It had been a really nice week with him, he was settled, funny, caring and almost like old times. Then last night before he flew away I ruined it by being tactless and acting without thinking as I usually do. Then I realised I'd said the most stupid thing and also that apologising wouldn't fix it. And then of course by the time I did apologise, he felt it was too late and I didn't really mean it. URGH.
Back in a months time and now back to stressing over him and his mental health and indirectly us again.

Drivings going ok, fingers crossed for upcoming test!

Mother and TMWMinW are back on Monday - He has an interview to busk on the South Bank for 6 weeks. So plans on giving up key holiday season time and gigging most nights in bars and what have you for 6 weeks busking. Of course me questioning this leads to accusations of not being supporting enough!

Had a job interview yesterday, think it went well, lost a bit of interest when they mentioned the long hours. Applied for housing benefit so just waiting to see if that goes through....

Still. At least if I pass the driving thats 155 pounds saved and then if I don't get the benefit I'd have to think seriously about giving up the horse. I said I would unless things improved in May.
There are 4 jobs that I'd really like (any of them) with deadlines in first two weeks of June so perhaps if the benefit comes through then I can hang on and wait for them?

Got rejected for the medical trial after being sent for a second stage screening which is a shame. 3k would have come in handy!!!

Onwards and upwards! I do feel positive though despite my dire financial situation and crashing and burning relationship!

I've depressed myself this week by realising how much in debt I am. Fingers crossed I pass this driving test soon so at least thats one less debt to worry about! Welshy comes home tomorrow and we'll see how things go...... Stupid mental illness.
Been gardening this week mostly inbetween applying for jobs. Quietly pleased at the job i've done so far. Its  shame that I can predict what Mother will say when she sees it
It'll be A. "Oooh now you'll need to keep it like that." (Well duh) or B. "Well you could have done the front as well."
I plan on starting on the front at some point, I just dislike people watching and judging. Also I can't afford flowers and shit to put in there to make it pretty. And lets not pretend. I enjoy the slicing with strimmers and secateurs more than actual gardening. Its a good thing to take my rage out on!

Had a bit of a jumping fail today but at least ended on a good note. Boy wants to bring home an elderly staffy. Not sure thats a smart move as much as I feel sorry for it. So hot today!

Another crazy outburst from Welshy.  I am so worried about him but he refuses to seek help. So what can I do but try to listen and understand? God it hurts though.
Went dumper truck racing with P, E and triple l. I won yay! Was harder than it looked! They skidded everywhere and I nearly went over backwards!

I found a novel I wrote at work and am amusing myself by typing it up. The middle is missing so I will have to work on that.

Brought a fab toy today and am enjoying it far too much!

Luckily found Geronimo yesterday after an epic 24 hours of freedom and my 3 hours of gardening. I should really keep this up as it looks alright the bit I cleared!
Went out to the second part of my medical trial testing. Had lots of random tests done including an ECG and a wee test!
Now just waiting to see what happens after that!
I had a mock driving test today. Drove abysmally. Although it wasn't as bad as I feared, it would have been a fail. Urgh. Had had a good couple of lessons prior to this so lets hope it was just a fluke!
Two lessons next week and then gonna do another hardcore week so we'll see!

Argh! Geronimo Tortoise is missing! Really worried, somehow he's got out of his pen. I last saw him about three ish and it was 6 when I realised he'd got out.
I hope he's somewhere safe to sleep tonight and I can get him tomorrow.

God I hate, hate that woman! Boy accidentally or didnt know that stuff in the back room was to be shipped out. Its a bike, a clothes airer and some other little bits and pieces. So she wanted me to run about tomorrow like an idiot taking it all up to heathrow on the tube. When I refused she got on the phone to her friend W guilted him into driving her car without tax and insurance to do it. So tomorrow I have to give him the car keys just so that selfish bitch who was too lazy to organise all this her end when she knew she was coming back at least 3 weeks ago can get a bike and an airer sent to her in Spain.
I also however have spent today Googling how to get housing benefit. She claimed it was too hard to organise and never bothered during her week of drinking and hanging out with friends here.
So thats what I plan on doing Wednesday.

Lets bring it all up to speed. - I didn't get the kennel club job, they said it would be mundane and beneath me. Really disappointed about that. No other interviews on horizon and I'm starting to get worried about funds and whathaveyou.
Booked Driving test. No one knows when it is and I plan to keep it that way.
Got approved to go on council housing list. Boom! Of course I can't do that until I get a job and the list is so long I might even end up being able to afford to buy (insert sarky laugh).
Mother was home, she castigated my lack of cleaning up after the Boy - who is also not working and has moved down into the living room to sleep and live. She spent more time going out with her friends and telling me in one breath how poor she was and needed me to carry on giving her rent (am only one out of the three of us who has!!) and in the other breath how she is diving three or four times a week and goes out most nights to "support" him and the band.
Welshy - Oh God I don't know what's going on there. When he came home he was full of the pits of despair about how he's a hindrance to my life and stopping me doing things cos he doesn't support my dream of escape from London.  We just had a really nice week together, and we both agreed how easy it was to forget the problems of the last two weeks.
He told me he loved me yesterday. Urgh. Not reading into it at all. He is now away again for 2 weeks. Just playing it all by ear which makes me seem like a victim I guess but I'm prepared for either eventuality so am just rolling with it all.
The medical trial people got back in touch out of the blue. I qualify for a different experiment so am going Thursday for a health MOT (ECG's the works!) and then we'll see! I could get locked up for 11 days but get 3k for my troubles. Which would be very very handy.

And that is just about it really. Riding tomorrow and then the week starts again with a trip to sign on.

Had an interview with the Kennel Club yesterday. Was hoping to hear back today regarding a second interview (even took a handbag with me!) haven't heard.
Had a reasonable driving lesson and then went to see the horse, felt sudden attack of the blues so didn't ride when I should have as it always perks me up but weather was grey and I hate riding in the rain. Of course it didn't and still hasn't rained so should have done it.
Will go to the gym later though, get some endorphins into me and that'll help.
He comes home on Sunday as does Mother and I'm not excited about either.