Oh god am I doing the right thing? I dont think she's able yet to cope on her own. She's going to be alone and i've deserted her. I'm an evil, evil bitch.
Oh I wish my Dad was here to tell me I'm doing the right thing. I wish he was here to look after her so she's not on her own. So he can tell me I'm doing the right thing by moving with Welshy.
Oh god I wish he was here.

I met The Lizard on Wednesday and we went to Woburn Safari park for a good old fashioned adventure. We also participated in Go Ape! Which everyone should have a go at! Its awesome, clambering about in tree tops, walking across rope bridges, zooming along zip lines, trying to walk a thin plank 30 foot up in the air and swinging tarzan like and being a spider in a web!

Tomorrow I shall be moving, which is exciting and a little scary at the same time, will me and ASK last longer than a week without falling out? Will me and Welshy get on, we've never actually, spent more than a week together in the past two years, three since meeting.
We're thinking of going to Paris on a cheap Eurostar dealy, That'll be fun.

My maths stuff arrived and I'm gonna start working on it as soon as I get settled. I've also seen two really good jobs, one at London Zoo and one at Colchester. Yeah I've been rejected from both places in the past, but maybe new home = new start.
I want the one at Col, it'd be a hellish commute, and i'd have to move nearer in a year but its what I really want to do.
And if I dont get them, I can still apply for uni.

I feel positive. More positive than I have done in a long, long time. For what seems like months I've been comparing myself to other people, my uni friends and feeling that i'm missing out on life as I'm at home, shit job, etc.
But now it's good. I'm moving out, I shall be independent again. I might get one of these jobs, I may not and go do teacher training next year, either way its all good.
And as I was swinging from a tree, I realised. I've done things with my life that they've never done, and now they're all settling down with kids and marriage, may never get to do.
They'll never leap out of a plane on just blind faith that a canvas sheet will open, they'll never scramble down a cave to see beautiful glowworms. They'll never see the same sunset as I did at Top of the Rock, or be homeless for what seemed like hours in what seemed like the coldest night ever in NY.
They'll never hand feed a shark or a pufferfish as I did at the Aquarium or have 200 people hanging on their every word as I have. And as much as I hate my job, I'm constantly stunned by the beauty of the surrounding parkland and the history in the buildings.
I have a lot to be grateful for, a lot of amazing experiences and memories. And I wouldnt trade them at all.

After a eternity of struggling, it seems me and Welshy will be moving in together come Saturday.
Imagine!

and We won the Ashes! Hurrah! I love cricket! Even if I couldnt go to any of the tests and work got in the way of me watching it, i still got to see a good few hours of each match! Hurrah! And we were shite as well!
And in other sporting related news, we're unbeaten in three, and top of the league! We'll be back in that prem yet!

Not sure if its sportingly related, but i've got hopelessly addicted to Bejewelled Blitz on Facebook. Oh the hours i've wasted!

Back in June I set myself a few challenges to reach before I hit 30

1 - I will either own my own place or be living away from home.
2 - I will have that maths GCSE.
3 - And a horse.
4 - I'll have a good job to pay for said horse.
5 - I'm gonna go back to the old driving and very determinedly pass the damn test.

So I have been going about it, I've been making tenative arrangements to take an online Maths course to get my GCSE, quite honestly trying to fit 10 years of maths into one year is gonna be hard. Probably impossible, but if I can improve on that F it'll be a damn sight better than now.
I have also kinda arranged to move out again. And in with Welshy. I'd like nothing more than for it to be us together, but after looking at a few places I slowly realised that its impossible.
So we're going in with his current housemate (BDF) and his Mentalist Girlfriend (ASK), I dislike her intensely and the feeling is fairly mutual.
We have nothing in common and are good at winding each other up, so seeing as I've already threatened to smack her once, i'm not sure how good a move it is. But being with Welshy is.
I'm also reluctantly surrendering my Wednesday Riding Lessons (God Fagia is getting better and better and I'm improving so much!) to go volunteer at my Mams nursery.
Yuck.
I LOATHE children, honestly.
I question my own sanity about considering going into a career where I'd be stuck with the shits all day, every day. But the benefits'd be better than being at the Museum day in and day out.

I hate that place, I hate the inanity of a job where I spend all day alone. Wehre I get sent on a course telling me to greet every visitor. I hate how management implement crazy ideas, and ignore staff explaining over and over how it wont work, until someone threatens to sue and then they suddenly change tack. (a shipping reference I learnt the other day)
I hate how they ignore health and safety and disability discrimation acts, and have a grand plan to rid the museum of artifacts and make it a giant shop/cafe/playground.
I hate the fact that the overtime is given to the managers favourites and when I manage to get some scraps, I find I'm taxed for the food I am given and the taxi's home as its impossible for me to walk home at 7pm through the park in Winter.
Most of all I hate the fact that although they deny redunancies and unfairness in pay, that we all know its happening, but are unable to say anything.

So perhaps teaching, and the weekends and long holidays and proper money will be better.

2 of my 5 targets are underway. I shall be using this next year to try and get myself accepted back into uni so I can get hold of target 4, and from there, complete the 5.