So I've been doing a lot of thinking.
And the main thing is I've accepted what I've always known deep down; I WILL come home after uni rather than moving to Sheffield with MH.
1 - it means I'll be able to take care of everyone here.
2- I'll be able to save more, less rent and stuff.
3 - E said she'll look into getting me a job with her, ok i know this aint a guarantee but its more than I had in Sheff.
I finish uni in January, that'll give me a year to save some pennies together for me and E to go see W and B in New Zealand, maybe take the Mothership, help her get out and about after Dad.
(of course this is mainly dependent on Dad keeping to schedule and kicking the bucket as planned, knowing him though he'll go on for ages yet)
Maybe W can sort us out some courses to go on, some voluntary stuff maybe I know there's a national park nearby.
Maybe we can go travelling around the island, I'd love to see where LOTR was filmed...
Then go to Australia, I'd like to tour there and maybe work my way across.
E's not so keen on that, although she'd like to see the Barrier reef.
I'd like someone to come with me, maybe I could talk her into coming. LF has said he'd like to travel and if we meet up sometime soon, I'll tell him of my plans and if he wants to come he's more than welcome.
Maybe The Lizard or Oldest Friend would like to come, or even The Brat.
I know its going to be hard and I know its only dreams at the mo and dreams are easy, but I feel more settled in my head now, having a plan, knowing what I'm going to do or try to achieve and fingers crossed I will get there.