my version of tomorrow is clearly different from other peoples!
Finally got my new phone up and running after a few days on hold to different people arguing as to why it wasnt working when they promised it would be.
Plus there's been the excitements of a new job at the museum - a senior - not quite management - not quite supervisor - type role.
Basically doing all the shit i do now, but for 3.5k a year more. This kinda news makes Charbs a happy bunny as I am so poor and I need money for things, fun things like travelling and riding and football.
Of course - ahem - I will be saving a large percentage of this for potentially going back to uni.
Thats still looking pretty doubtful as they've all upped the ante this year and where as I could have blagged my way in with a D and a maths equivelancy, they're now not taking it.
The uni that I want to go to however, is offering a maths module on the HND course as good enough, I did a module on my HND that combined Maths, English and IT so I have my fingers crossed that somehow this will be good enough!
Dont hold your breath, I plan on being disappointed!
So let me tell you now about our house disappointments.
The place that we had lined up, had been sublet the year before, 24 chinamen had fitted somehow into a 3 bed flat, the council found out about it after we had passed the reference check, after we had all our deposits taken....
So its taken nearly three weeks to get our moneys back and it was so much that until we got it back, that we could afford to apply again and house hunt.
Only now Welshy's all sold on the TEFL thing he's badgering me to do it now, but i'm so unsure cos of applying for uni, cos of this new job thingy. I need to hang on here till Xmas at least to find out if I can go to uni or not and he's right, we shouldnt tie ourselves down to a flat if my application goes tits up like it probably will and stop ourselves from adventuring!
Friday, September 24, 2010
I met a lady this morning walking to work.
She approached me rather excitedly.
"I saw you! You were attacked on Wednesday!"
"Erm yeah..."
I was already feeling nervous, I had to walk past Blackheath Bluecoats this morning which, is a rather Black school and for the first time I eyed them up, worrying that they might come for me. Irrational. I felt kinda sick walking down the same path thinking... this is where it happened...
"I was behind you! Walking my dog! I saw him hold you and you were screaming! Dirty Little Bastard! Did he hurt you? Did he get anything?"
I showed her my finger, I've been showing everyone the cut on my finger from where he dug his fingers in.
"Dirty Little Bastard! You did well though! I saw you! You were really going for him, you were squirming and kicking and everything and then I saw you chase him into the bushes and I tried to cut him off but when I only saw him leave I was afraid you were hurt so I looked for you and couldnt find you so ran home to call the police!"
I felt so better hearing her say that I'd done well in fighting him, it had all been so quick and the worst thing (well apart from the actual crime and the woman who had done nothing to help) had been the thought that I had given up too easily, that I had been a sissy girly, a pathetic victim.
She was keen to reassure me though.
"No! There's no way I could have done that, you were really going at him, he'll think twice before trying it out on you again!".
Once was enough.....
Anyway, new phone is on order, and I walked that way home, I wanted to go alone, as I was feeling nervous, a kinda getting back on the horse feeling I guess.
But a friend made up a phoney excuse about having to walk that way anyway and I was glad.
Shorty.. Am not sure pepper spray is even legal in the UK, anyway there's no way I could have got it out of my bag to use with him pinning my arms down.
Time to move onwards and upwards.
Be prepared tomorrow for the reason for almost regular updates and news of a potential new job!
dum-dum-dum!!!
She approached me rather excitedly.
"I saw you! You were attacked on Wednesday!"
"Erm yeah..."
I was already feeling nervous, I had to walk past Blackheath Bluecoats this morning which, is a rather Black school and for the first time I eyed them up, worrying that they might come for me. Irrational. I felt kinda sick walking down the same path thinking... this is where it happened...
"I was behind you! Walking my dog! I saw him hold you and you were screaming! Dirty Little Bastard! Did he hurt you? Did he get anything?"
I showed her my finger, I've been showing everyone the cut on my finger from where he dug his fingers in.
"Dirty Little Bastard! You did well though! I saw you! You were really going for him, you were squirming and kicking and everything and then I saw you chase him into the bushes and I tried to cut him off but when I only saw him leave I was afraid you were hurt so I looked for you and couldnt find you so ran home to call the police!"
I felt so better hearing her say that I'd done well in fighting him, it had all been so quick and the worst thing (well apart from the actual crime and the woman who had done nothing to help) had been the thought that I had given up too easily, that I had been a sissy girly, a pathetic victim.
She was keen to reassure me though.
"No! There's no way I could have done that, you were really going at him, he'll think twice before trying it out on you again!".
Once was enough.....
Anyway, new phone is on order, and I walked that way home, I wanted to go alone, as I was feeling nervous, a kinda getting back on the horse feeling I guess.
But a friend made up a phoney excuse about having to walk that way anyway and I was glad.
Shorty.. Am not sure pepper spray is even legal in the UK, anyway there's no way I could have got it out of my bag to use with him pinning my arms down.
Time to move onwards and upwards.
Be prepared tomorrow for the reason for almost regular updates and news of a potential new job!
dum-dum-dum!!!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I got mugged yesterday! Mugged! I cant fucking believe it.
I'd left work and the park and was walking alongside the heath, on the route that I've covered thousands of times. Many a time with my phone out, skipping along, singing.
Yesterday I was distracted answering a text from Welshy. There was no one lurking outside the park, then halfway down the road, some guy grabbed me about the waist pinning my arms down and screaming that I should give him my phone.
At first I thought it was one of my friends playing a joke, but I instantly realised after that, it wasnt.
I fought him, I wriggled and tried to headbutt him. I screamed for help. There was a lady with a pushchair perhaps 100 yards ahead,
"HELP! HELP ME! YOU CUNT, GET OFF! NO! HELP!"
and similar. She was watching me! She never tried to help. I hope your baby dies in the night. You whore.
I kicked backwards. I caught him on the shin, not a good kick cos his legs were astride, but enough to make him yelp and he dug his fingers into me.
Ripping the skin open on one, making me bleed (shame its not enough to get it done for assault as well.)
I yelped then and automatically let go, I regret that now. Not putting up enough of a fight, letting go.
He grabbed my phone and ran into the bushes, down whats called the Dip and up again. I chased him, still screaming at him.
"COME BACK! YOU CUNT! COME BACK! SOMEONE HELP! SOMEONE STOP HIM! YOU COWARD, COME BACK AND FIGHT ME PROPERLY!"
Then I fell over going up the hill and lost him.
I found a lovely man walking two huskey dogs and he called the police for me. They came and they had stopped every black youth, nearby, even getting them off of the bus and we drove past slowly, but I never got a clear look at his face. So a pointless act.
I know he was black, African, he was my height and weight more or less and probably 16-18.
Dressed in black.
Where on Earth did he spring from? The road was empty. Where does this kinda thing enter your mindset. I have to walk that way home on Friday. I am nervous now, I hope I see him again. I will kick the living shit into him. But I am nervous too.
Everybody has been sympathetic and tell me I shouldnt have fought him, shouldnt have chased him into the dense bushes of the dip where you dont find people. But I am angry, I am angry that no one, especially the watching lady didnt help (She came by when I was with the man and asked me if I was ok and if there was anything she could do to help.) Yeah. You could have come when I was screaming at you.
I am angry that I couldnt fight him better, that I panicked like a stupid girl, that he made me bleed, that I CRIED when the police came. and I'm angry he's made me feel nervous walking along one of my favourite routes.
I could have understood somehow if it had been pitch black in the park. I could have understood if I was in the dip itself, but for it to be broad daylight, a row of nice, posh apartments on oneside, a road on the other. How could no one have come and how could this have happened?
I'd left work and the park and was walking alongside the heath, on the route that I've covered thousands of times. Many a time with my phone out, skipping along, singing.
Yesterday I was distracted answering a text from Welshy. There was no one lurking outside the park, then halfway down the road, some guy grabbed me about the waist pinning my arms down and screaming that I should give him my phone.
At first I thought it was one of my friends playing a joke, but I instantly realised after that, it wasnt.
I fought him, I wriggled and tried to headbutt him. I screamed for help. There was a lady with a pushchair perhaps 100 yards ahead,
"HELP! HELP ME! YOU CUNT, GET OFF! NO! HELP!"
and similar. She was watching me! She never tried to help. I hope your baby dies in the night. You whore.
I kicked backwards. I caught him on the shin, not a good kick cos his legs were astride, but enough to make him yelp and he dug his fingers into me.
Ripping the skin open on one, making me bleed (shame its not enough to get it done for assault as well.)
I yelped then and automatically let go, I regret that now. Not putting up enough of a fight, letting go.
He grabbed my phone and ran into the bushes, down whats called the Dip and up again. I chased him, still screaming at him.
"COME BACK! YOU CUNT! COME BACK! SOMEONE HELP! SOMEONE STOP HIM! YOU COWARD, COME BACK AND FIGHT ME PROPERLY!"
Then I fell over going up the hill and lost him.
I found a lovely man walking two huskey dogs and he called the police for me. They came and they had stopped every black youth, nearby, even getting them off of the bus and we drove past slowly, but I never got a clear look at his face. So a pointless act.
I know he was black, African, he was my height and weight more or less and probably 16-18.
Dressed in black.
Where on Earth did he spring from? The road was empty. Where does this kinda thing enter your mindset. I have to walk that way home on Friday. I am nervous now, I hope I see him again. I will kick the living shit into him. But I am nervous too.
Everybody has been sympathetic and tell me I shouldnt have fought him, shouldnt have chased him into the dense bushes of the dip where you dont find people. But I am angry, I am angry that no one, especially the watching lady didnt help (She came by when I was with the man and asked me if I was ok and if there was anything she could do to help.) Yeah. You could have come when I was screaming at you.
I am angry that I couldnt fight him better, that I panicked like a stupid girl, that he made me bleed, that I CRIED when the police came. and I'm angry he's made me feel nervous walking along one of my favourite routes.
I could have understood somehow if it had been pitch black in the park. I could have understood if I was in the dip itself, but for it to be broad daylight, a row of nice, posh apartments on oneside, a road on the other. How could no one have come and how could this have happened?
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I've had a fab weekend! I went up to Stoke on Friday to fulfil a long-held dream (ok, denied uni trip) to visit Waterworld, which is one of the big water parks in the UK, me and STF talked about going there a long time in Derby but it never quite worked out.
Then we headed across to Birmingham to see his friend and then Saturday and Sunday was a whirlwind! We caught up and went for tea with the Lizard and her bf, we met up with STF, A, Booker, JN and MV, only R was missing from my motley crew of boys!
Drank in Our Beloved Friary, in town, then left them in a shit club, and we went to what had been D&E. Only D&E is now Syn and instead of playing fab cheesy music. It was awful new stuff. Very disappointed.
But we were in at 1am eating a yummy pizza (and oh! it was so nice to not be squashed in a single bed as we have been lately!)
Then Sunday we met TP, TJ and H. and then H2 before catching the late train home. And I can't believe that rent for a 3 bed house is half of what a 1 bed flat is here!
Madness!
I'd love to be up there again, perhaps not in Derby, but closer to my friends.
Welshy is pushing for us to go to a TEFL course. I really wanna do it, but I'm not sure its a good time, I wanna get applying for uni, and we've half commited ourselves to living with two guys should we find a place. I just feel bad messing them about.
We'll see....
Then we headed across to Birmingham to see his friend and then Saturday and Sunday was a whirlwind! We caught up and went for tea with the Lizard and her bf, we met up with STF, A, Booker, JN and MV, only R was missing from my motley crew of boys!
Drank in Our Beloved Friary, in town, then left them in a shit club, and we went to what had been D&E. Only D&E is now Syn and instead of playing fab cheesy music. It was awful new stuff. Very disappointed.
But we were in at 1am eating a yummy pizza (and oh! it was so nice to not be squashed in a single bed as we have been lately!)
Then Sunday we met TP, TJ and H. and then H2 before catching the late train home. And I can't believe that rent for a 3 bed house is half of what a 1 bed flat is here!
Madness!
I'd love to be up there again, perhaps not in Derby, but closer to my friends.
Welshy is pushing for us to go to a TEFL course. I really wanna do it, but I'm not sure its a good time, I wanna get applying for uni, and we've half commited ourselves to living with two guys should we find a place. I just feel bad messing them about.
We'll see....
Friday, September 10, 2010
So we're back in London for what two weeks?
And lets see, Granddad has checked himself into hospital. Yeah. Seems HE's suffering from dementia too now and his is going at a lot faster rate than Nan.
They've all decided to move Uncle J in to look after him, despite all the aggro he caused last time.
I wonder how long it'll be before he gets moved into Perrygrove alongside Nan, or how long before John walks out on him again and leaves them, foodless, and medicineless, like the last time he was supposed to be caring for them.
Or how long till he moves his new girlfriend in.
J is suffering from some kinda mental illness. He has attacked Mother, attacked his own daughter and tried to get his wife arrested. He was forced to retire from the police force and got a job as a school caretaker. Then he pinned one of the children up against the wall and was made to leave.
Mother thinks it comes from some sorta post-traumatic thing, years ago when I was like 13/14? He was working as part of the Transport police and was chasing some random, he chased him over the bridge and got caught, in his effort to free himself, he fell off the bridge and down onto the live wire train track.
He was electrocuted, I remember visiting him in Tommy's and seeing the entry point, just under his armpit and then where the current left his body, somewhere on his leg. he just managed to roll free before the 12.34 fast train to Brighton thundered along the tracks.
The stress, and understandably so! of this incident, is what he blames for the two heart attacks he suffered a few years later and which was what finally forced him to retire from the police.
This is what Mother feels is made him the... I dont wanna say unhinged, but slightly unstable person he is. And she is deathly worried that he might snap again onto Granddad.
And lets see, Granddad has checked himself into hospital. Yeah. Seems HE's suffering from dementia too now and his is going at a lot faster rate than Nan.
They've all decided to move Uncle J in to look after him, despite all the aggro he caused last time.
I wonder how long it'll be before he gets moved into Perrygrove alongside Nan, or how long before John walks out on him again and leaves them, foodless, and medicineless, like the last time he was supposed to be caring for them.
Or how long till he moves his new girlfriend in.
J is suffering from some kinda mental illness. He has attacked Mother, attacked his own daughter and tried to get his wife arrested. He was forced to retire from the police force and got a job as a school caretaker. Then he pinned one of the children up against the wall and was made to leave.
Mother thinks it comes from some sorta post-traumatic thing, years ago when I was like 13/14? He was working as part of the Transport police and was chasing some random, he chased him over the bridge and got caught, in his effort to free himself, he fell off the bridge and down onto the live wire train track.
He was electrocuted, I remember visiting him in Tommy's and seeing the entry point, just under his armpit and then where the current left his body, somewhere on his leg. he just managed to roll free before the 12.34 fast train to Brighton thundered along the tracks.
The stress, and understandably so! of this incident, is what he blames for the two heart attacks he suffered a few years later and which was what finally forced him to retire from the police.
This is what Mother feels is made him the... I dont wanna say unhinged, but slightly unstable person he is. And she is deathly worried that he might snap again onto Granddad.
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Oops. Today is my normal rostered day off of work, only I went to play at Go Ape on Tuesday and I must have swapped my day off around cos I got a rather confused phone call at 12 asking me why I wasnt in work.
I was really confused too but I guess I must have swapped it over, will check when I get in tomorrow.
I'm going to Derby. I cant wait. I spoke to Booker for the first time in nearly two years quickly on FB chat tonight. Now i'm hit with a wave of nostalga.
I shall take Welshy with me. We plan to go to Stoke on the Friday and visit Waterworld and then either head to Brum to see his pal or we'll go to Derby, its my weekend off so I just need to work out Friday. No messing it up like I did today!
Mother is home and dropped a bombshell that she's BROUGHT a flat out in Lanzarote that she plans to have rented out for half the year and keep for our own use the rest of the time.
Its sounds so POSH! I remember when I was younger, worrying about how my parents would afford to pay the rent and have us evicted.
Then we brought my home now and that seemed so incredible to me and even more so when the Life Insurance paid it off and now we have TWO homes! One abroad!
We put in our paperwork for New Flat and hopefully we'll be able to move soon, 10 days to a fortnight, Welshy confidently predicts me, we'll see.
I'm gonna be living all multicultural, I assured Welshy, not only am I going to be living with a Welshman, I shall be taking up residence with a Saffa and a Kiwi.
Two guys. I dont know the Saffa all that well and Welshy knows the Kiwi better than me, but he seems a lovely sweet thing and I like him.
So its gotta be better than the horrible atmosphere last year.
I was really confused too but I guess I must have swapped it over, will check when I get in tomorrow.
I'm going to Derby. I cant wait. I spoke to Booker for the first time in nearly two years quickly on FB chat tonight. Now i'm hit with a wave of nostalga.
I shall take Welshy with me. We plan to go to Stoke on the Friday and visit Waterworld and then either head to Brum to see his pal or we'll go to Derby, its my weekend off so I just need to work out Friday. No messing it up like I did today!
Mother is home and dropped a bombshell that she's BROUGHT a flat out in Lanzarote that she plans to have rented out for half the year and keep for our own use the rest of the time.
Its sounds so POSH! I remember when I was younger, worrying about how my parents would afford to pay the rent and have us evicted.
Then we brought my home now and that seemed so incredible to me and even more so when the Life Insurance paid it off and now we have TWO homes! One abroad!
We put in our paperwork for New Flat and hopefully we'll be able to move soon, 10 days to a fortnight, Welshy confidently predicts me, we'll see.
I'm gonna be living all multicultural, I assured Welshy, not only am I going to be living with a Welshman, I shall be taking up residence with a Saffa and a Kiwi.
Two guys. I dont know the Saffa all that well and Welshy knows the Kiwi better than me, but he seems a lovely sweet thing and I like him.
So its gotta be better than the horrible atmosphere last year.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Went flat hunting. Found an ex council flat so grotty outside, huge inside. Needs professional cleaning. Cheap though. We'll see. Nothing can be worse than last year.
Working again tomorrow then off on Tuesday to Go Ape! again.
Am slowly working on updating this thing. Updated my "100 things" list anyway to make it seem less like a 12 year old girls blog. Man I was so mardy when I first wrote all this shit.
Am gonna head up to Derby in a few weeks, see the boys. R is back from the Caymans which is ace, not seen him in forever.
Not a lot else has happened since the other day. Am already fed up of sharing a single bed with Welshy. He thrashes about like a beached whale and is always waking me up.
Poor old lad.
Mother is home from Grotty on Thursday and then everything will get even more awkward and cramped.
Working again tomorrow then off on Tuesday to Go Ape! again.
Am slowly working on updating this thing. Updated my "100 things" list anyway to make it seem less like a 12 year old girls blog. Man I was so mardy when I first wrote all this shit.
Am gonna head up to Derby in a few weeks, see the boys. R is back from the Caymans which is ace, not seen him in forever.
Not a lot else has happened since the other day. Am already fed up of sharing a single bed with Welshy. He thrashes about like a beached whale and is always waking me up.
Poor old lad.
Mother is home from Grotty on Thursday and then everything will get even more awkward and cramped.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Hullo!
Diving was fab, met a 5 foot angel shark, HUGE rays, lovely coloured fish, explored a ship wreck and got checked out by a Grouper. I took a camera down with me so hopefully I'll get some fab photos back but diving without glasses or contacts meant often I was just sorta nodding vaguely when my Dive Master was pointing things out.
We scattered Dad too out there, on a small group of rocks next to the pub he favoured and gave him a beer to go out with. Later that week we went to watch the Liverpool game with him.
I got hammered one night and finally achieved that drinking milestone of drinking so much you throw up. I cut all my hair off to have a quirky bouncy bob (Welshy reckons I must have taken a lego woman figure in to the hairdressers with me to use as a model) and got terrible prickly heat and am trying desperately hard not to itch and rip my skin off like I did last time.
Home now. Have been to see CL and meet her baby (born at Xmas) It was nice enough, although HOW did it manage to get baby food goo on its socks? and watching it trying to eat really put me off my scone and I felt revolted.
Flat hunting again. Mother is still in Lanzarote so Welshy is at mine and we're flat hunting tomorrow, so we'll see what happens there. The cutns that we lived with are trying to steal my deposit and we're fighting to get it back (all 695 quid!!)
Remember I set myself some challenges to achieve before I was 30?
One was to move out (Check - although Temp Set back)
One was to pass my Maths GCSE after scoring a F the first time round (For those of you who dont know, the scoring goes A*, A, B, C, D, E, F, G.)
I've struggled all year with it and I finally got my result a D. I'm dead chuffed with this, still not technically a pass (A*-C) But its a huge improvement. If I was doing it just for fun I'd take it as a pass and leave it at that.
Its still not quite good enough though to get me into uni to do a one year Teacher Training Course, well a few unis will take me if I then pass a maths equivelency test.
But due to the state of the world at the moment, uni places have been slashed and there were no spaces for me.
So I'm gonna try and do a resit at Xmas, made a few enquiries about it and we'll see if that gets me a C.
I can still apply for Goldsmiths (local uni) for next year in the meantime and they might let me with a D.
So another task: To get a proper job and leave the museum by Sept will probably be postponed for a bit. Its no biggie, at least I have a job.
Another mission I wanted to accomplish was to pass my driving test, but lack of real job + lack of funds = no lessons.
Finally I wanted to go live abroad for a year. Well thats kinda a vague plan at the moment, me and Welshy are considering doing a CELTA/TEFL type course starting September, and we'll consider our options after Xmas. By then I should know if I'll be in uni, if I'll have passed my maths and if not we can then travel for a undetermined amount of time or all being well we can go from Jan till August when I would need to return for uni.
The only downside to this plan is that what will we
A - do with Geronimo the Tortoise.
B - What about the flat lease that we'll be getting which'd be for a year. No point doing that if we plan on being out of the country for 3/6 months.
But I tell him, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, lets do the course, lets see if I can get into uni next year, If I cant then we can travel. If I do, then we can spend the year after I pass working abroad.
But at least we'll have done the course so we dont need to faff doing it then.
We'll see.
In a year I've virtually achieved 2 of the 5 tasks. Its good going, I figure.
Diving was fab, met a 5 foot angel shark, HUGE rays, lovely coloured fish, explored a ship wreck and got checked out by a Grouper. I took a camera down with me so hopefully I'll get some fab photos back but diving without glasses or contacts meant often I was just sorta nodding vaguely when my Dive Master was pointing things out.
We scattered Dad too out there, on a small group of rocks next to the pub he favoured and gave him a beer to go out with. Later that week we went to watch the Liverpool game with him.
I got hammered one night and finally achieved that drinking milestone of drinking so much you throw up. I cut all my hair off to have a quirky bouncy bob (Welshy reckons I must have taken a lego woman figure in to the hairdressers with me to use as a model) and got terrible prickly heat and am trying desperately hard not to itch and rip my skin off like I did last time.
Home now. Have been to see CL and meet her baby (born at Xmas) It was nice enough, although HOW did it manage to get baby food goo on its socks? and watching it trying to eat really put me off my scone and I felt revolted.
Flat hunting again. Mother is still in Lanzarote so Welshy is at mine and we're flat hunting tomorrow, so we'll see what happens there. The cutns that we lived with are trying to steal my deposit and we're fighting to get it back (all 695 quid!!)
Remember I set myself some challenges to achieve before I was 30?
One was to move out (Check - although Temp Set back)
One was to pass my Maths GCSE after scoring a F the first time round (For those of you who dont know, the scoring goes A*, A, B, C, D, E, F, G.)
I've struggled all year with it and I finally got my result a D. I'm dead chuffed with this, still not technically a pass (A*-C) But its a huge improvement. If I was doing it just for fun I'd take it as a pass and leave it at that.
Its still not quite good enough though to get me into uni to do a one year Teacher Training Course, well a few unis will take me if I then pass a maths equivelency test.
But due to the state of the world at the moment, uni places have been slashed and there were no spaces for me.
So I'm gonna try and do a resit at Xmas, made a few enquiries about it and we'll see if that gets me a C.
I can still apply for Goldsmiths (local uni) for next year in the meantime and they might let me with a D.
So another task: To get a proper job and leave the museum by Sept will probably be postponed for a bit. Its no biggie, at least I have a job.
Another mission I wanted to accomplish was to pass my driving test, but lack of real job + lack of funds = no lessons.
Finally I wanted to go live abroad for a year. Well thats kinda a vague plan at the moment, me and Welshy are considering doing a CELTA/TEFL type course starting September, and we'll consider our options after Xmas. By then I should know if I'll be in uni, if I'll have passed my maths and if not we can then travel for a undetermined amount of time or all being well we can go from Jan till August when I would need to return for uni.
The only downside to this plan is that what will we
A - do with Geronimo the Tortoise.
B - What about the flat lease that we'll be getting which'd be for a year. No point doing that if we plan on being out of the country for 3/6 months.
But I tell him, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, lets do the course, lets see if I can get into uni next year, If I cant then we can travel. If I do, then we can spend the year after I pass working abroad.
But at least we'll have done the course so we dont need to faff doing it then.
We'll see.
In a year I've virtually achieved 2 of the 5 tasks. Its good going, I figure.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Quick update cos i'm dropping with tiredness.
Am flying on holiday tomorrow. Lanzagrotty here I come.
Flat... Not sorted. Gotta leave it on the 21st. Everything is too expensive, saw one lovely flat, couldnt get the 2k the agents wanted before moving in.
Welshy saw a slightly cheaper one today, ex council so its scrotty as hell on the outside but nice inside. Nothing can happen now till I move out so we'll see.
I'm so desperately tired. Was my 27th on Sat (HOW?!) went with Welshy to the History Museum then to Littlehampton to visit a friend.
NEVER go to Littlehampton. It is a place old people go to die. Anyway I went to bed at 3, woke up at 5.45 to get to work in time.
Feel worse today than I did then.
Gotta be up in 5 hours anyway. So its bedtime.
Night!
Am flying on holiday tomorrow. Lanzagrotty here I come.
Flat... Not sorted. Gotta leave it on the 21st. Everything is too expensive, saw one lovely flat, couldnt get the 2k the agents wanted before moving in.
Welshy saw a slightly cheaper one today, ex council so its scrotty as hell on the outside but nice inside. Nothing can happen now till I move out so we'll see.
I'm so desperately tired. Was my 27th on Sat (HOW?!) went with Welshy to the History Museum then to Littlehampton to visit a friend.
NEVER go to Littlehampton. It is a place old people go to die. Anyway I went to bed at 3, woke up at 5.45 to get to work in time.
Feel worse today than I did then.
Gotta be up in 5 hours anyway. So its bedtime.
Night!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Yeah I know! Let me explain! Faithful Fred my old laptop died too. Its something about the evil flat eating its energy, rendering me once again computerless.
Its hellish there at the moment. thanks to invisible builders placing scaffolding by the windows we've not been able to open a window or balcony door for THREE weeks. Its like a sauna, hot, smelly and disgusting.
TP and TJ are visiting this weekend, so looking forward to it, but cos of scaffolding our useless tv has died a death as well.
Ho Hum. Speaking of dying a death our relationship with Evil Flatmates is virtually prehistoric. We dont speak. I am convinced that they told Evil Landlord that we were moving out end of the contract, when we were gonna stay. Didnt tell us till we got a call from letting agency.
Now we have till 17th of August to find somewhere new, but:
A. we cant afford a deposit.
B. We cant afford to rent anywhere the two of us and have no one to move with.
So yeah, looks like unless something drastic happens Welshy is back to Wales and I'm back to Mummys in August....
Best get back to work/looking on gumtree/bbc website/solitaire.
Its hellish there at the moment. thanks to invisible builders placing scaffolding by the windows we've not been able to open a window or balcony door for THREE weeks. Its like a sauna, hot, smelly and disgusting.
TP and TJ are visiting this weekend, so looking forward to it, but cos of scaffolding our useless tv has died a death as well.
Ho Hum. Speaking of dying a death our relationship with Evil Flatmates is virtually prehistoric. We dont speak. I am convinced that they told Evil Landlord that we were moving out end of the contract, when we were gonna stay. Didnt tell us till we got a call from letting agency.
Now we have till 17th of August to find somewhere new, but:
A. we cant afford a deposit.
B. We cant afford to rent anywhere the two of us and have no one to move with.
So yeah, looks like unless something drastic happens Welshy is back to Wales and I'm back to Mummys in August....
Best get back to work/looking on gumtree/bbc website/solitaire.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
So Mondays exam went ok, I think... Gotta wait till August for the results - felt so odd to be back in an exam room! Got another, the calc paper tomorrow which I've found harder but we'll see.
I forgot in my update the other day to tell you THE biggest news you are likely to hear. Actually I'm not sure you'd care but its BIG to us.
Have I told you guys about how I fell out with MH? We've not spoken for like a year now. I'd been bottling up for ages some horrid, careless comments she'd made to me in the past (a check through the archives - cos I am THAT bored reveals I mentioned some of them but not all)
Yeah, let me just give you a run through cos fuck it, she was supposed to be one of my best friends and it still hurts.
Ok *hazy flashback scene*
My Dad's been diagnosed as terminally ill, what would you say to your supposed best friend at this time, when I told her my plans to return home to look after him and maybe get a part time shop job to help out.
You certainly wouldnt tell them that "they were just going home to avoid reality, that there was no need for them to return to London and that they should move to Sheffield with you, or that there was no point you finishing your degree if all you're gonna do is work in a shop."
Gee, thanks for the support there....
Anyway there was hundreds of other snide comments like that, about my Mum's accident after Dad died, how again I was using that for an excuse to avoid real life... She certainly never cared that my Granddad was diagnosed with cancer (all clear now thank God!) and ignored that.
Yet like a mug I kept quiet, I supported her when she decided that it was more fun to sleep and seduce married men, how she miscarried a child by one of them and then when the shit hit the fan how she blamed everyone but herself. She told me I should leave my job in the museum, and Welshy just so she could have a housemate (albeit an unemployed one) in Derby.
Eventually I grew a backbone and told her to fuck off, over an entirely different incident, when she blamed me for everyone in her church finding out about her antics.
That was a year ago and I still get vague updates about her life as we have mutual friends, CL for one. I still kinda worry about her as I'm a fucking softie. I've heard crazy rumours about how she got involved with another man (unmarried) who then proceeded to take all her savings and leave her penniless. About 4 jobs that she's lost in the 2 or 3 years that followed her Masters, through unprofessional conduct and child safety issues (although nothing seems so bad that she can't then get another job or lose her Police Check record)
This resulted in her being unable to get another job in Derby, and having to move to Northampton at the start of this year. (From what I've heard she blames everyone else for this, for losing all her jobs).
I think she has another Family Visitor type job there, or runs a children centre depending on who you talk to.
I dunno, I cant help but worry that some of these rumours are true, and I know i'm down here (and shouldnt care!) so stories do get embellished. 7 years of friendship was a hard thing to throw away for me and I do still worry.
Anyway... Two weeks ago The Lizard hits me with this bombshell
"Do you know that MH is preggers and its a sperm donor!"
So yeah. She's decided that at 29, she's verging on the menopause(!) and needs a kid. So she's entered the world of single parenthood and dont get me wrong, I think anyone who breeds and ends up being the solitary carer is pretty heroic. but why would you take the clean and clinical decision to do it that way? I'm all for independence but that just seems madness to me
(Or is my lack of maternal instinct showing?)
She's not exactly in her 40's (although CL seems to think that her doctor told her it was now or never as her body was failing... I dunno, I know she's lied to her in the past)
And the sperm donor? Well apparently she asked a friend to do it, so its not even like going hrough the NHS.
How do you explain that to your child? How do you make that decision? How do you go through your list of male friends and then broach the subject? I'm fascinated by how she went about the process. Did she sleep with him or use a turkey baster and how often did this happen?
If you cant even afford to live yourself how do you expect to support a kid?
Its all beyond me. But now I'm feeling kinda old! There's only E and The Lizard out of my admittedly small group of female friends that aint married or preggers. At least the boys aint letting me down! Am I the only one who still wants to get drunk rather than married or pregnant?
And am I wrong for being really concerned for MH and the child (due in December) considering all the wank she's done to me or is this just a new 21st century way of doing things and i'm just old-fashioned?
I forgot in my update the other day to tell you THE biggest news you are likely to hear. Actually I'm not sure you'd care but its BIG to us.
Have I told you guys about how I fell out with MH? We've not spoken for like a year now. I'd been bottling up for ages some horrid, careless comments she'd made to me in the past (a check through the archives - cos I am THAT bored reveals I mentioned some of them but not all)
Yeah, let me just give you a run through cos fuck it, she was supposed to be one of my best friends and it still hurts.
Ok *hazy flashback scene*
My Dad's been diagnosed as terminally ill, what would you say to your supposed best friend at this time, when I told her my plans to return home to look after him and maybe get a part time shop job to help out.
You certainly wouldnt tell them that "they were just going home to avoid reality, that there was no need for them to return to London and that they should move to Sheffield with you, or that there was no point you finishing your degree if all you're gonna do is work in a shop."
Gee, thanks for the support there....
Anyway there was hundreds of other snide comments like that, about my Mum's accident after Dad died, how again I was using that for an excuse to avoid real life... She certainly never cared that my Granddad was diagnosed with cancer (all clear now thank God!) and ignored that.
Yet like a mug I kept quiet, I supported her when she decided that it was more fun to sleep and seduce married men, how she miscarried a child by one of them and then when the shit hit the fan how she blamed everyone but herself. She told me I should leave my job in the museum, and Welshy just so she could have a housemate (albeit an unemployed one) in Derby.
Eventually I grew a backbone and told her to fuck off, over an entirely different incident, when she blamed me for everyone in her church finding out about her antics.
That was a year ago and I still get vague updates about her life as we have mutual friends, CL for one. I still kinda worry about her as I'm a fucking softie. I've heard crazy rumours about how she got involved with another man (unmarried) who then proceeded to take all her savings and leave her penniless. About 4 jobs that she's lost in the 2 or 3 years that followed her Masters, through unprofessional conduct and child safety issues (although nothing seems so bad that she can't then get another job or lose her Police Check record)
This resulted in her being unable to get another job in Derby, and having to move to Northampton at the start of this year. (From what I've heard she blames everyone else for this, for losing all her jobs).
I think she has another Family Visitor type job there, or runs a children centre depending on who you talk to.
I dunno, I cant help but worry that some of these rumours are true, and I know i'm down here (and shouldnt care!) so stories do get embellished. 7 years of friendship was a hard thing to throw away for me and I do still worry.
Anyway... Two weeks ago The Lizard hits me with this bombshell
"Do you know that MH is preggers and its a sperm donor!"
So yeah. She's decided that at 29, she's verging on the menopause(!) and needs a kid. So she's entered the world of single parenthood and dont get me wrong, I think anyone who breeds and ends up being the solitary carer is pretty heroic. but why would you take the clean and clinical decision to do it that way? I'm all for independence but that just seems madness to me
(Or is my lack of maternal instinct showing?)
She's not exactly in her 40's (although CL seems to think that her doctor told her it was now or never as her body was failing... I dunno, I know she's lied to her in the past)
And the sperm donor? Well apparently she asked a friend to do it, so its not even like going hrough the NHS.
How do you explain that to your child? How do you make that decision? How do you go through your list of male friends and then broach the subject? I'm fascinated by how she went about the process. Did she sleep with him or use a turkey baster and how often did this happen?
If you cant even afford to live yourself how do you expect to support a kid?
Its all beyond me. But now I'm feeling kinda old! There's only E and The Lizard out of my admittedly small group of female friends that aint married or preggers. At least the boys aint letting me down! Am I the only one who still wants to get drunk rather than married or pregnant?
And am I wrong for being really concerned for MH and the child (due in December) considering all the wank she's done to me or is this just a new 21st century way of doing things and i'm just old-fashioned?
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Tomorrow is my Maths GCSE retake exam. I'm aiming for a C but I think a D is more my level, if I get lucky.
We'll see. I CANNOT wait for this to be over! just my exam tomorrow and Friday and then waiting for my results. I can't believe that I've pushed two years of work into 10 months and how lovely is Welshy to have (not so) patiently gone through it all with me, over and over and over again! I dunno what I'm gonna fill my evenings with now! I'll actually have to talk to him!
What else is going on in my world? We'll gloss over the miserable playoff defeat.
Oh I've FINALLY gotten to ride at the new stables, first ride was a bit of a farce, was put on a horse at least 16 inches taller than anything I normally ride and I can ride it, but I cant ride it well, you know?
So it was a bit of a disaster as the class was a bit beyond me as well, considering i've not had a proper group lesson for a few years, and only done privates.
So then I got bumped down to a baby group but I'm hoping not to be there long, once I've gotten back into the swing of Schooling ride ethics I can move back to a proper class.
I'm going on holiday again! Only Lanzagrotty this time, for a diving holiday with Mum, I hate Grotty but diving everyday should be good.
THe Evil Housemates are leaving, yeah, they've borrowed stupid money to get a part-buy-part-rent deally. Its in a horrid area and sounds like a horrid deal but thats how desperate they are to get away from me.
We had a HUGE row yesterday. I hate the fact that its the middle of summer and they still feel the need to leave lights and heating on. WTF. I'm certainly not paying for lights to be on when everyone is in bed or its bright sunshine and i'm certainly not paying for heating in the middle of fucking summer.
So we need to move someone else in. I dont know who yet. But we cant afford that place alone, esp if I go back to uni. We've got two potentials so watch this space...
I should go do more revision...
We'll see. I CANNOT wait for this to be over! just my exam tomorrow and Friday and then waiting for my results. I can't believe that I've pushed two years of work into 10 months and how lovely is Welshy to have (not so) patiently gone through it all with me, over and over and over again! I dunno what I'm gonna fill my evenings with now! I'll actually have to talk to him!
What else is going on in my world? We'll gloss over the miserable playoff defeat.
Oh I've FINALLY gotten to ride at the new stables, first ride was a bit of a farce, was put on a horse at least 16 inches taller than anything I normally ride and I can ride it, but I cant ride it well, you know?
So it was a bit of a disaster as the class was a bit beyond me as well, considering i've not had a proper group lesson for a few years, and only done privates.
So then I got bumped down to a baby group but I'm hoping not to be there long, once I've gotten back into the swing of Schooling ride ethics I can move back to a proper class.
I'm going on holiday again! Only Lanzagrotty this time, for a diving holiday with Mum, I hate Grotty but diving everyday should be good.
THe Evil Housemates are leaving, yeah, they've borrowed stupid money to get a part-buy-part-rent deally. Its in a horrid area and sounds like a horrid deal but thats how desperate they are to get away from me.
We had a HUGE row yesterday. I hate the fact that its the middle of summer and they still feel the need to leave lights and heating on. WTF. I'm certainly not paying for lights to be on when everyone is in bed or its bright sunshine and i'm certainly not paying for heating in the middle of fucking summer.
So we need to move someone else in. I dont know who yet. But we cant afford that place alone, esp if I go back to uni. We've got two potentials so watch this space...
I should go do more revision...
Saturday, April 17, 2010
I have my old laptop at the flat now, finally, anyway i'm at home. This is my second trip to A&E in two days.
When I was 13/14 I damaged my neck, it went into spasms and locked so I was unable to look left or up/down. They let me have a week off of school and a neck brace to support it.
I've always felt that it hadnt healed properly (possibly cos i went to the stables and rode and heaved/shovelled shit about) as I've suffered off and on with muscle strains, more so than a normal person would, although it never stops me doing anything.
Friday morning and Welshy's alarm goes off and I rolled away from it, I heard and felt this awful grinding, crashing noise below my ear and I knew what I'd done.
I couldnt get up. I thrashed about for 20 minutes yelping and sobbing in pain, before pulling myself up, I tried to sleep it out, as in the past I've been able to stretch my neck into place. But when I woke again I couldnt get up.
I had to get Welshy to help me to dress and then we went to A&E in Whitechapel, there I was manhandled by some idiot nurse, who grabbed me where I said it hurt, pressed in and rotated my neck. I couldnt help it, I burst into tears. The pain is so great, even codeine isnt helping, it shoots from the base of my neck up to my ear.
"Oh. Did that hurt?"
No you whore I cry all the time.
Anyway she gave me codeine, told me in as many words that I would be fine, suggested that I'd had some car accident and it was whiplash-related (I've never been in one) or that it was the start of early onset osteoperosis and sent me home.
I couldnt sleep last night, I spent most of it sobbing as I was exhausted, but couldnt lie down, couldnt rotate my neck to get comfortable on the sofa.
I went to A&E today in Greenwich, where the doctor gave me prescription strength medicine, told me I could self-cert if I needed and sent me away.
I cant bear it, the codeine numbs the pain to an extent but I still hurt so much and my right neck muscles are starting to hurt now from looking that way.
I cant self cert from work as they count my days off as sick days, so despite today being my registered rest day, it would count as two sick days, (fri and today) my next rest day is Tuesday, so if I have tomorrow off, thats three days or two again if I have Monday off, if I have the rest of the week after that off, it takes me to the weekend, so I'd need a doctors note to say why i've had all this time off.
No one will give me one, nor will they give me a neck brace to support me like they did when I was younger.
I can't go into work in this much pain, I cant even dress without help. And I cant go another night with no sleep.
But what else can I do?
Mother has been trapped in Lanzagrotty due to this ash cloud and she keeps giving me demands about ringing her insurannce and doctors and organising shit and I cant do it cos I cant move.
Ow, Ow, Ow.
Anyway she's got it good, in a 5* hotel, all accomadation and food and most importantly free drink paid for, for the duration.
And she'll get more time off of work if she cant get back for monday.
When I was 13/14 I damaged my neck, it went into spasms and locked so I was unable to look left or up/down. They let me have a week off of school and a neck brace to support it.
I've always felt that it hadnt healed properly (possibly cos i went to the stables and rode and heaved/shovelled shit about) as I've suffered off and on with muscle strains, more so than a normal person would, although it never stops me doing anything.
Friday morning and Welshy's alarm goes off and I rolled away from it, I heard and felt this awful grinding, crashing noise below my ear and I knew what I'd done.
I couldnt get up. I thrashed about for 20 minutes yelping and sobbing in pain, before pulling myself up, I tried to sleep it out, as in the past I've been able to stretch my neck into place. But when I woke again I couldnt get up.
I had to get Welshy to help me to dress and then we went to A&E in Whitechapel, there I was manhandled by some idiot nurse, who grabbed me where I said it hurt, pressed in and rotated my neck. I couldnt help it, I burst into tears. The pain is so great, even codeine isnt helping, it shoots from the base of my neck up to my ear.
"Oh. Did that hurt?"
No you whore I cry all the time.
Anyway she gave me codeine, told me in as many words that I would be fine, suggested that I'd had some car accident and it was whiplash-related (I've never been in one) or that it was the start of early onset osteoperosis and sent me home.
I couldnt sleep last night, I spent most of it sobbing as I was exhausted, but couldnt lie down, couldnt rotate my neck to get comfortable on the sofa.
I went to A&E today in Greenwich, where the doctor gave me prescription strength medicine, told me I could self-cert if I needed and sent me away.
I cant bear it, the codeine numbs the pain to an extent but I still hurt so much and my right neck muscles are starting to hurt now from looking that way.
I cant self cert from work as they count my days off as sick days, so despite today being my registered rest day, it would count as two sick days, (fri and today) my next rest day is Tuesday, so if I have tomorrow off, thats three days or two again if I have Monday off, if I have the rest of the week after that off, it takes me to the weekend, so I'd need a doctors note to say why i've had all this time off.
No one will give me one, nor will they give me a neck brace to support me like they did when I was younger.
I can't go into work in this much pain, I cant even dress without help. And I cant go another night with no sleep.
But what else can I do?
Mother has been trapped in Lanzagrotty due to this ash cloud and she keeps giving me demands about ringing her insurannce and doctors and organising shit and I cant do it cos I cant move.
Ow, Ow, Ow.
Anyway she's got it good, in a 5* hotel, all accomadation and food and most importantly free drink paid for, for the duration.
And she'll get more time off of work if she cant get back for monday.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Yeah. The laptops still not fixed as you might have gathered. Looks like everyone else in blogland has no working computers either...
Was gonna tell you all about our amazing drunken trip to Southend, how it looks like we're on the way to Oldham and possible Exeter as well.
Oh and how I went on my first Official Marine Mammal Medic rescue, which ended in an anti-climax when I failed to see the seal at all...
So what am I going to tell you?
Well today we cracked and moved Nanny into a care home, this week, well fortnight really she's really being going downhill, wandering off and stuff. She had been coming home, which is good but she was missing all night recently. Mother is close to cancelling her holiday and the doctor told her under no terms was she to do that as her blood pressure was through the roof and she feared that it might all end in her having another breakdown or a stroke.
Granddad cant cope on his own, No one else will help. His pacemaker is probably buckling under the strain so arrangements have been made to move her into Perrygrove.
Which is a small care home on the estate we used to live at. Its good cos we know people that work there so they can keep us up to date on stuff.
We tell ourselves its for three weeks Respite Care. We (apart from Granddad) all know she wont come out again.
She went mental though. I've seen her walk unfearing and break up a fight between two men and although the last few years she's been quiet, rarely venturing two words this woke something up in her.
"You Bitch, I'll never forgive you for this... You etc."
So we ran, like naughty and guilty schoolchildren abandoning her at the home. The Matron has rung and told us that she's now switched into Nurse Mode (she used to work in a Childrens home and nurse in an OAP ward at the hospital) So thats occupying her mind now, thinking that she works there. But we've been told to stay away for a few days, in case we upset her again.
My Uncle M is on the phone to Mum now abusing her for making this move. But she simply cannot cope anymore. As I have said there are 6 of them and she is the only one to do anything for them. He claims he is going down there to liberate her.
I feel awful, like there's more I could have done, not move out, moved in with the Grandparents, look after them. but that wouldnt stop Nan walking out the house, it wouldnt do me any favours.
So I'll just be here. Being guilty and a bad person for leaving her in the home when we have sworn to them for the last two years that we would NEVER make this move, NEVER split them up.
Was gonna tell you all about our amazing drunken trip to Southend, how it looks like we're on the way to Oldham and possible Exeter as well.
Oh and how I went on my first Official Marine Mammal Medic rescue, which ended in an anti-climax when I failed to see the seal at all...
So what am I going to tell you?
Well today we cracked and moved Nanny into a care home, this week, well fortnight really she's really being going downhill, wandering off and stuff. She had been coming home, which is good but she was missing all night recently. Mother is close to cancelling her holiday and the doctor told her under no terms was she to do that as her blood pressure was through the roof and she feared that it might all end in her having another breakdown or a stroke.
Granddad cant cope on his own, No one else will help. His pacemaker is probably buckling under the strain so arrangements have been made to move her into Perrygrove.
Which is a small care home on the estate we used to live at. Its good cos we know people that work there so they can keep us up to date on stuff.
We tell ourselves its for three weeks Respite Care. We (apart from Granddad) all know she wont come out again.
She went mental though. I've seen her walk unfearing and break up a fight between two men and although the last few years she's been quiet, rarely venturing two words this woke something up in her.
"You Bitch, I'll never forgive you for this... You etc."
So we ran, like naughty and guilty schoolchildren abandoning her at the home. The Matron has rung and told us that she's now switched into Nurse Mode (she used to work in a Childrens home and nurse in an OAP ward at the hospital) So thats occupying her mind now, thinking that she works there. But we've been told to stay away for a few days, in case we upset her again.
My Uncle M is on the phone to Mum now abusing her for making this move. But she simply cannot cope anymore. As I have said there are 6 of them and she is the only one to do anything for them. He claims he is going down there to liberate her.
I feel awful, like there's more I could have done, not move out, moved in with the Grandparents, look after them. but that wouldnt stop Nan walking out the house, it wouldnt do me any favours.
So I'll just be here. Being guilty and a bad person for leaving her in the home when we have sworn to them for the last two years that we would NEVER make this move, NEVER split them up.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
One day. We can live in hope that Welshy will get his laptop fixed and I can use the internet like a normal person again.
He recently took it to a shop and was charged a hundred quid to have it "repaired" so far we've seen no sign of it spluttering into life. So we took it back and they told us the charger was blown. So we brought a new charger. Still no joy.
Hmm. I have two laptops here. My old faithful that saw me through university. However it was pre-wireless internet and to be honest. I dont wanna sit in the living room and play online. Not with the housemates we have anyway.
My other is RRREEEAAAALLLLLLLY slow and tends to not work at all if its not plugged into a wall. It may be just within the timespan of wireless. I doubt it though.
Mother is upset again. Before I went to football I had to comfort her while she sobbed hysterically about wanting my Dad. She's just come back from a mini-break which she badly needed and fell back into the trap of worrying about my Nan and Granddad. And my aunt suggested putting them in a home. Which AGAIN they dont need.
They just need to be left alone, with a bit of company now and then. Then she got into a fluster about the gas bill and it was a straw that broke the camels back.
I think, perhaps she needs counselling. And I'm not a person for that. I had the upbringing that to see one was a sign of weakness, a failure to cope. But I really think that everything has got to her too much. Dad, her accident, Granddad's illness, Nanny's dementia. She needs outside help. I try but there's so little I can do. I even considered moving back in to help look after her, but that helps no one.
So maybe outside help would help her. A new person, trained to deal with this and all her other problems, who could suggest ways to help N&G better than we can. But even broaching the subject with her will be hard, she will take the same attitude that to seek the help is weak. And we dont have the money for therapists.
Ho Hum. I feel so guilty and weak for not being able to help and so, so helpless when she sobs brokenly for my Dad.
Plus side. I'm going for a mega piss up to Southend on Friday with the N.M.M.C.A.S.C. (plus two) meeting at 11, start drinking by half 11. Chips on the beach, penny arcades. Lots and lots more drinking. Perhaps a trip to the sealife centre and more drinking. Then the football at 7.45, and then more drinking before getting the last train to london at half 12. Cant wait.
He recently took it to a shop and was charged a hundred quid to have it "repaired" so far we've seen no sign of it spluttering into life. So we took it back and they told us the charger was blown. So we brought a new charger. Still no joy.
Hmm. I have two laptops here. My old faithful that saw me through university. However it was pre-wireless internet and to be honest. I dont wanna sit in the living room and play online. Not with the housemates we have anyway.
My other is RRREEEAAAALLLLLLLY slow and tends to not work at all if its not plugged into a wall. It may be just within the timespan of wireless. I doubt it though.
Mother is upset again. Before I went to football I had to comfort her while she sobbed hysterically about wanting my Dad. She's just come back from a mini-break which she badly needed and fell back into the trap of worrying about my Nan and Granddad. And my aunt suggested putting them in a home. Which AGAIN they dont need.
They just need to be left alone, with a bit of company now and then. Then she got into a fluster about the gas bill and it was a straw that broke the camels back.
I think, perhaps she needs counselling. And I'm not a person for that. I had the upbringing that to see one was a sign of weakness, a failure to cope. But I really think that everything has got to her too much. Dad, her accident, Granddad's illness, Nanny's dementia. She needs outside help. I try but there's so little I can do. I even considered moving back in to help look after her, but that helps no one.
So maybe outside help would help her. A new person, trained to deal with this and all her other problems, who could suggest ways to help N&G better than we can. But even broaching the subject with her will be hard, she will take the same attitude that to seek the help is weak. And we dont have the money for therapists.
Ho Hum. I feel so guilty and weak for not being able to help and so, so helpless when she sobs brokenly for my Dad.
Plus side. I'm going for a mega piss up to Southend on Friday with the N.M.M.C.A.S.C. (plus two) meeting at 11, start drinking by half 11. Chips on the beach, penny arcades. Lots and lots more drinking. Perhaps a trip to the sealife centre and more drinking. Then the football at 7.45, and then more drinking before getting the last train to london at half 12. Cant wait.
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
India.
Its everything, beautiful, ugly, polluted and clean, poverty-stricken and rich. As much as you hear about the dirt and poverty, its not till you get there and smell it. See the slums and people begging. The lucky people living in tents. The others sleeping where they can.
I was exhausted by it all, by the end. The constant layer of plastic and card debris lying about. The people asking for money. They assume that cos you're white, you're rich and yes, compared to them I am, but its all relative. I have 200 hundred pounds to last me till payday at the end of the month.
You start off pitying them, but by the end of it, I was so worn out by the relentless begging I just didn't care if they had stumps for arms or kiddies in their arms.
Its not even the poor people either, I was conned for "donations" several times in temples and the buggers know they have you there as you dont wish to offend!
It was tiring being a female travelling alone, as they want to take photos of you, with or without them. I'm sure I'm in several Indian mens personal Wank-Banks now. When I saw them coming down the beach I went and sat in the hut until they'd gone.
Its tiring having stop 'n' drop toilets, or even just a tile in the ground to aim for. I complained to Welshy, that it was ok for him, I had to worry about splashback or even trickle down my legs. The places that had real loos often didnt flush or leaked, the showers ranged from cold to tepid and dripped slowly out of the showerhead.
I dont know how I survived, or how anyone survives on the road, its ok to overtake on a blind corner, or drive on the wrong side of the road if you like. And its more than ok to overtake a car thats trying to overtake a lorry on a mountainside.
Families balance toddlers onto handlebars of bikes and people cling onto the sides and roofs of buses.
It was frustrating seeing starving, mangy dogs, dead puppies and knowing that if only they did a castration programme, it'd help reduce the population naturally and release the constant pressure on the bitches, but finding out that any kind of sterilisation like that is considered unholy.
But let me tell you about the good side, the beach in Gokarna, Om Beach, remote and unspoiled by pollution, the huge crashing waves that were endless fun to bodysurf along or try to remain upright in. How I rode a camel into the desert and camped overnight listening to traditional Indian tales by a fire. How the Taj Mahal is actually prettier than you imagine or have seen. How the birds come in amazing shades of vivid blues and greens. How all the trucks and rickshaws are gaily decorated in tinsel and paint, that would look tacky anywhere else. How we hunted tigers in early mornings and watched late night Bollywood films in the cinema and laughed and were moved to tears despite not understanding what was spoken. Let me tell you about riding an elephant and feeding rats at a holy temple and playing with monkeys (I fell over and down the stairs there. Apparently you really do slip on banana skins).
Let me tell you about riding the spirited and responsive Marwei horses and their amazing curvy ears over rocks and along mountain paths.
Let me tell you about delicious apple Lassi drinks and Gulab Jamin desserts and the kind people that helped reunite me and Welshy after we got seperated at Mombai airport (although the bastard did con about a thousand rupees out of me in the process).
There was so much to reccommend about the place and so much to hate, it was a complete land of contrasts, I loved it but was glad to come home to civilisation. I had an amazing time though, despite all the downsides.
Its everything, beautiful, ugly, polluted and clean, poverty-stricken and rich. As much as you hear about the dirt and poverty, its not till you get there and smell it. See the slums and people begging. The lucky people living in tents. The others sleeping where they can.
I was exhausted by it all, by the end. The constant layer of plastic and card debris lying about. The people asking for money. They assume that cos you're white, you're rich and yes, compared to them I am, but its all relative. I have 200 hundred pounds to last me till payday at the end of the month.
You start off pitying them, but by the end of it, I was so worn out by the relentless begging I just didn't care if they had stumps for arms or kiddies in their arms.
Its not even the poor people either, I was conned for "donations" several times in temples and the buggers know they have you there as you dont wish to offend!
It was tiring being a female travelling alone, as they want to take photos of you, with or without them. I'm sure I'm in several Indian mens personal Wank-Banks now. When I saw them coming down the beach I went and sat in the hut until they'd gone.
Its tiring having stop 'n' drop toilets, or even just a tile in the ground to aim for. I complained to Welshy, that it was ok for him, I had to worry about splashback or even trickle down my legs. The places that had real loos often didnt flush or leaked, the showers ranged from cold to tepid and dripped slowly out of the showerhead.
I dont know how I survived, or how anyone survives on the road, its ok to overtake on a blind corner, or drive on the wrong side of the road if you like. And its more than ok to overtake a car thats trying to overtake a lorry on a mountainside.
Families balance toddlers onto handlebars of bikes and people cling onto the sides and roofs of buses.
It was frustrating seeing starving, mangy dogs, dead puppies and knowing that if only they did a castration programme, it'd help reduce the population naturally and release the constant pressure on the bitches, but finding out that any kind of sterilisation like that is considered unholy.
But let me tell you about the good side, the beach in Gokarna, Om Beach, remote and unspoiled by pollution, the huge crashing waves that were endless fun to bodysurf along or try to remain upright in. How I rode a camel into the desert and camped overnight listening to traditional Indian tales by a fire. How the Taj Mahal is actually prettier than you imagine or have seen. How the birds come in amazing shades of vivid blues and greens. How all the trucks and rickshaws are gaily decorated in tinsel and paint, that would look tacky anywhere else. How we hunted tigers in early mornings and watched late night Bollywood films in the cinema and laughed and were moved to tears despite not understanding what was spoken. Let me tell you about riding an elephant and feeding rats at a holy temple and playing with monkeys (I fell over and down the stairs there. Apparently you really do slip on banana skins).
Let me tell you about riding the spirited and responsive Marwei horses and their amazing curvy ears over rocks and along mountain paths.
Let me tell you about delicious apple Lassi drinks and Gulab Jamin desserts and the kind people that helped reunite me and Welshy after we got seperated at Mombai airport (although the bastard did con about a thousand rupees out of me in the process).
There was so much to reccommend about the place and so much to hate, it was a complete land of contrasts, I loved it but was glad to come home to civilisation. I had an amazing time though, despite all the downsides.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Its been a bit of a messy twenty four hours.
One of my friends, Astronomer C was leaving, she's emigrating to NZ, lucky thing, to Windy Welly. (Someone else to visit next time I go..) And I promised myself faithfully that I was sticking to my twenty quid budget and leaving at 9pm whatever happened.
So perhaps it was to be expected that I was falling out of the Lord Hood (Greenwich's premier late-ish opening bar with the awesome DJ JACKIE on FRIDAY NIGHTS) at quarter to one and then running to get the last DLR. Yeah. Another proud highlight of my life was announcing to everyone about my naked photos I did for GT and having them all dive for their Iphones to find them (ha! try harder fuckwits) Oh and I stole the phone from the guy who works in the Sausage van in Greeny Park and hid it in my bra. When he called it, I got stupidly over-excited that my right tit was flashing and playing the A-Team theme and made everyone, like the 20+ of us that were in the pub put there head on my tit to listen. Including Astronomer G who is 65 if he's a day
Perhaps its a good thing that I'm now away for three weeks.
Oooh. I discovered Greenwich has a bar, Desperados. That is open till 5am, and then reopens at 9am for breakfast. My Fucking SHIT how have I gone through life without knowing this? Its amazing and I shall make a mental note to myself to remember this when I get back
Here is another mental note for myself, Remember to limit the amount of dirty caffine-based drinks I consume, Especially those of the blue variety. I didnt feel pleasant this morning.
Did I tell you guys that after another recent night on these drinks I had my first ever hangover?! At the age of 26! Yeah! Its a slippery slope from here on in I bet. Instead of 9 or 10 of those alco-poppy things a night I'll be reduced to one or two...
Anyway that night wasnt pleasant. I walked into a bus stop on my way home, woke up when Welshy headed to work about 5ish and moved my head too sudden and then I had to hold on cos I was convinced I was going to fall out of bed it was spinning that much.
Anyway I went to bed about quarter to two and woke up at three to feel a bit grotty and I still felt grotty when I went to join some of the boys from work (We've formed the N.M.M.C.A.S.C - catchy no?)
So went over to Wycombe to watch the mighty Addicks. Drinking in several bars as we went. I feel ok about that though, when I woke up to Welshy coming in, I didnt feel drunk and despite starting drinking at 10.47 THIS MORNING I still don't feel drunk, so either something went wrong or I left a long enough time inbetween to sober up.
Ha.
Wycombe is a strange place. Only half an hour away from London. out in Buckinghamshire I guess.
The ground itself is a one hour 43 minute (or so google maps tell me, it seemed like a longer walk) 5 miles away from the town.
Its at the end of an industrial estate surrounded by woodland on either side and seems to have no public transport getting you to the ground. Now I love my football, but walking for nearly four hours every other Saturday might try the limits of my endurance.
There was also a random pub with strippers in the middle of what looked to be a road full of B&B's!
I saw Red Kites though! Or at least from a distance I believe them to be. They were certainly large hawks and they looked similar to what Kites should look like.
Now here's a history lesson for you, hundreds of years ago Red kites were dead common, as common as pigeons scavenging in the cities, eating all the dead shit lying about.
In fact. Its said that Kidbrooke not far from me was originally called Kitebrook due to the amount of kites about, then Kittybrooke to Kidbrooke.
But life didn't stay sweet for the Red Kite, when sewers and shit become common in cities the kites moved to the country, where they got an undeserved reputation for killing lambs (due to their habit of eating carrion)
So it was decided that the Kite needed to be exterminated. And it was very nearly wiped out, I think in the early 1980s there was around 40 pairs left hidden away in Wales. By this time people realised that Kites didnt kill but they were under threat from egg collectors and the lies that people still believed.
But Due to the effort of the RSPB, birds were re-introduced from Europe and Volunteers guared the kites at all times and now there's possibly a 1,000 breeding pairs known, if not more.
But they're still a stupidly rare species to spot so I was dead excited to see two flying about near the ground which proved a real distraction from the dull game itself (finished 2-1 btw to Charlton.).jpg)
One of my friends, Astronomer C was leaving, she's emigrating to NZ, lucky thing, to Windy Welly. (Someone else to visit next time I go..) And I promised myself faithfully that I was sticking to my twenty quid budget and leaving at 9pm whatever happened.
So perhaps it was to be expected that I was falling out of the Lord Hood (Greenwich's premier late-ish opening bar with the awesome DJ JACKIE on FRIDAY NIGHTS) at quarter to one and then running to get the last DLR. Yeah. Another proud highlight of my life was announcing to everyone about my naked photos I did for GT and having them all dive for their Iphones to find them (ha! try harder fuckwits) Oh and I stole the phone from the guy who works in the Sausage van in Greeny Park and hid it in my bra. When he called it, I got stupidly over-excited that my right tit was flashing and playing the A-Team theme and made everyone, like the 20+ of us that were in the pub put there head on my tit to listen. Including Astronomer G who is 65 if he's a day
Perhaps its a good thing that I'm now away for three weeks.
Oooh. I discovered Greenwich has a bar, Desperados. That is open till 5am, and then reopens at 9am for breakfast. My Fucking SHIT how have I gone through life without knowing this? Its amazing and I shall make a mental note to myself to remember this when I get back
Here is another mental note for myself, Remember to limit the amount of dirty caffine-based drinks I consume, Especially those of the blue variety. I didnt feel pleasant this morning.
Did I tell you guys that after another recent night on these drinks I had my first ever hangover?! At the age of 26! Yeah! Its a slippery slope from here on in I bet. Instead of 9 or 10 of those alco-poppy things a night I'll be reduced to one or two...
Anyway that night wasnt pleasant. I walked into a bus stop on my way home, woke up when Welshy headed to work about 5ish and moved my head too sudden and then I had to hold on cos I was convinced I was going to fall out of bed it was spinning that much.
Anyway I went to bed about quarter to two and woke up at three to feel a bit grotty and I still felt grotty when I went to join some of the boys from work (We've formed the N.M.M.C.A.S.C - catchy no?)
So went over to Wycombe to watch the mighty Addicks. Drinking in several bars as we went. I feel ok about that though, when I woke up to Welshy coming in, I didnt feel drunk and despite starting drinking at 10.47 THIS MORNING I still don't feel drunk, so either something went wrong or I left a long enough time inbetween to sober up.
Ha.
Wycombe is a strange place. Only half an hour away from London. out in Buckinghamshire I guess.
The ground itself is a one hour 43 minute (or so google maps tell me, it seemed like a longer walk) 5 miles away from the town.
Its at the end of an industrial estate surrounded by woodland on either side and seems to have no public transport getting you to the ground. Now I love my football, but walking for nearly four hours every other Saturday might try the limits of my endurance.
There was also a random pub with strippers in the middle of what looked to be a road full of B&B's!
I saw Red Kites though! Or at least from a distance I believe them to be. They were certainly large hawks and they looked similar to what Kites should look like.
Now here's a history lesson for you, hundreds of years ago Red kites were dead common, as common as pigeons scavenging in the cities, eating all the dead shit lying about.
In fact. Its said that Kidbrooke not far from me was originally called Kitebrook due to the amount of kites about, then Kittybrooke to Kidbrooke.
But life didn't stay sweet for the Red Kite, when sewers and shit become common in cities the kites moved to the country, where they got an undeserved reputation for killing lambs (due to their habit of eating carrion)
So it was decided that the Kite needed to be exterminated. And it was very nearly wiped out, I think in the early 1980s there was around 40 pairs left hidden away in Wales. By this time people realised that Kites didnt kill but they were under threat from egg collectors and the lies that people still believed.
But Due to the effort of the RSPB, birds were re-introduced from Europe and Volunteers guared the kites at all times and now there's possibly a 1,000 breeding pairs known, if not more.
But they're still a stupidly rare species to spot so I was dead excited to see two flying about near the ground which proved a real distraction from the dull game itself (finished 2-1 btw to Charlton.)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Well its all booked now... No turning back! On Monday I'll be heading for India. I have to take two internal flights on my own.
I'm dreading that. I am a very nervy flyer but each flight will only be about two hours long. What can go wrong in two hours?
I'm going to watch Charlton at Wycombe on Saturday, so will be here after that and then its off, off and away! Last day at work for three weeks tomorrow. Can't wait.
I'm all registered for my GCSE as well now. Bit peturbed by the invilator telling me that it took someone three goes to get that C, which shook my very fragile confidence, but I have till June to get comfortable with it.
I found out that I passed that exam by the way. It wasnt hard. and to be honest i was surrounded by idiots.
The interview was supposed to be sometime this week, but it got cancelled until next week cos of the weather. I explained about my holiday and they told me that they'd get in touch by Friday just gone.
Anyway I rang them today, only to be informed that they'd sent me an email (lies! I've not got it!) telling me that I cant be interviewed when I get back and nor where they willing to do it this week like originally planned.
Weathers not been great but its not been that bad to be honest.
So I'm really pissed about that. Seems a bit of a set-back, and they've fucked me about, but in the current climate I guess they can pick and choose what they want to do and I'm just someone else they can mess about with.
But never mind. It was only going to be a short term option. I still am hopeful that I'll get into clearing in August, although I do have fears that as the GCSE results come out a week after the Alevels I might not have anywhere left to apply too. We'll cross that bridge when it happens though!
I'm dreading that. I am a very nervy flyer but each flight will only be about two hours long. What can go wrong in two hours?
I'm going to watch Charlton at Wycombe on Saturday, so will be here after that and then its off, off and away! Last day at work for three weeks tomorrow. Can't wait.
I'm all registered for my GCSE as well now. Bit peturbed by the invilator telling me that it took someone three goes to get that C, which shook my very fragile confidence, but I have till June to get comfortable with it.
I found out that I passed that exam by the way. It wasnt hard. and to be honest i was surrounded by idiots.
The interview was supposed to be sometime this week, but it got cancelled until next week cos of the weather. I explained about my holiday and they told me that they'd get in touch by Friday just gone.
Anyway I rang them today, only to be informed that they'd sent me an email (lies! I've not got it!) telling me that I cant be interviewed when I get back and nor where they willing to do it this week like originally planned.
Weathers not been great but its not been that bad to be honest.
So I'm really pissed about that. Seems a bit of a set-back, and they've fucked me about, but in the current climate I guess they can pick and choose what they want to do and I'm just someone else they can mess about with.
But never mind. It was only going to be a short term option. I still am hopeful that I'll get into clearing in August, although I do have fears that as the GCSE results come out a week after the Alevels I might not have anywhere left to apply too. We'll cross that bridge when it happens though!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I met the Random I'm going away with on Monday night.
She's awful. Actually thats not fair. Its just going to be a personality clash I think. E seems to think she's wonderful and I guess she knows her better than me. I can see why they get on. They're both anal about organising things and having plans and schedules. So me and Welshy (moral support) met them in Weatherspoons and listened to them tell me what I'm going to do whilst i'm away.
A lot of it is stuff that sounds fun, tigers, camel trekking. But I fear E's analness enough on trips and her friend is gonna be just as bad if not worse.
I lost interest and zoned out reading the guide book while they organised.
I shouldn't complain. Loads of people'd love to be doing something like this and i'm good at biting my tongue and letting shit roll over me. Christ knows i've spent a lot of my life doing that at home.
I got myself into this situation by being too soft to tell E that no, I didnt want her to come as well. I didnt so we'll see how it goes!
Fly out Monday!!! Wheeeeee!!!!!
Home. Things are getting interesting. My uncle thats living with my grandparents really flipped out at mum apparently. I mean really flipped, my Granddad had to hold him back or he'd have gone for her.
He just suddenly went mental when he complained that she'd not been there on Saturday, when she pointed out that it was my Dad's birthday and surely she deserved some time off from going there every day, He just started screaming that she should get over that, its been four years, she was this, that, the other. That he was the only one who cared and she stopped him whenever he tried to do things to look after them (which means trying to organise a lady to wash my Nan - which she doesnt need as she can do it herself. She may not bathe or shower but she strip washes. She's clean and never smells of sweat or dirt, so it would have been just degrading for her.)
That Mum brings them stale food (Again Mum brings them stuff every day for lunch. Its stuff with a short date on them, but always edible [fuck she eats it herself with them] as its pointless getting them long date stuff as it wouldnt get eaten and get forgotten about and then they would eat it when it was out of date and get poorly.)
That they should be in a home, they can't cope, blah, blah, blah. It really shook her up to see such hate and rage on his face and my granddad was in bits.
He wouldnt let her leave the room as he was afraid J (my uncle) would hit her and he's a big guy, taller and wider and an ex-copper so would lay her out. So she had to ring my aunt to collect her so she could get back to work.
The good thing, if you can say that about this, is from this we discovered that my really uncaring uncle I doesnt want to put them in a home, as we feared he sided with J, as they are/were quite close.
(Basically we've been ostracised by the rest of the family for daring to have a husband/father that died. He even sits behind me for football and hasnt spoken to me since the funeral, and I have made the effort.)
So we thought he might side with them as he doesnt go to visit, and well doesn't want to know I guess.
My aunt G works for Social Services and even she points out that they might be fucked in the head but not too such an extent that they need to go in a home.
My Uncle M has said honestly (and although I'm angry at this, I suppose you have to admire his honesty) He doesnt want to see them in a home, that he stays away as he cant face what his parents have become, but he knows they dont need a home and he is happy with power of attorny and making sure that they're secure money-wise.
Mother has care of Nan's finances, in a joint account to stop her spending anything or anyone ripping her off and has always been very open with him about it.
(Which was another reason for abuse "You've had a new car and a kitchen extension in the last three years! Don't think I dont know where that money is coming from!)
Yeah so Dad's meagre pension and her savings dont cover that? Pah.
I really think there's something wrong with J, I think he is suffering from some kinda mental illness. Bipolar or something. I dont know. But he's the worst person to be there with them. He has no job anymore, Apparently he took a swing at someone he worked with.
I remember my uncle as being very placid. He was a copper and once walked into the middle of a gang stareout, talked to them and with in 40 minutes had got them to put away their guns and walk home.
This crazed quick to snap and lash out person is not the uncle I knew, not the brother my Mother knows.
I worry about her going there now, but she worries about Nan and Granddads safety more. What happens if he snaps with them?
It'd be good on the one hand as it'd be the final straw needed to break the camels back and get him out.
But it'd not be good for them. At all.
She's awful. Actually thats not fair. Its just going to be a personality clash I think. E seems to think she's wonderful and I guess she knows her better than me. I can see why they get on. They're both anal about organising things and having plans and schedules. So me and Welshy (moral support) met them in Weatherspoons and listened to them tell me what I'm going to do whilst i'm away.
A lot of it is stuff that sounds fun, tigers, camel trekking. But I fear E's analness enough on trips and her friend is gonna be just as bad if not worse.
I lost interest and zoned out reading the guide book while they organised.
I shouldn't complain. Loads of people'd love to be doing something like this and i'm good at biting my tongue and letting shit roll over me. Christ knows i've spent a lot of my life doing that at home.
I got myself into this situation by being too soft to tell E that no, I didnt want her to come as well. I didnt so we'll see how it goes!
Fly out Monday!!! Wheeeeee!!!!!
Home. Things are getting interesting. My uncle thats living with my grandparents really flipped out at mum apparently. I mean really flipped, my Granddad had to hold him back or he'd have gone for her.
He just suddenly went mental when he complained that she'd not been there on Saturday, when she pointed out that it was my Dad's birthday and surely she deserved some time off from going there every day, He just started screaming that she should get over that, its been four years, she was this, that, the other. That he was the only one who cared and she stopped him whenever he tried to do things to look after them (which means trying to organise a lady to wash my Nan - which she doesnt need as she can do it herself. She may not bathe or shower but she strip washes. She's clean and never smells of sweat or dirt, so it would have been just degrading for her.)
That Mum brings them stale food (Again Mum brings them stuff every day for lunch. Its stuff with a short date on them, but always edible [fuck she eats it herself with them] as its pointless getting them long date stuff as it wouldnt get eaten and get forgotten about and then they would eat it when it was out of date and get poorly.)
That they should be in a home, they can't cope, blah, blah, blah. It really shook her up to see such hate and rage on his face and my granddad was in bits.
He wouldnt let her leave the room as he was afraid J (my uncle) would hit her and he's a big guy, taller and wider and an ex-copper so would lay her out. So she had to ring my aunt to collect her so she could get back to work.
The good thing, if you can say that about this, is from this we discovered that my really uncaring uncle I doesnt want to put them in a home, as we feared he sided with J, as they are/were quite close.
(Basically we've been ostracised by the rest of the family for daring to have a husband/father that died. He even sits behind me for football and hasnt spoken to me since the funeral, and I have made the effort.)
So we thought he might side with them as he doesnt go to visit, and well doesn't want to know I guess.
My aunt G works for Social Services and even she points out that they might be fucked in the head but not too such an extent that they need to go in a home.
My Uncle M has said honestly (and although I'm angry at this, I suppose you have to admire his honesty) He doesnt want to see them in a home, that he stays away as he cant face what his parents have become, but he knows they dont need a home and he is happy with power of attorny and making sure that they're secure money-wise.
Mother has care of Nan's finances, in a joint account to stop her spending anything or anyone ripping her off and has always been very open with him about it.
(Which was another reason for abuse "You've had a new car and a kitchen extension in the last three years! Don't think I dont know where that money is coming from!)
Yeah so Dad's meagre pension and her savings dont cover that? Pah.
I really think there's something wrong with J, I think he is suffering from some kinda mental illness. Bipolar or something. I dont know. But he's the worst person to be there with them. He has no job anymore, Apparently he took a swing at someone he worked with.
I remember my uncle as being very placid. He was a copper and once walked into the middle of a gang stareout, talked to them and with in 40 minutes had got them to put away their guns and walk home.
This crazed quick to snap and lash out person is not the uncle I knew, not the brother my Mother knows.
I worry about her going there now, but she worries about Nan and Granddads safety more. What happens if he snaps with them?
It'd be good on the one hand as it'd be the final straw needed to break the camels back and get him out.
But it'd not be good for them. At all.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
GAAAHHH
This India trip is starting to do my head in. In fact i'm starting to dread it. Its bad enough that we'll be spending the first week in an admittedly pretty but desolate part of India, where there seems to be nothing to do but yoga (stopping my plans to dive)
But then E who is flying in to join me for the next two weeks asked me "My manager at work, was gonna go with her bf, but they broke up, can I ask her to come too?"
Well I couldnt be a bitch so had to say yes, although I dont think i've ever met her.
Anyway, she's been pretty elusive when I've been asking her to meet me to arrange plans and now she's hit me with the fact that her and her mate have pretty much organised an iteniery to do in the two weeks.
Without consulting me.
So yeah, now I feel like i'm going to be tagging along in THEIR holiday, and I hate the people she works with, they're all very clique-y and I fear two weeks of doing nothing. Saying nothing.
Soo. I shall be spending the first week sitting on a beach bored whilsy Welshy and his pals drink themselves stupid and BURN
And then the next two weeks feeling like a hanger-on.
Is it wrong for me to feel really pissed about this? Mother reckons i'm being a drama queen and I should be grateful I'm going anywhere (hinting that I'm a bitch for going and she isnt)
I dunno. I'm really annoyed.
Tomorrow is the anniversary. I probably wont be able to blog about it due to a lack of working laptop.
I dont know how I feel about it. I feel sad and the ache is there when I think about it. but I have such a busy day with my interview and other injections and maths and shit to do that I dont know if I can think much about it then.
Saturday will be his birthday and we'll be out for the customary meal and we'll take it from there I guess.
And then in a weeks time I'll be flying out for better or for worst!
And incidently tuesday will be mine and Welshy's 3 year anniversary!! Hardcore!
This India trip is starting to do my head in. In fact i'm starting to dread it. Its bad enough that we'll be spending the first week in an admittedly pretty but desolate part of India, where there seems to be nothing to do but yoga (stopping my plans to dive)
But then E who is flying in to join me for the next two weeks asked me "My manager at work, was gonna go with her bf, but they broke up, can I ask her to come too?"
Well I couldnt be a bitch so had to say yes, although I dont think i've ever met her.
Anyway, she's been pretty elusive when I've been asking her to meet me to arrange plans and now she's hit me with the fact that her and her mate have pretty much organised an iteniery to do in the two weeks.
Without consulting me.
So yeah, now I feel like i'm going to be tagging along in THEIR holiday, and I hate the people she works with, they're all very clique-y and I fear two weeks of doing nothing. Saying nothing.
Soo. I shall be spending the first week sitting on a beach bored whilsy Welshy and his pals drink themselves stupid and BURN
And then the next two weeks feeling like a hanger-on.
Is it wrong for me to feel really pissed about this? Mother reckons i'm being a drama queen and I should be grateful I'm going anywhere (hinting that I'm a bitch for going and she isnt)
I dunno. I'm really annoyed.
Tomorrow is the anniversary. I probably wont be able to blog about it due to a lack of working laptop.
I dont know how I feel about it. I feel sad and the ache is there when I think about it. but I have such a busy day with my interview and other injections and maths and shit to do that I dont know if I can think much about it then.
Saturday will be his birthday and we'll be out for the customary meal and we'll take it from there I guess.
And then in a weeks time I'll be flying out for better or for worst!
And incidently tuesday will be mine and Welshy's 3 year anniversary!! Hardcore!
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