all. Tax and medical are rather different.
Updated all my details though and got a call for a potential interview. I explained my circumstances and they said they may get back in touch in the new year.
Next week I really need to put the brave pants on and find out where I stand. Either so I can start looking for new shit or book leave!
Don't know why I feel so meh today. Back to work blues I guess. Got three people coming in one after the other to register and I gotta find this womans paperwork to send back to her and I have an awful feeling I've lost it somewhere. Blagged it by saying I stuck it in the post so passing buck to Royal Mail and Christmas Rush but really have to get on with tracking it down tomorrow! She came across quite scary too! Not the sort I want to mess with!

Read some of my old christmas posts today. Ha. There was on from the early days, saying how I wanted to visit Las Vegas, New York, Goa. Little did I imagine that I'd actually go to these places! Be planning a small return trip to Goa in the New Year all being well. Life has a funny way of working out! I'm glad I have this to record (no matter how irregular) my thoughts and wishes. Its good therapy. And a good way of keeping hold of memories and thoughts.
The New Year is rapidly approaching and with it my 30th birthday.
I set myself challenges in August 2009.

1 - To either have my own place or be living away from home. - I'm starting to accept this may never happen. Houses prices and even rent are now largely outside my affordabilities. I've tried three times to leave home for good and its never worked out. There's still time for me to go before August, and perhaps I'll still leave but not within that timeframe. I hate and loathe being here. But when its a choice between this and homelessness, there's no choice.

2. To learn a foreign language  - Can we take this one as given? I'd not consider myself fluent in Spanish by any means. I'd like to carry on learning it. I can get by out there. Can do basic things. buy tickets for trains etc. Struggle to hold a conversation.

3. To Live abroad for a year. - This one is completed too. I miss my Spanish town but I've learnt the hard way about clinging on to the past. Maybe we'll go back for the town fiesta. I'd like that. Maybe we won't go back ever again. But I've done it.

4 . Get that Maths GCSE - Would you consider this done? I would. I improved my grade up three places with one years study. Yes technically a D isn't a pass as Welshy would remind me. But I'm really pleased with it still and consider it one of my greatest accomplishments, would I have got the C if I'd done it over two years? Dunno. Maybe i'd have lost interest. Maybe in a few years I'll ask Welshy's help again and we'll try for the C. Maybe not.

5. Get a better job - Hmm.. up for debate. Yes I left the museum. But my role is only temporary. We will have to wait and see by the end of Jan. We'll see

6 - To get a horse of my own - I want this to happen. In fact I'm seriously considering it should No. 5 come into play. But is it fair to get a horse when it means pretty much resigning me and Welshy to living at home? I couldn't afford a horse and to move out. One will have to take precedence over the other.

7 - To pass my driving test. - The one thing that I've made no attempt to try and improve or achieve since 2009. It doesn't matter really, its one of those things that I couldn't actually afford to run, nor have the need for one at this moment in time.

Happy Christmas!

Pretty bad day at work. Pretty embarrassing too. I'd spent 10 minutes on the phone placating and explaining to one of my pipeline candidates why we couldn't send him to work yet and how he was almost but not quite there. Got off the phone a bit fraught although it had ended well, it was exhausting.
One of the consultants rocked up to me, accusing me of ignoring her client.  Who is a priority case apparently. First I'd heard of it. Anyway in my job. I deal with a different 100-200 clients a week. I have to chase about 30 bits of paperwork for each of these clients, constantly call who ever I'm dealing with that week to ask why they've not gone to training/not provided me with immunisation records, to try and get clients who are already out work to update their paperwork or to simply provide me with basic details such as a completed application form, as previous people in my department (or consultants) didn't care, they just wanted names. Sometimes I don't even have proof that they are a registered nurse/doctor/monkey or have a clean criminal record.
I also answer the phone, meet and greet new clients and register them, and run errands to the shops and other general housekeeping bits. As a temp I'm under huge pressure to get them to keep me on to avoid signing on again, and our whole department - 3 people - to get these people compliant and out to work and get/keep the ones that are out to work legal.
Sometimes I'm a bit blank when people pass clients over to me saying that they've asked for me as I have a pisspoor memory for names and faces and there's always that moment of panic before I locate their files online.
I knew this guy anyway. I registered him, sent him away as I didn't have a CRB form to give him, needed him to provide me with a Hep B update and to get me life support training certification. The CRB forms only came in late Thursday and when I called him Friday there was no answer.
I'd sent off Hep B for him, although he'd not done the imm correctly, but I thought (mistakenly) that he could get a temp clearance.
The consultant sat down with me and asked me why I hadn't contacted him in the two weeks he'd be registered with us. It was a genuine slip of the mind. And besides I had intended to call him again once the CRB forms arrived as he needed to come to the office to pay for it, she asked me if I didn't understand my job. If I needed more training. That I needed to ensure I called all her clients every week to give them progress reports. To chase them for paperwork.
My boss took offence to this on my behalf and argued that I was doing all I could. I had already decided to take the route of blank ignorance. To be patronised, all the time not making waves, trying to keep the peace as I always do.
For 10 minutes they had a heated argument in front of me about my competency for the job, about the impossible pressure my department has, trying to make over 1000 people compliant who have been allowed to slip or are newly registered. It was humiliating. I tried to make my point occasionally, but to be honest I might as well have not been there.
I would have kept my cool - just - if my boss hadn't then tried to be sympathetic. Urgh. Waterworks. Then the other girl took me aside and warned me that I couldn't be friendly with anyone. That they were liars and cheats, all out to get themselves as many clients out working as possible, not caring about what we were supposed to do (I'd already had an inkling of this when my boss and a consultant had an argument about whether they could use someone who's VISA had expired 6 months ago, consultant argued that as long as they were going to get a new one it'd be ok. Boss merely pointed out that not only was he working illegally, that if we continued to employ him knowing this, we'd be closed down).
So glad to go home early today. And don't have to go back until the 27th. I enjoy the job I do. I like the fact I'm busy all the time. I don't like the fact that sometimes I'm doing 3 different jobs at once, that I get thrust things on me. And I don't like the fact that my team - me - are being treated like dogsbodies and thought to not be doing our job properly when we ring people every week and they consistantly ignore emails and phone calls. Or lie.

Anyway its Christmas now. Time for peace on Earth and all that bollocks. And there's a BA sale on and I have enough pennies to pay for flights to India in the New Year. Just waiting for Welshy to be paid so we can purchase. :)