Sunday, January 31, 2016

I loved St Petersburg. Russia was cold - not as cold as ancipated - but so, so pretty. The architecture especially the churches, the winter palace and the Hermitage.
We explored, got caught in a snowstorm, stumbled over ice. Ate pancakes, swam and made use of the sunas and restaurant where i ate in pitch darkness. I really recommend it to anyone and I'd love to see Moscow now.

Welshy and I broke up, its been on the cards for 2 years. We tried to do it in November. 10 years of friendship, 9 years dating and its over and that's quite scary.
He stayed in a different hotel to the one we booked. I spent the evenings alternating between hysterical sobbing and loudly bellowing out break up songs.
I relied on him to keep me strong for so long and he relied on me, and now its stifling, we don't talk any more.
He will be back upstairs in mums room this week and then away for three with work.
Then who knows. I don't want to lose him at all but today and the silence around each other has been horrid so perhaps best he moves out when he can.

During the day i can make grand plans and tell myself i will be ok. In the evenings i crumble and i wosh i was stronger. I am frightened of life without him - he has been the only person to care about me for a long time and life alone seems strange but i am so glad we don't have kids or a place of our own or any commitments past the animals.

I remind myself that what will come will never be as hard as what i have endured and i cross my fingers that, that is true and i will continue to endure.

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