I don't think I can do the selfless thing very well.
Talking to MH yesterday on MSN and her telling me she was off to Israel as part of her course.
(Not quite sure if she really is off or whether she has her wires crossed and is off somewhere else.)
But its not fair and I am jealous.
I was the one who wanted to do all the travelling, go places, instead I'm stuck here watching the pennies and getting over-excited cos they're putting a Diagnosis Murder film on Friday.
I WANT AN ADVENTURE!!!
This was made all the more worse by reading Tequila Mockingbird who has just buggered off to Thailand or possibly Hong Kong just for the fuck of it, its the sort of thing I wish I could do, just show up at Heathrow or Gatwick armed with a passport and jump on whatever flight takes my fancy.
MH has gone to Ireland three or four times since September and I wish I could just fuck the overdraft and go away, but I can't cos I can't handle being in the overdraft and I'm afraid of leaving home, at the moment. (Dunno why. Not like Dad's in the state yet, where it could be any day.)
What with her silent accusations that I'm not doing anything to find a job, its more than I can handle, I'm doing my best here, if only I had a job and someway of actually saving more, getting some money together.
Then once I'm free I can do all the things that I wanna do.
Christ, putting your life on hold is a lot harder than it seems!
All I seem to do is mope and sit around the house, its really getting me down.