Monday, July 23, 2012

How on Earth do you get people to realise your brother is a selfish cunt without sounding like you're a 14 year old whiny brat?
I'm sick of it. I give my Mother a quarter of what I "earnt" through JSA, I do the washing, the hoovering, the tidying away of tea things, of the breakfast things. I fold clothes and I tidy after everyone. I run errands for her and him, I empty the bins and weed the garden and cut the grass when the rain isn't lashing down. I did all this even when I worked and Boy was unemployed for a year and didn't give her any rent.
But its not enough. No thanks for giving her the money that I/we can't afford to give her, even though she's made no mention of us giving her rent, its been hinted at and it wasn't my fault that the JSA didn't give me anything for six weeks.
I came home yesterday after a lovely afternoon with Sunnypony, to find one of her friends lurking in the kitchen. Her friend informed me that they'd made a list of things that I can do around the house when Mother goes away for a month to Lanzarote. I was a bit stung at this, and pointed out that its all stuff I do anyway.
Apparently I'm also to fully weed and cut the grass tomorrow (today) as its now nice for a few days rather than the odd bits I've been doing. Again Boy isn't to do any of this. I asked what he'd be doing to help and got the smirk and the "told you." to her friend.
Later at dinner it got broached again and I asked what Boy would do and was told "nothing, he's working." I  said that he couldn't work 24/7 and that I did all of the above when I was working.
But I just sound like a brat, a selfish brat and as she comments enough when I say these things, that "I'm frightened I'll do more to help around the house than he does." That "If you're not working, you can do these things as you have the time on your hands."
So. How is it she's forgotten, or failed to notice that he spent that unemployed year drunk? That I did all these chores when I was working, that I do them all anyway? How does she fail to notice that he hasn't given her two months rent money and that's the reason she's had to cut back on her shopping? ~And going back several years now, how can she forget or fail to see, the time I spent with Dad, the time I spent running about the hospital when she was ill, when he didn't visit her at all? How can she not notice that he left me to struggle home on the bus with seventy pounds worth of shopping because he threw a strop about taking me there?

She says he helped. Before. I would have ended up agreeing, thinking that she was right, that I was a selfish brat. That he did help, that once again I was an awful person, self-centred. Now. Welshy sees these things, he can't say anything, can't butt in. And sometimes I wish it was the other way, because then I didn't see the unfairness of it all, just believed it all.
Now I try to defend myself and I sound like a whiny, petulant brat, just like i'm doing now. I'm 29 in a month. I shouldn't be acting like a brat or feeling like one. I shouldn't be living at home, I shouldn't be careerless and drifting. I shouldn't be made to feel guilty for going out and leaving her home alone. I shouldn't be made to feel worthless. The way they make me feel like I'm an awful spoilt brat.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

So, unsurprisingly got rejected from the job in Bromley. Severe lack of potential interviews at the moment and still waiting for news from that dental job although the longer I wait the more I'm sure its no good.
My JSA money has been sorted out! Huzzah!
Pony fun is going ok Had a huge set back the other Saturday but then I rode Monday and he was good. I now have an arena to work in! And am toying with the idea of taking him to a introductory dressage competition.
Welshy is going to Germany to work for a week in two weeks or so and i'm only awaiting one more set of Olympic tickets to come! Hurrah!

Friday, July 06, 2012

Apparently I've been rejected from applying to go on BBC's Mastermind. Apparently Welshy applied on my behalf drunkenly in Spain. My Specialist subject was going to be "Glittery things".
Scored free tickets though to watch it being filmed subject to my travelling to Salford though!

Monday, July 02, 2012

Welshy came home Saturday, yay!
I went on a nice chilled hack on Sunday in which we battled road sign monsters hidden in the undergrowth and walked through a Tunnel Of Terror in which the water was ankle deep on the pony, bearing in mind that he most definitely doesn't like getting his delicate hooves wet, the fact that we eventually got him walking over it and indeed leading the way was an achievement.

Time to start job hunting again, see where we get this week. E is making me laugh, she keeps complaining about hating her job but seems to do very little in the way of actually looking for others. Anyway she reckons she's going to quit in time for the Olympics and just live off of her savings for a bit as she'd not be entitled to jobseekers. She's so tight with her money I can't see it happening, but! Stranger things have happened!