All things considering, I feel pretty good.
Then again, we were back in bed by about 11pm. Poor MH got totally wasted and I had to take her home.
I'm trying to remember exactly how much we had to drink. We started at home with a shot of pure Archers each.
Then at our Friary to have a WKD. (I know MH had 2 glasses of wine and was wasted then - All hail the Queen of Lightweights and I thought I was bad!)
Then on to Varsity. (also shows Walkabout at night.) Where we had an Apple sour shot and a glass of some cocktail, and I had half of MH's.
Then we went to Walkabout and had 2 aftershocks, which I loathe and only managed to down cos I downed water and OJ after. Then I thought I'd escaped with my glass of OJ but MH's Mate put 2 vodka shots into it, which was ok, but when MH added the wine, I had to leave it, I hate wine, it tastes like vinegar.
She was wasted, and her mate too, so I walked them both home, I felt surprisingly ok, I was light headed but only mildly.
MH told me all the way home about her crush on Jon Shaw and her physio.
She don't believe me now, that we were dancing in Walkabout and all the rest of it.
I think I might have been more drunk than I remember. I sent another mean text to LF, I convinced myself that he didnt want to be mates anymore as he was doing the same to me that I was doing to The Sheep.
Bless him, He rang me twice but as it was private number I refused to answer it and he left me a really sweet message on my answerphone.
Texted back explaining some of the shit thats been going on and I was taking it out on him and I was Really, Really sorry.
Now I'm going to get on with my work, I need to improve on the grand total of 6 words that I wrote yesterday, seeing as I'm going home tomorrow and Wont be able to get any work done at home.

its "LF" ive not like had any credit for god knows how many months. ive had a lot of money trouble. i know you have the phone thing but ring me or something
I love him to pieces, he's a good mate, even if he did fuck with my head, but I can understand that everyone makes mistakes and I was his, I know if possible he has more issues in his head than me. I wish I could sort out the phone thing and just call him for a chat, but I cant physically make myself do it. Its so stupid but I have a real phone phobia, sometimes I can talk to certain people on the phone for ages and sometimes I cant unless I have a really good reason to need them, its hard cos he lives so far away and wants to be mates and I totally understand about him worrying about what his bird will think, what with me being an 'ex' and all.
I miss his friendship, even though I hardly know him, My family have fucked with my head so much and I totally belived them, when Mothership told me I was worthless, so it was amazing when he told me he cared for me and he still does, I know its not in *that* way and I dont mind that, I want him to be a happy camper and I know i'm not the person for that and if i'm totally honest, I just wanted him as a mate, not as a partner.
It means so much to me that we are mates, even though he thinks i'm totally screwed up (and possibly even more so after the past few weeks!)
this is turning into a pointless rant, total dribble, but he means so much to me, he made me re-evaluate the way I view myself and I think I have some self confidence after those few weeks we were together.
This all makes it sound like I'm totally obsessed and hung up with him, but I'm not. We clicked together and I value him as a person, nearly as much as I value MH and E at home.
I'm going to stop dribbling now and do some work, maybe i'll ring him but I won't. I can't.