I've been to therapy!
*waits for you to pick yourselves off the floor*

It was at Dad's hospice, and I thought I was only going to support Mum as she'd expressed an interest in going but didnt want to on her own, I assumed I'd just sit in a corner and watch telly or something while she talked but I got put into a group with another lad my age who'd lost his Dad and a set of twins only about 16 - poor kids! who's lost their Mum.
Pretty odd really seeing as they'd all been in there the same time as me, and lost their parent a few days after mine and had the funerals at the same place and after mine too!
It was the first day I'd been back there since that day, I didnt want to go around the wards and see Dad's room and bed, it was enough going there and seeing the day room where he'd sit or the car park space where we parked that last morning or the spot by the door where I comforted my Uncle G and spoke to TP and TJ on the phone.
It was a lot better than I thought it'd be though, they didnt hassle me too much and we just chatted about it all, I feel so much better knowing that they hardly/never cry over it and feel guilty too over the fact that they dont think about it 24/7!
Not sure if I'd go to another thing, but I got their numbers (well I had but I lost the scrap of paper! - But they have mine!) So maybe we'll keep in touch and talk stuff over and that.

Look at what I've made so far!!!!!
Its a bit taller than I was expecting cos I messed up my metres/foot conversions and my 6ft tall cage is now 10 foot, but I imagine the birds will like it in the end!

My bed room door wouldnt open...
I pushed it and pushed it and then kicked it. It still wouldnt budge.
I swore at it and pushed it some more.
My brother comes out of his room.
"what the fuck are you doing?" He asks.
"What does it look like? I cant get in!"
He sighes and pushes the handle down - Boy do I feel silly!

In my defense though, having a door handle is a pretty new concept.
While back in uni I came home for a weekend and had a snooze on my bed, before getting up to go to the loo.
I twisted the doorhandle confident it would open as it had done so a trillion times before.
The door handle twisted in my hand and I heard an ominous thud.
I pulled my hand back and was left with half a door handle!
I was trapped! With a need to pee! With no one in the house to rescue me!
It was the longest 2 hours I ever spent in my room, waiting for someone to rescue me.
In that time, anything and everything looks like it could make a passable loo, from the empty pringles tube to the half filled bin!
Gross!
Luckily I managed to hang on till I heard them come home and rescue me, but anyway, thats the reason why I've not had a door handle in my room for 3 years

I've spent the day breaking up rocks to go alround the base of my new project! Tomorrow will be concrete day! Huzzah!

I was chatting to OF earlier and remembering some of our games we used to play as kids, some of them seem a little crazy now!
There was the usual things like cops and robbers, which became an obsession with us for most winters really - darkness = better "robbing" opportunities!
My house used to have a gate and therefore became a jail! which wasnt very secure! I remember one time OF crashing through the fence in an attempt to jump over it!

Every Spring we played "Blossom Town" with the flowers that fell from the big Cherry Tree in the middle of that cul-de-sac. (only the dead ones though that were on the ground, we were very concerned not to "hurt" the tree!
We used to pick one big fresh blossom each day to be the mayor of "Blossom Town" and would "bury" all the old wilting, brown ones in the earth in an area we marked out to be a "Blossom Graveyard"
And yet we seemed to be convinced that piling our bike baskets with the blossom would prevent them from dying if we rode round and round really fast, like the fresh air would revive them!

Another common game, but one that tended to get us in trouble was "The Drain game" We'd find big stones and drop them through the drain gates and attempt to get a splashback up with extra points if you could get the water to hit you!
Another rather unhygenic game we played now that I think of it was with the droppings from the horses at the stables, we'd throw them at each other in a kind of wild target game, I guess its not as bad as it sounds as the horses have hardly any chance to get worms, but still!

All those wild and crazy games, mainly focussing round that tree, like the day we dug up a root and believed it was a dinosaur bone and tried to get it out the ground or the day we broke part of a branch off and were convinced we'd get arrested for vandalism!
Good days, fondly remembered...

So what games do you remember inventing as a child to play?

Wheeeeeeee! There's still a chance for Europe you know?
Via the fair play league! I'm sure I blogged somewhere deep in the archives about the last time we were in that draw so lets hope we make it through this time!
Although, think how much it'd cost me! No! Charbs put that thought out of your head right now!

I've been working like a mentalist lately, did 4 days at my shop last week, as well as my two at the aquarium, and doing 6 days at work this time round.
I complain bitterly about all this work and yet when I have a day off I sit around biting my nails and driving my Mother up the wall about needing desperately to go out and do anything, even if its just visiting Sainsburys.
I guess all that sitting around last year has affected me strangely, cant wait for me to get back to my sedentary lifestyle.
Who are you guys cheering on for the FA cup tomorrow? Its gotta be the Hammers for me, gotta pick a local side! Luckily I demanded the afternoon off of work so I can get home and watch it!

Todays Fun Fishy Fact!

Chiclid fish have oral sex, oh yes, only the females get the benefit though, and males build sandcastles to show off to the females!
Its a bit disturbing when one of your workmates greet you in the morning with that piece of information!

To prevent boredom setting in between now, and The WC I have decided to build an aviary for my feathered friends to play in!
I've almost even talked the Mothership into letting me have a quail oh yes!
Course, if its a male quail, the only name for him shall be Quentin

I fucking hate [insert name of well known health food shop here]

They're bastards, cunts, trampwanky, bollocking, duckfucking twunts.
I can handle getting threatened, I can handle getting the blame when chavs come on the rob, I can handle the fact that the customers drive me mad with their crazy complaints - Oh I really need to tell you about the woman who demanded me to treat her kids rash when even doctors didnt even know what it was, how the fuck am I gonna know Lady? Honestly!
I can handle the fact that I'm still in a borrowed shirt after my uniform was ordered two weeks after joining the company and others newer than me have their shirts a few days after ordering it.
My shirt is sewn back together after every wash and held together with sellotape!
But! What I can't handle is the fact that the cunts are on the rob!
That poxy exam I did to earn commission? I may have mentioned it somewhere...
Well my area manager went through it all with me, so I knew I had passed, then they gave the results back and apparently I failed, and then later that shift told me there'd been a mistake and I'd really passed! Whoo! I thought and eagerly awaited commision which should have been paid two weeks ago.
Well its still not been paid in, so today I consulted my Big Boss Lady who went on the hunt to find out about it.
Well there's no record of me ever attempting the exam on the computer. They're telling me I've never done it and I have two weeks to learn a new exam with the knowledge that I need to get 90% to pass and haven't even been given the shit to learn!
I'm fucking sick of that place! Grrr!
Time to find a new job?

So there we go!
15 years and 729 games later Curbs has left the building for the last time.
I still can't imagine what things will be like without him there, I'd like Burley to take over but who knows?
Incidently the TY'U showed me the CV he sent in to apply for the job in which he had a print out of his Championship Manager game in which he'd helped Charlton win the Champ League!
I'm not waiting for a decent reply!
Who ever the new manager is I hope he has a good clear out.
Get rid of fucking Rommedahl please. I've had enough of him, no more patience, yes he's fast but only when he can be arsed.
And he can take the Crap Bent and Hughes, Euell and Sorondo with him, all players I don't really rate too much.
Chrissy is a awesome fucking legend but how much longer will he manage to keep going? Don't you expect him to collapse on the pitch one day?
The defence isnt that great and the midfield has been held together with Sticky tape ever since Murphy and Smerts left us in the lurch.
Cute thing though to give Curbs tickets to NZ, surely though he'd have time off in the past to either bring her over for a week or too and the money as well? Or am I just a cynical bitch?

Anyway. Its all over now, and I've got another payday to come before I can even think of renewing that Season ticket for next year - The cunts at work owe me at least a hundred quid in commission that I'm counting on to put towards that.

And wait till I tell you my new plan to keep myself occupied over the summer until the WC starts!

Too hot again today, so jumped on the 89 to get the train to the Fishies.
A woman got on the next stop and plugged her headphones in.
A few minutes later, she starts singing tunelessly and happily, about "The Grace of our Lord"
People start staring and i cringe down into my seat, hoping no one thinks I'm with her.
Her toes start shuffling and her fingers clicking and the bus is only at the petrol garage at the start of the Heath.
I stare out the window.
The singing, clicking and feet tapping continue all the way to the station when I finally brush past her and she sinks into her seat with an embarrassed grin when the entire bottom floor give her a round of applause

Ok now lets never speak of this blogger fiddling again.....

I fear the Lurker may be on his way to another banning, he keeps taking drinks and putting them in the freezer, it is nice of him to cool them down, but we have a perfectly well stocked fridge to store them in and customers dont tend to like frozen coke exploded all over their veggy sausages.

You have to spend over a penny to be on the card in our shop, his came to 4.99 so I told him and he went mental and demanded that I change it, so I said I couldnt do that and that he could pay by cash, get something to make it over a fiver or I could look after it till he got some money.
And then he went mental at me, screaming abuse and that so I'm there just trying to stay calm with him and he's going on about how he knows the manager and she'd let him go with it, which is balls.
so I repeated about it all and how we can look after it and he's screaming more abuse at me about how I'm stupid, I'm a whore, I'm this, that and the other.
All this over a penny remember!
And he said something, - niave I think but he used the word in the wrong context and I was pissed off so corrected his english. Which admittedly was stupid but I was angry now at him!
And then he threw it at me and told me I should be scared of him cos he has a knife at home and I should be careful on my way home and stormed out.
Ordinarily I shy away from any kinda confrontation, and it was just my luck to happen when I was in the shop on my own, with nothing to do about it - for reasons I better not get into seeing as it wouldnt be hard to track my shop down!

Wheee! Look what I learned to do!

Now if only I knew how to fix it....

holy shit green!

Shocked!

Can't ever imagine a time without him, 7 years I've watched him pootle around in that grey jumper with the baggy eyes and paper.

"Yesterday I sat down with Alan to discuss our plans for the future and Alan was as honest as he has always been throughout his time at Charlton and told me he would not be extending his current contract. We enjoy a fantastic relationship and Alan only wants to do his best for Charlton for whom he has a deep affection. Alan is, in my opinion, the greatest football manager this club has ever had. We both agreed that it would, therefore, be in the interests of the club and Alan if we parted company at the end of the current season. We do so as the best of friends. Alan will manage a Charlton team for the last time at Old Trafford next Sunday and today is his last match in charge of a Charlton team at home. When Alan emerges from the tunnel today I would ask each and every one of you to stand and pay tribute to a remarkable man and leave him in no doubt of the genuine affection you all hold for someone who has done so much for our football club and is, in my opinion, the greatest football manager this club has ever had."

Incredible scenes at the end. I did get a bit touched by it all. A shame the game was crap though!

And guess who forgot it was a 5.15 kickoff and was at Charlton Church Lane at ten to 3 wondering why it was dead!

"You want me to do talks? I don't even like the public! Too noisy!"
"That was part of the job description."
"I guess.."

So here I am, loaded down with over 34 pages of information on the different talks we give at the aquarium, and printing off pages and pages on the different fishes so I can recognise some of the rarer ones, and be able to identify them easily and whilst I'm at home too.
Its like being back at uni again! I could go through my archives and find out exactly when that last essay was handed in, the last presentation done, but I'm a lazy fuck and that's boring!
And much like my uni days, I'm successfully avoiding doing any revision via the age old, fool-proof methods of drinking lots and eating pringles and drawing a smily face onto my ankle!
Huzzah!

Gutted! No free ice cream for me!

Picture the scene, your heroine (me) is leaning on her scanner, idly plotting ways to kill Kim Wilde and stop that awful gormless grin I am faced to confront every day and counting down the seconds till I get released (17 minutes and 23 seconds!)
A man stops, looks at the stack of boxes of prunes.
"How much?" He demands.
I assume he's blind and cant see the A4 sized pink sheet just 6 inches above the dumpstack.
"£1.15"
He piles loads into a basket and approaches me.
"Altogether then thats 6.40" I say pleasantly.
"No."
"no?"
"£1.15 you said."
"£1.15 EACH" I wonder if there's something in the atmosphere at [insert well known health food shop here]
"So how much altogether?" He waves a two pound coin under my nose.
"6.40"
"that can't be right."
"why not?!
He pulls them all out the bag and starts counting them, claiming that my till must have added them up wrong.
He counts, looks at me, and then counts again.
"I know where I've gone wrong!"
"oh?"
"Yes! I only wanted one packet!"
"But! But! You picked up six!"
He scowls at me.
"manners dont cost anything you know"

I have a pay rise at work!

Oh yes! From the mighty 5.15 an hour to now getting 5.70 an hour, I really don't know what I'm gonna do with all these riches!

I've been too lazy too post this weekend so here's a quick update!

On Friday at the aquarium (before my adventures in the freezer department of Sainsburys) I discovered that one guy is leaving.
So do I apply for the job or not? I haven't decided.
The good things about it are that I like it and the people there, and it'd be a start anyway degree-wise.
But there are several bad points, such as:

A) The pays no better than I'm getting now, yes I'll be getting full time pay but I'll be spending more on commuting to London so getting no benefit from it, and I'll already posted my dislike of commuting.
B) Its not really as hands on as I'd like with the animals, I've pretty much attended all the talks and assisted with all the feeds that the normal education staff do, the only difference is that I'd be doing the talks, which I dont do now but they are thinking of teaching me to do.
I'd really been spending 6 hours a day making badges and sitting on the ray pool, so I dunno.

What do you guys think? Should I apply if the position comes up and then see what happens or just carry on as I am?
Incidently I've been given different hours of work and am thinking of using my new perminant day off to volunteer at a wetlands reserve, and learn how to build birdboxes and weed out pests and stuff, so it'd be another thing to add to the CV.


The football on Saturday? I dont really wanna talk about it, its too depressing, I do have some thoughts but will save them till the last home game of the season next week.

Whilst at work on Saturday, I was placed in charge of the weekend girl, and the girl who just started that day.
We ran out of change and I had one ten pound note and no access to the office to get more.
It was scary and I was considering barricading ourselves in with a small wall built of nuts and dried apricots.

You know supermarkets have those really big doors to the freezers, so they're like walk-in-able?
And you know how fond I am of Ben and Jerry's ice-cream right?
Well did you also know that the doors are sticky? And if you let one bang against you while you reach in for that last hiding pot of "oh my apple pie" and think that its no big deal cos you can push it open again when you back out.
Well you'd be wrong there. So very, very wrong.

There was an investigation into our poor stock take today!
Oh the horror of it all!
Mostly its to do with all the thieving, there is no CCTV installed and they refuse to splash out for some for us.
Cheap cunting bastards.
I got into trouble too! Oh yes, once again my poor maths skills have let me down, damn it.
Sigh, its like being dyslexic only with numbers instead of letters and I got a right good telling off, but never mind cos tomorrow is Fishyday and I can't get into too much trouble there!

Update - I just cut my hand open, hmmm, not sure that'll go down well seeing as I'm not meant to have any open cuts.

Oooh! The Dodgey Chinese Pirate DVD sellers are branching into porn!

2nd ooh! The Lurker has abandoned his winter getup of tweed coat and tribly hat to a rather fetching bright blue jumper and orangey-mustardy coloured flat cap.
He still stinks of coconut though, and appears to be growing his beard back, which saddens me, he always looks so much more friendly without it.
When he has his beard he looks like the kinda person you'd see on the news after going on a killing spree with an axe in Woolwich High Street.

Wheeeeeeee!
Just returned from a day spent with OF in their place in the Sussex Countryside, about two years ago they were left 5 acres of woodland and have set about building their dream home.
They've spent most of that time living in two caravans but now the house is nearing completion!
Me and Mum went to see them today.
As I've said before here, when away from other influences telling her she needs to grow up OF is great fun to play with, we reminscened about childhood games we played, and indulged our inner children shamelessly.
We made a rope ladder from knots to shimmy up and created a wodden swing from that same grotty bit of rope and an large chunk of stolen tree, ran around shrieking, had an easter egg hunt, fended off our finds from her two dogs, played fetch with Puppy Dotty (now a very grown up 18 months old and still very playful), investigated piles of old fallen wood, and generally had a pretty awesome time getting filthy in the country!
Huzzah!

What did you guys do with your Fridays?

Me I spent it hand feeding various fishies, including a two foot long Zebra Shark!
I was allowed to go "behind the scenes" more today and got to see where they keep the really cool stuff like Moray eels, a smaller cousin of the Manta Ray and the Black-tip sharks - Believe me they are creepy!
I got to feed the fish in the Rainforest, Mangrove and Coral reef tanks too, I got nipped by an archerfish who mistook my finger for a slimy sand eel but he didnt break the skin and let go as soon as he realised his mistake, so its all cool there!
I rescued a lost child, spent a scary amount of time at the craft table and made two aquarium wide announcements!
Whooo!

I hate Boro.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
4-2 to The Smoggies

Todays the day!
Unfortunately I didn't get a ticket but I'll be watching on the telly and cheering us on in our attempt to reach the FA cup Semi finals!
The coaches will have left or be on their way now!
Let Operation Riverside Commence!

My Nanny, as I've stated elsewhere in here is suffering from Alzheimers, its quite frankly exhausting dealing with her, as much as I care about her and see her as much as I can.
The other day my Aunty G was checking her bank book and discovered that 2k was missing from her account so asked Mum if she could sort it out as she's off work with Easter Holidays.
Anyway, the money was found in another account and Mum and the Bank Manager took Nanny in hand and organised her fianances, and discovered that she has about 40k in accessable cash!!
That's not to mention their house which is theirs, shares that she's collected from somewhere and the money in joint accounts with Granddad (and his own money!)
My Grandparents are loaded! Where did it all come from?! No one can work it out!


Anyway. While Mum was looking through boxes and stuff trying to find bank books she found some old photographs.
There's not many old ones around of my grandfolks, and great-grandparents, mainly cos of their rows - in which my Mum recalls Nanny ripping up albums of them, and ripping others up over an old family feud - involving some quite nasty court cases over child abuse, which might make another post when I lack inspiration one day.
That picture up there is her in her Land Army Days, way back in WW2 (possibly dates are a little hazy) as far as we can make out she was stationed in Cornwall and shortly after this picture was taken was in a nasty car accident where she went out the front window of the car, leaving her with a lifetime of being a nervous passenger on car rides.


This one touches me, I dunno if you guys can make it out but it says "all my love Jean" and was sent to my Granddad, on the back it says "here's the picture you asked for, but keep it to yourself, it's terrible!"
I only picture them as my grandparents, fighting like cat and dog (and believe me I've witnessed some terrible fights with name-calling and things being thrown at each other!)
Its hard to believe that they were young and in love and separated and by the looks of things, just as caught up in the neuroses about looks and things that we do now!
I'm not sure of the date of this picture, I know that my Granddad was in Burma (whether as part of ww2 or not I dont know) and also rejoined the army to go to Korea - where he claims he spent the war teaching them how to play football with a Scot called Jock and painted boats hulls, - he speaks very little of army life, there is a photo of him all dressed up in army gear and he tells of seeing a orangatang walk out of the jungle at him but thats all he really speaks of and we never ask him either.





As I mentioned after the Great Fight there's little wedding photos around, also few as rationing and stuff was on at the time.
There is another photo of them with their wedding feast, which consisted of one bottle of ale, a plate of sandwiches and a single plain sponge cake.
The only other Surviving wedding picture is them surrounded by other family members, most of which I don't know and have never met and of which Mum only has vague memories of.

We've not done it for a while so here's Conversations with My Customers part 4/5/6?

ring, ring.

Me. "Hello [insert well known health food shop name here] Woolwich"
C. "Yeah, has my wife been in yet?"
Me. "Excuse me?"
C. "Yeah, she came in and was gonna buy some Aloe Vera (This might be an British thing but does anyone else subsitute that for a 'allo Vera in a parrot voice?)
So do you think we get only one or two customers a day and can remember everything purchased? Stupid fucking idiot.

C. "Yeah I want these banana chips"
Me. "That's 93p please"
C. "Er no, they're 74p"
Me. "Show me?"
C. "Here."
Me. "Yeah, you know the Papaya next door to it? That's 74p"
You stupid fucking cunty cunt. Can you not tell the difference? Can you not read the giant pink sign?!

C. "I want these orange flavoured teabags."
Me. "£1.19 please."
C. "I thought they were £1.09, I'm not paying that!"
Two minutes later, the same customers return with a £4.99 bottle of cod liver pills, whilst looking for their (exact) money, they pull out a wod and I mean a wod of cash, all fifties, there must have been over £2oooo there.
My first thought is who did they rob/steal to get that money, (come on it is Woolwich!) and only when they leave I wonder why they made such a fuss over 10 fucking pence.

Yesterday I was woken by an unfamilar american voice!
After a few disbelieving minutes (when I first wake I'm not too good at anything until I get my toast!) I realised it was Spins!
And we quickly made plans for a fun-filled evening with Flash which would involve a lot of drinking!
So we met outside the National Gallery and headed out on a hunt for a real english chippy!
And then we commenced on an awesome night of drinking!
In which we forced poor Spins to sit baffled through various football highlights, where we ignored her and gazed at the big screen, drank a lot, discussed accents, drank a lot, laughed a fair bit, put blogworld to rights, and drank a lot!
And then found ourselves wandering down the streets of London, stuck as the tubes had stopped running and I needed a nightbus!
Somewhere in this I got several phone calls from a neurotic Parent, and made several calls to Welshy, not that I'm too sure why.
I also pee-ed in the street, had a strange Albanian man try to chat me up on the way home and finally stumbled into my bed around 3 or 4am!
Great night though and great to finally meet Spins!
(and see Flashy again of course!)

So I went for my first day at the aquarium!
I spent most of it just following people round, listening to the odd talk and getting hopelessly lost.
I loved it though!
I got to feed the seahorses!
And I got placed in charge (!) of the ray touchpool, which basically involves standing there for half hour, making sure no one picks the fish up, shouting at those who splash the water too much and making sure no one jumps in.
Then they put me in the craft table with loads of little kiddies making badges and stuff.
I made an octopus badge - I wore it home!
The people there are all very nice and funny too so that always makes it easier!
I really can't wait to go back next week!

A lot of people ask me why I've always been so into my animals and why I wanted to work with them.
Its a hard thing to answer, I normally say I like animals, they're so easy to work out, where as people baffle me.

And then sometimes I think about when I was young and I'd ride the trains up to London Bridge or Charing Cross.
Riding with commuters packed into trains, all smartly dressed and gazing out of windows in a distracted way, looking at the same things they've seen everyday for several years, some reading, or attempting to do so in those crowded conditions or some catching a few extra dozes and I'd wonder about them, did they like this?
Did they want to go into the field that they found themselves in now, or had they wanted to DO things, GO places, BE explorers in their childhood and now found themselves captive in offices, gazing out of windows wistfully at the pigeons flying free in the parks?
And in those days it was still slam-door trains and they'd sound like heartbeats bang-bang-bang as they'd all file in and out like herds of cattle to various offices to fill in another dull day of being trapped in an office.
I hated the thought of that, I swore it'd never happen to me, I was not going to be a Commuter getting up early to go to London and not getting back till late.
Working in a suit and in front of a computer would kill me so what options did I have?
And I remember being about 6 or 7 and travelling up to Waterloo and deciding I'd rather sweep the streets than do that and deciding as well, that I wanted to be well paid for what I did.
I'd had enough of the constant poor-ness of my family, I was going to get a job that I could be well paid in and not be in a dreaded office or be another faceless member of the Commuter Herd.
Well I could be an author or work with animals, but I quickly decided writing wasn't for me.
I enjoy it and like crafting little stories for my own enjoyment but when I've had to do them for school or others the words fail me.
But I could work with animals, and be outside in the fresh air, with creatures I loved.
And of course my parents hated it.
"You wont get paid well, you'll be a skivvy" They'd tell me and it made me all the more determined.
Not for me working in a kennel or down the local stables.
I was going to be a vet!
So when I was 16 I spent two weeks in a local vet surgery at realised something else very important, I could do all that they asked to try and get into Vet school, and possibly still miss out - They're very fussy and inundated with people wanting to work with animals.
But the main problem I had is my clumsiness and lack of skill and patience with fiddly things and a vet is Surgeon as well as animal GP.
So I drifted aimlessly for a year or two, unsure of what I wanted but knowing definately what I wanted NOT to be.
And then whilst helping E look through the uni listing books I saw a zoology course.
I looked it up in the dictionary.
A study of animals.
Bingo! I thought and so I went and applied and well you know the rest.
Tomorrow is the first real step (albeit in a voluntary status) towards that goal I set myself as a child watching Commuters with a sense of horror.
I'm going to work with fish!
And funnily enough - I'm going to have to commute to do it!!!

Just think in the course of this blog I've been indirectly and directly involved in the deaths of three people!
Starting to think I'm a bit unlucky!
4 if you count that my earlier attempt at one of these things, talked about how MH had recently lost her best friend in a motorbkike smash
Anyway! Onto happier things! If all goes well Friday will see my first tenative steps into getting a degree-related job with work at the aquarium beginning and then on Saturday after the football I'm going to meet Spinsterwitch!
Huzzah!

CL's Dad has just died, he suffered a massive brain haemorrage.
Its all brought the shock back and everything.
I've offered to go see her and go to the funeral, hard to sympathise when at least I had some prior knowledge and how I'm still missing him 3 months (on Friday) down the line.

All my happy thoughts about what I have to look forward too later this week have gone.

A girl, not much older than 14 walked in front of my bus today.
The driver screeched to a halt, and tooted his horn, understandably annoyed and alarmed at this maniac.
"What the fuck is your fucking problem?" She screamed.
"Watch where you're going!" The Driver yelled at her. "I nearly ran you down!"
She aimed a kick at the front of the bus with a ding, her chavvy mates giggled at her and she continued her line of abuse.
"Dont you fucking dare tell me to look where I'm going, you stupid cunt! Fuck you!"

Its the first day of the summer holidays and already the peaceful( ok maybe an exaggeration!) Woolwich High Street is swamped by kids screaming, drinking, fighting and stealing.
The Pirate Chinese DVD Sellers are out in force, the Special Constables who walk down the street are mysteriously vanished.
And I keep my head down and try to walk along the street without getting mugged or spat at or even noticed at all.

And dammit - I wont know till Tomorrow if I can get the time off for the Boro game and by the looks of things that will be too late.
Nearly 4,000 gone out of a 5,000 allocation on the first day.
Sigh.

I passed my theory driving test, yay me!
Now to seriously consider real driving lessons! AGAIN!

I got the fishy job people!
*does victory dance*
Only one day a week on Fridays and its still only volunteer work!
But! A teeny, tiny baby step in the right direction!

H2 at the grand old age of 24 has managed to get herself married about a year into our uni degrees and is now expecting a baby.
It frightens me slightly that someone I know has managed to get herself into this situation, and yes she's very happy with hubby but my god!
24!
I swear if someone came at me with that kinda commitment I'd run as far as I could in that other direction.
Yay for her I guess but I'm dreading the thought of seeing baby scans/pictures and boring baby talk.
One things for sure though, I imagine there will be a lot of teeth gnashing and jealousy from MH - 25 tomorrow and not even in a relationship!
There's gotta be some kinda gene missing in me I'm sure of it where the thought of these things are absent from my mind.
Ah well I shall carry on happily ignoring any talk or thought of growing up!

I still think of you, you know?
I dream about you often, but you're never well in those dreams, always I see you in the wheelchair or needing support to stand, but being you nonetheless.
I rage at the fact that I still can't or haven't grieved, and how life continues as normal, as if you were never here.
I see things of yours everyday, things that have one hundred different memories and they make me smile and sad at the same time.
I miss you intensely and I am furious at the disease that took you away from us and I want you back, here, now and whole and well.

We beat the Toon!
I'm quite thrilled by this, it was an ok win and made the more sweet after that money-hungry cunting wanker Spotty Parker scored an awesome goal.
( I in no way at all wish he was still at the Valley - nope, nope no way)
There was this really cute little pigeon in the ground too sat in the corner of the ground, who for some reason couldn't get up in the air terminals enough, perhaps he was still a bit inexperienced?
I had my heart in my mouth each time the ball was in that end that someone would fall or stand or accidently kick the ball on him.
And judging from the scream of some bloke to "SAAAAAVVEEEE THE PIGEOOOONNN!!!"
when the guy came past to change Chrissy Powell's boots, I'm not the only one.
but luckily he survived the full 90 minutes and now hopefully he's off safely back in the nest.
And According to the programme I'm gonna get 25 quid off my season ticket next season with all these reductions, which means another away game!!
Details for the Boro cup match should be about soon so I can work out if I can make it too the game! Free Coach Travel! Yeehah!

The Lurker is back, I've missed him this week, thinking that perhaps he's got the message but he was back today and moreso I had a proper conversation with him!
After several looks round the shop he appeared at my till with a 19p lollipop. (last of the big spenders!)
He's shaved all his beard off and looks less scary now, almost baby-faced.
Still had the same nice hatr and tweed coat though.
He returned twice more that day buying a lollipop each time.
He speaks very good clear English - Queen's English I suppose, no slang or accent for him!
He asked my name and like a fool I told him and then got all paranoid and wish I'd told him my name was Brunhilda or something.

My god!
What a 0-0 draw!
Now for the Dilemma!
Obviously I want to go to the Replay, but its midweek so trains coming back down are impossible.
So the thought is get a coach up, but its gonna cost so much money, plus the ticket plus dinner, we're looking at at least 70 quid.
Obviously its 70 well spent if we win but what if we dont? It's a long way back down sulking.
And then on the other hand what if we win?
And then the semi gets played at a neutral ground up in the midlands or OT or St James?
Thats another 100 quid gone easy and then Cardiff too?
Oh dear me, why couldn't someone have converted that chance and then all this money wouldn't be thrown away in another hopeless cup trip?

Remember I applied for the London Aquarium for voluntary work?
And got rejected?
Well when I came home from holiday I found an email asking me to come in Wednesday for an interview, so I did and I hope it went ok although a couple of times I waffled myself into a corner and then my sentence died in a "er..... Ummm........... Yeah"
So fingers crossed!
At least it'd be a step in the right direction of using my degree!

One of the best bits of the Blog world is that you have a captive audience to show holiday snaps
So Enjoy random holiday snaps!

The geysir!


















Random dead Volcano!















Part of the Icelandic National Forest!
They have no trees so are busy planting loads and are so proud of these little shrubby bits!

The amazing Gullfoss Waterfall, drenching everything around it in mist and water droplets.

We rode the Icelandic horses, Everyone knows I'm a keen rider and I was so excited to get a chance to ride these ponies and get a feel for the "Tolt" a special pace unique to the horses.
This is my buddy Gomma!

Blue Lagoon.

Even like this, its hard to describe the pastel blueness of the water, the blackness of the rocks and the smoke and steam that rose from the water.
The way that the floor was uneven, the sand that changed to sludge beneath your feet, how you swam through warm and cooler currents.







See! It was 0 degrees outside that day and the poor lifeguards were tucked up warmly!









There was buckets full of sludge, a kinda silica mask made from the bottom of the pool and we scraped it all over ourselves!
In the back ground is the power station that made all this possible!

Geysir video (download)

By Charby aged 22 and a bit!
On my holiday I did the following exciting things and learnt the following information:

Iceland is actually warmer than Britain!
Iceland gets BBc London!
The only grain to grow in Iceland is barley, but they have bananas!
I went riding!
I broke my finger in an arguement with a hot tub!
Its hard to type with your main fingers taped up.
I got us abandoned in a icelandic bus terminal after getting on the wrong bus
After being rescued it was discovered that our hotel was 200 yards down the road
Whilst getting rescued I trapped my finger (different one) in the bus door!
Icelandic men are all very good looking!
Iceland has lots of waterfalls
They really do eat decayed shark
I went to the Blue Lagoon and fell over and have scraped all the skin off of my arse!
On a trip for the northern lights, I discovered a favourite pastime for coach drivers is ten pin bowling for tourists!
I dont like blue cheese on my pizzas
Icelandic supermarkets are all called Bonus
Its surprisingly easy to crash the entire computer system of The Blue Lagoon whilst trying to send an e-card
Sweetshops and bookshops stay open till 11pm while everything else closes at 5
Dont loose your passport just before going through customs

Pictures will be coming shortly

Going on holidays!!!!!
Be back Monday!
Behave yourselves all!
Now where the fuck would my passport be?

Isn't foreign money funny!
You get so used to looking at normal currency day in day out that when someone presents you with money from another country its like play money or monopoly money!
Not long to go now!!!!

"Ok so if your allergic to fish, you can't take that, but! If you come up here we have Devil's Claw, that'd be fine for you to take."
"Oh I can't take that!"
"Oh? Why not?"
"I'm a Christian!"
"But... Yeah I see. Right. Well I'm needed at the till now." Ha fend for yourself awkward bitch!
My customer care skills are excellent!!!

My mother has a terrifying need to be organised, left up to me I'd pack for Iceland the night before after a three hour panic buy round the shops collecting anything I needed.
Instead she has me organised, travel insurance brought, money in the agents to be changed over and an alarming amount of spare socks purchased because "You can never have to many socks for emergancies."
I imagine in an emergancy a clean pair of socks will be the first thing I reach for.
She also made me pack tonight, despite the fact I don't leave till Friday morning.
She watched over me carefully, socks, thermals, towels, underwear, warm jumpers.

Two hours later.
"Do you realise what you never packed."
"Oooh I need more socks?"
"You need jeans to wear unless you propose to wander round half naked?"
"Now who's fault is that for not supervising me properly?"

Just had to upload a picture of the best hat ever,ever ever

Do you think it'll go down well in Iceland?

So I trotted off to Surrey Quays today to do my exam!
The real thing, unlike last weeks stupid fake date!
I've been slack really at revising, so wasn't too fussed even if this 90% pass mark scares me!
I needn't have worried by the end anyway!
I got bunged in a room on my own - well I say on my own, it was me and what I discovered in the drawer - all the text books we're supposed to use!
Of course I wasn't going to let this discovery go unnoticed and used them shamefully as much as I could.
Then the stupid area manager woman went over them with me!
So I'm quietly confident I'll pass!

I've decided to take up driving again!
Just put in for my 3rd theory exam at the end of the month!
Wish me luck!

Tony Christie is coming to the Valley for the Boro Cup Tie!!

Fuck yeah!!!

"Shalalalalala We sent the Palace down!"

Lalalalalalalala!

Iceland and Ireland, Iceland and Ireland!

Maybe I should be working my way through all the countries beginning with I this year!
Indonesia next on the list?
I went out over the weekend and bought a spare waterproof, I already had a pacamac one in fluorescent glow in the dark yellow! (My reasoning was that at least I'd be spotted lost on top of a mountain) but thought a spare one - with match trousers would come in handy, especially for the riding part of the holiday - there's not many layers you can fit under jodpurs!
They're in bright pink, purple and teal! I look fucking awesome, like the Michelin man, especially when I put all my layers on and very attractive too in my thick wooly tights and thermal vest and trousers. Like a right Granny!

I told this to Welshy when we met up to go to see Wrexham play Barnet on Saturday, he looked slightly puzzled at how anyone would willingly wear such a get up.
And then was frankly revolted when I pulled up my jeans to reveal my knee length garish rainbow socks.

I think that's where me and him differ, if I could pick a word to describe him it'd be "grey" he rarely wears light coloured clothes, where I love bright colours.
I threatened to get some purple onto him and he was horrified.
He's very serious and doesnt grasp my flights of fantasy, which makes me quite sad really.

I have discovered the bestest bar in the world!
Not only was my most favourite alcopop on buy one get one free, but It also sold Icecream!
Shame its about an hour away in Barnet though!

The Lurker has been banned from my shop following the Wild Yam incident and another involving red marker.
It makes me quite sad, all that time smiling at him and now he's banned.
He comes to the doorway and hovers now and if you look at him he walks off smiling.
A couple of times he crept in and I caught him on the way out, a triumphant smile on his face.
A couple of times I caught him in the entrance and I rather forcefully (well for me anyway!) tell him to leave.
Its sad, I feel bad.
Poor Lurker

Going to Iceland in two weeks!
yeeha!

Ooops!
Guess what!
My exams really on the 10th!
Still more time to do some revision I guess!

Incidently, today I cut all my hair off! It looks strange, I've had hair to my mid-back for about 7 years and now to see it all short and framing my face instead of being dragged back in its customary ponytail is freaky.
Still give it time to recover from its falling out through stress lark and then I plan all sorts of wacky ideas with hair dye for it!

I have my exam tomorrow!
90% or else!

A odd day of ups and downs today!
The Lurker returned 3 or 4 times, he popped his head round the door, with red marker on his face. I greeted him warmly, pretty convinced now he is a loonytoon!
Strangely hard when a woman came in and got into a discussion with another about beating cancer, is it wrong for me to resent the fact that she's going to be fine, although I don't want anyone to go down the road we have?
Manic, manic day with hardly any time to myself until!
The tills died a death!
Yes! We couldnt get them working at all! And in fact it turned out to affect the entire high street!
I got to go home early Huzzah!
And now I find that the place I applied for to do voluntary work doesnt want me.
Bastards

A fun day yesterday!
I took advantage of the reasonably nice weather to go and meet Welshy and we met at Greenwich Park to feed the squirrels and geese stale brasil nuts that I'd purloined (what a fab word! It needs to be used more often!) from work.
Afterwards we went and played on the swings in the playpark and he laughed at me as I attempted to slide through a kiddies tunnel and got stuck half way.
Afterwards we walked to Bermondsey (I dont know why we went there but that's where we ended up!) and rode the DLR back to Greenwich, where we decided to encamp in Weatherspoons and drink the place dry, having several drinks and a pitcher of cocktails each, feeling very decadent!
Only problem was that we subsequently missed both my last bus home and his last tube!
so being the gentlewomanly thoughtful person I am, proceeded to get my brother out of bed and come to Greenwich to pick me up, leaving Welshy to walk home!

A real oddball came into my shop today!
Not just a crazed customer but a real, ill in the head person
He's been popping in and out the last couple of weeks, I notice him, because he is an extremely tall black man, with the thickest beard ever and a long coat and funny hat, I think they call it a fedora?
Anyway, yesterday he was in our shop for a good 40 minutes walking up and down the pill-aisle and reading the odd label.
Woolwich, being that haven for shoplifters meant that his odd behaviour attracted me and I kept an eye on him, although what a 8 and a half stone 5'2" me is gonna do against a 6ft+ giant isnt really possible.
Today was atrocious weather, sleet and snow and rain all mixed intogether so hardly anyone was out and about so when he popped in it was noticeable, mainly by me trying hard to control my excitement - "whheeee a person! Whooo! someone to talk to! Someone to serve!"
Only the bastard didnt want any help so I retreated back to my Healthy magazine and occasionally scowled at him for not needing my assistance.
He popped in and out at least 4 times that morning, staying to read the odd bottle of pills and then wandering out.
I christened him "The Lurker" We started to acknowledge each other and smile, like old friends.
At 2pm he spoke to me.
"hello"
"Hi!"
I think my eagerness put him off cos he wandered off again but returned for his 6th visit of the day.
I was starting to get concerned. Was he ok? Was he shy about asking for something? Was he a homeless man looking for shelter from the weather? Or was he a little ill in the head?
At 3pm The Big Boss Lady spotted him trying on our Wild Yam Face Cream.
"I think its time you left now." She suggested.
He nodded and went out into the High Street with a face full of cream, leaving us with several open and spoiled pots.
Poor guy!

Wow!

Today is my 2 year Blog-versary.
And this monumentious occasion nearly went by apart from a trip over to Spazzymoto
And this was the start of my blogging career,
And just think how my life's changed since then, I left my housemates, came back to uni, made loads of new "real" and "internet" friends.
Graduated from uni.
Spent 11 months on the dole.
Got a slightly dull and boring job.
Watched Dad die. *sigh*
And now I'm preparing for the holidays I've always wanted, applying for volunteer positions to get some experience for the career I want.

Its amazing really when I look back at that and how I've changed since then!
And quite frankly amazing that I've actually managed to keep this thing going so long!

Home draw in the cup!
Bring it on!

In the quarter finals of the cup, lalalalala.

We're in the quarter finals of the cup!

Oooh. I'm unbelievably fucked off.
As you all know I've developed a decent friendship with Welshy, I'm fairly confident its a platonic friendship going both ways.
However The Sheep is not so sure, he frankly refuses to believe that I can have a friendship with ANY male.
I've known for a long time about his crush on me. Its the reason I stopped talking to him for a year after he tried it on a bit further than I was happy about and I swung at him with the saucepan that I had in my hands at the time.
Anyway, when I was in that final term at uni he was in some of my lectures and impressed me enough to think that he had grown up slightly and we both apologised for the shit way we'd behaved to each other.
Lately he has being acting like a cuntybollocker, dragging up incidents from the past like the tying up game and the way me and STF fool around and playflirt with each other, although that's just fun and means little to either of us.
Apparently it makes me a complete flirt and he's even tried to twist round so that I was the one coming on to HIM.
Which pisses me off slightly but I brush it all off.
Yesterday me and Welshy went to London, pootled around a bit and had a laugh, when I was telling The Sheep about my day out, he demanded to know if he was flirting with me, if I fancied him and then decided that I did.
And asked to speak to him on MSN, so I added Welshy to our conversation.
Welshy jokingly asked for sordid tales from my past and The Sheep launched into a variety of tall tales in which I came over like some sorta rancid whore and told a few things that I'd told him in private, such as the pictures I posed for GT and some of my well-lets just say activities I got up to with the BB.
I laughed it all off at the time but I've been hopping mad ever since waking this morning.
What on Earth could he gain from telling shit like that?
How fucking dare he tell secret and private tales that I have shared with him and some that haven't even made it on here?
So just wait till he shows up on MSN again, because my friends it will not be pretty.
I will not have him fucking up the few friendships I do have in this shitty city.

Fuck!

I have to pass a health food shop by the 1st of march, and I need 90% to pass it.
I'm currently taking refuge in alcohol and apple pie ben and jerrys

By law we're not allowed to sell our herbal druggy capsule things to pregnant women, through fear of miscarriages or birth defects.
It seems a perfectly reasonable thing to explain to people and I've not had any problems until today.
I had some rather crazy or hormonal lady come to me wanting Ginseng.
She was perhaps 7 or 8 months pregnant and seemed perfectly reasonable....

Until I explained that she couldn't take it and then she exploded into a magnificent mardy!
"Don't you dare tell me what I can and cannot take! I know my body! You do not! Don't you dare try and advise me"
On and on until I really felt she was going to twat me with her handbag.
So in the end I sold it to and then said a silent prayer that her baby will be born with a tail and three eyes.

Firstly:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!!!

Secondly, at the start of this year I promised myself that it wouldn't be as hellishly dull as last year.
This would be the year for all those adventures I had promised myself but through one thing or another I had not been able to complete.
And the first of these adventures has just been booked! Yay!

On the 17th of March me and E are jetting off to Iceland for three nights of Geothermal pool adventures in the famous Blue Lagoon.To a nature reserve and waterfall, If we don't see any Puffins I'll be most disappointed, plus a volcano/lava horse-riding tour, which has me very excited as the Icelandic ponies are famous for their unusual gaits, different from the normal walk, trot, canter and gallop!I've also sent off for a brochure about a caravanning holiday in May/June, not your usual caravanning holiday oh no!This is also horsey-related, yes, for a potential week we will be living in a horse-drawn carriage, trundling down Ireland's country lanes, living like Romany Gipsies, although without the poaching and the rest of it!Yaahoooo!

2 new Ben and Jerry Flavours!!!!

(yeah I am noticing a link between this posting about food - just wait till later this week!)

I have tasted the future people.
And the future is lime jaffa cakes.

*giggles quietly*

We beat the champions of Europe tonight!
(sorry you Americans, I'm talking football again!)
We were awesome! We played so much better than previous home games and that Spurs game on Sunday, at moments we were being outplayed by Liverpool but we did well and we deserved that win, rather than some of the last previous rubbish where we've been lucky to win!

I went to Pimlico today!
For shop training!
I got chatted up by a Brazilian, learnt how to say the grass is green in portugese, and how to flog of more health food crap.
Oooh and then we did roleplays and I got to be an awkward customer and then I ripped my one and only work shirt!
A fun, action packed day then!!!!

I had an accident.
A door that had stayed in the same place for 7 years suddenly decided to move half inch to the right today.
And tricked me by making me walk right into it.
Bastards.
And yet all I did was break a nail in the collision.
Strange, very strange.

I went to Spurs today! And then wished I hadn't! 3-1 and we were shocking!
And my seat was scary too! Way up at the top of a set of steep steps and a control box room obstructing my view of part of the ground.
The steward apologised for it!!
Still was a nice day out, will put a link up to the report of the game (though why you'd want to read it I don't know!) later.
And why did JT be stripped part way through the first half and yet wait hours to be put on?
Liverpool later this week Can't be good!!

Its been well documented, that my skills in the kitchen are less than adequate.
Somewhere here I blogged the day I blew up the microwave, I've set several things on fire and even burnt pasta.
Today I attempted to cook tea for Mum and The Brat. Only to drop all my potato waffles on the floor.
Still they ate them all without any complaint so I think I can count that as one of my successes!

Oooh.
Spending two hours washing shelves at work doesnt make a happy Saturday!
Especially when we rewind a few hours to Friday night.
~~~~~~~~ Flashback!~~~~~~~~~~

Me and Welshy, bouyed by the fact that we had succesfully met and not hated each other on sight, had made plans for another night out.
So we met in Wetherspoons in Greenwich and commenced anothe drinking marathon, several cocktails later we made our way out of Wetherspoons and started working our way through the motley collection of drinking establishments until we found ourselves in The Trafalgar.
"They do absenthe!"
"What's that?"
"Its a shot."
"Ooh I have no power at handling shots at all, nope, no way, I've learnt my lesson the hard way."
"Well you don't have to have one, I wasn't expecting you too. But next time you head to the bar can you get one."
I thought and considered and then decided to take his word as a challenge, one of those "You're a girl and therefore I don't expect you to be able to do this" sorta thing, and we all know I refuse to refuse a challenge so I brought an absenthe too.
I felt a little ill when approaching The Yacht so had sticky pudding, and then Welshy's apple crumble.
4 drinks later and I decided I was really ill and I should stop drinking and remember for the next time that shots are a bad idea and absenthe can go on my list of drinks never to drink again.

"I want this"
"Yeah look Agnus Castus, its here"
"That's not it."
"No it is, its just made by a different company."
"So its different."
"No! It has the same concentration of the herb, it contains the same amount of pills"
"But its different"
"Only the packaging is different!"
"So you are saying its different then, you clearly do not know what you are talking about young lady, I wish to speak to your manager"

So I decided during yesterday bore-all draw against Brom to stay at home and carry on saving, cos lets face it, I don't have much savings and to use them all on something which although it sounds very cool might not even lead to a job.
I also decided to possibly look into one or two short breaks during the month of March and definately look for a better paid, full time job to take up for the summer.
But where shall we go?
I've always fancied Iceland - home of Glaciers, Icelandic ponies with unusual movements, whales and puffins!
But during this time of year there won't be many birds, nor whales and it'll be dark 24/7 or so I believe due to its artic circle location (possible further investigation needed in this one!)
E fancies a trip to Ireland, which also appeals to me.
But what about you guys?
Say you are all in England and able to get away for a long weekend somewhere, where would you go?!?
Give me some ideas, either in this country or Europe!!

Arrgghh!

Choices!
Do I go away and live on my savings and try and gain some experience working either with badgers or collecting rock pool data unpaid for three months?
Or do I continue working in the shop and saving to go away?

Bugger me, what a decision

Oh dear..
Today me and Mum started cleaning out some of the random boxes that have remained unopened since we moved 7 years ago.
We found a box full of video tapes, many unlabelled so we began to view them to see what was worth keeping or not.
Once such tape was our holiday in Florida, when I was 5 and The Brat 3 and there was Dad, young, healthy and laughing and joking towards my Aunt and Uncle who did the filming.
So hard to see that and knowing what was to come and the way it would end up.
Few more memories now to go in that store and now we can hear and remember his voice before it got fucked by the drugs and went harsh and painfilled.

I have been having many, many problems with buses this week, that poxy 178 bus that I have waited over an hour for in freeezing conditions all this week (I'm sure its meant to be every 20 mins?) huddled into a little corner and watching not one, or even two or even three sail past me on the other end of the street to go round the corner at sainsburys only to return smiling smugly at me as a 291 or something equally stupid that I can't get on.
Today I came out of work weighed down with brazil nuts, mango and papaya and something rather imaginatively called breakfast sprinkle (if you think I'm bunging bird seed on my breakfast porridge then you are a fool!)
to find it snowing, after 5 minutes at the bus stop I decided "Fuck this" and rang home for someone to come rescue me, while waiting for our Rust-mobile to show up (complete with no heating) 2 178 buses sailed, mockingly past me and then back round again.
Bah.

So now I'm sitting and thinking about my options, now that I'm free.
Remember when it seemed like I'd never escape here again? And all those long, heart-searching posts about if coming home was the right thing?
I have options now and the most pressing of all is changing my job, don't get me wrong, although its not ideal, I like working in the shop, its a nice place with friendly people, but I genuinely dont care about if I get the sack or fail the exams and whatever, although I go in and work hard and try to learn whatever they go on about.
I'm thinking of trying for a seasonal position with E in the summer working at our local English Heritage site, she worked there last year and made a decent bit of money, its full time, pays better with lots of overtime which pays double.
Alright its not "zoology" but its better than the shop and its easy money.
And then I'm thinking of going away, just like I always planned, go to New Zealand in October and when I come home consider my options then, I've seen a uni course that appeals to me in Marine Biology and I could always try to get on that, or work towards a Masters or even go and look out of London for that Ideal Zoology job.
So I think my main goal now is seeing if there is enough positions for seasonal work when it comes up in a month or too and trying for that, that way it won't matter quitting it in a few months

I woke up feeling so sick today. Its bad enough that I've been battling a cold all week but I totally lost my voice this morning so gave my speech to my uncle G to read - He took it home with him, I'll reprint it here when I get it back.
Anyway, I got up and sat around for a bit, trying to joke with Mum who'd been up since 4am and allready thrown up with nerves.
Then around half eight people started to arrive, my cousin and Nanny and Granddad and then E and her family and then everyone - and people were in suits! Dad didnt want suits! I felt so over dressed in my best jeans and new trainers! Lol!
And then the hearse arrived, and Dad was in the coffin, but like you said Babs it was all so surreal and there was chaos trying to figure out who was getting in who's car and who's cab (Dad being an ex-london Cabbie, Mum wanted us to all go in them rather than funeral cars)
and we ended up with me Nan and Granddad in with us, which threw Mum rather but thats just how our family works - chaos always!
And then we followed the hearse and I couldn't look at it, instead I thought about how we'd sit at the top of Shooters Hill road in the Metro and he'd sing his daft songs.
At the crem, Mum started to get upset and so I linked arms with her and sat on one side and The Brat on the other and he completely broke down at the service and sobbed, where as Mum cried and then sang softly to some of the words to her song.
And my Dad was in that coffin and yet its so strange cos yes I get upset and I have tears prick my eyes (much like now) but I can't let them go, I can't cry and sob like they do and I haven't yet. (Isn't grief a funny thing?)
and (too many "Ands" in this post) then he went and it was hard to connect my Dad to the one in that box and he went behind the curtain and we sang "Always Look On The Bright Side of Life." Just as he had wanted which got some giggles which Dad would have liked.
Only the Bitch Sisters (His - the ones that helped kill Granddad - remember? And robbed him and Great-granddad blind and who Nan is too silly to see otherwise - oh and I have a huge lot of shit to write about that about that last confused, mentally ill month of his life)
commented about how "that wasn't Dad and how it was a daft song to play"
I'm glad I didn't hear it and those that did chose not to act on it or repeat it to Mum until later cos if either of us had heard they'd have got a gobful about how little then actually knew, cared or respected their brother and I'd have twatted them. (In fact I am seriously considering finding out what to do to grass them up for benefit fraud but thats different stories and I'm neither a grass or that petty)
The funeral director (lovely guy) suggested taking a rose out of the only wreath (ours) and drying it as a memento so I plucked the biggest and best one and popped it down my top with only the head showing (Dad would have found that funny - or he'd be attempting that dance [the tango - with the rose in your mouth] with it)
And we went to the pub, Mum and The Brat in control of themselves and we had a great time, Dad would have loved it, all his mates, friends and family (well the ones that actually cared and mattered there) and thats all that matters really, everyone got a chance to say goodbye to him and have a good time as well!

Wheeee! Did you see the Chelski game?! Yayness alround, a draw's pretty presentable and we're nearly top half of the table!

On to serious things now - It's Dad's funeral tomorrow, I said I'd write a speech for it and now I'm remembering my fear of talking in public and I'm struggling to find something worth talking about, I'm thinking of reworking the "I remember" piece I wrote the other day on here.
I hope it all goes alright, It seems unreal that Dad will be in that coffin tomorrow and I'll never see him again, never hear him laugh or joke and I miss him terribly.
I'm frightened too of not being able to deal with this last step.

Saturday's Whaley update.

He died, poor thing, I didn't hold out much hope for him after hearing that he'd beached himself as that's common for sick and dying whales and dolphin type creatures to do.
BTW Spins, The Thames is now one of the cleanest rivers in the country, and Whaley should have been ok living in it for a few days had he been well, although its not ideal and it would have got dehydrated. I wouldnt have held out much hope for something like a fish for every long though!

There is a whale in The Thames!
I missed it but if it turns back round to come downstream I'll be out looking for a picture!

*update* Poor whaley isn't well. There is also reports that there is another at Southend (near the start of the Thames).
Hopefully Whaley can be brought back to its buddy/family member safely and without the other swimming up the Thames to find it

Ok, so more details about Welshy, He's sweet in a kinda not-so-very welsh way.
He's short, not that much taller than me, perhaps 5'5? and very broad chested, he was sweet but there was no attraction there, same as there's been no internet flirting, I think he is just a very good friend the same as my Derby lads are.
Apparently I also spoke to TY'U that night too, not that I remember it and he says he's ok.
Sorry there's no more details to spill, but that's all there is, just a new friend and no romance at all.

So I went to meet Welshy!
He was quite sweet really, and we embarked on an epic drinking trip from 2pm to 11 when Greenwich went dead.
(Bah to this 24 hour drinking thing - and bah to the 386 bus which stops running at midnight!)
which kinda spoiled the end to the night as it was a rush to get to the bus stop and get him back on the DLR.
But it was good and we spent an enjoyable time arguing the merits (of which there is few - in my opinion) and disadvantages of Bryan Hughes (A fucking legend! he proclaimed!)
Anyway this is only short cos I need to zip off to work!

Not only do I have 5 extra hours at work (I'll be rich!) Tomorrow I'm meeting a random Internet Guy.
(Technically does Flash count as a R.I.G?)
Its from the same place as I met the TY'U. (Its a football forum, not a dating site.) and he's welsh, a year older than me, lives in Central London and I've been chatting to him for 5 months now on and off this forum and MSN, I hope it dont go as wrong as the TY'U and end up with a drunken kiss and then me all embarrassed.
I just realised I never filled you guys in on my adventures with TY'U.
He's mysteriously vanished off the face of the Earth! I don't even spot him at Charlton any more!
We spoke since May, nearly every night in some form or other, and then mid-November he just vanished, coming back only once on the forum to defend me when he thought I was getting bullied and to congratulate me on the job, I spoke to him briefly when I let him know Dad had kicked the bucket and that's that.
Tis sad but thats the way life goes I guess.
Oh and not too worry, all the sensible precations are happening incase Welshy turns out to be a balding 45 year old man from Reading.

All the idiots in the world came out today.

I had some woman kick off at me as her hair,skin and nails tonic hadn't worked.
Me: "Uh-huh, so how long have you been taking it?"
Her: "I took the first one yesterday."
Me: "Rrriiiight..."

Later a 14 stone, 18 year old chav bint came in with customary little out of control brat at her feet.
After the little cunt pulled all our flappy shelve display things off, she accosted me.
Her: "I want to see your diet things."
Me: "Ok, here."
Her: "These are no good!"
Me: "Why?"
Her: "Cos you need to be on a diet as well, I want ones that I can just take and carry on eating as normal."
Me: "Erm..."

AND THEN!!! Just before leaving I was called a silly bitch by some woman phoning up and complaining that i'd charged for for 7 items when she'd only brought 5, and somehow expected me to change it all straight away for her, after she'd finished shouting that this was appalling and I was stupid (she didnt even know that it was me who served her, or who I was) and then I finally got through to her that I couldnt do anything till she came down she said that she didnt want me to serve her on the till!
When it may not have even been me in the first place!

I know!
I've been such a bad blogger this week!
I've just not been in the mood to do it at all, I'm sorry.

So Monday was Dad's birthday and Mum wanted to go out for a meal to celebrate, so we hit the motorway (not her favourite place in the world) only for her to get jelly legs after a little while so we ended up in Bluewater eating KFC! Somehow I think Dad'd have found that funny, or he'd have moaned at our lack of adventureness!
Tuesday was a bit of a tough day, we went and organised a funeral, its booked for the 23rd (ages away! who'd have believed that a crematorium would be fully booked?)
It's gonna be fun, we're gonna have a huge party afterwards too in a pub near to where Mum works and there's gonna be over 50 of us there.
We organised songs too, Mum wants us to come into Endless Love which is "their" song apparently, and then First Time I Ever Saw Your Face, as she says the first time she saw my Dad falling out of a pub was the minute she knew he was the one for her.
And on a brighter note to cheer up that depressing and soppy lot we have one of my Dad's most favouritest songs ever to go down to.
Always Look on The Bright Side Of Life, which IS Dad.
And that's that, No flowers, only donations to the places and charities that have helped us, the volunteer drivers from the local hospital, Macmillian Nurses, and the Hospice.

And that's that. I've been overwhelmed by the cards and phonecalls that have come and your kind messages.
Thank you all.

Happy Birthday Daddy - Where ever you are!

I remember.

I remember endless games of silly buggers, spinning our trolley around in the supermarkets, play-fights and the faces that he pulled that so annoyed me cos it made me giggle no matter how annoyed I was.
I remember calling over his routes with him while he was learning the knowledge.
I remember him picking me up from uni while I filled him in on our latest adventures.
I remember weekends spent in the pub, and him coming home drunk once and watching us spin round in the garden and deciding to have a go while carrying our tea and falling over.
I remember coming home to see him with pink hair after an adventure with hair dye went wrong.
I remember evenings and days full of endless board games and being taught chess and draughts and then showing him how to play Spider Solitaire on the computer.
I remember watching Mary Poppins and Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang with him.
I remember how we used to prefer him taking us to school cos we’d get a fry-up instead of cereal.I remember him driving us to school, trying to annoy us by singing his dodgey old songs in funny accents.
I remember how he helped install a love of animals and nature, when he’d point out the different birds to me and how we’d watch them in the garden.
I remember looking over the fish with him, and helping to clean them out.
I remember helping him with our budgie that we had when we were very little.
I remember always enviously looking at ponds.
I remember him leading us with on the ponies.
I remember standing up by the kitchen door one night watching a lunar eclipse.
I remember him taking us on trips to the stables and standing there watching us.
I remember his childish excitement at Christmas and Birthdays and Easters.
I remember watching football either live or on the telly and discussing the latest results and their chances for the next couple of games.
I remember hearing his cab pull into our street and the rattling as it stopped, different to every other cab in the street.
I remember his pleasure in seeing me at uni and seeing me graduate.

And I remember the pain of the illness, when he’d nearly be in tears.
I remember the hallucinations.
I remember the stumbling.
I remember the losing of all pride and dignity.
I remember the operations and medications.
I remember the missing of breaths.
I remember the visiting of countless doctors and nurses.
I remember him trying to talk but not having the ability.
I remember him being scared.
I remember stroking your hair and everyone’s heartbreak.

I will remember.

I'm sorry to report that Dad died today at 3.30 in the afternoon.
It was very sudden and very peaceful.

We were called in at 7.20am after being told that he had worsened, He spent a great portion of the morning in a half-waking-half-sleeping state, he knew that we were there as he grew a bit more animated occasionally when hearing our voices and when we put Mary Poppins - his favourite film on for him.
Later they popped a catheter and a pump-drip type thing on him to give him a little morphine, and he went to sleep and there he pretty much stayed until the end.
When the end came he was with my Mum, the Minster we want to take the service and the builder who built the loft, Mum noticed that his breathing was growing erratic, but he'd been skipping the odd breath since we took him in and called the doc who said that he was going, by the time the nurse and builder and minster had walked down the short corridor to get me he had gone.
I sat with Mum and stroked his hair for a little while and said my goodbyes and we waited for my brother to come (he's decided to go to work for 3pm)
He's at peace now, and like I said, he knew we were about and he wasn't alone and he wasn't in any pain or scared any more.
















Dad in November at OF's fireworks party.

9/1/59 - 6/1/06

RIP.

After another awful night Dad has been taken into the hospice. I doubt he'll be coming out again.
Obviously I'll be taking a break from all this blogging and internetty marlarky for a while.
I'll try and keep you guys updated though if I get a chance but I don't think it'll be long now.

So here's a highlight of last night's adventures and a recap of my day so far!

Went to bed in the parents room as requested at 11pm.
11.10 discover that the bed is hard.
12.20. discover that its too hot too sleep up there, so find a fleece to sleep in.
12.35. come to the conclusion that the reason I've not slept yet is because Dad snores too loud, stare at ceiling.
2am. Spent an hour listening to Dad telling us about how he needed trousers for his report but the man kept stealing the too tight ones and he needed a fiver and didnt have a fiver but then some nice man lent him a tenner and now I had to help him write a 999 line report on his trousers, Mum finally gets him back to sleep.
4am. Woken if that's the right word when you've not slept by him telling us he was in the deep end of the pool and was drowning, Mum talked him out of getting his brother and got him up and put Mary Poppins on for him.
5am - He asks for a cup of tea, takes the opportunity of Mum being away to demand that I let him call his brother or our friend down the street, I refuse and he grabs my pj tshirt and threatens to kick my head in, which is funny when you consider that he cant even hold the tv remote so dunno what he thought he was gonna do.
by 6am, Mum had calmed him back down and he decided he was going to have a shower.
I disappear downstairs to my room and curl up and try to sleep.
7am, woken by The Brat getting up and ready to work - He slept through this, I hate him!
9.10am, arrive at work.
Work till 4pm, get home by 4.20, listen to the last of the football.
5.11pm. sleep!
7pm woken by Dad going to bed, he asks me to keep him company so I do so, and I listen while he tells me about how he's been on the roof (clearly some attic-building flashback there) and then that Mum's reported him disappeared (in his own words) and how he needed to ring the police station to let them know that he wasn't disappeared. (I think this was due to the bit in Mary Poppins where the Dad goes to report the kids missing and then the policeman brings them back as thats what we were watching at the time).
He asks me to pause the DVD, and then the telly, which puzzled over when he insisted I could, merely put it on standby, he then got quite excited about my electronic-pausing activities and asked me to put the radio on and pause that.
Phew! I'm knackered and have much respect for My Mum who puts up with this night after night.

The descent into madness here continues where it left off in the Last Year.
Dad working on the theory that being awake means you won't die has renounced sleep, unfortunately this means everyone else around him needs to be awake.
Poor Mum!
He stayed awake all night and then at half 7 decided that he didnt want to be in bed any more and somehow managed to ring his brother to come and get him (bearing in mind that the guy can scarcely lift a teaspoon)
He then demanded to be picked up now so he could go see Nan and wish her happy New Year.
So off he toddled with me and Mum wondering if he'd come back in the same bad mood he did on Xmas day.
When he came back, he was silent for a few minutes before bursting into tears.
When questioned on what was wrong he declaired dramatically.
"Its you! You're gonna hit and hurt me cos I keep getting you up!"
Naturally Mother was rather puzzled by this sudden outburst and gradually coaxed him up the stairs for a sleep on my bed, which he did for two hours or so.
When he woke The Brat tried to help him down the stairs, but his legs gave way and luckily The Brat caught him.
He also decided that I needed to sleep in the same room as them tonight "Cos she wont hurt me if you're about."
What could I do but agree?
Later on that day I was upstairs with The Brat and Mum was cooking tea when we heard a crash and then Mum Screaming for The Brat.
Some how he'd managed to get up and go into the backroom before collapsing.
Mum, being the person who is trying to get him to sleep reasonably and to not hassle unsuspecting people at random times of the night is now his most hated enemy, and I am his most favourite person in the entire world.
He kept trying to get me to either take him out in the wheelchair (which I wasn't doing on account of tipping him out) or upstairs so he could bitch about Mother in private.
Its amusing me and it was quite cute to see him tap the side of the settee next to me and give me a pleading look so Mum wouldn't sit next to him!
I managed to talk him into playing a simple game with me where his mind kept wandering off into flights of fantasy.
"where's Wammie?!" He demanded suddenly.
"Huh?"
"Wammie!" He said impatiently. "Wammie! (his brother's Staff terrier)"
"He aint here." I pointed out.
"I know that, but where is he?"
"At your brothers house?"
"Huh."
I've just been up there now to clear the super-smart hospital bed so I can sleep on it and he turned to me.
"I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Her!"
"Well that's why I'm staying here, I gotta get up early for work tomorrow, so you better sleep."
Ooops!
He turned on Mum now.
"Thats why you want her here! So you can tell me to be quiet cos of [insert real name] just so you can sleep!"
I left her too it and ran away.
The poor fuckers really scared, not only of her, but of his suddenly untrustworthy legs and the inevitable which is looking very close at the moment and he must see that too.