See! I havent blogged in so long that it's all changed when I go to log in!

I'm back working. From home for now. I have been home for nearly 6 months, over 146 days. 

Originally it was going to be 4 weeks! OK, hard to stay motivated and everything takes a hell of a lot longer. But so, so many positives.

No 2 hour commute. No spending 160+ a month on said commute. So much better for quality of life for me and the pups as they can have lunch time walks/training.

No news on when we go back to the office. Start of each month I pray for one more month.

But life is slowly returning to the before times. I'm back at dog school. I'm doing 1-2-1 agility and flyball classes. I have two agility comps coming up. No flyball till November at earliest but I can see it not happening until perhaps next Easter when we can venture outside. I'd rather do the training. Its better for Miss Collie, who has now been with me a whole year!

Some days I think she's improving. Some days I still despair of her. I spend a long time training her each day - I have the time now!

We move Share Mare to a new yard and have spent time hacking and exploring. We did two in yard clear round jumping rounds in July and today. We did well and today I remembered to breathe and enjoy myself.

I met up with my work colleagues and CEO for a casual dinner on Friday, first time I've been out, out since- well March - if not longer. 

Again my life hasn't really changed, still busy with the animals, just no competitions. 

BB has suddenly reappeared in my facebook. Looking back now, I am grateful to him. He taught me a lot, was very patient and in these "MeToo" days I realise how easy it would have been for him to put the pressure on me and I would have caved to something I wasn't ready for. But yet each time when he begged me to let him put a condom on, and I froze. He accepted it. Dealt with it and we moved on.

I am grateful too for when all that ended and I would just go to his place drunk and upset and needing comfort and him holding me while we slept.

We have been heavily flirty via fb messenger. If I didnt have the animals, perhaps I would go there and we'd get stuff out our systems. But I do and he couldn't stay here and I couldn't disappear every so often to walk and feed them.

I love them but they are a bind!

Mother came back for a visit on my birthday and exhausted me. It was a stupidly hot week which makes me ratty anyway. She didn't wear a mask while flying or travelling the two hours and two different trains till I got her. She refused to self isolate. We argued. Her friends called me The Gestapo.

I was glad she went and yet feel guilty that I'm not nicer to her. I dont see her often and I should be more patient but every time it just drags up the resentment I have. 

She spent the inheritance that was given to her. 100k within 4 years. She lent me money which I'm paying back. I got a new laptop from it. A not very good one in all honesty.

I have been home for over 146 days. Nearly 6 months. I wonder when it will end and cross my fingers that I can somehow stay at home even if its just one or two days a week.