Wednesday, February 27, 2013

So yeah. I'm staying at work! Hurrah! I chickened out of asking about wages/holidays though. I figure I'll find out soon enough once I get a new contract, it all starts from new on Friday anyway. Hoping to get a new contract sorted before then anyway.
Riding started well, she was really bustling along and then switched off completely, Pony club kicks and smacks with the stick didn't encourage her at all, but made her throw her head up in protest.
I may try and put some poles up for her tomorrow, I know she's only ridden 4 times a week, but she's a baby and all its been is schooling as I can't hack in the dark, she's had a week off but is probably bored of the school.
Not that I'm convinced I'd be allowed to hack her out....

Monday, February 25, 2013

Well tomorrow's the big day! Who know's what'll happen! At least I think I know what will happen, the big question is whether I'll get the hoped for money or whether I'll have to wait a bit longer.
OMG. The cutest thing on the penguin programme. Tallest Emperor chick standing up to the naughty chick-eating Petrol, stretching himself up tall and holding his wings/flippers out to protect the others behind him.
And then an Adelie penguin rocks up to the rescue.
I love penguins!

Sunday, February 24, 2013

So. On behalf of the Mother coming home today, I super cleaned the kitchen, including the work tops and dining table (which hasn't been done since she was away in the Summer). I washed all the clothes, mopped the floor.
I then blitzed the living room, again cleaning all of the crap from the coffee table, making it so we have two usable sofas rather than one. I took all of The Brat's dirty socks out, and his plates and cups and hoovered and then I went upstairs and cleaned the bathroom.
It took me two hours to do. Did anyone notice and did I get any thanks when she got home. No. But! On the other hand KFC was purchased, so it all evens out I guess.
Watched the Chelsea - Citeh game and then the cup final - silently cheering on Bradford. Hopefully I'll be off to Wembley when Welshy gets back as his team has qualified for the FA trophy, so glory hunting ahoy!

I did a little tidying in my room but wasn't really in the mood after all the cleaning I've done elsewhere but it desperately needs doing.

I wrote a little today too, rather enjoyable. I've not written anything properly (unless you count this and a few half hearted essays for that equine course I did last year) since my first year at the NMM when I wrote a rather ridiculous murder mystery story in the QH.
I used to create stories in my head but I kinda miss having the imagination to do that and the time actually. When I was younger, lonely and friendless, I made up so many stories! Hundreds and thousands! In primary school and secondary, walking the playing fields endlessly in my head, creating undoubtedly dreadful versions of Lassie Come Home or something else. I don't remember feeling lonely then. I had my stories to keep me entertained. I remember laughing at something I'd created in my head and thinking "well if I can amuse myself, then who needs friends?"
Poor lonely little Charby!
I wish I had the time and imagination to do so again, and the skill. I realised I didn't have the talent to be an author so it kinda died a little.
The last stories died inside me a few years ago, but I enjoyed revisiting that game again today.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

I so wanted a drink on Thursday but then when Friday rocked up I just didn't fancy it and today its so, so, so, so cold I really don't want to go to football. I have so many layers on its tricky to do my jeans up and my feet hurt in trainers as my toes are so crumpled!
There was a little snow flurry this morn which raised my hopes but its gone again now. It didn't settle either. So annoyed. It was lovely at the start of this week I thought I'd be able to go get some plants for Geronimo and get them in the ground. Now I think its too cold for that and possibly too early for pansies

 *makes mental note to google later*

Thursday, February 21, 2013

I want to go out and get pissed tomorrow. Sudden urge! Will make do with being good.
There was a mouse in my office today. Never in your life would you have seen such a drama! Everyone on their chairs screaming.
I'm so used to seeing them at the yard and in my aviary, I wasn't fussed at all, and had to go searching for it. And then I had to search everyone's handbags in case it had got in there. Despite me saying I'd seen it disappear under the floorboards.
It came back an hour or so later and I helped catch it so it could be taken outside.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Mother has disappeared for a few days hurrah! I feel its def time from a break from her. And then next Sat I'll be away and not long after that she'll be away for Easter.
TBF she did bring home Churros and Chinese sponge cakes home yesterday.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

So yeah. No pony today or Thursday as I can't be trusted to be there unsupervised. Apparently.
Never mind, could do with saving pennies.

Anyway. Got on tube and the scruffy, dreadlocked guy smiled at me and I smiled back and pulled out my book. I'm currently reading a book I picked up on the free book stand this morning at Stratford. Its Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway, I'm trying to get into him because of the Spanish and Pamplona connections.
This is about his experiences in an Italian ambulance unit in WW1.
"Huh." Dreadlocks said. "I figured you're too pretty to be reading that?"
I put my book down. "What do you mean?" Not sure if I should take that as a compliment or insult.
"Well. Figured you'd be a 50 shades of Grey girl."
Definitely an insult then!

Monday, February 18, 2013

Another day, another critisism from The Mother about how little I do to help. And fuck it, I wish it didn't have the power to hurt as much as it does still. How much I realise I just pathetically want her to like me, to like her.
I tried to write a letter to her one friend today, because I can no longer have the strength to deal with it. It turned into a rant.

Dear J.
I don’t know if I’ll have the courage to send this. I know I’m not brave enough to talk or speak about this. I feel like some pathetic 14 year old brat rather than a grown woman who will be 30 this year. But I need to speak to someone and I don’t know who else would do.
My mother needs help. Do not worry, it is not financial or physical or anything like that, but I am genuinely concerned and I no longer have the strength to deal with this myself.
It is so difficult to know where to begin, I feel like it’s been happening forever and I think it has. I have spent my whole life trying to help and please her and I haven’t.
It is very difficult to grow up when you have a brother like Brat, my mother likes to talk – I’m sure you’ve heard – of how everyone in Kidbrooke Park knew him, and I passed silently under the radar, how I would be summoned away when doctors and specialists came, how he was made to feel extra special when he went to Greenacres. And it is especially hard when you’re still of school age and you hear your mother talk about how if she had had him first she would never had, had a second. Now I am old enough to realise how she means that his problems took up so much of her time, how she had to fight for him, but then when I was a child I believed it meant she didn’t care much for me.
Always, always Brat. My grandparents. My dad’s family, they would bring him presents all the time. I remember, in the flat we lived in a long time ago, in our old house and always being told that “Oh they’ll bring you something next week” and then I don’t remember if I was told to stop asking or I learnt that it was pointless to ask.
Always, always Brat,. Always made to feel second best to him. I could list many examples from growing up and I do genuinely believe she doesn’t realise how she made me feel.
Going on to secondary school, I was bullied too. I just never made a fuss about it as Brat did. I accepted the kicks, the stealing of my possessions, the endless, relentless name calling and mental torture. I could deal with it, It was my fault for being different. I knew that, for loving animals, for not having friends, for not knowing how to interact with people. Socially awkward. But Brat was fragile. IS fragile. He needs looking after, must be defended.
The one day, not long after we moved here. The one time I ever tried to explain how miserable I was. I was helping to paint my room. My Dad was preparing to go out. It was a Saturday during the summer. The first of my a-levels. I was wearing a blue tshirt and jeans. Stupid the way it is fixed on my memory.
“Oh, stop complaining. Your life is worthless anyway.”
Do you believe my mother said anything like that? Do you think perhaps I mis-interpreted something?
I wrote it in my diary once the tears had stopped. So hard to hear something like that from my own Mum.
I have tried so hard to please her, to please my dad, and it is so confusing for me. Sometimes to try and befriend her I would go with her to your house. To Sharon’s house. To try and talk to her, to understand more about what made her tick. And I would go because I had no friends except my books.
I know they are proud that I went to uni. At least I think they are. I remember sitting in our car outside my Grandparent’s house and my mother trying to talk me out of going to university.
I was desperate to go. I was so miserable. I don’t think anyone knows how miserable I was, how difficult I found it to get up in the mornings, how I dreaded going to school but yet I dreaded weekends. How I couldn’t sleep, how I couldn’t concentrate. How the teachers in my 6th form mocked me openly, to get cheap giggles from the rest of the class, to appear “cool”. The classes I skipped when I simply couldn’t bear it any more.
And then at home. I was doing the washing and cleaning for everyone, I hoovered, I cleaned the bath, I folded socks and cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen. And it hurts as I do this all today, for her. And he does nothing. He leaves his plates lying about and I am told it is my responsibility to tidy after him.
I am expected to clean and cook for him when she is not there and if I do not do as he says, how he will lash out at me, hitting, punching, kicking and screaming.
All this when I was 16/17. All this going back years. Always, looking after Brat, because it is not fair that he is not like normal people. That he needs help.
Dad was getting sick as we know. I would face all this and then walk home. Slowly. Always slowly and I would wonder what I would do if he was not up when I got home. Who I would call first. Mother? An ambulance? You? His parents?
Sometimes I would creep into his room and watch to see if he was still breathing.
Perhaps it’s not unsurprising that I failed my a-levels. I could, should have worked harder, but I am weak. I crumbled under it all, I tried to look after him, I tried to look after her, I tried to look after Brat, I had his paper round to do while he was at school and wanted to save for a Playstation and I let my own studies suffer.

 So she tried to talk me out of going, perhaps reasonably after my a-level results. But I was determined to go! To make a life for myself, to be able to go out without someone asking where I was going, who I was going with. To be normal and make friends.
And I went, and I was so happy. I made friends! I went out! And yet I was not free, called every morning, afternoon and evening. The panic when I accidently unplugged my phone, the way the housekeeper came to find me laughing with it all, saying they were coming to Derby. To look in hospitals after 24 hrs with no contact, how they had called the police. 18 years old, living 100+ miles away and yet still as if I was at home and had gone out without telling them.

So confusing. On one hand she smothers me, even now. Needing to know what I am doing at al hours. Who I am with. When I will be going home. On the other hand sarky comments about how useless I am. If I was failing my classes. And the comments that still hurt nowadays.
Counting down the days until I could go back to Derby and be me again.
I was offered a job you know, when I went back that last time. After we found out about Dad. And I knew I could not take it.
So I went home and I helped look after Dad, I helped look after Brat, I helped look after the house  and I helped look after Mum. Or at least I thought I was. Instead there was more guilt. Guilt that I wasn’t doing enough, guilt that she lashed out at me because she was angry and frightened and I have always been there when she needs someone to be cross with. I would fold the clothes wrong, I would forget to hoover or wipe the sides down. I would go out occasionally and she could not go out. And she would shout and tell me how useless I was and I would silently agree.
How many times I cried? How many times in that year did I silently promise to be a better daughter, to help more. I left my friends, the boy I was seeing, the chance – the only real chance I’ve had of doing a job I’d love, to help out, to be there for everyone and instead I was hindering, messing that up as well.
I did the things Brat should have done, but Brat needed looking after too. He couldn’t/wouldn’t sit with Dad, wouldn’t take him out in the wheelchair. I wasn’t physically strong enough! The times I nearly knocked him out off it! I would ask and he would grunt and go out.
His rage grew, to the moody and sullen person he is today. He is someone else who needs help.
I fretted in those nights about what would happen when he died, how on Earth I could look after everyone, the way Dad asked me too.
And when it did, it was me who sat with Mother and Dad’s body. It was me who helped organise the funeral, it was me who did the calling when Mother felt unable.
And at the funeral. I always find it strange looking back, how surreal it was, The boy in tears, Mother needed me but I didn’t know what to say, so I linked arms with her.
I looked after her. She says we both did, but he never. He never discussed anything with her, never sat with her. It was me, me and my stupid need to be liked by her.
And then she went into hospital and it was me who re-arranged shifts to see her, me who struggled down to Sainsbury’s on the bus and back again to do the shopping (the one time he took me in the car, he threw a strop and left me to pay for 50 pounds worth of shopping alone and take it home).

I have always put her first, I have turned down nights out for her, Welshy – bless him, realises that I need to make her happy, before I make him happy, that I had to hide him from her for a year, how when I told her about him, she refused to have anything to do with him. To meet him. All the snide comments and awful things, about how I’d rather have sex than go out to Lakeside with her, how I’d rather spend time with him than her, how she feels unwanted now I have him, but I need him. He makes me feel normal, he does not put judgement or make me feel guilt like she does.
 I have done things that I really do not want to do for her. I still cook, and clean and tidy for her. And he does nothing. And this is what really hurts J. Because I hear her. I hear her talking to you, to Debbie, to B and B about how wonderful Brat is, how much he is looking after her. Or alternatively how we do nothing to help. And I wish it didn’t hurt but it does. I still run around taking her to places, inviting her out, spending my money on things that she’d like, that I have no interest in, going on holiday with her, because she makes/made me feel guilt that she has no one to take out.
And I still cry, because I cannot make her happy. She comments on Facebook about how she is having meals for one because I have gone out, she tells me that if I moved out she cannot afford to live here, that she’d have to sell Dad’s house, that she’d need to take a second job, get a lodger in.
So much guilt for wanting to be normal. I am the only one of my friends who is still living at home at the age of 29. I have guilt because I want to go away and never, ever speak to her again. Guilt because I cannot do that. Because she has no one else. Because she needs me to be cross about, to scream and shout at. To tell me I’m useless, to throw my clothes into the garden because I’ve failed to fold up her clothes as she particularly wants them.
And The Boy. The boy does not pay as much rent as I do, as he has a car to run, despite earning more than I do. I gave her money for the leccy bill and he never as he had to buy a new bike for some reason.
But yet, he is the one she talks about on Facebook, how he gave her some money to get a new boiler, I gave her over a thousand pounds for that and the only reason I couldn’t give more, was because it was locked in an ISA. And why should I have to justify it?
It is always Brat she talks about, how he looked after her. How he still looks after her. He can barely sit in the same room as her, he does not eat with his knife and fork, if he lowers himself to eat with us. He has the manners of a pig, but it is acceptable and it is because he is Brat and this should not turn into a rant against him. I want to portray things at home fairly. It is not his fault, he is not like normal people and he needs to be looked after, it is not his fault that he is always angry because he cannot get a job he would like, and because he too, is still not recovered from Dad. I need, must, remember this and be tolerant. But it is OH, oh so hard when he hurts me, and when he rather childishly covered all the plates, and bowls and kitchen surfaces in tomato ketchup last summer because I did not clean up his dinner plate from the night before. That was my fault and I will try to be a better sister and not anger him.

I realised a long time ago that my Mother is ill. She needs help, she needs counselling in some way, I am oh so tired of trying to make her happy, and so tired of the guilt when I fail (as recently as New Year’s Day when I chose to go to football instead of sit at home, in silence with her).

And I wish it didn’t hurt so much when she tells people how useless I am, how in her moments of judgement she deems me as bad as Brat, how I do nothing to help about the house. I could, I should do more and perhaps you will read this and agree with her, and this is why I may never send this, because I am too afraid you will say it is the ramblings of a spoilt brat – as she often accuses me – that I need to be more tolerant and patient with her, that she has been through a lot.
But surely I am right to be angry when she goes through the possessions in my room, how she helps herself to my clothes, how she’ll even sleep in my room during the day. Again she does not realise that I am 30 and surely entitled to a little bit of space? I get cross how she talks to me as if I was one of her children at nursery, I – as awful as it is – couldn’t care less about who has been awful to her, what kid did what. But I smile and feign interest and then watch some godawful TV with her, just so she is not alone. Because she has been through a lot and needs looking after.
I have been through a lot too J.
I feel better for having written this, perhaps I needed to get it out of my system and realise it is me and that I need to be a better human, to be more tolerant but I genuinely think she is ill and she needs help of some sort.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

I woke up today and it was beautiful out! Clear blue skies and fluffy small clouds. The kinda day that makes you seek adventure. So what did I do?
Well........ Nothing. But its ok, I watched the two FA cup games, I napped, I played online. And now I'm getting ready again to go back to work.
Just counting down the time really... I feel more than ever that I'm on a waiting game. And that I want to stay at work but am prepared for every eventuality.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Gah. I so need to get out more. Just sat and read a 22 page thread on who is the worst sibling in Game of Thrones - now I am unashamedly geeky about the books but really Charby? On a Saturday night, you have nowt better to do than read that?
I saw H3 as we'll christen her today, had a couple of drinks in the King's Arms and then pottered in the park seeking the parrots and deer, and playing with squirrels, I do so love Greenwich Park.
A nice peaceful day.
Mother is away from Wednesday until Sunday. Not too sure what I'll do with my time off! I feel like this is an excuse for an adventure, except of course I have football on Saturday and work the rest of the time so no real adventures can be had.
Just two weeks till my holiday and seeing Welshy. Just 10 days until I learn my fate at work.

Friday, February 15, 2013

TP and TJ have split up! Its unthinkable. I guess it shows how I still think of people from 10 years back, as I haven't seen them for ages.
But still. 30 years together and now TJ is in Scotland again and TP in Derbyshire. I don't understand it. Can they afford to live apart? (I guess I am thinking about London prices).
They will be alone! They have few friends, they've never needed other friends! They've had each other. I just don't get it. I wonder (being cynical) if there was more to it.

H (I realised I never gave her an initial!) is going to be down tomorrow. I can find out if she knows any more.

What else is new? I have to give Mother another 100 pounds to help pay the electric bill. I pay minimal rent so why does this irritate me? I'm just too tight, but I'll have given her 550 by the end of this month (400 of this has gone to my rent Jan and Feb - see told you I was being tight!)
I get annoyed as the money I give her for that instantly gets put away for her holidays. I don't begrudge her escapism but... I dunno. Tight.
Its annoying in another one as I'm struggling to get my money sorted as I've mentioned. I can't somehow seem to get my savings over the 500 mark in my normal account, 405 in there today and 100 going to Mum and then 100 to clear my holiday moneys and then rent at the end of Feb which is my weekly wage and then whatever for riding and then holiday spends.
Once this month is over, I shall cut down! I'm hoping that my wage goes up (bizarrely I got paid an extra 20 quid the last two weeks - again being greedy I assumed that this was the wage that I'll be going up to and was disappointed). Another twenty quid a month means I can raise the amount I put aside every week to 40 quid, so its all good. I must keep telling myself that and not get disappointed if that turns out to be the case.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Bah tired.
My alarm isn't going off properly any more, just beeping like when I get a text, is a bit worrying.
Riding wasn't a success today. She just wasn't in the mood, if it was light out I'd have just hacked but don't have that option in the dark. God it seems like its been wet and muddy for ages! Even back in the last october-y days of Sunny Pony it was rainy and muddy then.
Bidding on a pair of stirrups. Strange new Pony Owner has brought me a second hand saddle, well its second hand for her pony but i'll be the only one using it, the kids have their own smaller one.
Needs stirrups though, so thought I'd give it a go (wish I'd kept the ones I gave away in the summer now!) not 100% sure of my stirrup size. Hoping 4 1/2 inches will be big enough. TBF they will cost me under a tenner if I win!
Never had flexi stirrups before, they have wee hinges at the base rather than being fixed like normal stirrups, so should give a bit more cushioning to my joints and should help keep my feet in the right position.
We'll see. If I don't win them, then I think I may go crazy and buy the beautiful bright metallic blue ones featured in the Robinsons Equestrian sale at the moment.
(and yes I realise the irony of this when my last post was about saving money!)

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

There is definitely a cold draft in my room. I can feel it...
So. Tuesday went well, got to the yard by half past, got told I'm now mucking out on both days... I don't mind really, just a bit sad when I feel so rushed.
Saved money as my lesson was cancelled - Whee! Although I was looking forward to it, anyway my ride went really well, pony is getting a lot fitter and I know where to push her now, although still a bit of a work in progress.
Anyway she's not going to be there tomorrow so maybe i'll be able to get everything done a bit quicker, not sure what she'll do before I get there. Feeds and hay would be good.
8 days till I find out with work. Its good having 4 people here now, I feel like things are getting done unlike before when it was a kinda losing battle to keep our heads above water (we were clearly failing)
I gotta start sorting my finances out. I am saving a little which is good but I simply seem to be hovering around the 200-400 mark in my usual account. Its good compared to 6 months ago (!) but I need more pennies! Never satisfied!
Need to get a bit more strict with myself I think, work out what I can cut down (obvious answer is NewPony but we won't go there!)
I need to pay off the money I used on my credit card to pay for my upcoming adventure, might do that this week with my wages. Stupid short February, will have to pay Mum some money in two weeks.
Ah well, back to playing silly farts online.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Watching a programme about penguins. EVERYONE loves penguins!
Horrid, yucky, rainy and snowy day. Will the weather ever improve? Its enough to put you in a right depressed mood. Mothers in one of her funny moods again. Abusing me cos she doesn't know how to use the skyplus remote. Cross with me because I was cross that she's taken my nice warm thermal socks to work.
Actually its wrong of me to be grumpy about that. Not her fault that she brought her own thermal socks and they don't fit under her shoes.
Still annoyed though as her feet are bigger than mine and when she's wearing them, my thick winter tights and another pair of socks, they'll be even more stretched than they are getting now.

Glumpy mood isn't improved when I think about how much riding is costing me and how little i'm saving now. And it's her birthday tomorrow so I need to give her some money to put towards her holidays.
Kinda hoping the arena isn't fit for riding.

Welshy doesn't want to come home to this. Can't blame him. We can't afford to move out though and should I really be thinking about getting my own pony when it means keeping us here? Selfish of me. Should dismiss the idea completely and concentrate on getting out of here.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Lovely, lazy weekend, just what I wanted. Chinese with Mother on Friday, and then yesterday off to football - once again we snatched a draw from the jaws of victory - Poor Kermogant looked well fucked off at the end. Glad I wasn't a player, they were disgustingly filthy and the pitch is a mess!
Awful weather!
Then off into Greeny with some of the N.M.M.C.A.S.C and met up with some friends from the museum, drank a lot, did a little dancing, educated people into strawpedo-ing and eventually got home a little after half 12, made vague plans to do it again soon.
Today - laid in bed for ages, just played online, read my latest H&R magazine and ordered a head torch off of Amazon - hopefully won't need to use it much now the days are getting noticeably longer but it'll do for next year as well, if, as I suspect I'll either be at that yard or possibly another one that's down a dark lane.
Only 16 days till I learn my fate at work and only 20 days till my holiday!

Friday, February 08, 2013

Yeah! Lunged yesterday, its all so complicated 30m rope, 6ft whip and a fiesty pony at the other end! Tiring though.
Got a contract at work! Sadly just the one I should have had when I started! Learnt that I can have 20 days leave dec-jan so plenty to get though!
Just to find out if my inter-railing adventure counts as part of it. Will be sad if it does as I have already planned three weeks of adventures! 22 days till I go and 19 work days till I find out whether I have a job or not!
So looking forward to this weekend, had a lovely lazy evening eating Chinese and my bath and a new book and a bottle of bacardi breezer. Football tomorrow and out with the Museum gang which I am also very much looking forward too and a lazy Sunday, might tidy my room a little, might read my new horsey magazine which I have been saving for such a day.
Yay for lie-ins!

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Yay. New Pony owner had to leave early yesterday so I got to faff at my own speed and not feel rushed or pressured into anything.
I want to do polework with the pony but I don't feel like I can as she'll be constantly in a rush to get things done and to move on tomorrow, I don't mind. I'm grateful for the lift down that scary lane but tbh I'd rather do the walk than this kinda rushing and snide comments.
Did some more researching about the best way to get there rather than the 2hr trek I do at the moment. Sure she told me I couldn't get there from Chislehurst station but apparently I can and will save me time as well...
We'll try it tomorrow and see!
Work is still mega busy. I've expressed to KOM my sudden and new boss how I feel everything is kinda slacking as I work on repairing the damage with her. Sure unlike old boss she'll take it in.
Last of Africa tonight, enjoyed it and bless David Attenborough. How I hope I'm still fascinated by all animals and adventure the way he is at his age!

Monday, February 04, 2013

I seem incapable of lying in! Was up at twenty to nine, sat in bed though till close to 11 watching the news report on Richard 3rd. So fascinating!
Went and posted Welshy's brothers birthday present - only what? 4 weeks late? -  my bad. Couldn't find any wrapping paper either! Still... At least he's finally gonna get it!!
Collected the last of my Song of Ice and Fire books to read. Might put off starting it for a bit as much as I'm longing to get cracking, Welshy's left two books here so might sit and read them first.
Plus longer I put it off, closer it'll be to the next book coming out? Hah! Think there's been something like 15 years between book 1 and the one I have now so who knows? Makes my fevered wait for the Harry Potter books seem like they came out all really close together!
Set up a new ISA as well too. Gotta start replacing the money I had to spend, especially if I want to buy a pony in the Autumn!
Did a little weeding for Geronimo, must remember to have a look for pansies for him to plant soon.
Had a 2hr nap - nap intended - certainly not for that length of time though!

Back to work tomorrow and my Graze box will arrive. Secretly very excited about testing this, then pony in the evening.
Planning to meet with some of my chums from the NMM over the weekend which'd be cool :)

Sunday, February 03, 2013

Woke up at 8.30 today. WTF. Ended up going to Granddad's and then got to Bluewater for 9.30. Except Sunday opening means shops don't start till 11. Big Win there.
Met a girl I knew from the stables a long time back and her mum. Very jealous for her, she's off to work on a Super Yacht! All that travelling. Lucky beast.
Got home and suddenly crashed. Napped for 2 hours, then just chilled watching the football. Busy updating my plan for horse budget now. I really dislike how it seems to be such a long day. Well over an hour home, well over an hour to get there from work.
Hadlow college is def closest option but no idea if they have private livery facilities or if I can afford it... Have heard rumours of 3k a year bills

Saturday, February 02, 2013

Yawn, yawn, yawn. Going in today wasn't too bad. I caught up with some of the work that I'd not been able to do during the week. And then I swapped over and worked on the Big List while the other girl got on with the work she hadn't been able to do.
We had KFC, I ordered a Graze box to try. I was happy listening to Rock and Roll football harking back to my uni days until the other two girls decided they didn't want to listen to that any more so it went back to Heart playing the same 6 songs all day long. I prefer so much more the Virgin No Repeat workday.
And Rock and Roll Football.
But it passed by pleasantly enough. And now I have Sunday and Monday to myself.

Friday, February 01, 2013

So yesterday was pretty bad. I had such a stress headache!
The monthly NMC pin checks had to be done and as I suspected for a long time no one's ever thought to update it. So I set about it.
I came up with 60 confirmed names from those who had worked the last 6 weeks and then set about the task of tracking down their pin numbers and investigating if they were still registered, failed, lapsed etc.
Not an easy job when some of them didn't have pin numbers logged on the system so I had to hunt through their paper files - Oh and some of them didn't have it recorded on their paper files!
It was 4 hours of absolute frustration.
Then it was the usual race to the yard to get the comment of how she doesnt like the horses to be fed in this late. Not sure really what she expects me to do. I get there at 6.30 straight from leaving work at 5. I cannot get there any earlier!!
Anyway, had a lunging lesson which was interesting. Definately more practise needed I think.
Today I agreed to be a hero and go in tomorrow to try and help get a head start on what needs to be done.
Wishing I hadn't. But. Makes me look good, I get paid time and a half and Monday off for doing so.
Welshy has finished his first week! Just 4 to go till I have my epic week of adventures with him!