What I learnt yesterday:
Cocktails may have exciting names and come in funky colours but they are surely the Devil's own drink.
Especially those that contain rum.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Bah.
Worst test ever. It went wrong as soon as I got in the car and the examiner told me there was nothing to get nervous at!
I didnt realise my shaking was that obvious!
He kept making me stop and take deep breaths to try and calm down after I'd stalled it for the 2nd time, he couldn't believe that this was my 9th test (counting the puncture) and I couldn't believe that I was such a wreck considering that my pre-test drive had been faultless.
Oh Well, there's always another one!
Worst test ever. It went wrong as soon as I got in the car and the examiner told me there was nothing to get nervous at!
I didnt realise my shaking was that obvious!
He kept making me stop and take deep breaths to try and calm down after I'd stalled it for the 2nd time, he couldn't believe that this was my 9th test (counting the puncture) and I couldn't believe that I was such a wreck considering that my pre-test drive had been faultless.
Oh Well, there's always another one!
Monday, June 27, 2005
Sunday, June 26, 2005
One year ago today, I had been taken back from Derby, and dragged out of bed to be told this.
So how has my life changed since? It's been hard knowing plans that I'd made were on hold, indefinately.
I've found out who my real friends are and made some new ones that I'm pretty sure I can rely on.
Been hard knowing and seeing that Mum's not coping, she willingly admits to me that she spends more time at work if she can cos she don't or can't deal with it.
Been hard being the family scapegoat and one to take their stress out on but I know I've done the right thing.
So considering they gave us 9 months or a year to begin with how much longer is he going to hang on for? That's the big question really.
So how has my life changed since? It's been hard knowing plans that I'd made were on hold, indefinately.
I've found out who my real friends are and made some new ones that I'm pretty sure I can rely on.
Been hard knowing and seeing that Mum's not coping, she willingly admits to me that she spends more time at work if she can cos she don't or can't deal with it.
Been hard being the family scapegoat and one to take their stress out on but I know I've done the right thing.
So considering they gave us 9 months or a year to begin with how much longer is he going to hang on for? That's the big question really.
Friday, June 24, 2005
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Where the hell has this sudden fascination with my arse come from?
Honestly, its not that nice.
R - the restraining order is in the post.
I had a lovely day and Dad felt up to venturing further afield so we went to Whitstable as well, which is why I probably didn't see you as well.
I feel obliged to tell you that I don't do revealing bikini's especially that of the seee-through variety.
Flash - good looking guys are allowed to oogle, but not ones old enough to be your father.
However I'm now burnt.
BUUUUURRRNNNNTTT!!!
Burnt I tells ya!
*shakes fist at sun*
Honestly, its not that nice.
R - the restraining order is in the post.
I had a lovely day and Dad felt up to venturing further afield so we went to Whitstable as well, which is why I probably didn't see you as well.
I feel obliged to tell you that I don't do revealing bikini's especially that of the seee-through variety.
Flash - good looking guys are allowed to oogle, but not ones old enough to be your father.
However I'm now burnt.
BUUUUURRRNNNNTTT!!!
Burnt I tells ya!
*shakes fist at sun*
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
How I loathe the heat, I hate feeling all sweaty and tired, I hate the fact that blokes turn into raving nobheads when you venture out, all eye-ing you up or shouting comments out as you walk by.
Ok you get good points like pub gardens and the occasional decent looking guy but most scantily clad men have EEEnormous pot bellies and hairy chested (Ok, I'm shallow, I prefer blokes all smooth!)
Tomorrow, as long as the weather is still nice and Dad's feeling good enough we're going to the seaside. Possibly to Herne Bay where I ended up after walking out of the Vole place while doing the I.S, which is a nice enough place and near to my uncle and Aunt who I stayed with.
Am I going paddling? Yes.
Will we be playing in the penny arcades? Yes.
Eating Rock and Fish 'n' chips? Oh God yes!
Ok you get good points like pub gardens and the occasional decent looking guy but most scantily clad men have EEEnormous pot bellies and hairy chested (Ok, I'm shallow, I prefer blokes all smooth!)
Tomorrow, as long as the weather is still nice and Dad's feeling good enough we're going to the seaside. Possibly to Herne Bay where I ended up after walking out of the Vole place while doing the I.S, which is a nice enough place and near to my uncle and Aunt who I stayed with.
Am I going paddling? Yes.
Will we be playing in the penny arcades? Yes.
Eating Rock and Fish 'n' chips? Oh God yes!
Monday, June 20, 2005
Ha!
Once again I have proved that my family is Unlucky.
Everything happens to us.
I return home from a dreadful driving lesson, where I am ready to chuck the whole thing in and resign myself to a lifetime of public transport and am greeted by The Brat.
"Mum and Dad are back from Radiotherapy, but now they've gone to the QE."
"Why?"
"They needed A&E."
"Oh. Ok. Why?"
"Some Land-rover Nobhead wrote the car off while they were in it."
"Fair enough. Cup of tea?"
I'm waiting to see exactly what the damage is now. And looking for my bastarding Driving info or I'll never know when the next test is.
22.23. I forgot to update. My folks are fine, apart from a bit of whiplash and shock, the car that they were travelling in was updated, luckily it wasn't our car, but the one that is used to take them up to the hospital.
Once again I have proved that my family is Unlucky.
Everything happens to us.
I return home from a dreadful driving lesson, where I am ready to chuck the whole thing in and resign myself to a lifetime of public transport and am greeted by The Brat.
"Mum and Dad are back from Radiotherapy, but now they've gone to the QE."
"Why?"
"They needed A&E."
"Oh. Ok. Why?"
"Some Land-rover Nobhead wrote the car off while they were in it."
"Fair enough. Cup of tea?"
I'm waiting to see exactly what the damage is now. And looking for my bastarding Driving info or I'll never know when the next test is.
22.23. I forgot to update. My folks are fine, apart from a bit of whiplash and shock, the car that they were travelling in was updated, luckily it wasn't our car, but the one that is used to take them up to the hospital.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Bloody trains! If only I could drive!
Found out that there was no trains back down to London so had to travel to Birmingham first, I think I've spent about 5 hours travelling on over-crowded trains with no air conditioning.
Did you all have good weekends? I did! Oh God how I miss my Derby friends.
JF picked me up and we collected essential food supplies for a weekend, like cocktail sausages and onions, sushi and cookies, 50 cookies of varying flavours to be precise!
So we reached The Sheep's house, where I was going to be staying, it faces my old house! I miss it!
We started tucking into our feast when I remembered I was meant to be meeting H2 in Varsity in half hour so off we trotted, and then over to Our Beloved Friary, (I hugged the walls, I missed it - The bouncer laughed at me, I'd only had 2 drinks!) for dinner.
Then a few games of pool and over to the pub garden in Varsity, where we commandeered a table and I regalled them by telling them about stupid kids who don't know the words to "Ernie" and then sang 2 Little Boys and Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree to them, then around half 10 STF (resplendant in his pink shirt!!) and R came and met us.
"Oh my God! Charlton has boobs!"
Bloody men, just cos I was in a strappy top instead of my usual t-shirt/football shirt collection!
Few drinks in there then off to a new bar where STF fancies one of the barmaids.
Off to the club night in Walkabout after that, dancing and drinking, before leaving there at 2am, STF stole my hair bobble and I chased him down the road, before losing him after I fell arse-over-tit.
Eventually coming home at 3.30am, and decided to watch The Incredibles, but I was far too hyped up for anything peaceful like that and discovered some of that black duct tape stuff and tied The Sheep's hands and feet together and then gagged him.
Finally crawled into bed about 6am (leaving The Sheep STILL tied up, hehehehehe) and woke up again at 12, where we went for a pub lunch/breakfast type thing and going into town with STF to help him buy a present for his Mum and then chilling in a park, listening to music and sticking daisies in his hair.
Then he and The Sheep decided to aim the daisies to try and hit the small of my back.
"Charlton, you know if you made an effort, I'd let you sleep with me, you'd make a good girl, not only do you have boobs, but you got a nice arse too."
"Mate, not if you were the last bloke on Earth."
" Well you say that now..."
We (well I) then started teasing STF again about his pink shirt and how he's looking forward to seeing Will Young in concert and how I wanted to borrow the Tribie that he'd brought the last time I was up.
Back into town cos STF wanted a new camp shirt, although he declined the one I found him (hot pink with a little rainbow on the breast pocket)
But he did like the camp blue and white striped one, and then pulled a button off it, which I then used my "Womanly wiles" as The Sheep called it to get a discount on the shirt.
I managed to make a fool of myself as usual and discovered that they and A and N had made a list of my top 5 moments (its nice to be missed), the winner had been me getting tricked into kissing N and R but I managed to top that in what could be a classic comedy moment.
"But honestly Charlton, you really are clumsy"
"No I'm not!"
CRASH! I walked into one of those Sunglasses stand things. I may never live it down.
Back to STF's place and we started drinking while watching the Simpsons before heading out on the town again.
Off to some of the usual haunts and back into Walkabout, where they all teased me about the nude art posing thing and then stopped me pulling a guy named Russ and then I started to share my lollies with N and STF only N bit his all off and crunched it. STF bit his into pieces and I ended up picking bits of the lolly out of his mouth to eat and then share those bits with him (I've just read that back. Did I really do that? I'm afraid I did.)
A got pissed (No shock!!) and I decided he was staying with us, so I kinda guided him back to where we were staying, for a slim skinny guy, he wasn't half pushing me around while I was trying to walk in a straight like.
Sat on The Sheep's couch and had one of those heart-to-heart talks, you know:
"I love you."
"No I love you, Let's get another drink" Before I pushed him into the spare room and passing out myself.
Waking up late on Sunday Morning and headed straight off for my epic train trip and I'm just chilling from that now.
My God what a long blog! Taken me over an Hour to type it all out.
Hope you all had good weekends too!
Found out that there was no trains back down to London so had to travel to Birmingham first, I think I've spent about 5 hours travelling on over-crowded trains with no air conditioning.
Did you all have good weekends? I did! Oh God how I miss my Derby friends.
JF picked me up and we collected essential food supplies for a weekend, like cocktail sausages and onions, sushi and cookies, 50 cookies of varying flavours to be precise!
So we reached The Sheep's house, where I was going to be staying, it faces my old house! I miss it!
We started tucking into our feast when I remembered I was meant to be meeting H2 in Varsity in half hour so off we trotted, and then over to Our Beloved Friary, (I hugged the walls, I missed it - The bouncer laughed at me, I'd only had 2 drinks!) for dinner.
Then a few games of pool and over to the pub garden in Varsity, where we commandeered a table and I regalled them by telling them about stupid kids who don't know the words to "Ernie" and then sang 2 Little Boys and Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree to them, then around half 10 STF (resplendant in his pink shirt!!) and R came and met us.
"Oh my God! Charlton has boobs!"
Bloody men, just cos I was in a strappy top instead of my usual t-shirt/football shirt collection!
Few drinks in there then off to a new bar where STF fancies one of the barmaids.
Off to the club night in Walkabout after that, dancing and drinking, before leaving there at 2am, STF stole my hair bobble and I chased him down the road, before losing him after I fell arse-over-tit.
Eventually coming home at 3.30am, and decided to watch The Incredibles, but I was far too hyped up for anything peaceful like that and discovered some of that black duct tape stuff and tied The Sheep's hands and feet together and then gagged him.
Finally crawled into bed about 6am (leaving The Sheep STILL tied up, hehehehehe) and woke up again at 12, where we went for a pub lunch/breakfast type thing and going into town with STF to help him buy a present for his Mum and then chilling in a park, listening to music and sticking daisies in his hair.
Then he and The Sheep decided to aim the daisies to try and hit the small of my back.
"Charlton, you know if you made an effort, I'd let you sleep with me, you'd make a good girl, not only do you have boobs, but you got a nice arse too."
"Mate, not if you were the last bloke on Earth."
" Well you say that now..."
We (well I) then started teasing STF again about his pink shirt and how he's looking forward to seeing Will Young in concert and how I wanted to borrow the Tribie that he'd brought the last time I was up.
Back into town cos STF wanted a new camp shirt, although he declined the one I found him (hot pink with a little rainbow on the breast pocket)
But he did like the camp blue and white striped one, and then pulled a button off it, which I then used my "Womanly wiles" as The Sheep called it to get a discount on the shirt.
I managed to make a fool of myself as usual and discovered that they and A and N had made a list of my top 5 moments (its nice to be missed), the winner had been me getting tricked into kissing N and R but I managed to top that in what could be a classic comedy moment.
"But honestly Charlton, you really are clumsy"
"No I'm not!"
CRASH! I walked into one of those Sunglasses stand things. I may never live it down.
Back to STF's place and we started drinking while watching the Simpsons before heading out on the town again.
Off to some of the usual haunts and back into Walkabout, where they all teased me about the nude art posing thing and then stopped me pulling a guy named Russ and then I started to share my lollies with N and STF only N bit his all off and crunched it. STF bit his into pieces and I ended up picking bits of the lolly out of his mouth to eat and then share those bits with him (I've just read that back. Did I really do that? I'm afraid I did.)
A got pissed (No shock!!) and I decided he was staying with us, so I kinda guided him back to where we were staying, for a slim skinny guy, he wasn't half pushing me around while I was trying to walk in a straight like.
Sat on The Sheep's couch and had one of those heart-to-heart talks, you know:
"I love you."
"No I love you, Let's get another drink" Before I pushed him into the spare room and passing out myself.
Waking up late on Sunday Morning and headed straight off for my epic train trip and I'm just chilling from that now.
My God what a long blog! Taken me over an Hour to type it all out.
Hope you all had good weekends too!
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Good Things.
This time tomorrow I'll be in Derby embarking on a weekend of being unsober. Seeing some very good friends and in fact I'll be eating my tea in Varsity safe in the knowledge that at some point that night and possibly again over the next two days I'll be paying a visit to Our Beloved Friary.
Dad.
The radiotherapy (touch wood) seems to be working, he is no longer in any pain, apart from a few twinges and apart from the constant calls for cranberry juice, is a happy little camper. A few weeks ago I thought that he was on the way out but he's regained a lot of strength and although he won't get better he might last another month or two yet.
So hopefully there'll be no more numb fingers, where someone needs to cut his dinner for him and no more sitting there practically in tears from the pain.
(I suggested that this improvement meant that he could walk the 12 steps to the kitchen to get his own juice but he claims he's not that well yet)
Have a good weekend all!
This time tomorrow I'll be in Derby embarking on a weekend of being unsober. Seeing some very good friends and in fact I'll be eating my tea in Varsity safe in the knowledge that at some point that night and possibly again over the next two days I'll be paying a visit to Our Beloved Friary.
Dad.
The radiotherapy (touch wood) seems to be working, he is no longer in any pain, apart from a few twinges and apart from the constant calls for cranberry juice, is a happy little camper. A few weeks ago I thought that he was on the way out but he's regained a lot of strength and although he won't get better he might last another month or two yet.
So hopefully there'll be no more numb fingers, where someone needs to cut his dinner for him and no more sitting there practically in tears from the pain.
(I suggested that this improvement meant that he could walk the 12 steps to the kitchen to get his own juice but he claims he's not that well yet)
Have a good weekend all!
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
The Spotty one's buggered off I see.
Just have to wait how he does at the Toon.
Why haven't we signed anymore players? Grr! I want someone new!
Is there some kind of sell-on clause on his Chelsea contract? A bit more money out of him would be nice!
Just have to wait how he does at the Toon.
Why haven't we signed anymore players? Grr! I want someone new!
Is there some kind of sell-on clause on his Chelsea contract? A bit more money out of him would be nice!
Do you know today Curbs has been at Charlton for 10% of its entire history? There have been 88 appointments by next years 20 premiership teams in the time he's being in charge at The Valley!
If you do nothing else today my little football-loving readers, go to this and laugh at the cheesy picture.
Or here and giggle at the facts that they have somehow managed to link to Charlton and Curbs.
If you do nothing else today my little football-loving readers, go to this and laugh at the cheesy picture.
Or here and giggle at the facts that they have somehow managed to link to Charlton and Curbs.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
*major venting of steam*
Fucking, tramping cunt!
Stop with the snidey digs! Stop it now! You think I chose for this situation? Fucking stop it! Enough with it!
You said you'd support me and you haven't. And I'm fucking sick of it and very close to blowing you off completely.
I'll write you your fucking goddam cheque and enough's enough.
I'm sick and tired of it and I'd rather be friendless than have someone like you, you don't think I get enough stick from The Brat about it?
I came to Cardiff remember? Not just for the football but to see you and you hardly spoke two words to me.
I had a good time nonetheless but I'm fucking sick of it.
I don't like the fact that you came online just to tell me to post you a cheque and then said you had to go cos some people had work in the morning and not dossing about at home.
If you'd waited 5 minutes I'd have told you that I've been helping the builder, and got some typing just so I could give the money to my folks so they can pay the Leccy bill.
But enough's enough and I'm willing to write you out my life, which is a horrible thing as I don't want to lose any of my friends.
Fucking, tramping cunt!
Stop with the snidey digs! Stop it now! You think I chose for this situation? Fucking stop it! Enough with it!
You said you'd support me and you haven't. And I'm fucking sick of it and very close to blowing you off completely.
I'll write you your fucking goddam cheque and enough's enough.
I'm sick and tired of it and I'd rather be friendless than have someone like you, you don't think I get enough stick from The Brat about it?
I came to Cardiff remember? Not just for the football but to see you and you hardly spoke two words to me.
I had a good time nonetheless but I'm fucking sick of it.
I don't like the fact that you came online just to tell me to post you a cheque and then said you had to go cos some people had work in the morning and not dossing about at home.
If you'd waited 5 minutes I'd have told you that I've been helping the builder, and got some typing just so I could give the money to my folks so they can pay the Leccy bill.
But enough's enough and I'm willing to write you out my life, which is a horrible thing as I don't want to lose any of my friends.
They're stealing my Jobseekers!
I was getting excited about the possible idea of two different sets of £40 a month but now they've reduced my Jobseekers to £24 and by the looks of this letter that I've been given I'll be getting £70 a week, with Carer's, which is still pretty impressive considering I was getting £80 a fortnight before.
I'll still be rich! Hurrah!
I was getting excited about the possible idea of two different sets of £40 a month but now they've reduced my Jobseekers to £24 and by the looks of this letter that I've been given I'll be getting £70 a week, with Carer's, which is still pretty impressive considering I was getting £80 a fortnight before.
I'll still be rich! Hurrah!
How funny.
I just been speaking to the BB, we've not spoken for... oooh about a month now.
Dunno why, both thought the other was mad at the other.
He's a strange boy and I swear he's living in his own little world. The guy spoke about three lines to me before asking about my modelling for GT that I've not done yet, keeps getting put off for various reasons, neither of is can fix on a real date.
And then asks if he can get a copy of the pic after its done.
We'll ignore the fact that he's been seeing another girl since I left, which is a joke relationship in itself.
Then for the next hour starts flattering my ego, which is cool, cos it's been needed raising for ages but I'm not fooled by what he's after.
Here's a nice hint men.
Don't be so bloody obvious!!
I just been speaking to the BB, we've not spoken for... oooh about a month now.
Dunno why, both thought the other was mad at the other.
He's a strange boy and I swear he's living in his own little world. The guy spoke about three lines to me before asking about my modelling for GT that I've not done yet, keeps getting put off for various reasons, neither of is can fix on a real date.
And then asks if he can get a copy of the pic after its done.
We'll ignore the fact that he's been seeing another girl since I left, which is a joke relationship in itself.
Then for the next hour starts flattering my ego, which is cool, cos it's been needed raising for ages but I'm not fooled by what he's after.
Here's a nice hint men.
Don't be so bloody obvious!!
Monday, June 13, 2005
So the Carer's Allowance has come through.
Well I've qualified but have to wait a few more weeks until I know how much I'll be getting, Dad seems quite excited by the idea and there have been lots of calls along the lines of:
"Slave! I want a drink!"
"Slave! Dinner please?"
"Slave turn the tv channel over! It's time for Neighbours"
At the moment its still amusing me, I'm sure it won't take long though for the novelty value to wear off at being called downstairs just to get him a drink of cranberry juice (The guy's addicted).
Well I've qualified but have to wait a few more weeks until I know how much I'll be getting, Dad seems quite excited by the idea and there have been lots of calls along the lines of:
"Slave! I want a drink!"
"Slave! Dinner please?"
"Slave turn the tv channel over! It's time for Neighbours"
At the moment its still amusing me, I'm sure it won't take long though for the novelty value to wear off at being called downstairs just to get him a drink of cranberry juice (The guy's addicted).
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Friday, June 10, 2005
I suppose if you're out of London you've not heard about the Peregrine Falcons that have been nesting here.
The Falcons are one of the rarest birds of prey here and are listed on Schedule 1 of the Wildlife & Countryside Act 1981, which gives special protection at all times. This means its an offence to take, injure or kill a peregrine or to take, damage or destroy its nest, eggs or young. It is also an offence to intentionally disturb the birds at or close to their nest during the breeding season, with a potential 6 month prison sentence.
So now that you've had a zoology lesson, you can be fascinated to learn that they've nested in a tower block in London.
And.... You can see the birds and their chicks here, and then clicking the webcam link (needs real player or something similar)
(I'm so impressed that I managed to remember that vague bit of information from my Wildlife Conservation lectures! I guess uni wasnt wasted after all!)
The Falcons are one of the rarest birds of prey here and are listed on Schedule 1 of the Wildlife & Countryside Act 1981, which gives special protection at all times. This means its an offence to take, injure or kill a peregrine or to take, damage or destroy its nest, eggs or young. It is also an offence to intentionally disturb the birds at or close to their nest during the breeding season, with a potential 6 month prison sentence.
So now that you've had a zoology lesson, you can be fascinated to learn that they've nested in a tower block in London.
And.... You can see the birds and their chicks here, and then clicking the webcam link (needs real player or something similar)
(I'm so impressed that I managed to remember that vague bit of information from my Wildlife Conservation lectures! I guess uni wasnt wasted after all!)
Thursday, June 09, 2005
It's fun to stay at the YMCA! (Feel free to join in with appropriate actions!)
I've been helping the builder today, carrying out the essential tasks like sweeping away the sawdust.
He even let me wear his toolbelt, sadly it was too big for me and fell straight down, and he didn't have a hard hat but I've still felt like a member of The Village People.
I got to learn all sorts of exciting things, like the difference between a Phillips screwdriver and ummm... the other one.
I got to learn how to use a drill, which I've always been kept well away from in the past and I think he thinks the same from admiring the screws I put it.
I learnt that Insulation is itchy too. I itch now.
I got sent down though, when my lack of upper arm strength rendered me useless for holding up the insulation.
I've been helping the builder today, carrying out the essential tasks like sweeping away the sawdust.
He even let me wear his toolbelt, sadly it was too big for me and fell straight down, and he didn't have a hard hat but I've still felt like a member of The Village People.
I got to learn all sorts of exciting things, like the difference between a Phillips screwdriver and ummm... the other one.
I got to learn how to use a drill, which I've always been kept well away from in the past and I think he thinks the same from admiring the screws I put it.
I learnt that Insulation is itchy too. I itch now.
I got sent down though, when my lack of upper arm strength rendered me useless for holding up the insulation.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
I'm going to the dentist!
I'm quite proud of this as it's only taken me 6 months to re-register and I've still not got round to going to the Docs yet to re-register there.
I like the dentist, admittedly it's been a few years since I was last there, but I remain confident that he'll give me the usual sticker for being good and cleaning my teeth.
The only part of the dentist I don't like is going down (hehehehehehehehehe) in the chair as it is lowered, I always feel that I might slide down the seat and land on my head.
(updated 14.55. The bastard never gave me a sticker and he made my teeth bleed! But on the plus side I had an X-ray taken due to having impressive and famous teeth [They were featured in a medical Dentist-y journal] And X-rays are always fun on the hope that they'll somehow give me radioactive powers)
I'm quite proud of this as it's only taken me 6 months to re-register and I've still not got round to going to the Docs yet to re-register there.
I like the dentist, admittedly it's been a few years since I was last there, but I remain confident that he'll give me the usual sticker for being good and cleaning my teeth.
The only part of the dentist I don't like is going down (hehehehehehehehehe) in the chair as it is lowered, I always feel that I might slide down the seat and land on my head.
(updated 14.55. The bastard never gave me a sticker and he made my teeth bleed! But on the plus side I had an X-ray taken due to having impressive and famous teeth [They were featured in a medical Dentist-y journal] And X-rays are always fun on the hope that they'll somehow give me radioactive powers)
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Monday, June 06, 2005
How do you try and explain to someone who doesnt listen?
Especially when I'm too pissed off to understand it rationally myself.
I'm to be my Dad's carer.
I already do a lot of the things to qualify, I'm at home a lot, I cook, run errands and keep him company during the day.
So I qualify for Carer's Allowance.
However this means that job-hunting's gonna have to change. Unless I get the actual job that I did a degree in, is it really worth it, me applying for Minimum wage jobs when I'm more or less gonna get it for sitting indoors.
And seeing as the fish job is the only thing so far that I've applied to and got more than a letter back saying "No thanks" and the only thing I've applied for that I'm qualified for, I doubt anything will come up anytime soon.
So this makes sense, I get more money than I would just on JSA and my folks could do with the money, when he becomes ill enough Mum will give up work too and the nurses will come.
But all I see it as being trapped. I have to be at home 35 hours a day, which is a 9-4 job 5 days a week, more or less. I'll be here all day with the moodswings and The Fear.
Everyone who reads here, knows how I feel at being at home and I can't help feeling trapped, people here don't see that I do most of the housework, but when I don't do something they're quick enough to call me stupid and selfish, The Brat is always sliding digs in about how I don't have a job and HE does. How HE can drive and I cant and according to him, I'll never pass.
All the time I've been here, I've felt myself dragging down, believing what They tell me, I don't want to be here anymore (well I've never wanted to be here) but I can't leave, so I feel guilty at wanting to leave and being angry at being in this position, and then guilty again at being resentful.
It's getting me down, I'm up all hours and when I sleep I have bad dreams, when I do finally sleep and wake, its hard to find a reason to get out of bed and harder still to stay out of bed once I'm up, I only manage a few hours before being so bored and tired that sleep is a good option.
My eating habits are always poor and they're getting worse too, I can't remember the last time I ate properly.
I've tried to explain to MH about the benefits of me being at home, there's no need for her to know the rest of it.
She don't understand though and I don't have the patience or the want to explain. No doubt she'll go off telling anyone who'll listen that I'm being crap, and I am, but this is better all round for everyone and the reason I came home in the 1st place to help.
Especially when I'm too pissed off to understand it rationally myself.
I'm to be my Dad's carer.
I already do a lot of the things to qualify, I'm at home a lot, I cook, run errands and keep him company during the day.
So I qualify for Carer's Allowance.
However this means that job-hunting's gonna have to change. Unless I get the actual job that I did a degree in, is it really worth it, me applying for Minimum wage jobs when I'm more or less gonna get it for sitting indoors.
And seeing as the fish job is the only thing so far that I've applied to and got more than a letter back saying "No thanks" and the only thing I've applied for that I'm qualified for, I doubt anything will come up anytime soon.
So this makes sense, I get more money than I would just on JSA and my folks could do with the money, when he becomes ill enough Mum will give up work too and the nurses will come.
But all I see it as being trapped. I have to be at home 35 hours a day, which is a 9-4 job 5 days a week, more or less. I'll be here all day with the moodswings and The Fear.
Everyone who reads here, knows how I feel at being at home and I can't help feeling trapped, people here don't see that I do most of the housework, but when I don't do something they're quick enough to call me stupid and selfish, The Brat is always sliding digs in about how I don't have a job and HE does. How HE can drive and I cant and according to him, I'll never pass.
All the time I've been here, I've felt myself dragging down, believing what They tell me, I don't want to be here anymore (well I've never wanted to be here) but I can't leave, so I feel guilty at wanting to leave and being angry at being in this position, and then guilty again at being resentful.
It's getting me down, I'm up all hours and when I sleep I have bad dreams, when I do finally sleep and wake, its hard to find a reason to get out of bed and harder still to stay out of bed once I'm up, I only manage a few hours before being so bored and tired that sleep is a good option.
My eating habits are always poor and they're getting worse too, I can't remember the last time I ate properly.
I've tried to explain to MH about the benefits of me being at home, there's no need for her to know the rest of it.
She don't understand though and I don't have the patience or the want to explain. No doubt she'll go off telling anyone who'll listen that I'm being crap, and I am, but this is better all round for everyone and the reason I came home in the 1st place to help.
Radiotherapy starts this week!
Bring it on!
Other things too, realisations more to the point, driving me insane.
Nothing seems as much fun as it was before, and what's the point if its not fun?
Yes, I'm in huge self-pity mode and that's no fun either, cos I feel angry and then guilty that I'm angry and it sucks.
I've been looking for a quote from Macbeth for ages and I've finally come across it, at first I thought I was thinking of the "Out, out Damned Spot!" Speech but I found it today.
Bring it on!
Other things too, realisations more to the point, driving me insane.
Nothing seems as much fun as it was before, and what's the point if its not fun?
Yes, I'm in huge self-pity mode and that's no fun either, cos I feel angry and then guilty that I'm angry and it sucks.
I've been looking for a quote from Macbeth for ages and I've finally come across it, at first I thought I was thinking of the "Out, out Damned Spot!" Speech but I found it today.
| "Out, out, brief candle! | ||
Friday, June 03, 2005
Cheryl!
It looks like you are our Winner!
I'm guessing that number 1000 has passed us by and wishes to remain anonymous or doesn't care about the prize (Dunno why though!? LOL!)
You can't pick your prize! Otherwise that'd spoil the whole point of a "mystery prize!"
If you want the prize, send us an email with your address on it and I'll post it. (Just remember that it is a "crap mystery prize")
......
Next prize given out at 5,000 posts!
It looks like you are our Winner!
I'm guessing that number 1000 has passed us by and wishes to remain anonymous or doesn't care about the prize (Dunno why though!? LOL!)
You can't pick your prize! Otherwise that'd spoil the whole point of a "mystery prize!"
If you want the prize, send us an email with your address on it and I'll post it. (Just remember that it is a "crap mystery prize")
......
Next prize given out at 5,000 posts!
Who was number 1000?
I have details! (I finally figured out how to work this sitemeter thing! It tells me how people have found me and stuff, pretty neat huh?)
They popped by at 8.22.18am, are on a WinXP system, using Internet Explorer 6.0 (I feel like a private dectective!) and didn't stop very long, which makes me suspect they were a random-blog hopper.
I have details! (I finally figured out how to work this sitemeter thing! It tells me how people have found me and stuff, pretty neat huh?)
They popped by at 8.22.18am, are on a WinXP system, using Internet Explorer 6.0 (I feel like a private dectective!) and didn't stop very long, which makes me suspect they were a random-blog hopper.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Hurray!
Some point soon. I'm gonna reach 1000 page views, up to 990 now!
we should celebrate this in some way.
So... maybe we should have a competition.
The person to reach 1000 can win a prize, if they like.
But I'll want proof, and so take a screen shot of it. (using Prt Sc SysRq - I just found the joy of this button!!) Save the picture and email it to me, so I know no one's cheating!
And if you like, you can win a mystery (crap) prize!
Hurray! Prizes!
(Oh yeah, if you've not noticed, the visitor number is at the bottom of the page, so scroll down.
Go on I dare ya, Scroll away!
Some point soon. I'm gonna reach 1000 page views, up to 990 now!
we should celebrate this in some way.
So... maybe we should have a competition.
The person to reach 1000 can win a prize, if they like.
But I'll want proof, and so take a screen shot of it. (using Prt Sc SysRq - I just found the joy of this button!!) Save the picture and email it to me, so I know no one's cheating!
And if you like, you can win a mystery (crap) prize!
Hurray! Prizes!
(Oh yeah, if you've not noticed, the visitor number is at the bottom of the page, so scroll down.
Go on I dare ya, Scroll away!
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
5 more signings??!!!
Look Richard Murray, says so himself and anything he says has gotta be right, right?
"We are looking to sign five senior players, starting with Darren," said the Addicks chairman."
"I'll expect there will be one more signing next week, and another one the week after that and so on for the next four weeks, then Alan and I can relax a little bit"
What's the odds that one of those is a goalie? And what is it about Curbs thing about signing goalies?
Look Richard Murray, says so himself and anything he says has gotta be right, right?
"We are looking to sign five senior players, starting with Darren," said the Addicks chairman."
"I'll expect there will be one more signing next week, and another one the week after that and so on for the next four weeks, then Alan and I can relax a little bit"
What's the odds that one of those is a goalie? And what is it about Curbs thing about signing goalies?
So this radiotherapy lark?
Basically it'll involve I think a week and a half of daily doses, which as a pallative treatment, which won't cure it, but is meant to try and shrink it and reduce the pain that Dad gets when his arm feels numb from the cancer touching nerves.
So Dad's gonna get these daily doses, zapped into him, and it sadly enough won't lead to him coming over all Radioactive and Incredible Hulk-like.
Neither will there be any interesting side-effects like hair-loss, only tiredness and as The Brat said, "who's gonna know the difference then?"
If you're a statistics freak, we've been told that, there will be a 75% chance of this working and a 45% percent chance of side-effects.
So there you go, we also have thrilling booklets entitled "living at home when your cancer is advanced" (Or living at home when your cancers about to kill you off), this comes with a equally riveting sequel, "Caring at home when your cancer is advanced" (Possibly the saddest and most depressing thing I've ever forced myself to read)
And another about Financial help from the Macmillan Cancer people. (The Mothership already has plans about getting a new tumble dryer from them as our ones dying a slow and painful death)
(Look at that! A post that goes from radiotherapy, to dying to new tumble-dryers, It's all linked in a big circle!)
Basically it'll involve I think a week and a half of daily doses, which as a pallative treatment, which won't cure it, but is meant to try and shrink it and reduce the pain that Dad gets when his arm feels numb from the cancer touching nerves.
So Dad's gonna get these daily doses, zapped into him, and it sadly enough won't lead to him coming over all Radioactive and Incredible Hulk-like.
Neither will there be any interesting side-effects like hair-loss, only tiredness and as The Brat said, "who's gonna know the difference then?"
If you're a statistics freak, we've been told that, there will be a 75% chance of this working and a 45% percent chance of side-effects.
So there you go, we also have thrilling booklets entitled "living at home when your cancer is advanced" (Or living at home when your cancers about to kill you off), this comes with a equally riveting sequel, "Caring at home when your cancer is advanced" (Possibly the saddest and most depressing thing I've ever forced myself to read)
And another about Financial help from the Macmillan Cancer people. (The Mothership already has plans about getting a new tumble dryer from them as our ones dying a slow and painful death)
(Look at that! A post that goes from radiotherapy, to dying to new tumble-dryers, It's all linked in a big circle!)
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