BASTARD COCKSUCKING TRAMPWANKERS!!!
I got up early to go to Woolwich, I printed the little bit of paper off, it says either take this to a desk or phone jobseekers direct.
Me - approaching a empty desk, with a bored looking bloke on it.
"Hi can you help me?"
"Ring the number, i'm not interested."
So I try to use the phones in the centre but no good
So I toddle off home, grumpily, cos I could have done all this at home.
Nanny and Granddad come round and what with showing them my ball pictures and cleaning the birds out and running an errand to Eltham - (one of my most hated, hated places here.)
I didn't get to ring till 2:30 and the job had been taken off the register, sure maybe it would have been to late that morning but if they'd bothered to help....
Who knows?
At least the guy on the phone tried to help, he looked in his register for me for zoology and data entry jobs, even if it was useless.
Still always tomorrow right?
And speaking of that, the text war between me and the LF has already started
Monday, January 31, 2005
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Phew!
That was a bit of a struggle wasnt it?
Yeovil well deserve to be top of the league and I imagine they'll do well in Division 2 (League 1 - whatever!)
They gave you a fright Curbs? Christ I was struggling to peek out from all my layers of coat and fleeces during the last five minutes, the idea of a replay and nightmares of the Dagenham and Redbridge fiasco was going around and around my head.
We didnt seem that great today, from my new view in row D of the East Stand, even Luke Young, who has been my most rated player this season seemed to be having a bit of a bad 'un and did Jeffers do anything apart from that goal?
Now my biggest trauma will be hoping for a home draw on Monday, as I'll struggle to pay for that, let alone any away game we get.
That was a bit of a struggle wasnt it?
Yeovil well deserve to be top of the league and I imagine they'll do well in Division 2 (League 1 - whatever!)
They gave you a fright Curbs? Christ I was struggling to peek out from all my layers of coat and fleeces during the last five minutes, the idea of a replay and nightmares of the Dagenham and Redbridge fiasco was going around and around my head.
We didnt seem that great today, from my new view in row D of the East Stand, even Luke Young, who has been my most rated player this season seemed to be having a bit of a bad 'un and did Jeffers do anything apart from that goal?
Now my biggest trauma will be hoping for a home draw on Monday, as I'll struggle to pay for that, let alone any away game we get.
Friday, January 28, 2005
I have forty quid!
Huzzah!
I "earned" twenty last night for helping my Motherships mate to write a personal statement and I typed it all up on the computer, it took me two hours and she didnt believe my half-hearted refusal (yes I know it was wrong to take something that didnt really bother me that much,(its not like i had anything better to do is it?!) She was paying me in alcohol as far as I was concerned, which explained the slightly illegible notes that I had taken! Hehe!)
Then me Nan and Granddad gave me twenty, so its like whoo! I've broken even this week, seeing as I spent forty quid on football tickets and the opticans.
AND!!! Hopefully, my first set of jobseekers shall come through this Wednesday, if they don't fuck me about.
They rang me today see, asking why I'd put the two dates in the application form. (one was the last day of my exams and the other Graduation)
Apparently if the uni don't clear this, they'll rip up my application and tell me to start again, well they can fuck right off if they try that one. I simply can't wait another two weeks for some money.
I need the money, I need to clear the overdraft so I can start saving to get outta here, It's really bad of me, seeing as this money should go straight into the account, but I'm seriously thinking of blowing it all on a weekend away, just to get away, either in Bristol with OF or going to Derby.
Wednesday really upset me and I knew it would be like this to go home, but to have those things thrown at me over something that isn't my fault is hurtful, and to need to get away after only a week here can't be good.
Oh yeah! FLASH - Have a GREAT BIRTHDAY!!!!
Huzzah!
I "earned" twenty last night for helping my Motherships mate to write a personal statement and I typed it all up on the computer, it took me two hours and she didnt believe my half-hearted refusal (yes I know it was wrong to take something that didnt really bother me that much,(its not like i had anything better to do is it?!) She was paying me in alcohol as far as I was concerned, which explained the slightly illegible notes that I had taken! Hehe!)
Then me Nan and Granddad gave me twenty, so its like whoo! I've broken even this week, seeing as I spent forty quid on football tickets and the opticans.
AND!!! Hopefully, my first set of jobseekers shall come through this Wednesday, if they don't fuck me about.
They rang me today see, asking why I'd put the two dates in the application form. (one was the last day of my exams and the other Graduation)
Apparently if the uni don't clear this, they'll rip up my application and tell me to start again, well they can fuck right off if they try that one. I simply can't wait another two weeks for some money.
I need the money, I need to clear the overdraft so I can start saving to get outta here, It's really bad of me, seeing as this money should go straight into the account, but I'm seriously thinking of blowing it all on a weekend away, just to get away, either in Bristol with OF or going to Derby.
Wednesday really upset me and I knew it would be like this to go home, but to have those things thrown at me over something that isn't my fault is hurtful, and to need to get away after only a week here can't be good.
Oh yeah! FLASH - Have a GREAT BIRTHDAY!!!!
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Stolen from Billy (Cheers!)
1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer - Erm, I have One album (Chili Peppers, live in Hyde Park, which the BB put on there demonstrating how to do it and the Um Bongo theme tune if that counts!
2. The cd you last bought is: I've never actually brought a CD for myself, but I borrow a lot of my bro's and folks. Last one I brought was a Metallica album for The Brat.
3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message? The number of the Beast - Iron Maiden.
4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you:
a. These are the days of our lives - Queen -My mum especially is a huge Queen fan and I've been raised on them, I hated them at first but after I came to uni, I missed hearing Freddie singing at me everyday and now I love them and that has to be one the THE most awesome songs ever.
b. Sometimes - Britney Spears - Listen to the chorus, its everything I ever wanted to say to the LF at the beginning and never did.
c - You'll see - Madonna - All the things I wish I could say to all those that have hurt me.
e - Ignition Remix - R Kelly.
f - Patience - Guns 'n' Roses.
5. Who are you going to pass this stick to?: - I'd love to see what FLASH says to this?
6. Your favorite song with the name of a city in the title or text: - London Calling - The Clash, I love the fact it gets played down the Valley now and Waterloo Sunset by the Kinks.
7 . A song you've listened to repeatedly when you were depressed at some point in your life: - The usual subjects like Everybody Hurts - REM and Winner takes it all - Abba. While I was having all the shit at school I listened to American English - Idlewild and Nothing Ever Happens by Del Amitri. Walk Away by Cast was another fave, but normally I listened to anything with a bit of *bounce* to try and perk myself up and still do.
8. Ever bought an entire album just for one song and wound up disliking everything but that song? Gimme that song - dont buy albums
9. A great song in a language other than English: I heard a French version of the Lumberjack Song on TV yesterday!
10. Your least favourite song on one of your favourite albums of all time: I absolutely loathe The Ballad of John and Yoko on The Beatles 1 album.
11. A song you like by someone you find physically unattractive or otherwise repellent: Wait and Bleed by Slipknot. You needed me. - I despised Boyzone.
12. Your favourite song that has expletives in it that's not by Liz Phair. Fire, water burn - Bloodhound Gang.
13. A song that sounds as if it's by someone British but isn't. Homewards Bound - Simon and Garfunkel.
14. A song that reminds you of summer but doesn't mention summer at all: The Boys are back in Town - Thin Lizzy. Oh wait, it does.... ok how about The Remedy - Jason Mraz? It mentioned the 4th of July but only as Independence Day. Does that count?
15. A song that sounds to you like being happy feels: MmmBop - Hanson,
16. Your favorite song from a non-soundtrack compilation album - errr wha?
17. A song that reminds you of high school - I'll change that to uni:
- Summer of 69 - Bryan Adams - One and Only - Chesney Hawkes, I think we're alone now - Tiffany and Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi - a night at D&E wasn't complete without them!
18. A song you actually like by an artist you otherwise dislike: Hey Whatever - Westlife.
19. A song by a band that features three or more female members: Tragedy - Steps!
20. One of the earliest songs that you can remember listening to:
Earliest music memory I have is dancing on top of my little slide to Chain Reaction by Diana Ross, this was before my brother was even born so I must have been two or three at the time. Another one was Bright Eyes, as Watership Down is one of my favourite films ever, but I can never remember which one of Simon and Garfunkel did that. But my all time favourite song was Puff the Magic Dragon! I cried when the tape broke.
21. A song you've been mocked by friends for liking:
MH heard me singing along to was Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush, I've also been mocked for loving To the moon and Back by Savage Garden - listen to the words, it's me, its my all time theme tune!
22. A really good cover version you think no one else has heard: I loved William Shatner's version of Common People
23. A song that has helped cheer you up (or empowered you somehow) after a breakup or otherwise difficult situation: Won't back down - Tom Petty.
So there you have it! Mock my musical choices all you like. There's actually a lot of teenybop I've realised that I listen too, when I actually loathe most of it.
1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer - Erm, I have One album (Chili Peppers, live in Hyde Park, which the BB put on there demonstrating how to do it and the Um Bongo theme tune if that counts!
2. The cd you last bought is: I've never actually brought a CD for myself, but I borrow a lot of my bro's and folks. Last one I brought was a Metallica album for The Brat.
3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message? The number of the Beast - Iron Maiden.
4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you:
a. These are the days of our lives - Queen -My mum especially is a huge Queen fan and I've been raised on them, I hated them at first but after I came to uni, I missed hearing Freddie singing at me everyday and now I love them and that has to be one the THE most awesome songs ever.
b. Sometimes - Britney Spears - Listen to the chorus, its everything I ever wanted to say to the LF at the beginning and never did.
c - You'll see - Madonna - All the things I wish I could say to all those that have hurt me.
e - Ignition Remix - R Kelly.
f - Patience - Guns 'n' Roses.
5. Who are you going to pass this stick to?: - I'd love to see what FLASH says to this?
6. Your favorite song with the name of a city in the title or text: - London Calling - The Clash, I love the fact it gets played down the Valley now and Waterloo Sunset by the Kinks.
7 . A song you've listened to repeatedly when you were depressed at some point in your life: - The usual subjects like Everybody Hurts - REM and Winner takes it all - Abba. While I was having all the shit at school I listened to American English - Idlewild and Nothing Ever Happens by Del Amitri. Walk Away by Cast was another fave, but normally I listened to anything with a bit of *bounce* to try and perk myself up and still do.
8. Ever bought an entire album just for one song and wound up disliking everything but that song? Gimme that song - dont buy albums
9. A great song in a language other than English: I heard a French version of the Lumberjack Song on TV yesterday!
10. Your least favourite song on one of your favourite albums of all time: I absolutely loathe The Ballad of John and Yoko on The Beatles 1 album.
11. A song you like by someone you find physically unattractive or otherwise repellent: Wait and Bleed by Slipknot. You needed me. - I despised Boyzone.
12. Your favourite song that has expletives in it that's not by Liz Phair. Fire, water burn - Bloodhound Gang.
13. A song that sounds as if it's by someone British but isn't. Homewards Bound - Simon and Garfunkel.
14. A song that reminds you of summer but doesn't mention summer at all: The Boys are back in Town - Thin Lizzy. Oh wait, it does.... ok how about The Remedy - Jason Mraz? It mentioned the 4th of July but only as Independence Day. Does that count?
15. A song that sounds to you like being happy feels: MmmBop - Hanson,
16. Your favorite song from a non-soundtrack compilation album - errr wha?
17. A song that reminds you of high school - I'll change that to uni:
- Summer of 69 - Bryan Adams - One and Only - Chesney Hawkes, I think we're alone now - Tiffany and Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi - a night at D&E wasn't complete without them!
18. A song you actually like by an artist you otherwise dislike: Hey Whatever - Westlife.
19. A song by a band that features three or more female members: Tragedy - Steps!
20. One of the earliest songs that you can remember listening to:
Earliest music memory I have is dancing on top of my little slide to Chain Reaction by Diana Ross, this was before my brother was even born so I must have been two or three at the time. Another one was Bright Eyes, as Watership Down is one of my favourite films ever, but I can never remember which one of Simon and Garfunkel did that. But my all time favourite song was Puff the Magic Dragon! I cried when the tape broke.
21. A song you've been mocked by friends for liking:
MH heard me singing along to was Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush, I've also been mocked for loving To the moon and Back by Savage Garden - listen to the words, it's me, its my all time theme tune!
22. A really good cover version you think no one else has heard: I loved William Shatner's version of Common People
23. A song that has helped cheer you up (or empowered you somehow) after a breakup or otherwise difficult situation: Won't back down - Tom Petty.
So there you have it! Mock my musical choices all you like. There's actually a lot of teenybop I've realised that I listen too, when I actually loathe most of it.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
The Great Job Hunt has begun.....
Made all the more drastic by an up-to-date check of my account discovering that once my tickets for the Yeovil game has cleared I will be just £20 from the end of my overdraft and if I go over it, NatWest will be after me and I shall be found at the bottom of the Thames with concrete boots on (after they've taken anything of mine worth selling)
I knew it would be hard finding a zoology job anyway, cos no-one wants you without experience, but no one wants to give you that experience and I knew it would be doubly hard in London, I accepted I'd have to do shop work or something when I realised I'd have to come home.
So after I'd walked down to the ticket office and brought my ticket, I went to the Pennisula park and started to make enquiries.
It's so soul destroying and humilating, there's probably about 14 different shops down there, and the best they could do was Asda telling me to try again in the middle of Feb.
So my next plan?
I've looked on the internet and discovered that St Mary's hospital in Sidcup want someone to do a kinda data entry/clerical job, I can't find any more about it, so will ask on Friday when I go back to the Job centre, if its available.
I would make more of an effort for it, but it's already been advertised for a week so I'm guessing they probably have someone for it anyway.
Still, I'm not giving up, I'm going to the Standard later this week at some point to see if Safeway's want me.
And if somehow I scrape the £1.20 bus fare I'll go to Bexleyheath and see what's going on down there.
Then, I may start busking.
"Gizza job mate!"
Made all the more drastic by an up-to-date check of my account discovering that once my tickets for the Yeovil game has cleared I will be just £20 from the end of my overdraft and if I go over it, NatWest will be after me and I shall be found at the bottom of the Thames with concrete boots on (after they've taken anything of mine worth selling)
I knew it would be hard finding a zoology job anyway, cos no-one wants you without experience, but no one wants to give you that experience and I knew it would be doubly hard in London, I accepted I'd have to do shop work or something when I realised I'd have to come home.
So after I'd walked down to the ticket office and brought my ticket, I went to the Pennisula park and started to make enquiries.
It's so soul destroying and humilating, there's probably about 14 different shops down there, and the best they could do was Asda telling me to try again in the middle of Feb.
So my next plan?
I've looked on the internet and discovered that St Mary's hospital in Sidcup want someone to do a kinda data entry/clerical job, I can't find any more about it, so will ask on Friday when I go back to the Job centre, if its available.
I would make more of an effort for it, but it's already been advertised for a week so I'm guessing they probably have someone for it anyway.
Still, I'm not giving up, I'm going to the Standard later this week at some point to see if Safeway's want me.
And if somehow I scrape the £1.20 bus fare I'll go to Bexleyheath and see what's going on down there.
Then, I may start busking.
"Gizza job mate!"
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Do you wanna know something scary?
Unless I get a job fairly soon, it could take me up to 19 weeks just to clear the overdraft.
That's if I don't spend any money between now and then, and I've just spent £20 on the optician's check-up and I'll be spending another £20 on the football tickets for the FA cup this weekend.
That's nearly 5 months. So I've gotta get some kind of job before then?
I dont care if it ain't a zoology one, The woman in the Wooliwch job centre laughed at me anyway, I'll take anything. I'm desperate.
Unless I get a job fairly soon, it could take me up to 19 weeks just to clear the overdraft.
That's if I don't spend any money between now and then, and I've just spent £20 on the optician's check-up and I'll be spending another £20 on the football tickets for the FA cup this weekend.
That's nearly 5 months. So I've gotta get some kind of job before then?
I dont care if it ain't a zoology one, The woman in the Wooliwch job centre laughed at me anyway, I'll take anything. I'm desperate.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Do you know this is the longest I've ever kept a journal of any kind?
I used to make efforts at keeping them when I was little but they would be found and read, so I could never be truly open and honest in them or I would lose interest after a week or so.
I always liked the idea, picturing myself in my naive and over imaginative way as a kind of Samuel Pepys for the future.
Then one day I read my Bro's mate's LiveJournal and discovered CASINO AVENUE after it had been linked on Forever Charlton and decided to have a go myself, it took another few months to actually get round to doing it, but I'm glad I did.
I'm glad that I found a way of recording the many little daft escapades that I get into and its been good for me to whinge into this when I have been down at times.
I've found some fun people and made a few new friends.
Let's hope the next year carries on in the same way.
I used to make efforts at keeping them when I was little but they would be found and read, so I could never be truly open and honest in them or I would lose interest after a week or so.
I always liked the idea, picturing myself in my naive and over imaginative way as a kind of Samuel Pepys for the future.
Then one day I read my Bro's mate's LiveJournal and discovered CASINO AVENUE after it had been linked on Forever Charlton and decided to have a go myself, it took another few months to actually get round to doing it, but I'm glad I did.
I'm glad that I found a way of recording the many little daft escapades that I get into and its been good for me to whinge into this when I have been down at times.
I've found some fun people and made a few new friends.
Let's hope the next year carries on in the same way.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
So graduation huh?
Loada fuss over nothing really.
I wore me spanky hat, a daft gown and a heavy sash thing with attractive blue and red stripes on it, being multi-talented I managed to walk up and down the stairs and shake hands with the Vice Chancellor without tripping over and falling on me arse.
The ball?
DIRE.
The may ball was pretty bad, with Girls aloud miming but at least there was a circus to play on, nothing here, all R 'n' B shit so had no cheese or rock to dance too.
Luckily me and MH got a bit wasted beforehand in Our Beloved Friary.
BB came round too, to see us in our pre-ball finery.
MH was impressed to begin with.
"Nice. Better looking than The Sheep." (which isnt hard)
Then we started play-fighting as always and she lost it, in case I managed to spill a drink down her again, sometimes she can be such a GIRL!!
And the BB isnt one to just hold back so things got a bit fraught for me then.
He got a bit emotional too in Seymours, flirted a bit with me, and then went
He wanted me to come visit him after the ball at 4am and stayed awake, but I felt bad in case I woke him so went back to the hotel, and text him saying that and he told me that he'd realised that he proper missed me and being the emotional jerk that he is, found it hard not to cry in the bar as we said goodbye.
Today he's back to being his normal annoying jerky self, so I guess he was as drunk as us then.
----
Off back to the Job centre at 9am tomorrow, not good, I'm so totally shattered
Loada fuss over nothing really.
I wore me spanky hat, a daft gown and a heavy sash thing with attractive blue and red stripes on it, being multi-talented I managed to walk up and down the stairs and shake hands with the Vice Chancellor without tripping over and falling on me arse.
The ball?
DIRE.
The may ball was pretty bad, with Girls aloud miming but at least there was a circus to play on, nothing here, all R 'n' B shit so had no cheese or rock to dance too.
Luckily me and MH got a bit wasted beforehand in Our Beloved Friary.
BB came round too, to see us in our pre-ball finery.
MH was impressed to begin with.
"Nice. Better looking than The Sheep." (which isnt hard)
Then we started play-fighting as always and she lost it, in case I managed to spill a drink down her again, sometimes she can be such a GIRL!!
And the BB isnt one to just hold back so things got a bit fraught for me then.
He got a bit emotional too in Seymours, flirted a bit with me, and then went
He wanted me to come visit him after the ball at 4am and stayed awake, but I felt bad in case I woke him so went back to the hotel, and text him saying that and he told me that he'd realised that he proper missed me and being the emotional jerk that he is, found it hard not to cry in the bar as we said goodbye.
Today he's back to being his normal annoying jerky self, so I guess he was as drunk as us then.
----
Off back to the Job centre at 9am tomorrow, not good, I'm so totally shattered
Thursday, January 20, 2005
This Saturday I shall be popping back up to Derby, graduating, as well as this monumentous occasion it will be my blog birthday.
So to celebrate, I thought I'd have a joint party.
Yup.
Everyone is welcome, even if this is your first time you've popped by or regular visitors.
See that table over there? Help yourself to the alcohol, there's enough there to last till Monday when I return, and enough to cater for every taste.
The fridge? Well stocked with cocktail sausages and party food so don't worry about helping yourself to it all. There's even birthday cake too. Don't worry Cheryl and Flash, I've even put party bags aside for your little'uns, with balloons, cake and party toys, sadly I think they'll have to make do with Charlton party hats to wear, but I think they'll be impressed.
You'll find them in that cupboard, no not that one, the one to the left. That's the one.
Ok, I'm off. Any questions before I leave?
No right, good. Pop the key under the mat when you're done.
So to celebrate, I thought I'd have a joint party.
Yup.
Everyone is welcome, even if this is your first time you've popped by or regular visitors.
See that table over there? Help yourself to the alcohol, there's enough there to last till Monday when I return, and enough to cater for every taste.
The fridge? Well stocked with cocktail sausages and party food so don't worry about helping yourself to it all. There's even birthday cake too. Don't worry Cheryl and Flash, I've even put party bags aside for your little'uns, with balloons, cake and party toys, sadly I think they'll have to make do with Charlton party hats to wear, but I think they'll be impressed.
You'll find them in that cupboard, no not that one, the one to the left. That's the one.
Ok, I'm off. Any questions before I leave?
No right, good. Pop the key under the mat when you're done.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Visitors!
Hell yeah!
BB's mate and a new pal of mine CCR (Car Crazy R) and his housemate came to London for a day and came to see me!
Yes me!
Leaving the house on an adventure twice in two days! Excitement overload!
We went on an adventure to Neds Noodles on the South Bank and then to the Comic Book Shop Forbidden Planet as he is a Comic book geek, it was quite cool really, then we played in the Trocadero and wandered around Leicester Square.
Beats sitting at home really and tomorrow I may be visiting the Job centre as I have been putting it off since I came home, but £800 over drawn is not good.
And Oh. My. God. What the hell was he thinking there? (I've just seen Liverpool score an own goal in the match at Burnley)
Hell yeah!
BB's mate and a new pal of mine CCR (Car Crazy R) and his housemate came to London for a day and came to see me!
Yes me!
Leaving the house on an adventure twice in two days! Excitement overload!
We went on an adventure to Neds Noodles on the South Bank and then to the Comic Book Shop Forbidden Planet as he is a Comic book geek, it was quite cool really, then we played in the Trocadero and wandered around Leicester Square.
Beats sitting at home really and tomorrow I may be visiting the Job centre as I have been putting it off since I came home, but £800 over drawn is not good.
And Oh. My. God. What the hell was he thinking there? (I've just seen Liverpool score an own goal in the match at Burnley)
Monday, January 17, 2005
I went for a meal today!
Yes! In Blackheath's only celebrity hangout!
(Pizza Express)
Bless GT, he wouldn't let me pay for the meal and brought me a card too.
So the celebrity that we saw in the resturant with us?
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen....
Disappointed?
Yes, well if it had been Orlando Bloom or current-fantasy-object Richard Hammond-from Top Gear (stop sniggering in the back) then I wouldn't be here now.
And as if a big celeb would be here!
Yes! In Blackheath's only celebrity hangout!
(Pizza Express)
Bless GT, he wouldn't let me pay for the meal and brought me a card too.
So the celebrity that we saw in the resturant with us?
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen....
Disappointed?
Yes, well if it had been Orlando Bloom or current-fantasy-object Richard Hammond-from Top Gear (stop sniggering in the back) then I wouldn't be here now.
And as if a big celeb would be here!
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Things I have thought this weekend.
You - Its time to accept that the ship has sailed and no matter how hard I chase after it with the worlds fastest speedboat I may never catch up, and that if I did perhaps all I'd find was the wreckage and sharks picking over the surviours.
You - Damn but you're going to be a hard habit to break, it was fun and I learned a lot and I have your friendship, but its time to step back to save myself from getting hurt.
Them - You can carry on abusing, degrading and attacking me until my back is against the wall, but I am only temporarily down, you will never win again and I will fight you every step of the way.
I guess its a bit random to outsiders but its my blog and I shall put what I like.
By the way 7 comments? That's the most I've ever had! Go me! Whoo!
You - Its time to accept that the ship has sailed and no matter how hard I chase after it with the worlds fastest speedboat I may never catch up, and that if I did perhaps all I'd find was the wreckage and sharks picking over the surviours.
You - Damn but you're going to be a hard habit to break, it was fun and I learned a lot and I have your friendship, but its time to step back to save myself from getting hurt.
Them - You can carry on abusing, degrading and attacking me until my back is against the wall, but I am only temporarily down, you will never win again and I will fight you every step of the way.
I guess its a bit random to outsiders but its my blog and I shall put what I like.
By the way 7 comments? That's the most I've ever had! Go me! Whoo!
Saturday, January 15, 2005
We won!
Whoo!
We beat the scummy west Midlanders 3-1! (whoo bit of midlands rivalery kicking in there!)
What the hell's going on in that our defender is our leading striker!?
First goal was a right good-un, look out for it on MOTD! El Karkouri taking yet another fab free-kick, and we saw Bartlett come in for a header and wasn't sure if it connected or not, but I was SOOO convinced the ball had just trickled behind the goal.
E had to drag me up of my seat, so convinced was I.
And we saw Chris Kamara at the end of the game walking down the block of steps next to us, was so gutted I didn't have a pen or my phone with me!
My graduate hat came today, been wearing it all day, was almost definately going to take it to wear at football!
That was timed pretty well, next Saturday! Charlton's away that weekend.
I need to get away, I need a holiday, I can't take the constant stress and hassle and getting at that I get here. Only thing is I can't afford it, how the hell am I going to survive the next year here?
Whoo!
We beat the scummy west Midlanders 3-1! (whoo bit of midlands rivalery kicking in there!)
What the hell's going on in that our defender is our leading striker!?
First goal was a right good-un, look out for it on MOTD! El Karkouri taking yet another fab free-kick, and we saw Bartlett come in for a header and wasn't sure if it connected or not, but I was SOOO convinced the ball had just trickled behind the goal.
E had to drag me up of my seat, so convinced was I.
And we saw Chris Kamara at the end of the game walking down the block of steps next to us, was so gutted I didn't have a pen or my phone with me!
My graduate hat came today, been wearing it all day, was almost definately going to take it to wear at football!
That was timed pretty well, next Saturday! Charlton's away that weekend.
I need to get away, I need a holiday, I can't take the constant stress and hassle and getting at that I get here. Only thing is I can't afford it, how the hell am I going to survive the next year here?
Friday, January 14, 2005
I'm heartbroken.
All these years..... living a lie...
Its ruined my childhood....
I've not been this upset since I realised the kids in Dungeons and Dragons never made it home....
Its really sad.
Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap never made it home!
GT is taking me out Monday dinnertime to celebrate somewhere cheap in Blackheath.
I love him, and the best thing of all is that he knows. He understands.
He's been there before, he lost his Dad to cancer when he was 13.
All these years..... living a lie...
Its ruined my childhood....
I've not been this upset since I realised the kids in Dungeons and Dragons never made it home....
Its really sad.
Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap never made it home!
GT is taking me out Monday dinnertime to celebrate somewhere cheap in Blackheath.
I love him, and the best thing of all is that he knows. He understands.
He's been there before, he lost his Dad to cancer when he was 13.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
I graduated!
I got the letter today! Ok its only a 3rd but still!
Wish the folks were more impressed, I got "well done" from dad and that was it.
Then I got moaned at a lot for them having to rush everything, like ordering the gown, place to kip and stuff.
I known in our family we don't make a big deal over anything, but Christ almighty all this stress and shit and got nothing back.
Then again i suppose I should make allowances, they have spent the whole day up the hospital.
I got the letter today! Ok its only a 3rd but still!
Wish the folks were more impressed, I got "well done" from dad and that was it.
Then I got moaned at a lot for them having to rush everything, like ordering the gown, place to kip and stuff.
I known in our family we don't make a big deal over anything, but Christ almighty all this stress and shit and got nothing back.
Then again i suppose I should make allowances, they have spent the whole day up the hospital.
I still feel like shit, abso-bloody-lutely shattered and that's with 12 hours sleep.
BB suggested that perhaps it is that the last few weeks have caught up with me as since Xmas I have been living on turkey, sugar and adrenaline only.I have been neglecting things, this blog, for example, responding to the comments left and adding my comments to other blogs.
I screamed at The Brat and threw the TV remote at him when he gave me the wrong coloured Mingle last night.
and then disappeared in tears at his "whoooo PMT!" comment.
(Its nothing to do with that ok!)
Today Dad is up the Marsden for a bone scan, so they can find out just where the cancer's spread in the bones, (def rib area) in which they fill him with radioactive goo, I requested that he came home with Telekinesis, as that has gotta be the ultmate superpower, beating invisibilty and flying in my book.I think i'm gonna spend a lazy day watching the cricket (187-1) and dozing.
FLASH - I defy you to find a single girl that don't sing along with Bonnie Tyler's Holding Out For a Hero.
BB suggested that perhaps it is that the last few weeks have caught up with me as since Xmas I have been living on turkey, sugar and adrenaline only.I have been neglecting things, this blog, for example, responding to the comments left and adding my comments to other blogs.
I screamed at The Brat and threw the TV remote at him when he gave me the wrong coloured Mingle last night.
and then disappeared in tears at his "whoooo PMT!" comment.
(Its nothing to do with that ok!)
Today Dad is up the Marsden for a bone scan, so they can find out just where the cancer's spread in the bones, (def rib area) in which they fill him with radioactive goo, I requested that he came home with Telekinesis, as that has gotta be the ultmate superpower, beating invisibilty and flying in my book.I think i'm gonna spend a lazy day watching the cricket (187-1) and dozing.
FLASH - I defy you to find a single girl that don't sing along with Bonnie Tyler's Holding Out For a Hero.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
I'm tired, but i've had a good 9 hours sleep.
My eyes are sore, like I've been crying all night long, but as far as i can recall I slept like a log, once my head hit the pillow.
I haven't cried since me and the BB had a huge heart to heart Monday night, when I explained just how shit, cheap and used he made feel on Saturday night when we spoke for ages on MSN. (its all good now and we're back to chilled mates.)
So why the hell do i feel like this?
The effort involved in dragging myself out of bed this morning was immense.
Is it possible the stress has finally hit me and my body's on a bit of a recover from the Week of Hell?
Dad's back home now and asleep upstairs, I'd be loving flicking through the music channels (Eminem via Iron Maiden via Keane via Bonnie Tyler)
I just don't have the energy to move.
My eyes are sore, like I've been crying all night long, but as far as i can recall I slept like a log, once my head hit the pillow.
I haven't cried since me and the BB had a huge heart to heart Monday night, when I explained just how shit, cheap and used he made feel on Saturday night when we spoke for ages on MSN. (its all good now and we're back to chilled mates.)
So why the hell do i feel like this?
The effort involved in dragging myself out of bed this morning was immense.
Is it possible the stress has finally hit me and my body's on a bit of a recover from the Week of Hell?
Dad's back home now and asleep upstairs, I'd be loving flicking through the music channels (Eminem via Iron Maiden via Keane via Bonnie Tyler)
I just don't have the energy to move.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
So. Yeovil eh?
Guess I won't get stuck at Luton for that one!
I've been a drug runner today, had to go to the Standard to collect Dad's methadone, walking past Blackheath Bluecoats. (Fact fans - where Rio Ferdinand went to school!)
Scared me, felt everyone knew what I had and lets face it school kids can smell crack from a mile away!
Went for a driving lesson too, man! what a difference driving in London is from Derby.
So totally different, Driving Instructor No4 seems ok, but I hate the car, its a bastard.
Anyway, Dad's spending the night in the QE to have bloods and stuff pumped into him and then on Thursday pops back up to the Marsden to see if he can go on this new trial - WonderDrug no2.
Apparently this one is for bones and bone marrow which makes me wonder if its something to do with stem cells as I can't think of anything else that comes from bone marrow?
But the cancer's got into the bones now, which makes me think that perhaps things are worse than what i've been kidding myself about.
Guess only time will tell huh?
And while I'm here, why the fuck have all my side things disappeared to miles down past my previous posts?
Any idea how to get them back to normal?
Guess I won't get stuck at Luton for that one!
I've been a drug runner today, had to go to the Standard to collect Dad's methadone, walking past Blackheath Bluecoats. (Fact fans - where Rio Ferdinand went to school!)
Scared me, felt everyone knew what I had and lets face it school kids can smell crack from a mile away!
Went for a driving lesson too, man! what a difference driving in London is from Derby.
So totally different, Driving Instructor No4 seems ok, but I hate the car, its a bastard.
Anyway, Dad's spending the night in the QE to have bloods and stuff pumped into him and then on Thursday pops back up to the Marsden to see if he can go on this new trial - WonderDrug no2.
Apparently this one is for bones and bone marrow which makes me wonder if its something to do with stem cells as I can't think of anything else that comes from bone marrow?
But the cancer's got into the bones now, which makes me think that perhaps things are worse than what i've been kidding myself about.
Guess only time will tell huh?
And while I'm here, why the fuck have all my side things disappeared to miles down past my previous posts?
Any idea how to get them back to normal?
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Things I have learned lately.
1 - Maybe girls can't do the no-strings as well as blokes.
2 - The BB can be a tactless, self-centred drama queen, like most blokes.
3 - Where exactly Yeading is.
I'd like to add to my new year resolutions, although its something I'd like to learn, it's not necassarily now.
I was reading an interview about Kiera "Titless" Knightley and she mentioned wanting to learn brick-laying as when the apocalyse comes, we'll be divided into two groups.
Those out doing stuff to rebuild society and those making gruel.
She and I don't want to be in the gruel making category.
I can't cook to save my life.
So I would be first eaten as I dont think a zoologist will have much use in society, although possibly more than a florist.
I'd quite like to learn how to do practical things, like plumbing and electricity, sadly whenever the oppotunities for this has come up in the past, the folks and The Brat have always taken my fun away as I am a girly and therefore must have things done for me.
So there we go, something else for me to achieve.
Oh yeah and I have a job!
Well not a "Real" job, mum's mate's bloke wants some typing done for him on a regular thing, like, so I volunteered! Yeah me!
*Mental note* must go round and see him to make sure it weren't drunk talk.
1 - Maybe girls can't do the no-strings as well as blokes.
2 - The BB can be a tactless, self-centred drama queen, like most blokes.
3 - Where exactly Yeading is.
I'd like to add to my new year resolutions, although its something I'd like to learn, it's not necassarily now.
I was reading an interview about Kiera "Titless" Knightley and she mentioned wanting to learn brick-laying as when the apocalyse comes, we'll be divided into two groups.
Those out doing stuff to rebuild society and those making gruel.
She and I don't want to be in the gruel making category.
I can't cook to save my life.
So I would be first eaten as I dont think a zoologist will have much use in society, although possibly more than a florist.
I'd quite like to learn how to do practical things, like plumbing and electricity, sadly whenever the oppotunities for this has come up in the past, the folks and The Brat have always taken my fun away as I am a girly and therefore must have things done for me.
So there we go, something else for me to achieve.
Oh yeah and I have a job!
Well not a "Real" job, mum's mate's bloke wants some typing done for him on a regular thing, like, so I volunteered! Yeah me!
*Mental note* must go round and see him to make sure it weren't drunk talk.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
I should be at the football right now.
Instead I shall share my comedy of errors, about going home.
Woke up this morning (i'll tell ya all about my last night out in Derby - very amusing later) packed, and pootled down to catch my 10am train.
Very windy out, I noticed.
So reach the train station. The noticeboard is flashing.
"No direct services to London St Pancras. Due to a fire."
So I rang to inform the parents that I was going to Luton and to check that the Thameslink trains still went to S.P.
While waiting it began to rain, Believe me Derby rainstorms have to be seen to be believed, but this was one of the best.
"We regret to inform all customers that due to adverse weather conditions we are running no services to the North and West. We urge all customers to only travel if absolutely necassary."
Well I was heading dahn sarf and it was an essential journey.
Jumped on the train.
I had my tardis rucksack and sleeping bag tied on, but was nowhere to put it.
The Tannoy bing-bonged into life.
"We regret to inform that we are running emergancy services today due to adverse weather conditions and wish to remind you all that we're not going to London, this is due to a fire at Cricklewood.
Bus services will be available to London but as the motorway is very busy, we cannot give anymore details."
Me. "huh-wha?"
Finally manage to dump the tardis and find a seat and we reach Leicester where we get joined, by a large group of Forest fans on their way to QPR. Midland Mainline run services from Nottingham to S.P but their train caught fire or something that involved a fire.
So we carry on our merry way, and are informed that there is no bus service available, we can get taxis though, but Midland Mainline will not pay for these.
Yeah. Like I can afford to pay for a taxi to Fucking St Pancras, it'll be a good 20 if not 40 quid and I am boracic.
Ring the folks again and ask them to find out what they can.
We reach Wellingborough.
we get stopped in a field in the middle of nowhere.
We sit outside for twenty minutes and I'm starting to get a bit concerned about getting home, reckon I should get home about half one, maybe two.
We sit outside for twenty minutes before they tell us the train on our platform has broken down.
We start to go backwards.
BACKWARDS???????!!!!!!!!
So we get put onto the slow train line.
Eventually we reach Luton, and are told there is a bus. So i ring Dad, who has decided to drive up to Luton to get me.
I'm standing with the Forest fans and a group of Scunthorpe fans and get told there's a football bus.
Cool, i think in my innocent little way, a bus to make sure that we get to S.P and to the games. (its now 12.05.)
Bit of a push, but we might make it.
Two coaches pull up. "Right, this first one's for Scunthorpe, the second for Forest."
What about the rest of us? other poor harrassed people ask.
"Ah, yes. we'll actually we don't care. Tell you what get on a train to St Albans, and there maybe a bus service to St Pancras, but to be honest we don't give a shit cos once your there, you aint our problem."
We go through St Albans on the way down, why didn't they just get us to get off there?
So I tell Dad to carry on coming up.
And i sit down to wait, watching the clock.
half hour passes, Still a push, but might make it.
I wonder what time they stop letting us into the ground?
Hour later.
I'm fucking freezing, tired, hungover, and desperate for the loo, I have so much in my Tardis that I can't physically fit it into the loo with me.
Finally one hour and twenty minutes later. (2:20pm) Dad comes to get me.
Concede defeat in the fight to get to the game.
Still, we're winning 4-1, so that's something.
Instead I shall share my comedy of errors, about going home.
Woke up this morning (i'll tell ya all about my last night out in Derby - very amusing later) packed, and pootled down to catch my 10am train.
Very windy out, I noticed.
So reach the train station. The noticeboard is flashing.
"No direct services to London St Pancras. Due to a fire."
So I rang to inform the parents that I was going to Luton and to check that the Thameslink trains still went to S.P.
While waiting it began to rain, Believe me Derby rainstorms have to be seen to be believed, but this was one of the best.
"We regret to inform all customers that due to adverse weather conditions we are running no services to the North and West. We urge all customers to only travel if absolutely necassary."
Well I was heading dahn sarf and it was an essential journey.
Jumped on the train.
I had my tardis rucksack and sleeping bag tied on, but was nowhere to put it.
The Tannoy bing-bonged into life.
"We regret to inform that we are running emergancy services today due to adverse weather conditions and wish to remind you all that we're not going to London, this is due to a fire at Cricklewood.
Bus services will be available to London but as the motorway is very busy, we cannot give anymore details."
Me. "huh-wha?"
Finally manage to dump the tardis and find a seat and we reach Leicester where we get joined, by a large group of Forest fans on their way to QPR. Midland Mainline run services from Nottingham to S.P but their train caught fire or something that involved a fire.
So we carry on our merry way, and are informed that there is no bus service available, we can get taxis though, but Midland Mainline will not pay for these.
Yeah. Like I can afford to pay for a taxi to Fucking St Pancras, it'll be a good 20 if not 40 quid and I am boracic.
Ring the folks again and ask them to find out what they can.
We reach Wellingborough.
we get stopped in a field in the middle of nowhere.
We sit outside for twenty minutes and I'm starting to get a bit concerned about getting home, reckon I should get home about half one, maybe two.
We sit outside for twenty minutes before they tell us the train on our platform has broken down.
We start to go backwards.
BACKWARDS???????!!!!!!!!
So we get put onto the slow train line.
Eventually we reach Luton, and are told there is a bus. So i ring Dad, who has decided to drive up to Luton to get me.
I'm standing with the Forest fans and a group of Scunthorpe fans and get told there's a football bus.
Cool, i think in my innocent little way, a bus to make sure that we get to S.P and to the games. (its now 12.05.)
Bit of a push, but we might make it.
Two coaches pull up. "Right, this first one's for Scunthorpe, the second for Forest."
What about the rest of us? other poor harrassed people ask.
"Ah, yes. we'll actually we don't care. Tell you what get on a train to St Albans, and there maybe a bus service to St Pancras, but to be honest we don't give a shit cos once your there, you aint our problem."
We go through St Albans on the way down, why didn't they just get us to get off there?
So I tell Dad to carry on coming up.
And i sit down to wait, watching the clock.
half hour passes, Still a push, but might make it.
I wonder what time they stop letting us into the ground?
Hour later.
I'm fucking freezing, tired, hungover, and desperate for the loo, I have so much in my Tardis that I can't physically fit it into the loo with me.
Finally one hour and twenty minutes later. (2:20pm) Dad comes to get me.
Concede defeat in the fight to get to the game.
Still, we're winning 4-1, so that's something.
Friday, January 07, 2005
No more exams!!!!
EVER. EVER again.
If someone came up to me offering me 20 million pounds, a life time supply of Ben and Jerry's and a life time season ticket, I shall look them in the eye and have just two words to say to them.
and the second word will be "off."
Now then *rubs hands together* where do i go to get me jobseekers money? Hehe.
I'm never putting myself through that kinda stress again, three exams in three days is too much for anyone, especially as today we find out the latest results of Dad's latest scan (will update with what happens!)
I've been living the last week on pure adrenaline and a hefty amount of sugar, so I don't think no one can blame me for being a bit emotional at the BB's last night.
yeah, yeah I know, its all over and he wants to be with someone else, I only went round to see a movie after i finished revising at 8.
He came to the door huddled in a duvet.
"I'm nekkid."
Me. "So whaddya want me to do about it?"
we had a good little catch-up and then a fool-around for old times sake and then I stopped the night, so more fooling around.
Anyway, tonights plans include a vast, vast amount of alcohol, then I may go to the BB's depending on time or come home and pass out, and get up early in the morning to pack and get home for the Cup match.
And then more vast amounts of alcohol, as it's Dad's birthday on the sunday and we're celebrating no more exams!
E.V.E.R!
Edit 1.58pm. The cancer's grown and spread in the lungs, not anywhere else though, he's coming off WonderDrug and trying another although they're reminding us that nothing they can give is a cure, only a way of prolonging life.
Flash- we have Rochdale in the cup, although nothing seems as exciting or as important anymore. Can I have a hug please?
EVER. EVER again.
If someone came up to me offering me 20 million pounds, a life time supply of Ben and Jerry's and a life time season ticket, I shall look them in the eye and have just two words to say to them.
and the second word will be "off."
Now then *rubs hands together* where do i go to get me jobseekers money? Hehe.
I'm never putting myself through that kinda stress again, three exams in three days is too much for anyone, especially as today we find out the latest results of Dad's latest scan (will update with what happens!)
I've been living the last week on pure adrenaline and a hefty amount of sugar, so I don't think no one can blame me for being a bit emotional at the BB's last night.
yeah, yeah I know, its all over and he wants to be with someone else, I only went round to see a movie after i finished revising at 8.
He came to the door huddled in a duvet.
"I'm nekkid."
Me. "So whaddya want me to do about it?"
we had a good little catch-up and then a fool-around for old times sake and then I stopped the night, so more fooling around.
Anyway, tonights plans include a vast, vast amount of alcohol, then I may go to the BB's depending on time or come home and pass out, and get up early in the morning to pack and get home for the Cup match.
And then more vast amounts of alcohol, as it's Dad's birthday on the sunday and we're celebrating no more exams!
E.V.E.R!
Edit 1.58pm. The cancer's grown and spread in the lungs, not anywhere else though, he's coming off WonderDrug and trying another although they're reminding us that nothing they can give is a cure, only a way of prolonging life.
Flash- we have Rochdale in the cup, although nothing seems as exciting or as important anymore. Can I have a hug please?
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
I know I said i wasn't going to post again until after my exams (first one was a shitter! Thanks for asking, I made a lot of it up from what I'd seen watching wildlife programmes.)
Anyway. I've just come back from the cinema with STF, pretending that we were on a date. (Without a paddle - very, very, very funny!)
And settled down for another evening of revision, when I get to speak - via MSN, to the very, very, gorgeous Cheryl!
I probably come over like a bit of an idiot, cos I was sitting there with a big "wow this is so cool" grin on my face.
Anyway, I really need to get some sleep for Habitat Management tomorrow.
1 down! 2 to go!
Flash - I was thinking of changing my name but to what? As is no doubt blindingly obvious, I picked Charby cos it was half Derby/Half Charlton and sounded better than Derlton.
Maybe I should run a competition to find a new name?
Anyway. I've just come back from the cinema with STF, pretending that we were on a date. (Without a paddle - very, very, very funny!)
And settled down for another evening of revision, when I get to speak - via MSN, to the very, very, gorgeous Cheryl!
I probably come over like a bit of an idiot, cos I was sitting there with a big "wow this is so cool" grin on my face.
Anyway, I really need to get some sleep for Habitat Management tomorrow.
1 down! 2 to go!
Flash - I was thinking of changing my name but to what? As is no doubt blindingly obvious, I picked Charby cos it was half Derby/Half Charlton and sounded better than Derlton.
Maybe I should run a competition to find a new name?
Saturday, January 01, 2005
I watched the Wicker man last night.
I won't spoil it if you haven't seen it, except to say, watch it.
Anyway, Christopher Lee in part of it dresses as a woman, with flowery dress and long wig and dances down the street with his cult.
I got a vision of Terry Wogan singing the "Floral dance" and skipping along to it.
I think that'd work.
Ah-hem, back to the revision, oh joy of joys
I won't spoil it if you haven't seen it, except to say, watch it.
Anyway, Christopher Lee in part of it dresses as a woman, with flowery dress and long wig and dances down the street with his cult.
I got a vision of Terry Wogan singing the "Floral dance" and skipping along to it.
I think that'd work.
Ah-hem, back to the revision, oh joy of joys
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