She's still here. I'm exhausted by trying to be the Go-Between. So she's not entitled to benefits so in order to go back, she needs The Brat to match the rent money I give her - he pays less as "he has a car to run" I mean this is historical from our early 20's, so we'll gloss over me driving for the last 10 years and also having more outgoings in terms of the dogs, and debts which - can we still blame her and the family for me getting sacked? I mean I should take responsibility for the other debts I got after that myself now.

Anyway - digressing. If he matched what I pay and between us we took over the water bill and TV licence (we pay for them now out of the "rent" money, but it is all in her name as she wants to keep proof of UK addresses) on top of that. Then she could get TWMWM (ha that'll have to change!) out their home and live there and it'd be a bit tight and she'd need a parttime job but her pension kicks in, in a few years time and then she'd be ok.

So you'd think that, that wouldn't be too much of an issue yeah? An extra 50 for him and splitting 110 between us each month. I mean, it'd be bollocks for me but worth it.

But no. He refuses to give her any extra "it's her mess, I don't see why I need to help her out of it?" and "I can't afford it" Bitch. I pay 732 a month in credit card repayments and if I think its do-able, you and your 2k debt to pay off a car loan, that ends this summer anyway isn't a big deal. Especially when you earn 1 or 2k a year more than me. 

I tried to reason with him using that. I tried to explain how miserable all three of us are. "Don't care. I'm 310 places on the Council Housing list and when I go, it's her problem."

EXCEPT if he went and went for good J would move in, three years now we've been together. It's time. But he understandably won't live with Stephen. Won't give up the independence of his wee flat to live with Mother trying to control everything with her dramatics. So what do I do? I can't move in with J. His flat doesn't even have a balcony for the dogs for a start and if I move out, then Mother is even more stuck. 

Also. I suspect she may end up going doollay like her parents, who will be the one to pick up the pieces, quit their job and care for her then? Answers on a postcard please!

So its been difficult and she isn't making it any easier. She doesn't seem to want to spend any time with me. I'll come in and she'll leave whatever film she's watching and take her heater upstairs. She makes us some dinner and then goes back up.

If I go out, there's the thousand messages about what to do, what time I'll be back? I'm trying so hard to be patient with her and understanding but its so difficult and I've been spiraling so much about being awful to her and feeling guilty about going out and dealing with the never-ending feeling that I'm just not good enough in her eyes. 

I've had 19 days off and never looked forward to going back to work so much!

PS - had call from hospital. Pre-screening prior to surgery is on 13th April. Hopefully surgery mid-May and God I need her to be gone by then!