Xmas was ok. I rode, I walked the dog. Skyped Mother and made a roast dinner for me and The Brat.

He ate his in his room and that was the last I saw of him all day.

I've been doing 5-7 mile walks most days.

Went out with work people on 23rd. Got absolutely cunted. Threw up twice when I got home. Out to see Lovely tonight. Urgh. I hope my year of enforced sobriety hasn't destroyed my ability to drink. I had the worst hangover (and I don't get hangovers!) the next day.

Simply ages between blogs.

Life is busy. Spanish lessons, work, riding, puppy (she has started flyball classes and loves it - first comp next Easter), quizzing...

I didn't renew my season ticket. I am glad of this - can you imagine me putting this when I started this blog?? I can't afford to go, I don't want to go. The football is appallingly bad. The way the club is run now is appallingly bad.

We are going to Russia - St Petersburg in January.

I think me and Welshy are splitting up. I don't know. To be honest I am not as affected/heart broken about it as I was last Summer.
He says he loves me but he isn't in love with me. He has moved upstairs to Mum's room, night times are awkward and I find it hard to go to bed knowing he is upstairs.

He has realised that he has - at times - treated me quite badly, to be fair, he has always been there for me for stuff like Dad, Mum, Grandparents, Sackings....

But yeah, he's never supported me in my attempts to leave home, even though he knows how much I hate it here. Even doing his best to scupper attempts, he doesnt pay rent or contribute like he should and I had to point out to him that it is me who does 3 walks a day with the dog while he sits about in his PJ's.

He is depressed/battling depression and I get that and I think this affects his thinking.

The finance officer at work has been away for a bit and he has been stepping in to help out, he says the work is boring but he likes the wage - a substantial amount more than I get per hour! In fact he could do 3 days a week and be on the same salary as me. I am as much amused by that as I am hating it.

I don't know what it will be like to go to Russia and stay in the same room/bed if we are broken up.

We've spent nearly a third of our lives together and I told him the thought of losing him completely from my life kills me. He is my best friend. He knows more about me than anyone else, more than I even put here on my top super secret diary.

The change from best friends to lovers was slightly awkward, and I'm guessing the change back would be just as awkward, I'd prefer him to stay here, upstairs. I don't know how much longer he'd be needed at work but if he became a proper staff member that would be preferable to him going back to Wales as has been mooted.

I am just leaving him to make his mind up really. If he stays then there must be support for me, as sad as it is, I am 32 living at home. I want my own place to decorate and do as I wish and not have to tidy up or even flush the toilet after my brother (who is 30 btw) and fret that he has come home drunk and left the gas on (as he has been known to do).

Tomorrow is the end of an era as I go to Nan and Granddad's for the last time and collect the dolls that were left to Mum in Nan's will and select a few more items that she wants.

I have had to be the go between for this. Mother refused to speak/email them directly. Even to ask them for the items I wanted.

I hope that this means things are moving forward and once the house sale is completed then the inheritances could be sorted. The house has gone for (I believe) 80k. Plus stocks, shares, accounts and life insurances I think everyone could get 100k. Mother said that she would split 50k between me and The Brat. Its not really enough for a deposit,
Who knows? I need at least 5k to clear my debts, which ARE going, just not as fast as I'd like. I am thinking of using another 5k on the horse I've always wanted. Leaves me with 15k.

I will have to take advice on what to do with it. I don't want to waste it but I have no idea about investments and shit like that. We'll see. It may well be a lot less. If I just got 5k to clear my debts I'd be happy.

I have reached my year anniversary at work. (well from my temping days anyway) I still like it, although sometimes it's frustrating and exhausting. We had a panto company come and there was some panic over if we'd make a profit from it or not.

We finish for xmas on the 23rd and I'm looking forward to two weeks of chilling out and just riding and walking the dog. It will be me and The Brat again. Let's see what happens.