I remember.

I remember endless games of silly buggers, spinning our trolley around in the supermarkets, play-fights and the faces that he pulled that so annoyed me cos it made me giggle no matter how annoyed I was.
I remember calling over his routes with him while he was learning the knowledge.
I remember him picking me up from uni while I filled him in on our latest adventures.
I remember weekends spent in the pub, and him coming home drunk once and watching us spin round in the garden and deciding to have a go while carrying our tea and falling over.
I remember coming home to see him with pink hair after an adventure with hair dye went wrong.
I remember evenings and days full of endless board games and being taught chess and draughts and then showing him how to play Spider Solitaire on the computer.
I remember watching Mary Poppins and Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang with him.
I remember how we used to prefer him taking us to school cos we’d get a fry-up instead of cereal.I remember him driving us to school, trying to annoy us by singing his dodgey old songs in funny accents.
I remember how he helped install a love of animals and nature, when he’d point out the different birds to me and how we’d watch them in the garden.
I remember looking over the fish with him, and helping to clean them out.
I remember helping him with our budgie that we had when we were very little.
I remember always enviously looking at ponds.
I remember him leading us with on the ponies.
I remember standing up by the kitchen door one night watching a lunar eclipse.
I remember him taking us on trips to the stables and standing there watching us.
I remember his childish excitement at Christmas and Birthdays and Easters.
I remember watching football either live or on the telly and discussing the latest results and their chances for the next couple of games.
I remember hearing his cab pull into our street and the rattling as it stopped, different to every other cab in the street.
I remember his pleasure in seeing me at uni and seeing me graduate.

And I remember the pain of the illness, when he’d nearly be in tears.
I remember the hallucinations.
I remember the stumbling.
I remember the losing of all pride and dignity.
I remember the operations and medications.
I remember the missing of breaths.
I remember the visiting of countless doctors and nurses.
I remember him trying to talk but not having the ability.
I remember him being scared.
I remember stroking your hair and everyone’s heartbreak.

I will remember.