The Funeral was Monday - I watched the service at Westminster and then met E2.0 with the dogs at Lullingstone. Amazing the ceremony and how it all worked out, I didn't think it right to televise any more than that. She might have been a Queen but she was still human and her poor family must have been through more than enough and deserved some privacy.
I caught highlights of the Windsor, of course I did because how could you not? Emma her Fell, the corgis, the putting away of the jewels, the piper and breaking of the rod. All so poignant and a couple of times I did have a wobbly bottom lip.

Once again I find myself thinking of the Charby from nearly twenty years ago, sitting in her university bedroom and starting to idly overshare her thoughts on this and how I fantasised about how one day this might be like Pepys diary.

Except as times and I have changed, I no longer keep this up to the same level I did back then - and some of those posts make me cringe! But here I am, making occasional posts about pandemics and wars and lockdowns and twittering random updates about my life - when now I have social media to overshare on.

But this is a diversion. The Queen is dead. I've never understood people who grieve for celebrities and people they've never met. Why? I'm not a huge Royal supporter, apart from admiring her work ethic and sense of duty and love of animals and appreciating the big draw they are for tourists and bringing money into the country.
Never watched any of the Royal Weddings. Openly mocked those who went OTT for Diana's death. 

But last night, today. I understood. Our internet had failed so we were sent home from work early so it wasn't until I got in at half three and saw that the Royal Family had been summoned to Balmoral, that I started to fear the worst. 
I hope that they got the chance to say goodbye. I hope it was a peaceful passing. I'm glad she was in Balmoral, which by all accounts was her favourite place. I am glad she worked to the end as she hoped - meeting the new Prime Minister just a few days earlier, but I also hope and wish that she had some down time in the last couple of days. That she pottered around the garden with a corgi, that she fed her favourite pony a last apple and smelled horses, oats and leather one last time.

I think of how dignified she was at Philip's funeral when my heart broke for her, I think to how she performed with James Bond at the Olympics - my favourite bit of the opening ceremony. The Paddington Bear sketch when I couldn't believe she would join in with such silliness. I think about how she had State Opening of Parliament and Windsor Horse show on consecutive days this summer and how she skipped the Opening and went to play ponies instead, like a naughty schoolgirl.  

I've welled up a few times. Princess Diana didn't affect me, Prince Philip or any celebrity made me feel anything other than a passing "oh that's sad... [pause] anyway....." type thought.

And its the silly things as well - she won't be on a stamp - she won't be on a coin. God save the King sounds strange to the ears.

May you live in interesting times indeed.

God Save The Queen. Long live the King  

 Practically September!!! 

I am now 39! 39! Which means this blog has been recording my life off and on for nearly TWENTY years! TWENTY!!!
Its like the longest relationship I've ever had!

So an update is completely overdue, especially as it was May the last time I wrote anything. Mrs Collie has settled into flyball competing life - she will have been with me three years next week.

Mrs Spaniel is amazing as she always is, a bit grey in the muzzle now and starting to stiffen up, but she's still game for most adventures!

In July I got the all clear from Physio. I think about riding again, but petrol, which hit a scary 1.91 a few weeks back is still 1.71 and when it was 1.15 I was putting 40 quid in every nine days so in all honesty I don't think I can afford the petrol to take it back up. I am also quite liking the not rushing around everywhere every night.

Work lets us stay at home two days a week, sometimes I'm really busy. Others, I've finished what I need to do by 10.30 and then dick about online for the rest of the day. I hated the job at the H&S company for the lack of work, but it helps here that i'm either at home or sat alone so no one can tell what I'm doing.

I'm still tapping away at the debts. In March I owed 10.6k in various loans and credit cards. I'm now down to 8.5k just on credit cards. I'd love, love to get it down to at least 7k by Christmas. We will see. I've cancelled two cards completely and alright I can only afford minimum repayments but at least having cancelled the cards I don't have the temptation to spend them.

 I'm living on a 50 pound a week budget - some people wonder how I do on so little - but I used to have less than that a month!

CL is in London this weekend with her kids, I'll be catching up with them at the SkyGarden on Sunday.

And the final update is that I've started seeing someone. He has the same first and middle name as Welshy, so I think for Blog Purposes I'll christen him E2.0 - which is actually what he is saved in my phone as!

He messaged me off of an online dating site. I replied as I was bored, its expanded. He's sweet, kind and shy although its not been a full two months yet - so I guess he's on his best behaviour!

The sex is up and down - He's amazing at the foreplay stuff, not so brilliant at the other bit but its more than made up for beforehand.

He works for the NHS and is two years older than me. He has his own house close to me and unlike me has clearly had his head screwed on and ticked every box as he got his degree paid for, worked through it, works for same NHS Trust forever and has bought his home.

For my birthday he bought us speedboat tickets to ride up and down the Thames - so much fun! And took me out for a meal and many drinks.

Another reason why I'm dithering on the side of taking up horses again. Obedience, agility and flyball take up so much time and I'm quite conscious that he's never had a pet and I need to rush off in the mornings to walk and feed these, or leave early from nights out because of competing this morning. At the moment it's not an issue and they will always come first but its a balancing act! Think it would be easier if I had real kids as that's a bit more socially acceptable!

But at the moment I'm trying to just look on this as fun and see what happens, its not a FWB situation and organically growing into something else maybe? 

 

 And now its May and still the brave people in Ukraine fight on. I did a collection of items to send over to them, I still have some of it tbh that I need to sort out where to send on to.

I am now loan free! This is the first time, I think since Welshy left which is now what? Six years ago? I am still in lots of credit card debit, but I'm hoping by September I'd have paid one of those off and can go from there.

Life continues to be exhausting... Following on from the car electrics issue at the start of Feb/March. I then somehow managed to explode a tire doing the Dartford Crossing (2 miles of sheer tunnel hell) before I managed to get to a place to pull over. 

I had nowhere to go except sit in the car with Mrs Collie, ringing the police in a flap meant that they would be about 40 minutes away. Same with the RAC. Just about to resign myself to death and tears when a lovely man from Halfords pulled over on the way home from work, put the spare tire on and I was able to then do the crossing to get home.

Turned out I had nails in the other tire on that same side so that was a very expensive trip out to nowhere.

I had to give up ShareMare, the petrol was getting unaffordable, its nice though to not have to be rushing around everywhere after work and having a couple of days at home just chilling.

Mrs Collie has now attended two flyball comps and been a really good girl in both. No chase incidents and only baby mistakes. I'm still holding my breath that it might not work out at the next comp this weekend but who knows?

Mrs Spaniel is obviously awesome as ever. Both have an agility competition lined up for next weekend. This will be Mrs Spaniel's last year of agility. Somehow she is now 8, and I owe it to her not to hammer her around things. She loves her flyball more so she will be happy with that.

I have Covid! Or at least I did. I had both jabs and the booster and yet I was still really grotty. I think it was during that week, I got casual about wearing my mask on the train. Its back to pre-covid levels of busy and very few mask wearers, so when it slipped out my bag, I just didn't bother replacing it.

Compared to some people I've got off lightly. The first few days I was a wreck, coughing lots of shit up from my lungs, a sandpaper throat and an endlessly streaming nose and Christ the tiredness was/IS something else!

On day 3 when I felt well enough to get out of bed and wash my bedding, I then needed a four hour nap to recover! I'm still getting tired very quickly and still coughing, although now it's more of a dry, tickly cough. Waiting to see if work want me in tomorrow/Thursday or if they want me to carry on WFH on our next two office days. 

I'm not going to complain obviously if they say to stay home!!! 

 Seems weird to give an update about normal things when there's all this shit kicking off in Ukraine. But let's quickly recap.

My leg is getting better on its own, or at least I thought so until I did a bit too much walking on Wednesday and then had to get the tube into work on Thursday and the jolting did it no good whatsoever! Due to the pandemic I've still not been able to see anyone face to face. They gave me codeine. Very disappointed in that. No effect whatsoever. It deteriorated to the point where I went upstairs on four legs. Constant nagging ache underneath my left butt cheek. Feeling every so often like my leg was getting caught in the socket. Not pleasant.

They decided I broke my hip. I got Xrays. I hadn't broken my hip. Nearly 2 months after my first call to the GP I'm finally getting a physio Zoom call on Monday.

I got a refund from one of the payday loan companies! Four hundred pounds! But before we get too excited, because this is me and I have the worst luck, the car decided to break down. Took it to a garage. Useless garage. Ended up paying 300 for work that wasn't needed.

Took it for a second opinion. Now I need to get it refunded and pay out 180 for the real repair work. SUCH A PAIN. Four hundred pounds would have paid off one of the three loans I have left. April. April if all goes well will be my last loan payment. So much for when it was nearly due to be paid off in January! URGH.

Anyway. I guess all this pales in comparison to what's going on elsewhere. I don't even know what to make of it all. Impossible to imagine being in this situation like the Ukrainians. Tweets going out, telling people how to make Molotov cocktails in their homes. People sheltering in tube stations with pets in pet carriers. I saw a video of a man saying goodbye to his little daughter and wife. Brings tears to your eyes.

I get why we can't be involved yet, but its such a tragedy and then the talk of it starting the next World War. The talk of how Russia has nukes. Its such a horrible slippery slope. And the brave people in Russia who are protesting against it and being arrested and God knows what happening to them.

When I was still young and naïve, I imagined how fun it would be to have a blog documenting something interesting - like Pepys and the Plague years. The truth is definitely how I imagined, all those years ago sat in my uni bedroom in Derby! 

 What to say? In December we were sent home again fulltime. I fell off of Sharemare trying to jump. I've bruised ribs, shoulder and back. When that healed my leg has decided to stop working in sympathy as i've been over compensating. 

Deeply regret 4 year old Charby being plonked on a pony and enjoying it..!

Christmas was Christmas. Spent most of it trying to rest various injuries and eating my own bodyweight in matchmakers. Alone again, although I met a friend for an afternoon walk which was nice.

The Deathday and birthday anniversaries have passed. 

What to sum up last year? It was a trying one in many ways, but also better than 2020. I need some form of human company and everything was so much more bearable with my "after-school" activities back on. 

The dogs have blossomed during my time at home. I'm not exhausted anymore. Still very lonely though. 

I still struggle with the idea of letting this die. I overshare on Facebook now rather than here. But its comforting to know it exists. 

 And now we are back down to one day a week in the office. I like this, two I think would be ideal though. 

Mrs Collie attended her second starter comp and ran well helping her team to another 1st place. She has another one weekend after this. I have entered her into an obedience competition (HAHAHA!)

If only we could get over the chasing! I really want her out running properly in time for the outdoor season next year.

The Mothership is coming into land tomorrow for 10 days. I wish I was more pleased about her visit. The Brat is posibly ill with covid - 1 positive test but two either side of that negative? 

He is leaving for the Lakes for the 10 days she will be here. So tired of being in the middle of them all.

Money is tight as it always is, but come January I will be rid of the loans and be in a better position than I am now. Just gotta struggle on through!

I'm in a better mental place than this time last year where I was lonely and spiralling and struggling. I might feel differently once winter really kicks in but for now we will appreciate life as it is.