Its been a strange couple of weeks and I don't know how to correctly articulate it all. I've not been excited by Welshy coming home, not like I should be. He's not been excited by coming home. On Saturday instead of coming right home, he spent the night with his friend.
We skirted round the issue until today and then talked, well I did mostly. Something has changed. Neither of us can particularly say what it is. But in the three weeks since I went to Salzburg something did.
Between tears in the park we tried to talk about it, tried to decide whether ending it was the right thing to do. Neither of us want that. Is it just because there's so much history there? That we're best friends? That we're clinging on for the wrong reasons?
I don't know. Trying to figure out what went wrong, trying to figure out how to fix it.
I tried to make him see that sometimes he treats me as badly as everyone else does. That I need to get away, that the only way to get out is to leave London. He refuses to even entertain the idea.
If I went, as I must do. It will be without him.
We agreed to try and see how the next few weeks go, he leaves again Monday. We will have a playdate tomorrow and hopefully a nice, fun day out now the pressure is off will help matters. Maybe we have just become stagnant and stale. I guess only time will tell......