On my way back from the England Game, I was sat on the train carriage home trying to eat a sandwich.
Half of it proceeded to fall into my lap.
"Oh for fucking cunting sake" I swore, possibly more louder than I shoulda done in polite society.
An Asian man sitting opposite me raised his eyebrow.
"I'm sorry" I said.
"That's not very ladylike." He remarked. I smiled and pulled out the programme to read.
He then told me that I shouldnt go to football as its "for men only to get some privacy from women and I was invading their space and it was immoral of me to go!"
I was really bemused and didn't know what to say so I went to get up and went to sit elsewhere and he then told me I would never get a husband as I was too unladylike
I wish I'd been faster thinking. I'd have loved to have seen his reaction when I told him I didnt believe in marriage.
Guess he dont get out much!

I'm going to the England game on Saturday! Wheeee! I'm really excited, i've never been to an international (even if this is just a friendly) STF, N and A are about and i've not seen those boys for yeeeeeeeeeeeeears! I can't wait to catch up with them and be beaten up by them!
I've never been to New Wembley either! In fact my one and only trip to Wembley was for this.


Although I'd been to games before, this is what made me fall in love with them, even if they have broken my heart lately! (Looking to be relegated into the 3rd tier of football now, what a fall from 6th in the top league!)
Attendances have dropped and performances have been well. Shit, but i'll be there again next season (hopefully) and we'll come back. Maybe not right away, but they will one day! I hope!

Also on Wednesday I'm doing part of a monopoly pub crawl with guys from work, I physically ache to attempt to do it all in one day, but i might die. but it'd be a good death!
Ha!

Bring on Slovakia!

Today I got to have my first conversation with a real Deafie! Well I say first conversation, its not really, our tutor is deaf but you know what I mean.
It was a bit of a struggle really, with lots of finger-spelling and guesswork and nervous giggles on my part, but we concluded that this girl, who was doing an MA at Wolverhampton Uni in steel work, or some kinda metal work. and wanted to have some pictures or use the telescope for getting ideas for designs and then we had to complicatedly explain that the telescope dont really get used now as the days are longer and disappoint her, we sent her to the NASA website to look for other pictures.
It was hard work and a little confusing but I guess the lessons are paying off and it serves me right for skipping yesterdays refresher session!
Anyhow things are moving on slowly at work, by next Tuesday I should have my meeting to confirm that me new talk "The Challenger Expedition and Creatures of the Deep" can go live as it were!
And there's talk of me putting my original Talk "Jack Cornwell VC" onto the interweb so visitors to the museum website can hear my dulcet tones and come along and listen.
This'd be good for me as I can then use it in covering letters to say to potential new employees, for a sample of my talks and talking style see so on....
I'll keep you all posted as I'm sure you'll want to hear part of it, although it may blow the mystery behind me as you'll all hear my awful cockney twang!

yuck.

Today I was busy adding to my talents at the museum, by offering my services as a "buddy" or a mentor to the summer newbies. Only the girl it turned out that me and one of the older guys that I was shadowing, used to go to school with me.

And whilst never one of the ringleaders of those that were mean to me, she always freely joined in. I hate this, I hate that, ten years on, I still don't feel comfortable in Eltham, I hate that I saw her today and got that awful sinking, "oh no" feeling.

Its awkward trying to explain the bullying that I got at school, if it was the traditional beating I think I could have coped with that more, but being ostracised, isolated the way I was, its more mental bulling I guess, the way they'd stop conversations to stare as I went by, the way they'd all move to another desk if I came and sat there, or moved as far away as I could and pretended I wasnt there, the refusal to work with me if it came to group coursework etc...

Seven years I endured that silent bullying, of course there was the more traditional name calling but that mostly always washed off of me, where as that stuck. How do you at 12, or even up to 17 when I left, deal with day after day of that treatment? with name calling or days of silence and evil looks if I was unlucky enough to be forced into a group that resulted in them getting split up from a mate?



So no, I wasnt best pleased to see her and less pleased to realise I'd be working with her, spending the day with her. She doesnt seem to have changed much, when we were at school, she was always quick to correct the teachers, if she felt something was wrong, or should be done another way, and it was the same today. She clearly feels the job is beneath her and was asking about how quickly she could apply for other roles in the museum, about how she could contact the curators/education staff. About the wages and seemed horrified that I'd been there almost two years and how little I was paid.

My manager, who is lovely came out of a meeting with her and instantly remarked "She will be trouble"

I'd like to think she's grown up from what we were as kids, but I also think I'll be avoiding her as much as I can in the mean time until one of us leaves!

This weekend I headed up to Scarborough to meet with The Lizard and prepare for our Marine Mammal Medic Course. It was great to catch up with her, she's always a little mental and up for fun, and is even more fun now she's chucked her boring cuntfluff of a boyfriend who most definately DIDNT approve of us throwing a space hopper around uni, making bin bag outfits and having a water fight once that covered the kitchen floor in an inch of water.
Anyway, once we checked into our B&b We had to get ourselves wetsuits, which proved not an easy task in a seaside town!
The shop that the course reccommended was closed, and the tourist info place told us about a place that didnt hire one, so we decided the best course of action was to go play in the arcades, eat ice cream and chips and then procede to get horribly drunk in the b&b.
and then having run out of drink, the most obvious thing in the world to do, was to walk down to SAinsburys, covered in stickers and comic relief red noses!
Its a wonder we got served really, staggering about, squeaking to each other, and clutching bottles of drink and a large chocolate cake!
We danced in our hotel room, comparing our shit music collection and texting everybody in both our phone books until 1am before deciding we needed to sleep.
So we possibly wasnt in the best state in the morning to listen to a three hour lecture on seal and whale biology!
We explained our wetsuit dilemma to the lady in charge who then organised for us to have two delivered.
And off we set to be at the beach by 2pm
Only. Me and The Lizard were at the wrong end of the beach at 1.56 and had to run a mile down it to the right place.
Well she says it wasnt a mile, but what does she know? it FELT like a mile and that was enough!
and we got there at 2.02 (i checked on my watch) only to find that the wetsuit hirer guy had taken them back. Fucking hell, nothing like being precise is there?
So we had to ring around and found that there was a surf shop near where we parked the car and we might be able to get a suit there! So we ran all the way down and BACK! and then joined in the rest of the course, being glowered at all the time, for not being organised and taking it seriously!
But I am now qualified to rugby tackle a seal to the ground, check it for injuries or illnesses and to help refloat a beached whale or dolphin!
Not sure how helpful this skill will be in London, but as TDR pointed out to me. "If there's one thing mankind needs its more whale first aiders." What a legend that guy is!

A quick mention has to go to Welshy who had his own interesting Saturday night, in which he ended up in a "minor scuffle" (or more accurately "Grabbing someone by the hair and bouncing their head off of a wall") and then racially abusing some poor chinese man who refused to serve him in his offie!
He's a bad, bad person!*

* I do not approve

I had an interview today over at Chessington World of Adventures. They have had a small zoo (and not a great one) for a long time, I remember going there as a kid anyway and seeing it.
In the last ten years or so they've been rebuilding and rethinking their zoo and now its pretty good, small still but a lot more forward thinking in their animal care and have successfully bred Sumatran tigers (one of the worlds most endangered tiger species) My intervew was for the sea life centre, again very small but on the process of being developed.
I think the interview went well, Its-a-small-world-syndrome struck when I found that the guy interviewing me used to work alongside me at the Aquarium! And now if I got the job he'd be my boss!
I dunno, I think it went well, but I didnt like the place itself. It was nothing to do with the people who were lovely and like I say, nowadays you cant critise their approach to the animals in their cares welfare. But I just left with a horrible atmosphere and I dont think I want to work there. Of course if I got the job I'd have to say yes, after trying for so long I'd be daft to reject them, but still....

I'm off to Scarborough tomorrow to play with the Lizard on our Marine Mammal Medic Course, which promises to be very cold and wet but hopefully great fun!
Perhaps after that its time I hung out at home and had a quiet weekend or two to sort my finances back out.

Talking of finances, my wonderful Welshy scored us 100 off our next BA flight! When we flew back from Newark, the lady faffed about with everyone else around her and then claimed that she couldnt get us seats to sit together.
Although once we took off it was apparent that there was two seats spare and free, so unless some one just never turned up I dunno what she was on about.
Anyway he wrote a letter of complaint about it,
He put in some rubbish about how I was a nervous flier (which I am, although he exagerated it heavily) and got a grovelling letter in reply and they sent us both 100 quid off our next flight vouchers! Blatantly means we need to go away again soon!

So hi! I'm back from NYC! And sweet fucking Jesus is it cold! I blame the city builders, its all very well having straight lines everywhere, but did you not stop to think about the wind tunnel effect?!


I was homeless too! Well effectively homeless! I booked my hotel here, going on the nice pictures of a 4 poster bed and a nice shiney white bathroom, but the reality was awful. I swear it gets used as a crackden when its not being a hotel room, the "bed" consisted of a mattress on the floor, the room had weird stains and half finished plasterwork, and a noisy pipe and the bathroom was brown, full of broken tiles and a drippy tap and there was a BRIDGE across the window into another apartment, just strong enough to carry the weight of a serial killer.



They'd made a vague attempt at making it nicer by putting a portrait of a man/woman/girl from The Ring up. We lay on the bed, exhausted after our flight, trying to convince ourselves for half an hour that it wasnt so bad, we could cope and then I snapped. I can handle grotty, but not a crackden.
So we went to the hostel that we'd past on our way and enquired about a room, yes there was one available and they thought we'd be legally entitled to our money back.

But of course the Crackden leader was unwilling to give it back, trying to swap us to another room, which was unopenable! and then throwing a hissy fit when We demanded our money back. I can throw a hissy fit with the best of them too. And Threatened them with all sorts, threatened to sue and then threw myself into a chair and refused to move until I got my money back.


He reluctantly phoned his boss
"He's not a nice guy, he wont give it back."
Strangely the man on the phone gave it back right away and we were out of there less than an hour after moving in!

So we went up to the hostel only to find that they actually only had dorm beds and in a seperate room. So that was out.
And there we were, Me and Welshy, lost, homeless, tired, hungry and slowly freezing to death. It was kinda fun for the first half hour, convinced as we were that we'd get somewhere easily. I mean in London you cant WALK without falling over a hotel.

Three hours later and somehow we found ourselves in Times Square. It was something close to 4am our time, and I was near to breaking down in tears.
When we stumbled across the Hotel Mela, it was dead posh and that always equals dead expensive.
But like Welshy said. "We can manage tonight and then start again in the morning"
So I went up to them and explained that we were refugees from a crackden and probably a huge herd of cockroaches. and the lovely lady behind the reception went to speak to her manager, and then got us a huge $100 discount, it still made the room $50 dollars a night more expensive than what we'd originally paid for but still a beds a bed and homeless people cant be beggars.
(I think my trembling lower lip and quivering voice helped move her towards our plight.)

So we crashed into bed and prepared ourselves for a fresh attack on the city the next day. We planned to look for other cheap hotels, as this was SLIGHTLY out of my budget and as I was funding Welshy's holiday I didnt see how I could afford both of us to stay in such luxury, but in the end we caved and the nice people let us stay at the cheaper rate.

So we explored the city, Broadway, 5th Avenue, Time Square, and all the little offshoot streets. We went up the Rockefeller building towards sunset and played in the mad room at the top with coloured lights and music and watched the sun go down and all the pretty lights came on.
It was so MOTHERFUCKINGLY cold though! We were prepared for the cold, Christ knows we've been coping with -6's lately but this was awful, nothing could prepare us for that coldness, all day!
The next day we took a trip on subway again down to the Statue of Liberty and spent the day climbing the monument and exploring round there.


It was a fun, like London on acid as Welshy said, but as always when I visit the city I just wanna get out of it after a while, so I got my fix of the big city and then we flew home again!














Stairs to Nowhere - What the fuck is that about?!



















Named after you Hyde-y?

So yo! Did you miss me? I thought not!

I've just got back from Dublin and I've decided that now, whenever possible, I shall fly hand luggage only, fucking hell it makes such a difference, sailing past baggage and all those poor suckers waiting for it.

It was ok, more a holiday for mum more than owt else as she got to catch up with a few friends of hers that live out there. WE visited the Guinness factory and the Jamesons Whiskey Museum and the jail out at Kilmainham and the Post Office, home of the Easter Uprisings. I like that kind of history. I suppose its the whole romance part of it, struggling for independence and all that bollocks. (Despite nearly getting blown up myself in the whole IRA bombing bit, and my Uncle M twice narrowly missed out on being blown up, by little quirks of fate like leaving the office early or forgetting a paper and going back for it, only to return to a bombed office.) Interestingly theres still bulletholes and damage to the pillar structures of the GPO.

So yeah all that was interesting and then we went out drinking in the evenings in the Temple Bar area, although as Mother Dearest was there, I was very restrained and good!

We also met, "The trollop with the scollops"!

So despite making it up to Worksop on Evil Wednesday, the day of snow and ice, despite "Impressing them with my commitment, my knowledge and the way I conducted myself" They decided in the end to award the job to someone with more experience.
FUCKING HELL. Why is it always that catch-22? I cant get any work cos no one wants anyone without experience, but no one wants to give you that experience in the first place.
I have another application being processed with Dudley Zoo, (who have already turnt me down in the past) and at least thats a trainee role, so we'll see!!
Anyway I went out last night to see my good friend TDR and had a bit of a catch up and he brought me chips on the way home, hurrah! And I'm off to Dublin this afternoon! and then New York in 5 days! Wheeeeee!

WE had the most snow ever on monday! 4 inches! Its the deepest I've ever seen snow, and it pretty much destroyed London, no buses, no trains, hardly any tubes. Strangely the DLR was running normally.
We were warned not to travel unless we had too.
So. With schools, and buisnesses closed around us, the sensible thing to do would be to close the museum right?
Wrong.
I trudged through that snow, that came up half way to my knee to find that only 16 of us had made it in, half the galleries were closed but we stayed open until the Director finally admitted defeat and closed us for 3pm.
On Wednesday was my Worksop interview and I felt like a polar explorer trekking up there. I think the interview went really well, I got to cuddle all sorts of new animals, a barn owl, a skunk, some rather creepy but kinda cute giant milipedes...
I also got to inform them of a fact about one of their parrots that they didnt already know, which has - if nothing else - at least show that I do know what I'm talking about.
I should find out in a week or so how I did, so at least I'll be on holidays when the rejection comes which'll make it easier to bear!
I've been running about like a nutter trying to get this sorted, I needed a place to stay in NY and Dub, holiday moneys and insurance all of which I've now managed to get sorted in a week.
Welshy is rather excited too, he's never been on a long haul flight before, bless him!

its SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG

Wheeee! We beat the scum 1-0 and I've got my leave sorted for my adventures!

Since my intended trip to India was cancelled, I've been kicking me feet and trying to control my itchy feet, thats not been helped by E who has a mate who works on the airlines and gets her discounted flights and in the last year she's been to Vegas, Boston and LA and may be off to Shanghai or Hong Kong with him later this year/month.
Yesterday I could stand it no more and texted Welshy to "Find me a holiday"
By 8.30 that evening I have myself booked on a flight to Dublin with the mother and then I'm coming back from that and a day later jetting off with him to New York!
Hurrah!

I've been in a very bad mood over most of the weekend.
Resenting everyone and everything and most specially of all, poor Welshy who asked for help moving more of his crap down to London.
Which resulting in me hissing angrily (maybe not hissing as in screaming it at him) "I fucking hate you and wish you'd stayed in Wales" and then throwing his suitcase down the stairs at a rather crowded Oxford Circus Tube Station and kicking it angrily breaking the handle.
Oh and telling some poor lost tourist to "Fuck off" When she asked me what station she was at.
I'm a bad, bad person.
Poor guy, I dunno why he seems to be the brunt of all my anger and bless him for putting up with it and soothing and petting me back to a good humour.
I even took a sickie today rather than deal with the tourists and I'm in a fairly chilled kinda mood now.
Still I have lots to do, I'm only halfway through putting my Gallery Talk into BSL, I have another one to learn, oh and I have two to prepare for this interview. Well one that I know what my topic is and the other, they're just gonna ask me to pick from three animals and whitter about them, which worries me, I'm happy talking nonsense as long as I can prepare for it, but bullshitting is not my strong point.
And all this needs to be done in the next two weeks.
Busy, busy, busy!

Well they promised they'd get back to me by Wednesday and I heard nothing. So I guess mum's right! There's always gonna be someone with more experience than me and they'll always pick them over me.
I have another interview in Feb for a seasonal job until October in a bird park. After 4 years of constantly raising my hopes and getting them destroyed and ripped apart, I can't say I'm hopeful.
Nor do I want to leave my job and uproot myself to Worksop for 6 months and then come back to the museum to beg for my job back.
Sigh.

Lol, cheers guys.
She is only doing it to try and keep me about, whether she realises that or not. IF I got offered the job, I'd take it and somehow try and cover up my lack of knowledge on S.O Pumps and underground filtration, but we'll see Tomorrow....
Anyhow, me and the Lizard last night in a fit of excitement signed up to do a Marine Mammal Medic Course whether we were more excited about the idea of being qualified to rescue stranded whales and dolphins or the chance to play with a life-size real weight (2 tonne!) inflatable Pilot whale is debatable! Wheeeee!

So yeah! I went and had this interview, disappointingly the park was closed so when we rocked up an HOUR AND A HALF early to check it out, we were forced to sit in the reception room, which does nothing for my nerves. I think it went ok, I had to blag my knowledge of feeding lionfish and S.O pump systems, but they seemed excited about me being at the aquarium and applying to do this shark thing.
I'd be given my own tanks to do whatever the hell I liked (within reason) which scares the hell out of me although I'd get full training in it and made Mother comment "You'll not get the job as its beyond you and even if they were stupid enough to offer it to you, you should turn it down"

Fucking hell we won a match last night! Our first one since the 4th of october! World domination clearly beckons!
I'm off on a whirlwind tour of the midlands later today, spending the night with Welshy's friend in Birmingham, before we go to Kidderminster where I have an interview for a job I have no chance in hell of getting, but the safari park has WHITE LIONS! Yeeah! Not albino Lions, but proper hardcore white lions, which, on its own, in my eyes makes the trip worthwhile considering there's what less than 30, 20 in the wild and they're pretty much genetically extinct.
So how exciting!
After the interview we're heading off to Derby to meet TP and TJ, they moved back to Derby late last year I think and I've not seen them for two years now! So although its a quick tea it'll be good to see them and Welshy's not met them.

Happy 50th Birthday Daddy!

So here we are again.
The third anniversary. We've not done anything this year, The Brat is working late and couldnt change his shifts. Its different this year. Perhaps I'm finally coming to terms with it.
I still think of him virtually every day, although its not every day like it used to be, and although it still eats me up inside and twists my stomach with pain I've not yet cried. Maybe I will, maybe I won't this year.
He'd have preferred that, that this year I acted normally, laughing and joking with work friends, that I havent sat around and moped.
I miss him terribly still and wish that he was here with us. Friday might be hard as it will be his 50th birthday, if things were normal we'd have had a massive party.
Instead there will be just us and a quiet dinner, we might go ski-ing at the Dome, I think his sense of humour would appreciate that. Being silly and doing silly things was high on his list of agendas, although He would have watched us make fools of ourselves and toasted us with alcohol.
I wonder how my Mother is coping, deep down. She makes brave statements about moving on with life, but I wonder deep down, if she really is.
I miss my Daddy, we all do.