Monday, April 21, 2014

Saturday night and I couldn't bear the distance between us any more, in private we're stupidly tactile, where as in public we're not. We both cried again and then ended up having sex, cuddling, kissing and talking for ages and again the next morning when I woke. I'm not stupid and I'm not reading into anything when he told me how nice it all was.
Goodbye Sex I guess. We did it again last night and spent a long time snuggled up reminiscing about various adventures and mishaps we've had over the last 7 and a bit years. Reassuring each other that they'll be ok.
He says he's torn 50/50 but he's hurt me so badly I don't know if I could forgive him if he changes his mind again. Whether or not it would always be at the back of my mind that this could happen again and I need to protect myself.
Tired of people constantly letting me down.
So. Now what? He left last night and we agreed not to talk unless it was essential. Give him the space he needs to decide. He says the big test would be if he felt sick at the thought of leaving me to go away last night and I'm desperate to know but space. space is important.
Today is the first day of my new life alone again.

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