Went to see The Hobbit part two. Still lusting over Legolas, despite him being totally wooden and a shit actor. Two Orlando Blooms for my money acting terribly. It was better than I feared, although I can't fall for them the way I did with LOTR and Harry Potter, the way A Song of Ice and Fire is currently obsessing me (books, not the Game of Thrones series).
Rather odd elf/elf/dwarf love triangle going on which was totally unnecessary really. Still. It was ok in its own way.

So after making a total tit of myself and thinking the worst. It turns out to be a cyst.
Relief all round.

Went out drinking armed with only a cheeky packet of monster munch at 10am.
I got wankered. Someone asked how Mother was and then the whole sorry drama came spilling out. How rejected I feel. How hurt that she doesn't even want me at the doctors and wants TMWMinW instead.
How stupidly it makes me so sad the different way she treats him to Dad. How I am already prepared for the worst come Monday.
I cried to several people and ruined their nights. No one wants to be the one looking after the weeping drunk girl at parties.
AND at the end of it, I walked home alone and barefoot from Greeny at 1am and wasn't even drunk.
Up at 6.20 am to get to work boo.
Ho hum. Tomorrow is another day and They will be back.

Mother goes for her test on Monday. I am so not ready to do this again. Feeling rather down and miserable about it all tonight. Long, tiring day at work. Good though. In the midst of a 12 day stint. Going for cocktails tomorrow with them and then drinks with the nmm crew Friday before going to do a BLS weekend course.
I feel like getting smashed out of my face.

4 reasons why this might be the nicest Sunday ever.

1. Jumped (with some persuasion) my first 70cm jump. Yes it was messy and untidy but wheeee!
2. Mint matchmaker Mcflurry.
3. Hull beating Liverpool
4. I do love a good roast dinner.

Mother may have tit rot. I'm sure we all remember just how much fun it was when Dad got kidney rot.

Waiting further investigations before we start the whole fun over and over again.

This seems particularly sucky when you think that she's just about to start a whole new life with The Most Wonderful Man in the World (hereby after known as TMWMinW). 

Which as idiotic as she's acting over the situation, at least she's happier than I've seen her in a long time and things also looked like they were going to be working out for me. 

Still. She's thinking positive until tests reveal one way or another so I will do the same.

Fingers crossed people.

Still really enjoying work so far. I was told that I'm entitled to 3.5 days of leave so wisely using them to take half days for all Tuesdays and Fridays.
Work have agreed for me to leave at 5.30 on Tuesday which means a bit of a scamper but I can get to the yard for 7pm like I used to again.
I got paid yesterday! SO MUCH MONEY! I know its really crass to talk about how much you get paid but 1581 pounds! I've never earnt so much in my life! A ridiculous sum!
Cleared my overdraft and credit card bill and still left with a reasonable amount for the month. And once I pass probation I will be getting bonuses.
Mind. Blown.
So what will I do with all this money? Well the idea of a horse is still foremost in my mind although I am struggling with the idea of how I will find the time.
But priorities come first and that means finding a home for me, Welshy and the animals. So I will be saving for a deposit.
I am also thinking about the driving lessons again. I feel a car would come in handy when it comes to running about, saves so much time and effort hassling with buses and if the horse comes into play (see obsessed!) I can drive to the yard in 45 minutes rather than taking 90 as it currently does and long sits in the cold.
I also used it to go to a McTimoney session run by a lady at the yard. It was a rather odd session with lots of massage and strange slaps and flicks but for the first time in a long time I dont have any real aches in my shoulders and am waiting for Friday's ride to see if i'm level (apparently my pelvis and hips were wonky - which I could tell as my stirrups weren't level).
I enjoyed it though and it was nice to be able to afford something like that rather than desiring it and not being able to afford it or putting it off as a new coat or shoes were needed first.

Welshy is away again now and I might see him before Xmas, not sure yet. Mother wants to bring her bf over for christmas which would be awkward for all concerned. Glad I'll be at work for most of it.

Work is going well so far. So nice to be in an office where they appreciate my efforts and want to help. the long days suck though. Suck big. Fat. Donkey. Balls.
Leaving the house at 7. Getting home at 7. On Tuesdays I get to the office for 8 so I can leave at half past five in order to get to the yard at a sensible time, but still don't get home till 9 or 10.
I arranged for KOM my little boss to have an interview with my new place. She never turned up and never bothered to re-arrange despite texting me that she was feeling trapped and stressed. She ignored the guy calling to re-arrange and my text and now I find she has deleted me from Facebook.
I don't understand and it makes me a little sad but fuck it.
They are talking of ending my promotion early. Talk of me being a "good hire" of having the "potential to go to the top" They'll soon realise I have no idea about anything!!
I am thinking that if I did get promoted then I can ask to go and leave early. To leave at 5 or 5.30. I believe Alanis Morissette sang about this being so ironic. I can afford to buy my horse. I cannot afford the time to look after one.
I dunno. At the moment I am just very tired and hoping desperately that it will soon all fall into a decent routine. One that doesn't involve me crashing out on Saturdays and sleeping all afternoon.

Riding is going ok. I didn't ride the Tuesday and Friday of Fireworks Night (wisely - horse didn't appreciate the bangs)
And I jumped my first little course (or at least two jumps set out in different spaces) and my first double (two jumps two or three strides apart) on Sunday.
Good times.

Mother is back from Grotty tomorrow and Welshy is away again next Sunday.

I went white water rafting at the Olympic Venue in Lea - such good fun and me and E and P are off to give Ski-ing a go in a week or two.

Finally. Thoughts go out to Red Squirrel who's wife died from cancer this week. I miss his occasional presence here, although it seems many years since I had my collection of "regulars" they are often in my thoughts and facebook news feeds.

I had a very nice two weeks of gardening leave and last Monday I started new job. I'm really enjoying it so far. So much easier and nicer than where I was before.
This week I will be set up with my weekly "targets" so bit worried about hitting them. But it'll be cool :) Getting an assistant to help me with referencing (!) who will be working for my bonus! They want another compliance officer and I'm trying to get my friend from last job to come and work with me. Made a bit of a booboo calling her up at work though.

Only downside to this is the long hours. Work starts at 8.30 and finishes at 6pm. I get home at 7 and on Tuesdays I get to the yard at twenty to eight. URGH.
I ended up lunging and giving the horse the quickest muck out ever. Which left me feeling a bit guilty.
Gonna have to mention something to work to get there a little earlier. Its impossible at the moment to ride with that. A normal muck out is 40 minutes. Plus an hour riding. Plus an hour (or hour 20) to get home if I can't scab a lift.
Then the usual bath, dinner when I get home. Its just a bit too late.

But that's the only downside and I'm hoping I can work around this.

So I went to Dubai right?
I loved Dubai. I didn't think I would, the heat, the culture...
We went to Oman on a long drive to snorkel and saw dolphins. Went to the Atlantis Resort and rode terrifying rides that were amazing fun as well.
The malls were amazing. One had a SKI SLOPE FFS.
I spent 4 hours in one!? How!? We ate cheesecake (I so wish the cheesecake factory would open in London)  Welshy ate lobster.
We went out to the desert and rode Mr Sheila the gender confused camel and her devoted owner, went dune bashing, rode quadbikes and attempted sandboarding.
Lovely time and a lovely time with Welshy as well, especially after I ruined Croatia for us.

Anyway, came home horribly jetlagged Monday and went to work Tuesday. It was kinda awkward, I was being ignored, the new boss had taken over my candidates and as my notice expires in 2 weeks it seemed silly to throw myself back into them.
Rode Tuesday and V was the best she's ever been.
Went to work Wednesday and at 10am they told me they were sending me on "Gardening Leave" as "its clear your heart is not in it."
I assume they are judging this on my past behaviour? Although I'd actually been inspired since then as she was working hard to change how things were?
Bizarre.
Anyway. Went to have meeting with company B (The one that means long hours mentioned in last post) and it was all really productive and I just found out that they want me to start on the 28th!
Whoop! Bit nervous as they said honestly that they will get rid of someone if they have 3 months without progress. Hopefully that will keep me on my toes.
Long hours too. 8.30 till 6pm. Hoping once I start I can negotiage an earlier finish for riding.

But Seriously. 21k. I can start to save once again for a deposit. I can afford to keep a horse on that if I stay at home. I've never earnt so much in my life.

So Tuesday I got offered a new job right?
Wednesday I phoned up this agency that had offered me an interview and told them I wasn't interested. That I had a new job. I told them who it was with and that it was for 19k.
He spent all day Thursday trying to call me. I got annoyed and eventually took the call. I know its their job to be convincing, but my fuck, he could sell anything to anyone. He basically told me I had TWO companies fighting for me, that I could name my price and they'd beat what I've been offered.
So reluctantly I agreed to do it. One has offered me 21k plus a 200 pound bonus for getting 5 people fully compliant each month.
The other - and they are a MUCH MUCH larger company - like internationally big. They could train me to do basic life support courses. To take bloods (which sold the company to me completely)
They also offered me 21k and a bonus structure of a rolling £10 bonus for every doctor that I've out for work and ten pound per month for every month they work. So say I have 30 doctors that's 300? Right?
*math fail*

The bad side is that I'd be at work until 6. Although they possibly will be shrinking the hours to 5.30. I think they said they started at 8.30 though.....

Either way it'd be close to 7 by the time I get home. Not so down with that. I'm more taken though with that than any of the others simply because I want the pennies and to learn to stab people!
I'm wondering if its possible to ask them to have a 30 min lunch break instead of the hour so I can leave earlier.

On Friday she wanted me to call in sick so she could spend the day with him. I refused. She's walked him to the school gates every day. It would be pretty fucking obvious don'tcha think?
Anyway. To take revenge for this, she decided that they would go to a show. Which is fine except my Godfather was visiting and expected someone to be home to let him in. And she told me at 6.15. When I was halfway to the yard. I had to quickly muck out and return home so my poor Godfather wasn't sat on the doorstep.
Selfish.
Anyhow. Welshy is back now. Yay! Boy has committed to staying her - I fail to see how it would work. He is a messy cunt. We all know this. He is lazy and filthy.

On Sunday me and Welshy will go to Dubai! I am very excited! We plan on renting dune buggies and going a bit mental!!

And most excitingly of all, yesterday I was offered a new job!!!!!
The one in Bank so hellish commute, and its till 5.30 which is sad but 18k a year which means I'm not going to be so desperately poor come Feb! I will still be at the yard by 7 pm which is sad, especially now the nights are rapidly drawing in but hey ho! I am very excited. Hoping for the contract to arrive tomorrow so I can get my notice in before I go away.

Instead of being up at 6 as she usually is. She was still in bed when I left at 7.30.
empty bottle of wine and two glasses lying about.

clearly the only person in this house with an ounce of sense and dignity.

Christ today has been awkward.
The Boyfriend appeared this morning when I was getting ready for work. Clearly spent the night here and they snuck in after everyone had gone to bed. Avoiding my brother. Very Grown-up.
So awkward introductions over my peanut butter toast. Mother telling the story of how newpony booted me at the start of the year and apparently I'd put on my limp as there was no bruise at the time until a couple of days later and i wasn't limping the next day.
Because people like to walk around with buckling legs and pain that even codeine can't take away.

So yeah. Whatever.

After work we were going to tea together with Mother's friend D - who incidently shares my concerns. I hardly knew where to look.
Only once did I ever see her hold my Dad's hand, when he was sickest and hallucinating. Never did I see them kiss, or touch.
But they were holding hands, they kept hands on each other knees, there was kissing, and touching and all those little sickening moments between new couples.
And. Yes. I found it harder than I ever thought I would. I could barely look at them.He tried to patronise me with some silly question about what I'd say in an interview - He said his answer was perfectionism. I said that was generic and I'd talk about my Maths.
Not sure he liked that.
Way home and D told me to get her number off of Mum which made me suddenly feel sad and weepy - obviously I didn't show it.
On the way home and we were listening to his CD. I asked him who the biggest thing he'd recorded for was. He told me. I'd never heard of them. Told me the next people. I'd heard of them. Didn't like them.
He didn't like that.

Meant to be preparing for an interview tomorrow but tbh I feel really shaken and upset and I know its pathetic.

So the Mother Boyfriend situation continues.
Apparently she plans on moving in with him ASAP. Granddad is going into a home now (that sounds like she's forcing him to, she's not. The situation with him has deteriorated dramatically).
So I don't know where that leaves us. I cannot live with The Brat. I cannot live longterm hiding food and plates in my room, being forced to spend all my time in my room as I cannot bear the mess in the living room and also not wanting to tidy it up.
Where will I - we - go? We can only afford to stay at home if all three of us pay mother real rent and the bills.
She suggested moving into my Granddad's house. I'm not comfortable with that tbh. And it does not solve the problem of living with the boy except that the house is big enough to separate into two. And thats only if the other family members are down with it, and I can hardly see that being the case!!!
The other problem involves my aviary. Me and Welshy could possibly afford some scummy little flat even if it involves sharing with other people. Scummy little flats do not often include gardens.
It is not fair and simply not possible to move 14 birds that are used to being outside in a spacious aviary where they can fly, climb and play as naturally as possible into a cage.
Do Scummy flats include space for tortoises?
So options become even more limited...

I am worried about this. Selfishly worried about what will become of me and my pets. Worried as well that this is all so impulsive. Leaving her job, her home (she plans on renting it to strangers if we all move out), selling her car. Leaving her friends and family for a man she met a month ago. A "songwriter" in his 50's. She wrote to someone she knows "I've spoken to him every day since. I never thought I could feel like this again."

He is coming over next week. She wisely decided against letting him stay here, which I think would blow The Brat's mind and he's already struggling to deal with this - as am I. Lets not pretend.
One month ago and Dad was still all she wanted. His clothes still in the wardrobe. His slippers still by the radiator. 7 years and still mourned.
Now 1 month has passed and she's like a lovesick teenager and I have to bite my tongue least I am accused again of not supporting her, not wanting her to be happy.
And I do. I do want her to be happy. I guess I just assumed it wouldn't change anything for me. That it'd be someone in the UK and it could be a gradual process. This is all so rushed and quite frankly I fear her getting her heart broken and being left stranded, jobless and friendless and me again having to pick the pieces up.

I am also - selfishly - worried about being homeless and what will become of my pets.

Still. Went for an interview today, that will pay slightly more so if I get that, perhaps I'd be able to save a bit more and get some kind of deposit together for a flat for me and Welshy.

I forgot to mention. STF got married on Saturday. I was unable to go due to last minute change of plans. Funny but those guys that were once so close to me, are now like strangers and missing the wedding was sad, but at the end of the day left me rather unbothered.

Little Boss has handed in her notice and is going to another job that pays 8k a year more than we get for the same role. Work are being arses about making her work her entire notice.
They've also decided that we need a real compliance manager (not little boss who has been doing the job in all but name since January) and have hired Uber managers sister who has no experience in this field to learn from us how to do the job and manage us. I think that swung Little Boss's decision to go and who can blame her. I have another interview next Friday. I wish we both end up leaving! It will be hard with no one to support me any more.
I agreed to do two days a week starting at 8 and finishing at 4. Cunningly both on pony days. God I love, love, love that horse. I just jumped a 50 cm jump. Yes there was a bit of terror on my part but before this, back in April 20 cm was my limit.
I'm gonna spend a few weeks working on 45 and 50 cm jumps. Get my confidence up some more and then maybe go up again.
I went to a centre last week and watched some friends jump the 90 and 1m class, was a lovely venue with a bar and a cafe. They are doing dressage in October and its where bitchpony's owner competes. I'd like to go there and try and smash her, but it means hiring a horsebox so it'll all get expensive!

BIG BIG News. Mother has a boyfriend! Except she's not come out and said so directly. But lots of comments about how she spent a lot of time with him. She's gone out of the room to discuss it with her friends and she showed me a ridiculously sappy card he wrote to her, saying how much he can't wait to see her again.

Not sure how I feel about this. I obviously want her to be happy and not mope after Dad all the time. But it's weird you know? I hope he's not the kind to dick her about and can put up with her when she's not in holiday mode and she is how we know her to be.
I dunno. Such a strange feeling.

Last bank holiday before Christmas!
Huzzah! I do love this bank holiday lark.
I didn't do anything of note. I watched some repeats of the Show-jumping and dressage that had been on during the last week and have made a half-hearted attempt to tidy my room. Its not quite there but its a lot better than what it was. I have floor space!
The problem is that both me and Welshy have a lot of crap. And there is no space to put any of it. His clothes live in part of my wardrobe, in a drawer in the spare room, and on my floor.
Did some job hunting but obviously not a lot has been put out.
I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow. So stressed. Please, please let the recruitment agency that contacted me Thursday get back in touch soon.

Riding tomorrow though. That's one positive about my coming week.

Not able to decide if I was better off at the museum or at my current job.
So.
New job pros.
No more weekend work.
Bank holidays
Being amazingly interview-worthy

Cons.
Worse wages than the museum.
No freedom to expand myself
No friends here.
Rubbish leave allowance

Museum pros.
The variety
friends.
creating mischief
being able to suppliment my wages by overtime
Not being interview-worthy
much holiday leave

Cons.
Rubbish money
no weekends/bank holidays

Irrelevent really! Will never go back to the museum and it will be a step backwards should I go. But oh dear oh dear!
They want me to manage 235 candidates. Seriously impossible without putting on some extra hours. Little boss is bottling out of asking them for a pay review and the pressure is getting bad.
Had man phone up about a role and was so shocked when I told him how little i'm on. Quick search on Reed shows I should be earning at least 5k more than I'm getting for this.
Hopefully he will come back with an interview for me.

Football got called off by rain today! Farcical! Never seen that before in 13 years of going!

Can you believe that I once blogged about my 21st birthday on here?
Well last week I "celebrated" my 30th. We had ummed and aaahed about where to go for ages and finally settled on Croatia. Bit of a let down considering I'd planned an epic South African trip but you know what can you do when people let you down? And Croatia looked - was  - really pretty.
Because we left it late we had limited hotel choices and this resulted in me booking a place where they hadn't cleaned it by the time we arrived at 10.30 in the evening and only cleaned twice in the week we were there.
Not that you could really class it as cleaning. Had requested a double bed, only to have two singles pushed together with an inch of wood in the middle. Which also gave me an awful stiff back.
But Hey! Enough complaining! People don't turn 30 every day! And Welshy was going to be going away at the end of the week until the end of September so we made the most of it.
 Zadar was pretty enough, lots of thinn narrow streets. Busier than we expected with Roman ruins and this awesome solar power disc thing that flashed different colours and a sea organ!
Disappointing in the choice of foods unless you are a big pizza fan.
We went to two different beaches and I taught Welshy how to snorkel and play with the fish. I met some awesome hairy crabs.
Went to a beautiful national park with waterfalls you can swim in and we found a sheltered area under the trees to use as a base.
And on the Monday I got an awful case of the blues and couldn't eat, couldn't leave the hotel. Was angry and snappy at an undeserving Welshy, told him I hated the place. I didn't.
Poor patient Welshy.

Back home now and as is the case every Summer the Brat is busy making the place disgusting. Flies are all over the kitchen where he has left food out to rot. I have cleaned two sides and hidden some plates and cutlery so I can eat.
I expect I will end up tidying it up before Mother gets back from her holiday but I'm fucked if I'll do it before.

Rode the Monday and Tuesday. Did some jumping and I need to learn to trust her a little more and let her take me to the jump rather than worrying she is rushing out of control.
The lady is getting someone else to cover some more days which makes me a bit sad. I liked our arrangement and I fear this means no shows to be fair to us both.

Had an interview Monday and am just waiting to hear back.

Life goes on much as it did before the big. 3-0.

Bit of a delayed report here.
On Saturday I went to a yard barbeque, they had hired a mechanical bull which was awesome fun. I scored two 25 second results on a very slippy saddle which beat some professional riders and I finished 6th out of 40 which I was dead chuffed about.
Up early on Sunday and we went to The Lizards wedding. Such a lovely day. She is beautiful and definately looked it that day, at a lovely little church and an after do at a lovely country home that I pretended was mine.
Unfortunately ended up sitting on a table with a bit of a chav couple who were boring, exulted in the fact that they had Tuesday off of work(!) and proceeded to drink their way through the four bottles of wine that were for the table to share!
Welshy obviously didn't like much of the food that was on offer and when it became apparent that he didn't want the cheesecake they asked for it.
Which annoyed me so I forced half of his down as well despite being rather full just because I felt it a bit rude to ask a stranger for their food.
Then we both went to the loo and came back to find that they had stolen Welshy's box with complimentary cupcake as well as taking their own and there was only one cake left.
Lovely people.

Managed to get Welshy up and dancing which is a shocker and we drank a lot and stole helium balloons in the hope of replicating "Up"
Back to the hotel late and Welshy fell out of bed in the night! Hahahaa!
Home again and I've had a sluggish week at work but tomorrow is my last day before we go to Croatia for my birthday!! Yay!