People let you down, I think I was 8 when I first realised that, that you can't trust them.
When I was eight I first heard my Mother say to her friend that if she'd had the Brat first she'd never have bothered with another child.
I remember that the way I've heard it many, many times in the past. I suppose its why I find it hard to talk to people, but in the years that follow I've seen it, many people I've called friends, family, they do something to let you down, and you realise you can't trust them. And then you get so paranoid you imagine slights, hates and you chalk it up to it being you. Something about you being wrong.
You accept it.

But yet it still gets to you. After Dad died we had hundreds of offers, people promise to look after you, to not abandon you, but they do. His best friend, the one he'd known since he was 6 years old, the one who promised, crying to look after us. We've never heard from them and when we ring them they claim they're busy.

I went to the pub last night down at the Standard and I saw two lads I had known, for about 8 or 9 years. They and their family were pretty good friends of ours , When Dad got sick the first time, they were good to us, they were good to us when we were poor and brought us food parcels.
When he got sick the second time, they distanced themselves but when he got well again they were back to us, as if nothing had happened.
When we found out he was terminally ill. They fully dropped us, they'd not respond to phone calls, they'd pretend to be out when we went round, they crossed the road to avoid us on the street. As if we were fucking infectious.
I could go on for ages about how they "claimed they couldnt cope with the illness" and all that bullshit.
I saw the two lads in the pub last night, I made an effort, cos I'm not rude like them, I was pretty drunk, I waved and smiled hi and the bastards turned their backs on me.
Needless to say I was fucking furious. And the bastards left the pub before I could really work myself into a frenzy.
Funny how people you think you can rely on, seem to let you down.