Tuesday, December 31, 2019

New years eve post! Or new decade's eve post!

I hsvent posted much in here. Its just the usual wndless cycle of work, dogs, horses and not a lot else.
FWB still isnt talking to me. In fact he blocked me on social media. Still trying it on with the kid though. I got a fairly decent payrise at work. Happy day.

So. This year. Hated the job I started the year in. Ended up getting sacked from that too! I like my job now although I hate the commute. I got another dog. She's amazingly hard work, but shes been in boot camp the last two weeks, i'd like to say it's made a difference but who knows really?

I'm still single and lonely, still debt ridden. I'd like to do some travel this year but finances, plus the collie might make life awkward as I dont know if I could trust her around anyone yet.
I dont know what else to say about this year, but its been a mega decade. From my Facebook post, I quote:
"As everyone else is doing it! This decade, I started it in a job I hated, living with Ed, being pretty settled with him and preparing to travel around India. Since then Ed left me to go live in Russia. I moved out of London and moved back twice, I lived abroad, I got sacked from three jobs. My family disintegrated further. I got into a lot of debt and out and in again. I passed my driving test. I learnt to speak reasonable Spanish. I visited 12 countries. A fair few more people I knew died. I wanted a dog. I now have two dogs. I wanted to do more than just plod about a riding school and now we have Vim to play with. I have a job I like. I'm still struggling with dealing with my brother. I went to the Olympics! I went to see an England home and away game! I saw Charlton get promoted (and relegated). I gave up my season ticket! Lets see what happens in the next decade!"

Will I still be blogging in a decade's time? Will I still be blogging in a year's time? Who knows. Lets roll with it. Say our usual fuck off to 2019 and bring on the 20's!

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

More slack!

I had a really bad cold that turned into a stomach bug and left me drained. There was an awful moment when I took the dogs to Lullingstone, thinking I was ok.
 I was most definitely NOT ok and realised this the minute I let Hero out the car. I turned to frantically get her back in the car but she refused on the principle that we had just got there and why should she?
I had undone the collie's seatbelt and in my panic forgot her and she made a bolt for freedom. I spent an increasingly unhappy 20 minutes waddling about with shit filled pants almost sobbing as I tried to catch her.
And of course I did, and then as I went to clear myself up I bumped into the over 50's walking group who all wanted to share their tips at helping her learn recall.

Talking of shit, the collie is still struggling with learning her toileting manners. I spent some time getting up in the middle of the night for her but she still seems to just go when she wants. It gets me down. The house stinks.

The brother has come home! I told everyone that it wouldn't last till Christmas! Gutted, the house was slowly getting cleaner as I'm out nearly every night so don't have time to make a mess (other than the dgs!) so I could get on top of what was there and almost make it look nice. Now of course we're back to square one.

And to add to the joy I had a bailiff on my door at 6am after the Brat. Apparently he had driven through the congestion charge and not done anything with it. And owed them close to 600 quid.
It was awful and quite scary, he was still away at this point. I had no idea what it was about, and GDPR and that means that the guy couldn't tell me. At one point it was looking like i'd have to pay the money out of my wages this month (that would be close to half of it...)

After a couple of awkward encounters, he eventually got a loan out to pay it off.

The electrics in the kitchen went! Happy day! That cost me 120 to fix. Or at least it will do as I haven't been paid yet and can't do it until then. The thought has been put forward that as Mother is technically a landlord she should cover it, but we all know that's not how life works.

And finally in my roundup FWB.... I'm deeply, deeply unhappy with him at the moment. We have hardly spoken since the champs and it was assumed that I was running his dog at the indoor flyball, which I don't mind doing, but you know, it'd be nice to be asked. He wanted to come to agility and I ended up mentioning my bailiff drama to him and he lectured me about how it wasn't my problem.

Then the next day in a group chat, it came up about me running his dog and I lost my shit. I was tired from getting up, I'm run down from dealing with the toiletting issue. I don't get in to chill most night until at least 8.30 as the longer days and commute means I don't get home until 6.30 and I still need to walk the dogs, try and implement some training with the collie, ride, take Hero to agility, the collie to obedience, plus looking after The Brat and the house. I just snapped.

I tried to tell him how I felt and he told me I should have told him all the problems I have at the moment. But seriously! Why would I do that? We haven't spoken since the Champs really, I'm not going to message someone out of the blue and tell them my woes when there is nothing anyone can do but me to fix it and there's nothing I can do myself.
He didn't get it.

He's been winding me up by calling me stroppy in front of people, making comments to them that he knows nothing about my life anymore. But things are different now to how they were this time last year. He has a GF. I would be wrong to message him 24/7 as we did before and that anyway just confused me as it's relationshippy and that's not what we were. The distance needs to be there.

I found out that he had put pressure on a kid I know a while back. She's 19 now, he's nearly 32. This maybe ended last May or August. So in between our little things. She never slept with him, but she did things and he put pressure on her and caused problems with her family.
She says its ok, she wouldn't have slept with him cos of the age (got her head screwed on this one!) but at the same time, he picked her up and took her back to his.
I'm deeply uncomfortable about it. It's almost predatory and to keep on at her when he knew it could cause a lot of problems at flyball and was causing problems with her at home. She might have been legal but that's not right.

And I'm uncomfortable with the things I know about him and his GF doesn't. I feel she needs to know that he was still trying it on with me, that when she was in hospital, he moaned and moaned about lack of sex. That the only reason he didn't have a threesome at the champs was cos he was so drunk he couldn't get it up (can't remember if I mentioned this or not. Anyway, I obviously wasn't involved, other than beg him not to do it).

I have no solid evidence though. And it was pointed out that my telling her would not only lead to issues between me and him (don't care at this point) or could easily be twisted into me being a spiteful, jealous, vindictive brat. So I have to keep quiet, unless I find out otherwise, and even then I would need it in a text or something, something physical. He's invited her to the flyball xmas do. Hard, so hard.

I don't understand it. He could be the nicest, most generous person ever so what is this pathological need to constantly screw things up? Sometimes I wonder if he has something like sociopathy.

Anyway I've been in work for nearly an hour now writing this down so I should crack on.

Sunday, October 06, 2019

Another manic couple of weeks over and I'm so slack with this.
New dog is going well. Some very frustrating moments with recall but it's all puppy stuff and will get there. Started obedience classes with her so that will help!
Weather has been absolutely appalling so I've hardly ridden and no flyball training either.
Work is ok, bit quiet but bearable.

Sunday, September 22, 2019

Busy week. The mothership had a row with TMWMITW and came home in a huff for a week. Course she found out about The Beat being gone and then about new dog and that caused drama all week.

Went out last night for lolly memorial drinks which was nice.
I need to vent about FWB. Why does it hurt that he and mutual friends talk about his GF? Why do I feel like I was dumped rather than dealing with it in a grown up way and moving on as after all. I knew the deal all along.
Why do I miss the constant contact. I dont want to go back to being lonely but I dont know how to change it.

Sunday, September 01, 2019

Been naughty. So much to update on.
Dog and I did agility comp. Very pleased as we got a 2nd in beginner jumping and 3rd in beginner agility.
We did champs and it was lots of fun! Met H2 and Lovely which was nice. Dog missed out on 2nd by 0.4 of a second! What is that really?!
FWB very platonic as expected. Did kinda wonder if something would kick off when we went to the party but all that happened was that he went to sleep with another girl (possibly 2!) But all got weird apparently and he bailed.
I've met her a couple of times now and I feel so awkward about it. Had to pretend someone else was also sharing the camper.
He reckons I'm being overly sensitive and dramatic over nothing. No way José!
Really trying to push back from it all but he's still messaging me a bit, drunk calling. Texting to show off his new car. Actually it was a year yesterday since I went to the motherships wedding and came back and drove straight to his and then everything re-kicked off.
I have another dog. A border collie who is 6 months old, amazingly poorly socialised and at the moment seemingly destructive and not toilet trained. All good calls there Charbs.
Really pleased with how the socialising is going. Not the rest of it though. Crating at night. Blocking off the top of the house so she can only shit in one place.
The Boy moved out?! Seriously?! I cant believe it. He is now in leamington spa! It's some apprenticeship thing. I really am not sure it'll work out but we'll have to see!
Would say that it means theres less mess but the new dog is making up for that!!

Sunday, July 14, 2019

What a week!! FWB and I have been headfucking each other all week.

He's moaning cos his GF was away for 2 weeks and he needed sex and wound me up and up over coming over. I wanted to go, but I couldnt do it. So we headfucked each other. He wanted me to say I was coming over. I refused unless he came out and said it, told him to go cheat on her if he needed it that badly but if he did care about her to wait! I mean two weeks isnt long really!
I wound him up about how much I also needed it but wasnt going to do it. He reckoned a BJ would be ok (how?!?!)
Nothing happened but I bet she wouldn't be happy if she saw the texts!

I'm so tired of this going around in circles thing. I was trying to think of ways to get him out of my life going home from flyball today and literally all I can do apart from quitting (not an option) is to try and distance myself as much as possible but yet be civil as after all we are sharing the camper for the champs again!

In fact because I am actually 15 years old not 35, I may have led him to believe I was going to Wembley to fuck someone. Indeed N from Uni randomly text me and wanted to know if I was free to hang out. However this was at 9pm and it's over an hour to drive! Didnt go but didnt stop me from pretending that I did and now I've got this whole bloody scenario going on where he's staying here for 6 weeks and I'm pretending we're seeing each other!! And he's been funny about it so trying to keep distance is good to stop me building an even bigger web of ridiculous lies.

And to add to the drama! There is a married man who is one of the group I walk with in evenings. I'm never quite sure if he is after something or just socially awkward. He reminds me a bit of The Hunter from uni (was that his nickname? I cant remember and cant be bothered to check!) Anyway. He monopolises my company when we walk, has a couple of times said if he was single he'd make a play and has invited me for drinks a few times all of which I reject.
I learnt a few weeks back from him that he was getting a divorce. Yesterday I was walking in the park with him and Old Boss and happened to mention I was going to thr 7pm showing of Spiderman. Well guess who rocks up with his kid? Co-incidence? Am I reading too much into things?
He also asked how he could get his dog into flyball. I do not want this to happen!

I entered dog into an agility show weekend before champs, so that would be a nice distraction for us both! Not expecting anything other than a day out and a learning curve for us!

Work continues to go well, they love me (for now) although the commute is still a bastard when I need to get home for the animals.

Mum is fretting about TMWMITW after his drowning incident and that's exhausting too!!

Spent quite a bit of this weekend cat-napping! Have tackled horrid overgrown garden that I just haven't had time to deal with as I have been out every weekend since Easter at flyball.

Sunday, July 07, 2019

A long day at flyball last week meant I didnt have a chance to blog.I looked after FWB's dogs for the week, luckily his flyball dog was running on same day as mine.
They're good dogs but mine found it hard to adjust to them being there for the week. I had another one this weekend down Reading way, luckily only three divs but still a long old day!

Work is still going ok for now, got messed about twice going home which is so annoying!!

Didn't do too much today. Saw Lovely Friday which was nice albeit brief, but the flyball champs this year are up near him so hopefully will see him a bit then.

I filled two bins with brambles and stuff but it still doesnt look like any difference in the garden lol! I've done so many comps since August, I've just had no time to do even the little I do manage to do!

I realised that the rats that came into the garden since having the hen have been catching and eating my aviary birds, so the job next weekend is to get some traps and poison down for the fuckers.

Sunday, June 23, 2019

Rest of week finished ok. Agility class went well. I was messaging two other guys from a dating site although they've gone quiet since the weekend. Both too far away anyway so not bothered. Had a few other special cases get in touch but no one I'd wanna take to what's app.

FWB has annoyed me tonight! He reckoned I didnt have balls to go meet anyone so I pretended I had and that I was with them when he rang me to talk through plans for next week as I have his dogs.
He told me off for being on the phone when "on a date" but then did a twenty minute chat a about his dogs and a film he'd watched last night and other nonsense and then text me twice after the call to berate me for answering the phone.
I filled him in later with some of the more special cases that had been in touch and the other two I had been talking with.....

We've just spent the past two hours with him complaining about getting used to being in a relationship and how hes not getting any at the moment! Which considering shes been in hospital I'm not surprised!

I told him frankly that all my sympathies were with her and he should grow up and either adapt to it or end it now before she got hurt! He never directly came out and said it but the hint to go around was there but I refused to play that game.

Disappointed in him. It's not what I expected at all. And he only didnt come right out with it because he knew what my reaction would be and admitted it!!!

Also today officially marks the day that I resign myself to the knowledge I no longer can boast about not getting hangovers. It's been a good run! As long as this blog existed, I think I only had three previous but I cant be in denial about them now lol!!!!

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Work still going well. Still loving me, which is nice. Commute starting to annoy me now, not going but coming home. Takes so bloody long!

Not much else happened this week. The dating app thing still seems to be going strong. Had a few oddballs, had a few nice guys. The nice ones all are miles away though which is fucking annoying. Had to say goodbye to the really nice one I mentioned last week. Not only was he 30 miles away, but 10 years younger, unemployed and living in basically a homeless shelter. I know its shallow and I got on best with him out of all of them so far, but it seemed just too much barrier wise in my head. I feel a bit bad cos he was really genuinely sweet but also, I cant actually meet anyone as I'm busy every weekend until September.
Not unless they were local anyway.

FWB's gf was in hospital for a week or so, they thought ovary cysts but turns out not. He messaged me moaning about it. Anyway shes out now, turned out to be a bowel thing! Week in hospital to find that out! You'd think it'd be an outpatients thing, biopsy and that.

Ho hum. Thats all folks!

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

So yeah. I'm suddenly popular on dating apps. Gotta admit it's a good ego boost. I'm talking to two different guys, annoyingly the one that I'm getting in better with, is 8 years younger than me and miles away in Stevenage.

FWB is still on the scene though. He's pretty loved up with his girl but we spent two hours the other day trying to pick a name and logo for his new company that he's setting up.

I dunno. Definitely if we hadn't slept together I wouldn't think much more of it.

So last weekend I went to Porto with J and yeah I'll not be doing that again.

We went out and had a lot to drink, there was a fab atmosphere with lots of England supporters singing and whatever, just banter, no aggression despite what was reported (maybe we just got lucky?)
Anyway on way home he tried to kiss me, urgh.
Love the guy to bits but no! I ducked away and told him to grow up.
End of matter as far as I was concerned, walking back drunkenly arguing, arms around each others shoulders and then an hand ddrops into the back of my jeans.
Again I told him where to go but it really puts downer on the trip for me. He didnt come to in his room until 11 next morning so I being awake by 8 spent most of morning wondering if it should be brought up, if so what should I say?

He claimed not to have remembered much of getting back so I let it go, but then I was on edge for the day, not wanting to go out that night in case it happened again. I wanna speak with G when he is back from his travels as he is his best mate and can bring up how inappropriate it all was and check it was just drunken stupidity and nothing else! No feelings there at all are wanted please!!

As it was it pissed down, both of us had summery clothes not, not weather appropriate. The game was rubbish, the police were inept and we got back into Porto at 1am so just went back to hotel to bed.

AND to top it off, there was an 8 hour delay to our flight!! Not impressed!! Compensation fight is going on as we speak!

FWB good though and was trying to buy another flight for me to get home.

Work has been ok this week, they still seem fooled into thinking I'm good at stuff so what with that and the sudden interest from online people I'm having a good and well needed confidence boost.


Monday, June 03, 2019

He told me last Thursday that he was seeing someone. So I guess that explains the weirdness about us being honest with each other.
I panicked a bit, the girl knows we talk a bit apparently but I'm betting everything, she doesny know that two weeks previous he was trying to talk me back into sex!
Anyway. He isnt the sort of guy to do that now he's seeing her. I absolutely refuse to, if it ends, to fall back into that pattern, platonic or nothing from here on in.
It did kinda hurt, in that 'why wasnt I good enough?' Way but no utter devastation, bit sad as obviously we need to back off a bit and now I've got to get used again to not having someone to text all the time.
All part of the pattern of life I guess!
Bizarrely as well since Thursday I suddenly seem to have become popular on the dating site I signed up to at Xmas, logged in a couple of times and forgot about!
Had 6 or 7 different guys start convos. But. Urgh. What is wrong with me? Happy speaking to them on that but when they ask to go away from it, what's app or whatever, then I panic a bit or find stupid reasons to convince myself not to take it further.
What is that about?

New job has gone well so far. I've never had a welcome gift or been taken out to lunch before!
My early finish doesnt kick in until after probation ends in November though and last week I didnt get home much before 6.30, it's too long for the dog. Not fair.

We did flyball in billericay this weekend. My changes were terrible.
I went out the night before, drank a hell of a lot far too quickly on no food and threw up.
Stay classy Charbs!!!

I'm off work this week! J and I are going to the England game in Porto on Wednesday. Cant afford it, worried about potential awkwardness after last September's night out where it seemed he was trying to make a move.

It'll be ok! We hope!!!

Monday, May 27, 2019

I have a new job! Hurray for Charby! Tomorrow I'm starting a new role as a training administrator up in London. No its not ideal cos of poor dog, but I blagged a half hour earlier finish out of them and an extra grand a year.
Hopefully it'll be ok!
So it was two weeks in total of not working, which has felt like a bit of a holiday. I've walked her and FWB's dogs on long walks, I've not done as much in the garden as I'd have liked or around the house, but still did a bit!
We went to a competition and now have our qualification for the flyball champs and FWB is staying for those at least, which is great.
Also its our two year anniversary of that bizarre night when we were both hammered, slept together and cracked on with our arrangement.
He went a bit funny on me on Thursday, moaning at me as I'd been out and not put sun cream on and how I knew I got burnt easily. Then onto some rant about how important it was that we were honest with each other and I could ask him anything I liked.
I always assume he's pretty on the line with me anyway and told him so, and that I had always been honest with him. So not sure what that was all about. He's mega busy at the moment working two fulltime roles and on verge of setting himself up as limited company, so fucking different for Welshy's layabout frustrating ways!

Hoping that this new job in city means I might meet someone new and move on a bit from them both!

I was at a flyball BBQ on Saturday - he didn't come, still bitter about that row in April, so not as much drinking as last time, which was probably good!!
Borrowed a tent and camped over anyway and it was a lot of fun!
I went to the WEmbley playoffs Sunday! Charlton Vs Sunderland - the sequel! Not as exciting of course, but we won and much more drink was consumed. I had a chillout day today, walked the dog, messaged him a bit, napped on sofa. 

Ready to rejoin the real world tomorrow! Fingers crossed this one works out!!

Monday, May 13, 2019

I dont even know who I am apologising to, for not updating this. Does anyone still look at this apart from H2 and myself? Do say hi - anonymously if you prefer - but curiosity is getting better of me!

I lost my job, last week it was relief and I felt like I was on holiday, this week the reality is starting to sink in.
Had an interview today, job would be ok, is local and fairly interesting but means a 3k paycut and an extra hour a day working. Plus petrol as it involves driving around a lot.
I have the second interview on Thursday. I do feel like it'll be offered to me. I am gonna have to go balls out and tell them if they offer it to me, that I can't live on that little, nor do those hours.
We will see.

Dog of course has been loving me being off, we have covered close to 16 miles last week, and did a two day flyball comp, we won one day and came no where the second, but I was dead proud of her as I lent her to a super shy kid who has been hanging about to run. She was loving it and of course Dog doesnt care who runs her, its just other dogs thats an issue.

Ran her this weekend and FWB's dog. who didnt run well for me. 3rd place with FWB and 4th with mine.
I went to collect her and he was at the door with a girl. I convinced myself he'd slept with her the night before, but really now. I think she was his uber driver! Who knows?

I've walked his dogs with mine three days last week and he paid me for it, which was nice and has paid for my entry for a couple of comps too.
He still claims he is going at the end of May - so his last comp is this weekend. I wish it wasn't the case. We will see. I booked a hotel room, to pay later just in case.

Went to pub with boys to watch the Charlton playoff game and then last game of season and now I have that uneasy nagging feeling about how much I spent and how little I have coming in.....

Sunday, April 28, 2019

So last weekend I was down at Hampshire getting horribly burnt at our first outdoor flyball comp of the year. Dog ran well and we got a 1st place, moving up to a different team for next weeks comp.

Work continues to be crap, it was hellish most of this week as I had nothing to do but the boss sat behind me. I'm so bored of asking for extra stuff to do!
I had an interview for part time bar work Good Friday but didnt get anywhere. Would have been nice to top up a little.

Anyway. Things with FWB carry on, We did a 13 mile walk over Easter Monday. I went over Saturday to help him try to make a dog bed. There were comments about how we could be doing other things if I hadn't had had a strop.
Didn't like my counter about how he shouldn't have gone on a date then. People told me I should be offended about this, that he's using it to string me along? I saw it as banter? Who knows?

I'm looking after his dogs for a week, possibly two as he needs to go back to Vietnam.

I have nothing else worth talking about at the moment.

Thursday, April 18, 2019

I'm doing so bad at this, this year!

Anyway. He's now back from Vietnam. We had a bit of clear the air chats, he apologised if he ever did anything to lead me on. I explained it wasn't so much that, but the constant messaging every day that confused me a bit.
I dont speak to anyone on a virtual daily basis. He was a bit surprised by that and said that he spoke to most of his closest friends nearly every day.
Anyway that's fine between us. I swapped him a Skygo login for his BTsports (so happy about that?! How good was the Spurs/City Champ league game last night?)

He had a major falling out while he was away with some of the flyball lot, banter got out of hand. He's had it coming to himself for a long while and I've told him that. He's threatening now to quit flyball, which A) will piss me majorly as it's a ballache sorting accomodation out for that Champs and I was really looking forward to the camper van fun that we had booked. B) I'll miss the silly sod if he does go, we are good mates!

Trying to up the ante on dogs fitness for the champs. A couple of nice long walks and the first outdoor one of the season is this weekend down in Hampshire.

TMWMITW's court case got settled - close to a million payout! Of course nothing coming my way. I have an interview tomorrow in one of the nice bars in Blackheath Village, I'm hoping that I can get 10 hours or so a week to top up my wages, fit in around everything else and pay off the debt now that its more clear than ever that I'm not getting anything from them.
I've taken out a new credit card and used it to do a balance transfer to another which has paid off just over half of it, of course I'm aware its not solved any problem but at least there's no interest on this other card while I try and clear both and there will be less interest now on the other one so should help and of course if I can get this bar work (which I have to thank FWB for) that will help as well. Not counting chickens of course. My life is so disastrous I may well end up losing this job!
I had considered applying for an IVA but I think I'd rather try and do it myself than ruin my credit rating further and still be paying loans off and being on a restricted budget that they give me. So fingers crossed I can make tomorrow work out somehow - even if its only for the summer, a few extra quid will go a long way!!
Still trying to sort out the claims for the payday loans I took out, not much hope in persuing them but we'll give it a go, again even if I only get a 100 or so back, its money I didn't have before!

Work remains the same. I've been on my own virtually all week with very little to do, which is why I'm doing this now!

Tuesday, April 02, 2019

We're chatting but definitely cool compared to how it was before. Looking forward to him going away, although i'm insanely jealous. Still think the distance will do us world of good as I did get a bit eaten up on Thursday knowing he was with this girl.

I think my days at this job are numbered. I've given myself the goal of getting out by end of the month. It's good that I've never really been given much to do as that means I can spend a lot of time job hunting!

Applied for a few bits and pieces, we'll see.

I got a puncture Friday night leaving the yard. I was really scared, never had one before and never had someone show me what to do. Brat was his usual helpful self. Ended up getting a friend from flyballs husband to come out for the rescue. I hate asking people for help! But I think I have a rough idea now how to do it myself, gonna ask him to show me again at a show in the summer so I can do it myself.

I went out Saturday night with a friend from flyball, we had a trip to the Shard (amazing view) and a really nice meal. I was supposed to be going out after with the girls from where I used to work but they ended up bailing really late on!
Rubbish and I have blisters from walking around Borough market in heels.

I bought some proper nice flavoured wine though, me and FWB have confirmed the camper again (wise? who knows?) and book marked the wine merchants website so I can buy some more and put it away for the champs.


Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Whoops
Bad habits.
Anyway. Last Monday I slept with FWB. It's the last time. I had a bit of a blind date on Saturday and I spent more time wondering how he would take it, than actually interacting with this guy.
Yesterday we were talking and he mentioned that he had told a friend about our arrangement. Didnt like that. Felt that he was boasting and laughing about me.
About 30 seconds later he told me he was going on a date Thursday (tomorrow).
Definitely didnt like that. Battled with it all today and finally sent him an email explaining how I felt, that I'm worried I'm starting to catch feelings.
I dont know what I expected. Yes it would have been nice if he said he felt the same.
I knew deep down he didnt. I wasnt surprised. I need to give myself some time now and get over it. Tha fully he is going to Vietnam to work for a few weeks so with the time difference, and today we probably wont talk much if at all.
I'm pleased with myself for doing this. Its helped me move on massively from Welshy and now I get to say i have two ex's! (Even if it's not really true!).
He's an arrogant, immature prat and I knew we'd make better mates than fuck buddies.
And I still get to count that very first night as a one night stand!!!
Yeah! Go me!

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Turns out I did have a flu type bug. Tired, a achey, hot and cold. Yuck. Took couple of days off work and now left with bruised ribs and cough.

Hardly rode cos of it. Went to FWB on Tuesday
 Supposedly for sex, but we ended up watching spurs game. He also told me Wednesday I was welcome over any time for football if it was BT sport as I don't have that.
Planned a dog walk, and alright he was pissed Friday night but he invited me over then as it was easier to go from his. Turned out it wasn't as I went and collected another friend but nice anyway. And yes we did have sex this time, I also fancied it again when I woke and he was asleep and he didn't take kindly to how I woke him up for it! Ooops! Haha!

I won tickets in the ballot for the euro semi nations thing so me and J are off to Porto in June!! Be a laugh, although acutely aware last time we were out, he was a bit too touchly feely for someone supposedly just a mate!!!

Sunday, February 24, 2019

I know, I know. So easy to let this slip.

I actively dislike my job I hate doing nothing. It's living the dream but I need to be doing more.
Started applying for some other things. I need to get out before I start settling and letting my standards slip.

Horse has been going really well, dog has been going well. Adventures with FWB have ground to a halt really, only slept together twice this month. Not seen him much more than that. His dogs have had kennel cough and I can't risk going there in case it spreads to mine. He is off to work in Vietnam for a couple of weeks soon. Let's see what happens there.

Started new fitness regime for dog. I want to get her running at 4.7 speeds, we did it once before and can get 4.9's out of her. Today we moved to a faster team and our times were between 5.3 and 5.5 but that's me and my changes and I can work on this, hopefully with aid of fitness regime and the days getting longer.

Mother and TMWMITW flew ba k from the states today. They had done a 5 week road trip. I drove to Gatwick to meet them for dinner, full of their adventures. It was alright.

My chicken has started laying eggs! Very excited although 4 eggs a week is slightly more than I wish to eat! Dog has been getting one a week and I took a couple over to an old lady the other day as well. Be alright when it comes to baking days, will just save them up!

I had a massive clear out of my room yesterday, although it's still a shit heap and I was so tired, I ended up asleep by 9.30. It's nearly 9 now and I'm already in bed!!!
Feel quite drained, hope I'm not coming down with a bug.
Promise to do better with this next week!

Sunday, January 27, 2019

Last week was dog comp on Sunday. Got in late and didn't feel like doing this.

Work remains boring but bearable. I have an interview on Thursday for a part time role in a charity in Greenwich. It's 3 days a week that I can't live on, but I'm going in case there a hope it can become 4 days. If it does the money would be the same as what I get for doing 5 days now so who would be the winner?!

FWB situation remains the same. He made a comment about us travelling together, as well as us making plans for dog show this summer and camping again in the van together.
Tonight made comment about needing a fulltime gf. Made me a bit sad if I get benched, i do like our arrangement.
Went there Thursday and then we took our dogs for a walk Saturday.

And in two paragraphs that has summed up the last two weeks!!!

Sunday, January 13, 2019

This week at work has been a bit more bearable, or maybe I've just come to terms with the crappiness of it all.
Decided if I'm going to be there past the probation I will ask to finish at 4.30 but get feet under table first.
Had two really nice rides on V this week and dog ran well at agility and also scored more 4.9's today.
Had a quickie with FWB - first in a month! On Thursday.
Tuesday would have been Dad's 60th and yesterday was 5 years since Granddad died and would have been 13 years with Welshy. All the shit always happens in Jan! Next terrible marker is sacking day!

Moving on and let's see what the next week brings. Have dog show next Sunday *touch wood* she continues to do really well.

Sunday, January 06, 2019

So first blog of 2019.

I dislike my new job. It's boring. I'm making health and safety documents. I counted one for shits and giggles. It's 236 pages. It takes 5 hours of copying and pasting for this to be done. It's an office where we work and not talk.
I want to escape. If only I had savings I would do and stay at home and keep on looking.
As it is, I'm just pinning my hopes on what I've already applied for and others that I did yesterday. Resigned to bring here for January at least.

Think positive. Good things.
Dog ran well in training. Consistent 4.9 times, I ran FWB's dog to get my eye in and she ran well. We've agreed to get a van together again should we qualify for the champs this year and agility starts again Thursday.
Only managed to ride Friday this week but it was a really good session.
My headspace is good about FWB, I've had some distance from the people who put the other thoughts into my head and I'm no longer curious about the is it more thoughts. It's not.

Hmm. I enjoyed Newport beating Leicester in the FA cup today. That made me happy.

One more thing it is somehow 13 years today since we got thst call to to go to the hospice and prepare for the inevitable. Crazy.