100 days since He came to Derby and I got fucked over.
I still don't know why He did what He did and the bad side of me, the one that sounds like people from school, that put the bad thoughts into my head tell me "He did it cos he wanted a laugh, He's a bastard cunting wanker, like them all that you once thought were friends. He wanted to mess with your head."
Don't help the other things I've found out about Him since.
He's my best bloke mate apart from STF, although we hardly speak on the phone and rarely by text unless its abuse about our football teams fates.
But we get each other, rarely does someone get my sense of humour as quickly as He does and yes we are different, but we're also very much the same.
I can't rationalise what He did and I know there's nothing I can do until the next time I see Him, even if I have to wait another 100 days or even a year like before and then I know He'll bring it up cos like me. He can't let a thing lie and I'll tell him exactly what I know, and see how He tries to wiggle out of it, until then I'm biding my time.
I want Him out of my head and for a few days I'm successful in putting it out, stopping myself from thinking and then something will happen and He's back in my head.
I've tried all sorts of things, but Goddamn it. He won't leave my head and heart.
2 years in May since we first met and this is getting stupid.
I only want His friendship, I don't want this... this... patheticness anymore, can't have Him so why bother?
I think a lot of what could be and what I've missed out on (not my fault - his!) We would have been really awesome together and as far as I'm concerned that chance is gone now.
Not sure I want Him after it all now.
I don't know what I want and God only knows what He wants and what His motives are, whether it was to hurt me or what.
But there you go... Onwards and upwards right?

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Meanwhile in other news I'm applying for the fish job and as always my folks were full of support and encouragement.
Dad: - "You really think you can fool them into getting it?"
Me: - "Hell yeah... And it's not fooling. We've kept fish for nearly 12 years, I did fish based and genetic modules at uni, I think I might know something about it."
Mum: - "But Its for a SENIOR technican, you've not got any experience, I don't think you'll get it."
Ok, you've been moaning at me for the last month for being unemployed, now there's a job I reckon I can do.. Cheers.... Tell you what, I think Safeways/Morrisons/Somerfield/whatever-the-hell-it-is down the Standard is hiring, shall I just work there for the rest of my life?
Sheeesh.