So my first week at schools gone ok, I think. I've been in a fiarly nice class with 7 year olds. Year 3. I did make a bit of a booboo on the first day showing up in jeans and trainers. My bad for not checking if there was a dress code!
No one really talks to me which makes it a lonely experience - well apart from the kids anyway - The teacher is on her first year after her PGCE so is a bit frazzled and still finding her feet.

I've been finding it kinda boring too. Interacting with the kids is fun but its just a bit repetative. "Is that really how you spell that? Why can't you shut up.... Do you need help with that.... What do you think is the right answer?" And so on.
I could see myself doing it, its easy shit although the teachers tales of arriving at 7.30 for work and leaving at 9 scare me slightly!
I'd get bored doing it too. Towards the end of the week, I found myself yawning and clockwatching, not really bothering to explain to the kids whats, what and giving them the wrong impression of how to do things (Hey they should have listened in the first place)

Friday was Bird day and I got to meet some hawks and pet a barn owl, which then landed on my knee! That was the best day so far and I have another week to go yet.

Friday was also Welshy's birthday and we went out, I got drunk and managed to lose my bank cards AGAIN. Such a moron.

I've fallen out with him today. I told him I don't want him home. He insists on playing cricket and then drinking with that prat we lived with last year. Yeah the guy that robbed over 200 quid from us, left me miserable most of the year, hiding in our room, the guy who's girl accused me of giving her cancer(!) and forced us to return home.

If he can condon and accept such behaviour I don't want him here.

I didn't get into uni.
I was pretty upset when I heard. Annoyingly apparently I got rejected by one of the unis on the day I flew out to Barca, considering I spent all day online that day, it's not like I could have missed the email. Too late now to phone up and enquire why I'm considered not good enough.

Tomorrow is my last day at work before I start this now pointless placement.
Still at least now the pressure's off. If I hate it, then I know teaching is not for me and to think up another plan.
So what now? Well I can try for a teacher Clearing place in March. I'm expecting not to find owt in that though. By April I think I should have enough to do a TEFL course. I plan on doing that, maybe a year in Asia or Europe, depending on Welshy and then maybe trying again for next year.
Who knows?!

Yesterday me and the N.M.M.C.A.S.C went up to Sheff to see us play Wednesday. We met H2 on the way which was ace and went to a bar or two on the way. Sadly A let me down at the last minute, meeting him, which was a bit of a bugger!
A little boy, about 7-9 was on the train up with us, and despite having a few cans on the way, I thought I had done a pretty decent job of controlling my potty mouth. Anyway as the boy clearly goes to football, its not like any of the words I used would be unknown to him...
As we pulled into Sheff station and I went for a last minute wee, a man apparently approached the boys and commented on my language.
Apparently I had made him blush and he was on the verge of coming over and saying something.

Silly cunt.

So here we are.
Happy Birthday Daddy!

We went down to the 02 for a meal at TGI Friday's. Nice enough.

Been very lazy this weekend, lots of lie ins and lots of naps. Slightly dull but nice.
There are ponies for loan at New stables. How I want! However at £70 a week, it's still far too much of my wages and I don't feel settled there enough to use the facilities like I would at Willowtree.
The people are lovely, the ones I have met so far anyway and I am going for a lunge lesson on Tuesday. I aim to improve my riding posture. I have fallen into too many bad habits, through sheer lack of regular riding. I want to move up a group and learn to jump this year, or at least for as long as I go there before something happens.
A lunge lesson, is kinda a backstep, I'll be on a giant dog lead (for want of a better description) and that means someone else is in control of keeping the pony moving on, and I can just focus on raising my hands, lowering my shoulders and lengthening my legs as I've always ridden far too short in the stirrup.

The boys went to see us play Spurs today. We lost 3-0. Glad I didn't go.

So here we are five years in...
Scary how time flies and how memories that you thought would stay forever start to fade. I remember that day, the call to work to say I couldn't make it in, sitting around. Not knowing what to say, to comfort him. The fear.
But I no longer remember his voice, I struggle to remember his healthy face, rather than the pale, guant, grey, cancer-riddled one.

This day, this week used to be something that I feared, that was to be endured and then we can all try to move on again, in our own ways. Now I feel its just a quiet, reflective time.

I miss him. I wish I could have had more time, I wish I could have introduced him to Welshy. I wish he was about, to tell my adventures too. But he's not. And now its time to get on with my life.

I have to explain this to someone and I know none of you ride but fuck it.
Was at my lesson last night and we were only doing a canter 20m circle from the A end to the back of the ride. Anyway, off I go, preparing to pop into canter at X, the midway marker.
When my little 14.2 l/w cob I was riding, stopped dead and popped in a bit of a buck. I yelled at him, belted his shoulder with my stick and he took two or three strides forward and then put in a massive effort of a buck. What a git!
I had this grim thought in my head, that I WAS not gonna fall off, wrestled myself back into the saddle, luckily I hadn't been too dislodged from it and belted him again and pushed him back into the exercise.
A friend of mine's bf was taking photos and there's this one, the only one that came out ok, of me doing some weird Rising trot movement, trying to belt him and stay sat at the same time.
Shame I couldn't get a proper picture, would finally show Welshy I actually know whats going on!

Meanwhile - Parky and Kinsella sacked?! What the fuck are Charlton playing at now?!

Tomorrow is the 5th anniversary of Dad's death. Not really thought about it much. Does that make me a bad person?

So here we are, a little later than planned but its my End of Year Review.

Definate Highs - India, Diving in Lanzarote and seeing the angel Shark, visiting Barcelona when I thought it impossible, moving out, my GCSE Maths result.

Definate Lows - Failure for Charlton to win Promotion, the Mugging (I still am a little jumpy walking that way back home), Getting my wallet stolen in Barca and Natwests refusal to provide me with my own money, the two housemates turning into the BIGGEST pair of fuckwits ever and pushing me and Welshy back home. Failure to get into uni. STILL being stuck in that shit job.

But last year was a time of change, doing my GCSE helped me get that step closer to uni, at least now I'm expectant of getting an interview and as I keep reminding myself, I now have a back up plan. All is not lost if I fail to get in.
I got a promotion at work so I'm on almost decent money. Living with Welshy is good, I like having him about all the time and I like having my time away from him.
Forming the N.M.M.C.A.S.C. Was great, I've made good friends with the boys from work and we go on our away trips together, rather than E letting me down.
E - I don't know. We're not as close as before. Sometimes I think she is jealous of me having Welshy. I am jealous of her jet-setting and I am jealous of The Usurper stealing my place.

This year is the 5th since Dad died - Imagine! This is a week to be endured and survived.
But I know, feel deep in myself that 2011 is going to get better. I know I will not wake up next Christmas and find myself still in this rut. I have made steps to pull myself out of it. Something will change and it will be for the better.