In Eastenders Dot Cotton has Kidney cancer.
Its kinda funny. Dunno how to take it.
She dont want treatment (at the mo anyways, sure Happy Ending will happen all round)
Its the kinda thing that hits you, the other thing that does is the No Smoking advert with that man who's dying of cancer and says his main ambition is to stay alive to see his daughter. But he dies just 9 days after the advert was filmed.
Dad says his main ambition is to see me graduate.
That advert makes me wonder if he will, most of the other time I know, am convinced; he will, but its silly things like that that make me wonder and think about the situation.

Its unfair, I want to be the free spirit, I want to run away and play silly buggers and travel, do stupid things. I want to make a decision in the morning to go to one end of the country or abroad and by the evening be there or on the way.

I know most people want to do that, and I know that people can't do that cos of money (or lack of), housing commitments, relationships and everything else.

I want to go away, now. Run as fast as I can, feeling the wind in my hair, feeling the grass under my feet, having a mad adventure that consists of nothing very much but a lot of laughs in between.

But I'm stuck and I'm boracic, Nan gave me £50 to get me own prezzie, but that's going straight into my bank to reduce the mad overdraft.
That will be used to make a little indent in the £112 i owe MH as final bills. Plus I have the £150 deposit back from Evil Landlord.
I figure I can reduce the Overdraft to about £405 pound, plus if I get any more B'day money that can go into my account. I'm reckoning there's at least £20 in the card from Nan and Granddad so if I can drag it down to at least £350 I'll be kinda chuffed.
God. Growing up sucks. I still wouldn't swop it for when I was little though, just wish it was a little easier.