Its been a long time since I looked at this! Actually I still haven't looked as I'm at work at the moment.

I need to update but life has been absolutely hectic and stressful but if I start venting back into this, it'll help the mental health. 

So lets have a quick run down.

November - Mother and TMWMITW had a huge row, Ipads were smashed. She came home in a huff - admittedly they have a relationship ending row at least once every 18 months so although concerned I wasn't too concerned.

Became apparent though that this time its a big one. 

I finally got a confirmation for a hip arthroscopy surgery.

December - Mother is still at home. Concern is growing. The Brat realises that he can't stay out the house to avoid her. There's screaming rows over Facetime.

Spanieldog is starting to show early signs of doggy dementia.

January - 20 years anniversary! 20! Can you believe it? Mother is still at home, we veer weekly from her going on holiday with him and his sister to "get fucked". I realise that she's blown through the 100k inheritance funding him and now she's broke. I can't say anything about the "funding other peoples lives" thing after funding Welshy's for so long but am infuriated that she fell for it at her age. Turns out the apartment they have rented in the states doesn't exist and is a scam and I am roped in to help resolve this. I got confirmation for pre-op assessment mid April. I start to fret about if she'll be out of my hair by then.

February - She goes on holiday with him. She comes back and nothing is resolved. She veers in space of two hours, about tears about how much she still loves him to absolute rage about his actions. She gets her workplace pension cashed out early so she can afford to live out there. She goes to fly out to "talk" as he requested. She arrives at their home to find he's changed the locks. He refuses to meet her and says its her fault for leaving. She flies home the next day.

J has a birthday! We have an epic scavenger hunt where he has ChatGPT clues to help him uncover our next adventure. We do the Slide at Stratford, Crazy Pool, The Piano Works and the Back to The Future Musical. And the hotel I booked goes all out with an upgrade and decorations. It's a lovely day.

He finds out someone has made a complaint about him and is asked to work from home - turns out to be sexual harassment because he put his hand on a colleagues shoulders. 

I get made redundant! I get a 6k payout and use to pay off 5k's worth of debts and keep a small amount to pay for long haul flights to Thailand to see G when I'm fixed.

The Brat mentions he is now on single figures waiting list for a council place over in Richmond where he has been working last few years

March - I start a new job. I hate it, its loud, my training has been spotty at best. I am in the office 5x a week and doing the same long hours as I was doing 3x a week previously. I decide to stick it out until after the op. 

J gets sacked. The Brat gets sacked. I start funding both their lives.

End of March my pre-assessment gets cancelled cos of doctors strikes. Rescheduled for end of May

April - I carry on funding both J and The Brat. We use gift cards work gave me for the redundancy to revamp my aviary - just snagging work left to do and do it over Easter. I learn BH are not a thing at this job and have to book them as AL. Mother continues to spiral from not knowing what is happening. Turns out they are getting evicted from their apartment due to a clause that kicked in when he changed the locks and took her name off the tenancy agreement.

The Brat gets a job working as a grocery delivery driver.

May so far - Mother starts to come to realisation that it is definitely over for them. I've been called fat twice. I start getting up at 5.10 so I can do housework before leaving for work as I can't bear the mess that both of them are leaving. And that apparently she doesn't have time to do in between binging crime shows. She cannot afford to buy or rent solo either here or in Spain. She cannot afford to live solo without the rent that we give her, so if Brat goes, I am stuck and J still can't move in. If dogs die, I cannot move in with him as she needs my money. I don't know what the answer is but I'm constantly stressed at home and at work, I refuse to spend the last two hours of my day doing housework so getting up early seems to be the best answer as the dogs get a better walk - also stress-free as have lost the Spanieldog a couple of times as she can't find me and has gone scavenging food from the idiots who put bread down for the birds. New park is further away but bread-free and at 6am, empty of people and dogs, its nice and peaceful!

I give my Thailand fund to The Brat and mentally say goodbye to the one thing I was going to treat myself too with the money after being sensible.

J gets a new job! 

I start looking semi-seriously for a new car. I need the green and open spaces for my mental health. 

The pre-op is currently just over 3 weeks away.  

 So Christmas has come and gone. The Anniversary has come and gone - 20 years!!!

I in a ADHD frenzy decided to cut up all my credit cards in an attempt to try and help pay them off before realising that I need to use them to get through the month as we're in the spiral of only being able to pay minimum payment and then use what's left after the interest has gone to pay for you know, such extravagant things as going to work, or eating.

Mother is still here, its definitely over between them but yet they're going to the States for 2 weeks next week? 

I might be getting made redundant. This obviously ties into my earlier paragraph about not being able to get through the month and knowing I'm going in May or June have an operation that means I'll potentially be bed ridden for a month unable to interview.

BUT at the moment I'm filled with false confidence. I mean I walked into my last two jobs being the first interviews I had and I could get a reasonably decent payout after 6 years. Enough for me to pay off some credit cards should I walk into that next job....

We'll ignore the fact its absolutely shit out there jobwise! 

 She's still here. I'm exhausted by trying to be the Go-Between. So she's not entitled to benefits so in order to go back, she needs The Brat to match the rent money I give her - he pays less as "he has a car to run" I mean this is historical from our early 20's, so we'll gloss over me driving for the last 10 years and also having more outgoings in terms of the dogs, and debts which - can we still blame her and the family for me getting sacked? I mean I should take responsibility for the other debts I got after that myself now.

Anyway - digressing. If he matched what I pay and between us we took over the water bill and TV licence (we pay for them now out of the "rent" money, but it is all in her name as she wants to keep proof of UK addresses) on top of that. Then she could get TWMWM (ha that'll have to change!) out their home and live there and it'd be a bit tight and she'd need a parttime job but her pension kicks in, in a few years time and then she'd be ok.

So you'd think that, that wouldn't be too much of an issue yeah? An extra 50 for him and splitting 110 between us each month. I mean, it'd be bollocks for me but worth it.

But no. He refuses to give her any extra "it's her mess, I don't see why I need to help her out of it?" and "I can't afford it" Bitch. I pay 732 a month in credit card repayments and if I think its do-able, you and your 2k debt to pay off a car loan, that ends this summer anyway isn't a big deal. Especially when you earn 1 or 2k a year more than me. 

I tried to reason with him using that. I tried to explain how miserable all three of us are. "Don't care. I'm 310 places on the Council Housing list and when I go, it's her problem."

EXCEPT if he went and went for good J would move in, three years now we've been together. It's time. But he understandably won't live with Stephen. Won't give up the independence of his wee flat to live with Mother trying to control everything with her dramatics. So what do I do? I can't move in with J. His flat doesn't even have a balcony for the dogs for a start and if I move out, then Mother is even more stuck. 

Also. I suspect she may end up going doollay like her parents, who will be the one to pick up the pieces, quit their job and care for her then? Answers on a postcard please!

So its been difficult and she isn't making it any easier. She doesn't seem to want to spend any time with me. I'll come in and she'll leave whatever film she's watching and take her heater upstairs. She makes us some dinner and then goes back up.

If I go out, there's the thousand messages about what to do, what time I'll be back? I'm trying so hard to be patient with her and understanding but its so difficult and I've been spiraling so much about being awful to her and feeling guilty about going out and dealing with the never-ending feeling that I'm just not good enough in her eyes. 

I've had 19 days off and never looked forward to going back to work so much!

PS - had call from hospital. Pre-screening prior to surgery is on 13th April. Hopefully surgery mid-May and God I need her to be gone by then!