"I've been a bridesmaid several times, and I can say with great authority that your job will be to dress in a dress someone else chooses for you and stand where they tell you. After your duties are done, you usually are forced to sit at a table facing everyone else in the room while they watch you eat and drink."
Oh dear God. I really dont think I'm the right person to be asked to be a bridesmaid. Still! Here's hoping he was very drunk and didnt mean the offer or I can wiggle out of it.
Our family gatherings are always great fun. We all meet up and go to football together, but other than that we only meet up for family dos like this.
Normally me and my brothers plan of action is to head to the bar and stay there as long as possible and get as drunk as possible in the quickest amount of time, which is probably common to all families!
Only as The Brat was driving I took it upon myself to do his drinking for him, which is fine in a crowded bar and you can get served without drawing too much attention to your drinking.
Unfortunately for me, I got Id'ed as soon as I went to the bar, as I didnt have ID to hand, I had to grab my Aunty G to "prove" I was over 18. So I now stood out.
Possibly going up to the bar 3 times in forty minutes also didnt help my cause, or my mother knocking the glass out of my hand (while I was still reasonably sober although I bet the bar staff didnt think so!)
Ah fuck it. I decided. Ive already made people think I'm an underage drinker, lets totally throw the bottle out and really draw attention to myself.
So by running across the empty dancefloor to request 5,6,7,8 by steps (again, there's no attempt to hide my love of cheese to dance to, I can almost SEE Flashy shuddering!)
And then doing some shameful dirty dancing with my Aunty G to the Grease Megamix. I think I did a pretty good job of drawing attention to myself, and fulfilling my mission of getting hammered.
Oh God I hope they were joking about the bridesmaid thing.
Oh and is it a bad thing that as soon as you walk through the door of your local chinese takaway they've handed your order over to the kitchen. I think I might spend a little too much time in there!
5 comments:
Oog. Bridesmaid?? I'm actually jealous!!
I was only ever a bridesmaid/maid of honor once, and it was a tiny borough hall-type wedding. My main job, aside from being a witness, was to stop my cousin from staring down my future sister-in-law's dress.
{In fairness he was only 13--but it didn't stop us from calling him 'tits' for upwards of a month and a half}
You sound like a natural, just keep drinking until everyone looks good. Regardless of how long it takes.
I think you'll do just fine...I would have loved to have seen the dirty dancing routine, though. It sounds hysterical.
I've been bridesmaid twice and didn't have the fun you had - nice one!
Shuddering?
Moi?
No way, one has to surrender one's coolness at the door at family parties.
It's the law.
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