No more tears. I will not shed any more for him. I have booked driving lessons for every day this week and I will be riding as usual (fab lesson today working on my errant lower leg position!) and preparing for an interview tomorrow and looking forward to my showjumping schooling adventure at Felbridge next week.
I am satisfying myself with thoughts of breaking his face should he tell me it was a mistake and if he doesn't.... Well the worst is over now, its just a matter of telling people. (giving mother the pleasure of saying "I told you so."
I'm gonna book myself the holiday I wanted last year as soon as I get a job and fuck being scared to fly alone. I'll just get hammered on the flight. Then start to save again.
Starting to replace some old clothes that are older than this blog! Holey socks, tatty undies. I deleted What's-App (he was the only person I spoke to on it anyway) and deleted all text history from him to prevent me from being tempted to contact him. Space is what he needs and Space is what he will get from me.
When he comes back it will hurt no doubt all over again but I'm not pathetic. I can't believe I allowed myself to get in that state last week where I didn't eat for 5 days. Where I cried often and randomly. Yes I'm devastated but I have re-grouped now and this bit of breathing space is good for me. Hopefully it will be good for him too and help him to make the right decision. What ever that is.