Once again I find myself thinking of the Charby from nearly twenty years ago, sitting in her university bedroom and starting to idly overshare her thoughts on this and how I fantasised about how one day this might be like Pepys diary.

Except as times and I have changed, I no longer keep this up to the same level I did back then - and some of those posts make me cringe! But here I am, making occasional posts about pandemics and wars and lockdowns and twittering random updates about my life - when now I have social media to overshare on.

But this is a diversion. The Queen is dead. I've never understood people who grieve for celebrities and people they've never met. Why? I'm not a huge Royal supporter, apart from admiring her work ethic and sense of duty and love of animals and appreciating the big draw they are for tourists and bringing money into the country.
Never watched any of the Royal Weddings. Openly mocked those who went OTT for Diana's death. 

But last night, today. I understood. Our internet had failed so we were sent home from work early so it wasn't until I got in at half three and saw that the Royal Family had been summoned to Balmoral, that I started to fear the worst. 
I hope that they got the chance to say goodbye. I hope it was a peaceful passing. I'm glad she was in Balmoral, which by all accounts was her favourite place. I am glad she worked to the end as she hoped - meeting the new Prime Minister just a few days earlier, but I also hope and wish that she had some down time in the last couple of days. That she pottered around the garden with a corgi, that she fed her favourite pony a last apple and smelled horses, oats and leather one last time.

I think of how dignified she was at Philip's funeral when my heart broke for her, I think to how she performed with James Bond at the Olympics - my favourite bit of the opening ceremony. The Paddington Bear sketch when I couldn't believe she would join in with such silliness. I think about how she had State Opening of Parliament and Windsor Horse show on consecutive days this summer and how she skipped the Opening and went to play ponies instead, like a naughty schoolgirl.  

I've welled up a few times. Princess Diana didn't affect me, Prince Philip or any celebrity made me feel anything other than a passing "oh that's sad... [pause] anyway....." type thought.

And its the silly things as well - she won't be on a stamp - she won't be on a coin. God save the King sounds strange to the ears.

May you live in interesting times indeed.

God Save The Queen. Long live the King