So in March, life was full of hope.

It no longer is, the car requires a lot of work to keep it road worthy, cheaper than buying a new car but yet will take away the cards I've cleared.

I had a huge dent in one of them regardless as I had two flat tyres just before we went away to Wales so I ended up using the money i'd saved for that and then having to hit the cards to survive.

We went to Chester and Wrexham btw. Bit strange being there since Welshy. Place still looks pretty similar, we kayaked over the highest aquaduct in Europe and had a lovely time.

I've met with the hip surgeon, been given a new MRI, new X-rays, a CT scan for first time ever and now on a waiting list to have a procedure under anesthetic before they decide to put me on a surgery waiting list. They prescribed me Tramadol which i'm yet to take as the side effects have put fear of God into me. 

Its stopped any idea of Thailand this year (even if the car wasn't buggered....) and from the face he pulled, I'm guessing next year also iffy.

G did come back for the playoffs - another Wembley win! The '98 play off shirt lucky again!!! Good to see him as well.

Things with J still going really well. Hoping to have a weekend away in August perhaps to co-incide with Bristol away and meet up with CL.

H2 is getting married again in November and hip-dependent we're hoping to go away to Derby for that. So looking forward to it and showing him Our Beloved Friary and other places from all those years ago that still exist.

So yeah, maybe no further abroad trips this year. I'm back to be horrendously broke and already just a few hours after payday, worrying about how I'll make it through the month but hopefully can get those little trips under our belt and it'll be better than nothing and hopefully next update won't be 3 months later and I'll be able to tell you about the procedure and that i'm on the hip replacement waiting list. 

 So here we are in March. I'm trying to organise my finances. I took out a loan hmm, maybe two years ago. Because of Spanielface becoming Piratedog and the car being constantly on life support, i'm not in a position to pay it off like I was hoping to in September.

In fact I'm almost worse off than I was before I took the loan out. But. I've been working hard at it. Thanks to flyball, I've mostly paid off one credit card (took a small dip in it to cover an unexpected outgoing in Morocco and I'd planned to use part of it for J's 40th present) but its minor. 8.99 when I get paid this month.

Another is well on the way - it was 700, i've got it down to 200. I've taken another loan out, which will cover the remainder of Original Loan and leave me 100 a month better off - oh no, it won't because the fucking council tax is now due. But I tell myself at least it wont leave me worse off. 

The goal is to lose those two small cards and then pick another (three other cards and a paypal credit limit) all of which are over a K each.

 Mother and TWMWB came back, I have a lovely new kitchen floor. My back room is almost useable. Spring is finally in the air and my garden will spring into life - i'm now a person who has daffs and crocuses in their lawn instead of bramble.

I'm still (I think this got mentioned in Oct last year's update) working on removing all the paint from the stairs so they can be varnished. My house is slowly starting to look like a house.

I spent a lot of my thirties, depressed, unable to afford food. Finances are still a HUGE HUGE worry, I still hate living at home but I've accepted my fate now and I'm going to damn well outlive him even if its only out of pure spite and I'm going to make this somewhere I want to spend the rest of my life. 

I want to go visit G next year in Thailand. I've spent nearly 10 months saving airmile points for me and J to visit for 300 each. We can hopefully book in May and then spend the rest of the time saving for hotels and adventures. 

I'd like to go away again this year but that's me living in fantasyworld and anyone who's been reading this for a long time knows, that I'm prone to disasters that are beyond my control. 

I have my next hip consultation in two weeks time, I'm not expecting the MRA that I was back in Oct, reality has sunk in and I think it'll be another pointless chat and then the waiting list for the MRA.

I don't know what else to update this with, apart from I veer from sleepless nights worrying about my life to absolute daydreams about backpacking around Thai jungles.

In the real world? God I suppose I should mention Trump being absolutely Batshit, how uneasy Musk makes me. The way it feels inevitable that we are slowly, slowly pulling towards a war, the way everything is so expensive I can barely afford to breathe.

But the sun is almost here, Spring is almost here. I'm ever so slowly going the right way financially and I'm going to carry on day dreaming because that's all I have. 

 Marrakech was awesome! I loved it! It was kinda like a toned down, more sanitised India. We did a sunrise Hot air balloon ride, amazing experience! Quad biking in the Desert - I got mine to at least 42kmph and had no control and drove straight into a bush.
We saw snake charmers and monkey handlers, and had a traditional hamman spa experience (they go EVERYWHERE with their hands!), rode a camel and had ice creams and cocktails and a fabulous time.

4 days was the perfect amount of time to do everything we wanted and made such a change from the -5 to +15! I'm very broke now and will need to be good for a bit as its J's big 40th next month and lifes expensive! 

 19 years guys! 19 years since that call. Insanity really. 

So i'm behind as always and really only doing this for my own benefit but here's my life update!

J and I are still good, two years now! Also insanity. We're going to Marrakech in a fortnight. 

I'm not doing brilliantly financially but equally I'm better than I was the last time I blogged. I paid one card off as mentioned and I'm working on another. I'd like to have paid it off and a decent dent into another by the end of the year. We'll see.

I somehow have missed the hip injury update/s. So I saw a specialist in September. He recommended me a steroid injection. Which worked until the local anaesthetic wore away and then I spent the month in more pain that before, pain sleeping, sitting, standing. It started to affect the other leg and end of Oct I actually went home from work as I couldn't concentrate on anything.

So now i'm in the queue again (April!) for a fancypants MRI with glow in the dark dye to try and see more of whats going on and then I expect after that I'll be on the waiting list for an op and God only knows if that will happen this year!

Spanieldog still manages to compete Flyball, she was out yesterday actually and her team came third and Colliedog's team 2nd.  

I saw CL for the first time in two years and she dropped the bombshell that she and UDOBF had split after 10? ish? maybe slightly more, I can't be arsed to check. Years of marriage. Wow. But it was lovely seeing her and I'd like to do it again. Such a shame everyone is so far away!

Christmas was surprisingly good. The Brat (he's 40 this year - should I give him a more age-appropriate name?) FINALLY got rid of Granddad's car that was sitting on the drive, undriven for 7 years so we could get a skip (Mother - "ooh wasn't he brave to do that, it must have been hard for him to do so" and then several days of follow up questions about if he had spoken about it at all - I mean its a car, not pulling the plug on someone's life support....)
We needed a skip as the kitchen floor decided to collapse so now there's a hole in it. And the back room has just been full of junk and shit he's pulled from other skips for years so we (I) cleared it, I cleared the cupboard under the stairs and a bit into the shed as well. 

I repainted the hallway and bathroom and regrouted the bathroom floor. I'm actually really sad about this as I did it with glittery grout and it looked amazing, until I realised I do not live the lifestyle intended and the glitter collects dog dirt and hair and is now discoloured and worse looking than before.

Sigh.

I found a sander in my tidying and my plan is over next few weeks to sand the stairs as they're half painted, half bare wood and then repaint the skirting.

Finances of course might affect this....

I spent Christmas Eve with J and his family and then on the day itself I took the dogs to Dymchurch and we went to the beach and then on a walk around the edge of Port Lymphe safari park and it was worth the climb in the mud as I got really close to giraffes!

Boxing day J and I went to Charlton and basically I've spent nearly three weeks just drinking alcohol and eating sugar to the point where real food felt like a Rustlers Burger! 

Today is first day back at work and a WFH day so a soft start although it was a shock to the system getting up in the dark! Still just the one week and then holiday! We're hoping to do a hot air balloon ride! 

Somehow forgot to publish the last blog entry but never mind.

Life hit an all time low last week when IdiotCollie ATE my drivers seatbelt while at flyball training. There were many tears and hysterics and yeah somehow now everyone thinks (to be fair not far off) that I'm totally poverty stricken, lent me 500 quid - they say its a gift but I WILL pay it back somehow.
And someone bought me a massive bag of dog food. I'm incredibly grateful as it has paid one of the credit cards off minus something stupid like 5 quid and I've got enough money to get through until payday.

But I hate, LOATHE being thought of as a charity case. Hate sponging off of people. Makes me feel like such a loser. 

 I am SO SO grateful to TP and TJ who got me through September. I told them about Spanieldog and they sent down a care package including a £50 Tesco gift card. They even sent money down so she could have a groom and tidy herself up after all the drama of August.

Its still been a really, really rough month financially, October is still going to be really rough but hopefully we'll get through and November will see it start to ease off although it's going to take quite some time to get myself back to where I was this time last year - even this time in Feb when I was feeling relatively confident that even though I'd overspent a bit, I was still on course to be debt free by Sept '25.

Spanieldog has adapted really well to now being Piratedog, we've had to learn to do things like keep the washing machine door shut and chairs pushed in so she doesn't walk in them and finding her more underfoot than before. She's running flyball a second slower than before but she's still doing it, still happy to do it and still able to do it safely. I'm going to try her indoors in November but if the light and shadow prove too much then she can sit it out until we go outside again. 

I do want to start competive Obedience with her but as of yet haven't managed to get her to any of the classes as life keeps getting in the way.

 This has been one of the WORST August's ever.

I mentioned in previous blog entry that I suspected something was up with Spanieldog's eyes. I wasn't concerned enough to take her to the vets before, there was no rubbing, no irritation, no gunk, so I thought I'd monitor it and bring it up at the vets when she went for her jabs and annual check up.

Big BIG mistake, turned out the poor fucker had a tumour in one eye and would need it removing. They were happy for me to take her to the flyball champs as it had obviously been there some time and yet didn't seem to be causing any issues and I'd book her in on return to have ultrasound and tomography testing.

The jabs were Tuesday, I was going Wednesday to Monday and then I had birthday plans (God this makes me sound so selfish and uncaring!!) so the appointment was made for Friday.

We travelled up to Tamworth ok, checked into the most gorgeous little cottage on Wednesday, Thursday arrived at the venue for speed trials. She arrived at the venue ok, I raced Colliedog, then went to get Spaniel out of the car.

OMG her eye was glued shut and massively, massively swollen with gunk. It didn't seem logical that 48 hours could have made such a difference when the vets had looked at it and deemed her fit to race so I wondered if it was an infection or a sting. She still wanted to run so we let her and over the course of the few days cleared up pretty well.

I went to see H2 on Friday. She ran in the comp Saturday and her team got a 1st place! Sunday Colliedog ran and got a 3rd. 

Came home Monday and confirmed appointment, mentioned the gunk and swelling. Vets still thought she'd be ok for Friday as it was clearing up.

Tuesday I went to Brighton with J, had a lovely time on the coast and came home Weds, checked on her and we went to see Wicked.

Thurs took them for a nice walk, she's still chasing a ball, bullying Colliedog so I'm still not too worried and on Friday she went into the vets and then my world caved in as they said that they thought the other eye was starting to get issues and wasn't sure if the tumour had spread. Well. I know some dogs can lead perfectly nice lives with only one eye but she's not one of them. She loves to be busy and explore and compete so I said if it had, to PTS as it would be kindest, she said that she wasn't 100% convinced it was a tumour but wanted to send to RVC over in Hertfordshire as they obviously have more ways of testing.

I was in bits but agreed so found myself in a traffic jam trying to get through Blackwall Tunnel in order to get her there. Got lost on way. Got her there and all the vets and students are trying to work it out, she's loving the attention and again they mention that it may now be in the other eye. They're wondering if a tick or something has caused all this.

I sit and wait in the reception area while she has various scans and when they tell me its not spread as far as they can tell and the only thing left is to remove it.

It turned out to have caused a massive haemotoma which was starting to press on the other eye, but luckily now its removed her eye is fine and we're all adjusting to life with one eye. Of course it means the end of her agility career but at 10 she was due to retire soon anyway. I'd like to start Competive Obedience with her as she still wants to be out and busy and she seems ok doing flyball outside. 

So I'm 4k down, maxed out all my credit cards. yeah. The ones i've spent ages paying off. Lucky me. And owe The Brat something like 1400 quid, Mother 600 and J  - well he won't tell me what he paid to have the car camchain sorted for me.

And speaking of the car, it only just scraped through the MOT. Its on life support and really should be scrapped but obviously I can't afford to replace it. Can't afford the repair bills. URGH. 

 So it turns out that I have a CAM deformity of the ball part of the hip joint, I have mild osteoarthritis. Its possible that the uneven part of the bone has ground through all the protective material and is grinding on bone.

I have trochanteric bursitis as well. Been referred to a surgeon, possibly might need a hip replacement. Won't know really until I've spoken to them, other options are more physio waiting for it to get worse and need the surgery - been off and on physio for nearly 3 years so enough of that nonsense thank you very much!!

Or having an op like Andy Murray and having the ball shaved smooth. Both operations sound terrifying, both sound like it'll be a good 6 month recovery.

I am in a lot of pain today, The Brat's car broke down so i've been up at 4.30 three days in a row to drive him to work, its a 2 hour round trip through London so not sure if all the gear changing has buggered me.

Very tired lol!

Dogs off to national flyball finals in two weeks, I think this is the end of Mrs Spaniel's career. I'm not sure if she's losing the vision in one of her eyes and she's still not completely right after damaging herself in June.

Things with J are ok, he still makes me very happy and if I could just turn off the internal voices I'm sure i'd be happier!