Passport sorted. Flight booked (11th Sept) Welshy is out there now. Flew out early this morning. Last day at work next Thursday. Got a letter that I need to post to the Police to prove that I havent murdered anyone.

Madnessssss!

Also blogger has stopped letting me publish post. Not sure what thats all about.

So passport gained after a hellish Friday in Victoria.
Flights booked (11th) am getting to go to the Charlton/Exeter game after all! Yay!
Welshy left early this morning and arrived safely, He describes the town as slightly tatty but our flat is nicer than in the pictures.
He says its impossible to get lost and had a stroll along the river. 
I got my first leaving card from Christine today! So sad! I dunno, it still feels kinda like I'm going on holiday rather than leaving for good.
What still to do? I need a letter of recommendation from HR and a mini Criminal Records check sorted from the police, letter is ready to go but I really need a stamp!

why has blogger deserted me?

So handed my notice in yesterday. Final day is the 8th of September. Hopefully gonna fly out on the 10th.
Today we went out on a fair few little errands but there still seems to be masses to do!

Handed my Notice in at work today.

Fuck Yeah!

Been making a list of all that I'll need to get sorted by the 10th... Am already wondering if I can postpone it to the 11th of September so I can get to the Charlton/Exeter game.

What made me decide to go? A cold, wet, rainy day on the ROG 3 Arches. I dont wanna spend another winter that lasts 7 million months with cold feet and bulky uncomfortable coats and arguing with foreign language groups

Hopefully on Monday work will get in touch and let me know my final date so I can plan amazing leaving drinks and book my flight.

Spain here I come!!!

Handed my notice in today!
Hurrah!
Set up a livejournal to follow my tales for the people that I dont want to follow me on this because I dont what them to know about this.
Made a list of things that need to get done asap!

EEEEEKKKK.

Been offered a job in Spain... Gonna go... Mother VERY pissed. Am scared about going... scared about not being able to afford my msc... scared about how she's gonna cope... scared about if I can go back to the museum after...

Fuck I can't even speak spanish....

Its looking more and more likely that Welshy is going to be offered a job in Spain... There would be work for me too should I go.
Do I go though?
I need to be able to pay for this course for three years, I could potentially take up to 6 months unpaid leave from the museum and then go back at the end of it. So if thats agreeable with this language school I can work there for 6 months, then come home if it works out too expensive for my course.
Welshy thinks it'll be ok. He'll earn 1200 euro... and rent is 400 pcm. I need to then just cover enough to pay for my course and what?.... sponge off of him? I dont know. He owes me enough to make it worthwhile.
I'd miss riding, I dont want to lose my spot at new stables. I'm learning so much and dont wanna go back on a years waiting list there. I'd miss football.

And there's Mother... She doesn't want me to go. She says I/we'd struggle too much for money out there.
She says she cant cope without my rent money. That she'd need to take out a second job... That she'd need to rent out my room. She says its unfair of me to go and leave her with my brother, with my nan and granddad.
I havent even had my interview for this place and I already feel guilty for even considering the idea. For wanting to leave her in the lurch. I'd be such a bad person to do that. However Welshy points out that he left his mother in the exact same position to come here for me and that I am now 28(gulp) not 18. That I can't spend the rest of my life in a job I hate and living at home to help support her until she dies.
I want to go. It'd be a huge adventure. As long as I could be sure I can afford my course and have my job to fall back on after 6 months if it doesnt work out. But how can I turn my back on someone who would struggle to live without my wages? That would make me a shitty awful person.

Looks like the riot adventure is all over now. Been very quiet the last couple of nights apart from all the helicopters flying overhead.... Back to normality!

A friend of Welshy's slightly dramatic account of his adventures last night.

So last night, most of Woolwich got torched. Brat went and drove round Granddad's street last night about 11pm and that was ok then.
And it spread outside of London. Crazy shit is going down people.
work has been evacuated... People are jumping everytime they hear sirens... Rubber bullets are rumoured to be deployed..
Tonight its supposed to be kicking off in Welling, Bexley and Plumstead.
Its all just a matter of waiting for nightfall and seeing what happens next....

Honestly what the hells going out outside? Luckily I'm South East London so avoided the previous two days of madness but now its all spread to Lewisham and there's crazy stories going on on facebook from things going on in Woolwich, Eltham and Grove Park.
Welshy was trapped in a put on Roman Road after there was rumours of shits firing shots and is now being offered clearly looted trainers from some cunt out there.
My cousin is out there working in the police and hopefully he'll be ok, as will everyone else.
Luckily Blackheath and Greenwich is ok, although being trapped in the middle of Lewisham and Woolwich all I can hear is helicopters and sirens rushing up and down the roads behind me.
People are cunts. I dont know if my poor Granddad in Woolwich is ok, and if my stables are fine.

I'm going to Vegas in November.. I'm looking up the usual things for fun, horse-riding, the possibility of a Helecopter tour of the Grand Canyon.
When I saw this. Las Vegas Stripper University. All those times (well twice) that I've been to see strippers and longed to learn how to pole dance. And now I can! And will! And possibly most exciting of all, I'm gonna get me a "diploma" in exotic dancing. FUCK YEAH. Blatantly one for the CV there!!!

I am jolly tired! I have worked about 9 days straight and then taken yesterday off and am preparing to go in again today for daytime overtime. I've also done about 32 hours of added overtime in those 9 days.
Its all for this bloody course. I've managed to save enough money to buy myself a laptop so I dont have to share with anyone else, pay for my Vegas trip and put 250 aside for spends while out there.
Anything I make this month will go towards the 3k of fees I need to find....

I'd like to tell you more, including about a night out in Barbican me and Welshy had which resulted in us getting home at 3.30am during this 9 day stint but I'm late for work.

Harry Potter was amazing, sad, funny, brilliant. They missed out my two favourite sections but everything else went exactly as the book. It whizzed along and I can't believe its over.

Oh - as for Miss happypants, who accused me of "verbal assault and bullying" She came back to work yesterday after a week signed off with "stress" (I'll give you stress. I've had a rotten headache all week thinking about this bollocks.)
She was on my break at work but got up and left every time I came into the messroom and ignored my tentative "hi." So fuck her. She was last seen speaking to HR armed with a copy of our code of conduct handbook.

This is it guys. 10 years ago I went to a cinema in Nottingham with E and her uni flatmates to see the first Harry Potter movie.
11 years ago she returned from uni with a copy of Goblet of Fire that she demanded I read. I've queued up at midnight for the latest books. Seen all the films, often a couple of times at the cinema.
Now. Tonight at 7 Harry Potter FINALLY comes to an end.

Gah. Just ogt my reading list for uni... Why are textbooks so expensive? £25, £31 and a whopping £71 monster. Why couldn't I have won the euromillions?!

For God's Sake!

Some complete non-event at work is being completely blown out of proportion and resulting in what looks more and more likely to have me hauled up infront of HR.

I was covering the Museum patrol position and the patrol had arranged for this lady to go see the new wing between 1 and 1.30. Bear in mind that I'm still on the radio and supposed to go aid if requested and go to where I'm needed so really I shouldnt be doing this but its the only chance we're getting to go look in the new wing before it opens.
Anyone half one comes and goes and I get called several times on the radio but I can't leave my position. I'm getting more and more pissed cos I'm gonna be bitched at for failing to go, cos there's a huge group in front of me that really needs more than one person dealing with it and the girl I'm covering is recovering from having a cancerous growth in her leg so I try and do a lot of the pointless busy-body running about errands that Patrol does to help her out.
Come 1.45 its time for me to go and relieve somewhere else, and have patrol take over and the original lady, D - go on her break.
So I grab someone to hang there for a moment and scamper off to find my patrol and hand back the radio.
Patrol mentions that D has been in the messroom for a good five-ten minutes. This pissed me right off. It may only have been for a short while but she should have come back from the tour to her position and not go take an extra long lunch break.
So I'm seriously annoyed and storm to the staff room to confront her, and yes as her supervisor I'm well aware that it should have been done privately, but this woman is not afraid to lie, play the race game, and cry to get her own way (despite being the same age as my mother.) She's dragged several people to HR. So although wrong I decided it was best to talk to her in front of witnesses.
But i'm also not going in there hollering and yelling as I want. So I approach her and ask her why she didnt return as I and Patrol asked and she agreed at 1.30.
"Oh I didn't think it was worth it."
"I ASKED you to come back at half past. I had several radio calls. I'm not there specifically to cover you."
She suddenly flipped and started yelling about how she couldnt be expected to walk there and back again in half an hour. I pointed out that others managed it. I did her a favour I didn't have to do and I expected her to be back by half past as arranged.
She burst into loud tears and then tried to usher me towards the door demanding that if I had such a problem then why didnt we go see a manager.
I lost it then (frankly I don't know how I controlled myself) told her that she was pathetic in so many words, that she didnt need to go see a manager, that I as her senior had dealt with it and she needed to accept that she was in the wrong.
I then left.
I then get called to speak to the manager as D is "shaken by my verbal assault and needs to go home to recover." wtf?
Yes I shouldnt have raised my voice and maybe my judgement call of talking to her in front of others was wrong. But from her track record I felt it best to do so with witnesses. I certainly didnt go in there screaming and shouting and didnt raise my voice until the last minute.
Even if she didnt get into the wing until 1.15 as she claims, then surely common sense would have made her think "oh I'll just look at one part and then scamper back." or "i'll leave it for another opportunity."
And why she felt she could take an extra break rather than coming back is beyond me and its beyond me why I'm now suddenly in the wrong for this "verbal assault and bullying."
The managers believe it to be a non-event. I think they secretly agree with me. but she wants to take it further so its all very up in the air and I could be taken to HR for a disciplinary hearing.

Today I will be mostly:

• Mixing with Royalty.


• Sneaking in an hour of dressage before work.


• Mingling with top Olympic standard International 3-day eventers.


• Trying to meet a woman named Piggy.

So am back from the Lakes. My Tipi was beautiful (and waterproof!!). We avoided most of the rain and the toilets were the best I've seen on any campsite.
I've never been on a holiday where so much has gone wrong and yet its been such a laugh. We failed in our mission to get a car so that left us a bit stranded, stopping us from riding as we wanted to go do. Ambleside was the nearest town over an hours walk and 3 miles away and once we mastered the location of the permissive footpaths was a lovely stroll.
We walked to Hilltop - home of Beatrix Potter (Never knew she was such a big thing in Japan!) that was a good seven mile walk, again amongst beautiful scenery.
We managed to get a bus to Hawkshead, a lovely little town and to Coniston where I rowed a boat and learned all about "Swallows and Amazons" And Go Ape at Grizdale.

I got home late Thursday to find I've won Dressage Olympic tickets, so now I've got two of the three day event. Be nice if I could get Cross country and Gold Medal Show-jumping if they come available on the buy-back later on.

Yesterday was the wedding of a good workfriend of mine and one of the members of the N.M.M.C.A.S.C. I totally approve of Registry Office do's. Over and done in half hour. None of this nonsense you get in church dos.
Of course I had to make a show of myself by skidding on the damp lawn for a photo... forgetting I had white trousers on.. Idiot!
The after do was a great party, went home with many glow-sticks. I danced for hours in barefeet. Drank with the boys and went home with Lollypop. Someone at the bus stop said it looked like he'd been to a funeral and me to a rave, as I had so many glowsticks attached.
On the bus it was someone's birthday so we all sang "Happy Birthday" and I presented her with some glowy magicness before going home and passing out in a happy drunken heap.
Spent today just chilling, watching a bit of Hickstead and BMM'ing Welshy who is up to his neck in mud at Glasto.
Work tomorrow. Sigh.

I got on my MSc course! Whoo.

Well actually I got approved for the first year of it. If it works out I can't afford it or just cant complete the workload satisfactorily, then out I go at the end of year one with a PGdip.
So we'll see.
Gonna try and do it while working fulltime and doing my overtime at the museum. (30 hours overtime completed before I hit the Lakes!) and riding... But I fear something might have to give.
That's 500 quid gone before I even start the month and that's a good half of my wages if I can't get the Overtime to cover it back up!

Meh. Its only money. Sure it will be fine. Paid off my Vegas flights earlier so all I need to do really is win 3k out there and my first year is sorted!

I can't believe I didn't get any olympic tickets! I'm outraged! I had my application in on the very first day as well! Now I'm forced to watch the horses from a window at work. Maybe.
Am gonna try for any sell- backs they might do later in the year and of course I have the ones I won at work... But still...

Grrr!

I'm going to Vegas in November! Wheeee! and trying to plan a decent week in Lanzagrote maybe...
After that its a lot of a saving for all this MSc nonsense. I have been sucked back into the overtime trap. I'm still thinking about Bali in March but we'll see! Lake district in a few days! Whoooop!!

This kinda relates to Weenie's blog a while back about losing good teachers. I lost a good one on Tuesday. My riding instructor. (yes another horse related post!)
She tore my riding to shreds to begin with, made me doubt what I knew I could do and then rebuilt me. Better. Stronger. Faster. Etc.
My position is better now, I'm more aware of my capabilities.
On Sunday she recieved an email telling her that her 11-year service of Teaching on Tuesday nights was no longer required.
On Monday she was told that her full time job was no longer there. That in two weeks she will be redundant.
I hate the politics and bitchiness of stable life sometimes, although as its 90% female orientated I guess thats too be expected. I felt desperately sad for her as she said goodbye to us all and the horses for one last time.
We are facebook chums now so at least we can keep in some kind of touch and I wish her well in whatever happens next in her life.

And on another note I sent off my MSc app yesterday. Fingers crossed for that!
No news on my olympic tickets yet.... trying to remain patient!!!

I had a lovely day visiting CL and her daughter E yesterday. WE went to Avon Valley park and met the farm animals and played on seesaws and in the ballpond and on a slide of death, which was just a vertical drop. Wheee!
I rode home on First class (Very Posh!) which was nice. She hit me with a bombshell about MH, she's once again jobless and with a tiny baby daughter to support (I wrote once about her "sperm donor")
anyway, she sold her story to the readers of the daily mirror and is in this weeks Reveal magazine. I decided against putting the link up to here.
The story is full of lies and I not only can't believe that she would sell the story but lie about the process.
I found out that the baby isnt the result of a "sperm donor" as she claimed but the result of an affair with yet another married man. Or so CL seems to think. I am still in touch with Jena, her longest long term relationship and I facebooked him one day and happened to notice a comment thanking him for her daughter. So I wonder if that's who is the Dad.
I am worried for her sanity and her daughter but it is non of my buisiness. I can enquire from our mutual friends for updates but I will not get back in touch.
I also decided that all of us who were freshers in our halls should have a 10-year reunion. Lets see if anyone is interested in that. MH most definately isnt invited!!!
I applied for tickets for the test event in Greeny park, that'd be nice to go too, can't wait to hear back from the real ballot for the real tickets.
Welshy doesn't want to go to Bali with me. I'm contemplating going alone for a week in December. I can dive and ride and see animally things and soak up a bit of culture so I don't think I'll be lonely or bored.
However I'm not a big fan of flying and the thought of a 11 hour flight alone is scaring me slightly. As is getting on a plane company that I've not used before.
We'll see. I have to finish my MSc app now so no more avoiding work!

I'm off to see CL in the morning and I've just got back from riding. I'm rather sweaty, dirty and covered in pony slobber from a over-friendly welsh cob.
But I want to talk to you about my ride. Its so hard for me to explain this to non-riders. The work and partnership that happens. How every leg, angle, bum, arm and finger movement signals something to the horse.
I was nervous tonight. Last week, I was overhorsed, too tall for me too ride, although if I wish to be a good rider, I should be able to manage these as well as horses my size.
He bolted with me, bucked and reared. I lost stirrups, my balance, thought I would fall off, although I didn't. I rode the horse through his mischief. Made him follow my albeit shaky commands.
Made him realise I was in charge. Not him.

Its been a week since my last lesson, and I was nervous, I am a nervous rider although when I am on and the horse is being naughty, I can ride through it. I know what to do, its the "what if's" that hit afterwards.

WE went for a trot through the woods, did some schooling in the large field and then returned to our schooling area. And my pony was sweet, although eager for action and not always willing to stick to my pace.
But I marvelled at this, at how half a tonne of horse does what I want, because it wants to make me happy. How we make them circle and go sideways and its all unnatural for them. But they love to make people happy.
And I marvelled about how instictively my body reacts to the pony's actions. How when she saw a paper bag and wasn't sure what to do, how without thinking I applied the leg to make her move forward, reassuring her that it was fine just through that motion.
How when she stepped sidewards to avoid going close to an abandoned trolley, how again my right leg pushed her back the way I had her lined up, how I made her shuffle on the spot and turn on the forehand when she was waiting to go and figity.

I love horses. I love their smell, their beauty and their actions. I love how despite being scared, I can ride through my fear and ride correctly. And I love how the partnership works, they do their best for me and I do my best for them and do it all without thinking.

I aspire to be a good rider and jump four foot fences one day. To go around Badminton X-country and ride a GP dressage test. But most of all. I dream of being a good enough rider to have my horse to want to do something to please me, without my even telling it, thats what we're going to do. And I'd love everyone to have this skill, those moments of happiness and freedom and have the joy from riding that I do.

I've had a shitty week or two at work. Apparently despite having spent 4 years looking at my collections in the galleries I still don't have enough knowledge to sell books based on them. Fuck that anyway. Same money, more hours.

I'm looking at holidays again, the Flight centre have an Asian Sale on, Bali or Hong Kong for under £400. Not sure if that's return or not, have emailed an question to find out. The good thing about my new rosta is that if I plan it on the right week, I can take a weeks holiday for 3 days rosta.
Trying to talk Welshy into some enthusiasm for the idea. He's thinking of going to Vegas with his friends so would rather do that than Asia I think... I might also go to Grotty to see Mum when she goes out for the Summer hols, again trying to work it out with the three day pattern.

Dear R... I'm so glad you've remembered me and came to visit. I hope you are well and the in between years have been kind and that you didn't get too sick on the Ferry crossing.

I have never been so angry as I was today. Leastways never so angry without hitting someone or something or angry tears.

I was in charge of one of the sites, all well and good, done it hundreds of times before. A group came up from down the hill to do lift rescue training, I was on the afternoon group. So they turned my one and only lift off. No worries. Barriered off, no confusion with the public. Its all good. Or so I thought.
I was summoned by one of the Seasonals as there was a disabled elderly group needing to use the lift to go down to the loo. And I mean Elderly, all at least in their 90's as the Care LEader told me. All differing forms of mobilty.
Needing to go downstairs. Holding themselves to prevent "accidents". So I radioed over to my manager who was leading the training, explained about my group and asked to put the lift on for me for a moment.
Request Denied.
So I had to lead this group of people who could hardly walk 300 meters out of the building around and down to the staff entrance. It took me 15 minutes. I was cringing with embarrassment for them and that I had to do this as my manager was being a cunt.
I let them in, showed the faster moving group to the loo and then waited for the zimmerframe two to catch up.
One went into the disabled loo but the other simply couldnt wait. So I checked the ladies was empty, showed her in with her carer and promised to guard the main door so she could wee in privacy (being unable to shut the cubicle door.)
So two ladies with kids showed up, I explained, they were good as gold about it.
Another lady storms up with her son.
"I NEED to use the loo. My son needs a poo."
I explained, never thinking that this would be a problem, I mean people deep down are decent, understanding. Right? Wrong.
I told her that there was the gents next door. Big mistake.
"I AM not letting my fiver year old son use a gents toilet unaccompanied! What kind of mother do you think I am?!"
Erm... I've guessed.....
So I explained again about the elderly lady, asked how she'd feel if it was her parent.
"There is such a thing as equality for all!" Boomed BitchMother. Shoulderbarged past me and forced herself into the loo.
I was outraged. I could hardly speak, I wanted to go in there and scream at her, but I was so concious of that old lady, pants around her ankles and her obvious embarrassment, that I didn't want to add to her discomfort by going in there and shouting and screaming like I wanted too.
Some how I held it all in, I opened the main door to let the other waiting ladies in, Thanked them loudly for their consideration and common decency and then took my OAP's back to their group leader. I genuinely don't know how I did that, when inside I was shaking with rage, rage that people could be so unfeeling that they didnt care that I had to shuffle them a long way when all it takes is to press a button to work a lift. That people didnt care about the rights and dignity of the older generation. And yes I was thinking about my Nan, and how I'd hate that to happen to her.
Everyone said when I told them that I should have said X or Z, called a manager, but I knew that I couldnt have said anything without completely losing my temper or ending up getting into trouble for abusing a member of the public and to call my male manager to the situation would have made it 10 times worse.
AAARRRGGHHH. In the words of The Who "Hope I die before I get old."

I'm tired. I'm tired of being The Entertainer at work, at picking up all the dirty boring jobs no one else wants. I'm tired of job hunting and not seeing anything I want to do and being told that I can't work in other departments as my four years of staring at the Collections means I don't know enough about them.
I'm tired of being poor. I'm tired of worrying about money and I'm tired of living at home.
I wish I was more thick-skinned and could laugh of every hidden insult. Every time its insinuated that I'm an awful person, I wish I didn't take it to heart and try and be a better person.

I'm tired of Welshy's inability to grow up and look for real work and I'm most of all tired of trying to buy nice plants and tidy our garden up only to have cats and squirrels rip up all of my efforts and money.

Think I need a Holiday.... Roll on June and my week in a Teepee!

I decided to go for that MSc anyway. If I get rejected, then it doesnt matter about the cost.
If I do get on... Well then I'll worry about the money, but honestly I'm resigned to another year at Mothers at least.

I got two confirmed tickets for the Showjumping part of the 3 day Event! As work is hosting the equestrian events, they were allowed to have some early and it was a bid to see who got them.
Yay me!
Only a week until the end of the entry and I can't wait to see if I'm successful in my bids, although slightly terrified about the HUGE sum of money that would come out of my meagre funds!

Welshy is in Wales this week, so its been nice having my bed to myself but I'm looking forward to seeing him again.
I'm off for a lunge lesson to work on more technical parts of my position tomorrow - riding wise - and I'm gonna see about having some private jumping lessons.
The last two weeks have been really good riding wise and although this week wasn't quite as good I'm buzzing over it all.

Today in work they were sifting applications for the job I went for in another department, so hopefully I'll hear back in a day or two.

Mother's in Lanzarote and had a few dramas with funds for her apartment but that all seems to be sorted now and her completion date is 6th June.

Yay.

I've found a really cool Equine Science MSc course that I can follow online from Edinburgh University's Vet School. I WANT to do it. I can do it part time over three years and make it a Masters or one year for a PGCert or two for a PGDip. The lady I spoke to on the phone sounded really positive about it, said She'd love to have me on the course, it doesn't matter that I've only got a 3rd Class degree, that my years of experience with horses would let me in as well. Problem. It'd cost over 3k a YEAR. My life savings come to just under 4k. I can pay monthly by direct debit, but I still need to earn an extra couple of hundred a month to cover it. I dont qualify for any scholarships and don't think the student loan peoples would care to pay for me for it. Nor do I wish to apply for a career advancement loan for it. I fear that it would just end up being a bit pointless like my Zoology is!

My uncle M came round on Thursday. He's always been the sanest and funniest of all my uncles, and has had the most common sense when it comes to dealing with my mental grandparents. Only. And I think i've bitched about this on here, is that over the last two or three years he's been distant, not helped.
I found out that in that time span he's suffered from three heart attacks and has been warned that another would be fatal, that his body would no longer be strong enough to fight it. That his heart is aged 25 years older than what it should be. He's in his mid-forties. Not sick enough to go on the heart transplant list, but sick enough to die at any moment should another occur. He's relatively healthy, doesn't drink to excess, used to play rugby, goes to the gym, scuba-dives, travels the world, rarely smokes.
Seems wrong.
Seems unfair that yet another family member is to be stolen from me.

Anyway, Mother also chose to disclose that when she was born she was very seriously ill and had a heart operation herself, although she never saw it as a problem after that apart from the fact that she has to beware of her high blood pressure (explains why the docs got so stressed about her possibly having a stroke after her car accident/Dad kicking the bucket.) Added to my Granddad's pacemaker and other uncle (one of her other brothers) having 3 almost simultaneous heart attacks, two of her sisters dying shortly after birth (she doesn't know what of, but now suspects that it also could have been a heart defect) and naturally she's a little concerned for the welfare of her children.
Could this be a genetic problem? Actually lets rephrase that. She's concerned for BRAT. Not me. I was told of this whole thing as matter-of-factly as if Uncle M was off to Thailand again. Brat MUST Go to the Doctors! He MUST now quit the fags that he says he doesn't smoke but it's obvious that he reeks of it! He MUST stop drinking. How best should we tell him? How will he take it?
Me? "You should consider how hard this is for Brat."
Oh. Gee. Thanks.

I was quite happy personally, thinking it was just gonna be the Cancer that carries me off in some dim and distant future. Now I've got Genetic Heart Problems racing up on the inside rail. Shall I go to the docs? Am I being paranoid? I've convinced myself I suffer from palpations. I asked CL for her medical advice and she seems to think that as my heart didn't explode from all the adrenaline pumping through it as I skydived/bungyed/etc I should be fine. M did all those things too. He was the one who encouraged me to do it, he has his DiveMaster PADI. (in fact his first heart attack came after he logged his 50th dive).

What about Marc-Vivian Foe?
She said, just to mention it to the nurse when I go in three months or so, for my magic-anti-baby pills. I feel caught up in agony that I'm losing another family member that I'm very fond of, guilt that I'm not as worried about Brat as I should be and fear that something could be wrong with me. Not sure I wanna go and waste the doctors time asking for advice when they have clearly properly ill people to deal with and no time for me suffering from hypercondria. Not sure I wanna wait three months to be reassured too.

I've just been out to my aviary to feed and water the birds. Only there's a wing on the floor. Well half a wing. Its definately a male grey cockatiels. But yet... All 9 of my birds have their wings and are flying normally.
My 3 males all have their wings. There's no blood on the wing, nor on a bird. Nor on the floor/walls.
Where has it come from? Its like its been amputated, but none of my ragtag collection of strays have beaks that powerful. And apart from a few little squabbles, they've never had a big fight that could cause injury.
Obvious answer - A cat somehow clawed one. But how is it possible that they're all winged and none are covered in blood.
Its like something from the X-Files.

I've been on a first aid course for the last two days. In Central London. Am not impressed as its cost me £15 quid just to get there in the last two days, plus I have to leave the house to get there by 7am. This is shocking. I don't normally get up until 7.30. And then battling all the commuters on the bus.. on the train... on the tube. Not the way I roll.
Still I passed which was good and hadn't completely forgotten everything I'd been taught and brought myself yummy cakes for after!

Just applied for £730 worth of Olympic Tickets!

F.U.C.K. Y.E.A.H.

I'm falling back out of the habit of doing this. Boo.

Anyway Tuesday was both mine and Welshy's day off so we went to Hampton Court Palace, it was pretty cool, we - I - got to wear a cool swishy cloak and we learnt how to play a Tudor game called Fox and Geese which Welshy won.
The maze was a little disappointing. I've heard so much about it in the past that I assumed it was like the largest in the country and the hardest, but we were in and out in five minutes! Maybe we just got lucky! I promised to take him to Hever Castle to their maze or the one at Crystal Palace.
We then went to see his little local team play a non league match against AFC Wimbledon, which they won 1-0. We used to go on playdates together a lot. I miss not doing that now.

I'm kinda debating whether to join a gym or not. I'm feeling a little tubby, and got breathless walking up a flight of stairs - which isn't good for anyone!
Only lets face it, i'm a lazy git and so unmotivated that joining will probably be bad for my bank account! We'll see!
Welshy had an interview today for a TEFL job in Bratislavia, which I have since discovered is in Slovakia. Not its own country. Its also 20 miles from Vienna.
If he gets it, he will either be gone for 6 months or 15. I can visit, if its the 6 month one and if its the 15 go there too once I get the savings up.

That's all the excitements I can think to tell you all of now.

Not a lots going on lately. Riding. Football both going well. Works the usual mix of madness and boredom.

I want a holiday. Although I should be saving and can't really afford one. Been invited to JF's wedding in May, gotta sort out leave and shit for that. Will probably stay with TP and TJ over the weekend.

So my session at schools finished.

I haven't changed my opinion of it, its ok. I could do it easily, its boring and repative! I made them all fish shaped cookes when I left, although it turned out to be the class spackers birthday and she had Tesco's finest chocolate cake brought in for her.
Bitch.

They've left me with a horrible lurgy though. Stupid children. I hate them!
Back to the NMM on Monday and try and get through till payday. Started saving now to TEFL it up. I feel I'm too old for doing that though, that its a thing I should have done earlier in life to avoid the real world. But there we go, I'll try and get some experience and then maybe re-apply for a PGCE next year. Or find something else.

Only 1700 to go till I can pay for it!

So my first week at schools gone ok, I think. I've been in a fiarly nice class with 7 year olds. Year 3. I did make a bit of a booboo on the first day showing up in jeans and trainers. My bad for not checking if there was a dress code!
No one really talks to me which makes it a lonely experience - well apart from the kids anyway - The teacher is on her first year after her PGCE so is a bit frazzled and still finding her feet.

I've been finding it kinda boring too. Interacting with the kids is fun but its just a bit repetative. "Is that really how you spell that? Why can't you shut up.... Do you need help with that.... What do you think is the right answer?" And so on.
I could see myself doing it, its easy shit although the teachers tales of arriving at 7.30 for work and leaving at 9 scare me slightly!
I'd get bored doing it too. Towards the end of the week, I found myself yawning and clockwatching, not really bothering to explain to the kids whats, what and giving them the wrong impression of how to do things (Hey they should have listened in the first place)

Friday was Bird day and I got to meet some hawks and pet a barn owl, which then landed on my knee! That was the best day so far and I have another week to go yet.

Friday was also Welshy's birthday and we went out, I got drunk and managed to lose my bank cards AGAIN. Such a moron.

I've fallen out with him today. I told him I don't want him home. He insists on playing cricket and then drinking with that prat we lived with last year. Yeah the guy that robbed over 200 quid from us, left me miserable most of the year, hiding in our room, the guy who's girl accused me of giving her cancer(!) and forced us to return home.

If he can condon and accept such behaviour I don't want him here.

I didn't get into uni.
I was pretty upset when I heard. Annoyingly apparently I got rejected by one of the unis on the day I flew out to Barca, considering I spent all day online that day, it's not like I could have missed the email. Too late now to phone up and enquire why I'm considered not good enough.

Tomorrow is my last day at work before I start this now pointless placement.
Still at least now the pressure's off. If I hate it, then I know teaching is not for me and to think up another plan.
So what now? Well I can try for a teacher Clearing place in March. I'm expecting not to find owt in that though. By April I think I should have enough to do a TEFL course. I plan on doing that, maybe a year in Asia or Europe, depending on Welshy and then maybe trying again for next year.
Who knows?!

Yesterday me and the N.M.M.C.A.S.C went up to Sheff to see us play Wednesday. We met H2 on the way which was ace and went to a bar or two on the way. Sadly A let me down at the last minute, meeting him, which was a bit of a bugger!
A little boy, about 7-9 was on the train up with us, and despite having a few cans on the way, I thought I had done a pretty decent job of controlling my potty mouth. Anyway as the boy clearly goes to football, its not like any of the words I used would be unknown to him...
As we pulled into Sheff station and I went for a last minute wee, a man apparently approached the boys and commented on my language.
Apparently I had made him blush and he was on the verge of coming over and saying something.

Silly cunt.

So here we are.
Happy Birthday Daddy!

We went down to the 02 for a meal at TGI Friday's. Nice enough.

Been very lazy this weekend, lots of lie ins and lots of naps. Slightly dull but nice.
There are ponies for loan at New stables. How I want! However at £70 a week, it's still far too much of my wages and I don't feel settled there enough to use the facilities like I would at Willowtree.
The people are lovely, the ones I have met so far anyway and I am going for a lunge lesson on Tuesday. I aim to improve my riding posture. I have fallen into too many bad habits, through sheer lack of regular riding. I want to move up a group and learn to jump this year, or at least for as long as I go there before something happens.
A lunge lesson, is kinda a backstep, I'll be on a giant dog lead (for want of a better description) and that means someone else is in control of keeping the pony moving on, and I can just focus on raising my hands, lowering my shoulders and lengthening my legs as I've always ridden far too short in the stirrup.

The boys went to see us play Spurs today. We lost 3-0. Glad I didn't go.

So here we are five years in...
Scary how time flies and how memories that you thought would stay forever start to fade. I remember that day, the call to work to say I couldn't make it in, sitting around. Not knowing what to say, to comfort him. The fear.
But I no longer remember his voice, I struggle to remember his healthy face, rather than the pale, guant, grey, cancer-riddled one.

This day, this week used to be something that I feared, that was to be endured and then we can all try to move on again, in our own ways. Now I feel its just a quiet, reflective time.

I miss him. I wish I could have had more time, I wish I could have introduced him to Welshy. I wish he was about, to tell my adventures too. But he's not. And now its time to get on with my life.

I have to explain this to someone and I know none of you ride but fuck it.
Was at my lesson last night and we were only doing a canter 20m circle from the A end to the back of the ride. Anyway, off I go, preparing to pop into canter at X, the midway marker.
When my little 14.2 l/w cob I was riding, stopped dead and popped in a bit of a buck. I yelled at him, belted his shoulder with my stick and he took two or three strides forward and then put in a massive effort of a buck. What a git!
I had this grim thought in my head, that I WAS not gonna fall off, wrestled myself back into the saddle, luckily I hadn't been too dislodged from it and belted him again and pushed him back into the exercise.
A friend of mine's bf was taking photos and there's this one, the only one that came out ok, of me doing some weird Rising trot movement, trying to belt him and stay sat at the same time.
Shame I couldn't get a proper picture, would finally show Welshy I actually know whats going on!

Meanwhile - Parky and Kinsella sacked?! What the fuck are Charlton playing at now?!

Tomorrow is the 5th anniversary of Dad's death. Not really thought about it much. Does that make me a bad person?

So here we are, a little later than planned but its my End of Year Review.

Definate Highs - India, Diving in Lanzarote and seeing the angel Shark, visiting Barcelona when I thought it impossible, moving out, my GCSE Maths result.

Definate Lows - Failure for Charlton to win Promotion, the Mugging (I still am a little jumpy walking that way back home), Getting my wallet stolen in Barca and Natwests refusal to provide me with my own money, the two housemates turning into the BIGGEST pair of fuckwits ever and pushing me and Welshy back home. Failure to get into uni. STILL being stuck in that shit job.

But last year was a time of change, doing my GCSE helped me get that step closer to uni, at least now I'm expectant of getting an interview and as I keep reminding myself, I now have a back up plan. All is not lost if I fail to get in.
I got a promotion at work so I'm on almost decent money. Living with Welshy is good, I like having him about all the time and I like having my time away from him.
Forming the N.M.M.C.A.S.C. Was great, I've made good friends with the boys from work and we go on our away trips together, rather than E letting me down.
E - I don't know. We're not as close as before. Sometimes I think she is jealous of me having Welshy. I am jealous of her jet-setting and I am jealous of The Usurper stealing my place.

This year is the 5th since Dad died - Imagine! This is a week to be endured and survived.
But I know, feel deep in myself that 2011 is going to get better. I know I will not wake up next Christmas and find myself still in this rut. I have made steps to pull myself out of it. Something will change and it will be for the better.

This is a work in progress.

Bxing day grandparents came around. Went to football, called the game off unnecessarily in my opinion (and many others) very close to kick off.
My grandparents are ok, its sad to see my Nan go downhill so, she told me she was going to go back to work in the New Year as she was till only "twenty-something" and then that her Mum had done her hair for the party.
Later she asked my granddad when he lost his hair. He's been bald all my life and from photos I've seen, most of my Mum's too.
Sad.

Got back into my wiifit, what with that and Worlds Strongest Man lately I have had no time to update.
Welshy came home yesterday and I am attempting to see how long I can stay at work without a day off.
If we take away the three xmas days I'm on day 11. I desperately need the overtime money if I'm to live while I do unpaid leave for my school placement.
When I get back from that, I'll be getting one weeks pay, then living for 5 weeks and 2 days on that. Bad times.

Better get going, will do a year review when I get a chance!

Happy Chrimbo everybody!

Hope you all had nice days and dinners and presents!

Whats the point in having fucking internet banking when you can never remember your important data cos you've had to re-request it so many times you've run out of combinations that you'll actually remember?
I've had to write it all down and now I can't find what I've done with it, which is fucking annoying as well.
fuck, fuck, fuckety fuck fuck.

Meanwhile I now have 3 days off for Xmas! Whoo!

Yup. Didn't get tickets. Ho Hum. We'll think of another plan.

Just got back from riding. Could only manage half an hour, was just a bit too slippy and icy out. Couldn't do much more than slow trots. Then we had a stable management lesson to get our moneys worth.
Yeah. I've spent 20 fucking years around horses. I fucking ate these poncy riders who just show up and get on and off and then hand their horse to someone else. I chewed them up, spat them out, pissed on them and then chewed them up again.
I got banned from answering questions. Haha! Then I demonstrated how to pick feet, rug and saddle a horse.
Then cos I'm so motherfuckingly awesome. I had to help teach another how to put a bridle on her horse.
He was a bit of a bitch, pulling faces, snapping his teeth and shaking his head. After a brief tussle, I just slid it on.
She was impressed. "You clearly know your way around horses."
Damn motherfucking right!
Riding was a bit interesting though, despite going slow my horse's back legs went from under her a few times coming down from trot to walk. Definately wouldn't have liked to take it any more faster than that.

Welshy's supposed to be going home tomorrow, but his train is cancelled and he's been swapped onto a later one. Fingers crossed he makes it.

Not sure my mum wants him here for Xmas, Brat made his feelings very clear last night in that he doesn't want Welshy here at all. (nor me, it has to be said and indeed feels rather unwanted by Mum. I have no idea how, as she bends over backwards to him but he's always out or in his room. Welshy rarely ventures downstairs when he's here but sits in my room or plays FM.)
Anyway. If Welshy is here for Xmas, perhaps for political reasons it is best if he does go to his friends for Xmas as much as I'd like him here.
If only we could afford to move out again!!

Went to Brentford. Don't wanna talk about it. Hate penalties.

Prob won't be able to get spuds tickets as there's less than 200 remaining. The boys have all got theirs but as I'm constricted by taking Mothership and Boy, I don't have enough credit on my Red Card. Shame but we'll find something else to do.

Went for an interview at a local school today for my PGCE app, was a bit random and definately the quickest interview I've ever had! Spent longer straightening my hair! in and out in 10 minutes.

Ho hum. Now to confirm that work can give me the unpaid leave and I'd better get a uni interview at least now!

Busy week trying to sort out missing cards and writing complaint letters, rescheduling my school placement interview, and cancelling riding. Couldn't afford it this week as I had no cards/money.
Booked it for next week only to remember that Charlton are in the Semi of the Paint Pot trophy and I have to get to Brentford.
the N.M.M.C.A.S.C Better get their arses in gear and sort out my ticket now I've done that.
Gotta try and get tickets too for our Cup game again Spurs. On Dad's birthday. They were his favourite team so it seems appropriate that we go to that as a family.

What else has been going on? MH has had her sperm donor baby. God knows that kid's gonna need all the help it gets growing up. I haven't been in touch to wish her well. She got through it ok, as I found from her sister and CL's facebook statuses and thats enough for me.

Am considering taking a language course in the New Year over at Canary Wharf. It'd be useful if I ever go and live abroad and now that mum has the apartment in Grotty, it'd be useful to be able to speak some Spanish out there. Hopefully we'll get it sorted.

Overspent again this month. Isn't good. Especially now i'm on more money. I'm supposed to be able to save the extra for uni if I get to go. Gonna have to crack down in the New Year and be good.
Didn't help that I had to repay Welshy's Dad the 20 Euro we borrowed for the weekend and paid for me and the boys to get to Sheff on the train in Jan at £168. Thank Christ the only Xmas present I still have to get is just for Brat and that we get paid a week early this month.

So yeah. Gatwick was opened at 4am. I woke up and tried to decide what to do. Meanwhile Mother who had been planning her attack then pounced on me and started telling me I was stupid for going, that I'd not get a cab to get me there and then started sobbing telling me that I was selfish for leaving her, what if I died as well?
So I decided to just risk going for the 9am call. Woke up at 6. She was still on the sofa fretting and I called a cab and went anyway.
Pretty uneventful, roads no where near as bad as expected and I got there just in time for last call - not the way I roll! So I ran across Gatwick in my socks to make the flight.
Flight ok. Got to Barca ok, managed to get on a train ok.
20 minutes into my train, I got pickpocketed, somehow. lost my wallet, all my Euros and my bank cards. I met up with a friend of Welshy's and he took me back to his while I tried to get things sorted.
BTW Natwest are not Britain's most helpful bank. They cancelled my cards no problem, then refused to transfer any of my money into his account.
for ttwo hours I wasbounced arond the telephone system, each of them telling me they were sorry but couldn't do anything as neither of us have internet banking.
WTF. What about old people who have never heard of the internet? Neither of us had money for food, accommadation, transport. We were stranded. I plan on writing a complaint letter.
Eventually we managed to get his Dad to give us 200 Euro. Which after paying for accom, left us with 100 Euro to live on for 3 days.
Clearly the most rational way to deal with any other problem is to drink. So between us, we got through a bottle of vodka and a bottle of absinthe in two nights.
Lived in a falt with a photo of a child lying in a pool of blood. I mean what? Not sure the camera's the first thing I'd think of if I was told my child had been shot/knocked down/whatever.
Creepy.
And Miss Haversham from Great Expectations lived there.

Gotta go, gotta get ready for work.

Oh. Cricket Wooo!

Sigh.
Snow is disrupting everything. Gatwick has been closed for two days. So I was preparing myself for a cancelled flight, except mine appears to be the only one going ahead when it reopens at 6am tomorrow.
my Flight is supposed to be at 7:05. EasyJet website claim it will take off then. I hope that I can believe the Gatwick Website more as it says it will be 9am.
9am is do-able. 7am is not any more.

So I'll be giving it a go early tomorrow!
Now where's my team of Huskey dogs?!

Snowing at last.
Quite frankly I'm getting sick of it. Snow was much more exciting when it happened once every ten years. Now its every year, its just a bit meh.
Was gonna ride in it... Right up to half 4 when I got the cancellation call. Was sat in the pub with all my gear on, ready to go.
And of course the 386 can't cope with going uphill in it, so I got another bus to Charlton Station and walked from there.
Three idiot fucking chavs hanging out by the Valley cafe pelted me with snowballs. Course they all found it hysterically funny until I chased after them waving my riding crop and screaming obsenities.
I'd have fucking mashed them had I caught them.

Yup. The cricket has kept me up until an undecent hour. Bring back the old days when I was working in The Health Food Shop That Cannot Be Named and able to stay up all hours.
I still hold out for a win in this first test but Welshy, who knows more about these things than I do claims it will be a draw.
My little VC talk at work has gone, farewell Jack! I debut a new talk tomorrow (I really should sit and learn it at some point) all about Whaling, cannibalism at sea and Moby Dick. Looking forward to that!
The rest of the country appears to be about 6 foot under snow. So far London has remained snow-free. Apart from two flakes that just drifted past my window... so maybe.
I need it to hold off until next Tuesday at least as my trip to Barca will be in jeopardy otherwise!

Ashes start tonight!
Let's hope there's not a repeat of that crazy Uber-wide ball bowled first delivery last time!

Bye-bye Sleep!!!

Hurrah.
Although I put in my application ages ago for uni, there's been a few problems with my referee not being able to get into the system. After an agonising wait on hold, I think I managed to sort the problem out and hopefully she is completing it now as we speak.
Hurrah Part 2.
I'm trying to arrange a meeting next week with a local school to get a volunteer placement in. My referee actually reccommended them to me, apparently the Head is a big nature-lover and sets up cameras in birdboxes, has his own beehive on school property and arranges for them to grow veggies, so hopefully it'll all go down well if it all works out.
Hurrah Part 3.
Ashes start on Wednesday, and I have football tomorrow and riding the next week.
Hurrah Part 4.
I'm going to see Welshy next Friday, no time at all!

Harry was amazing. I know I tend to get carried away with these books/films but that was the best, the truest to the story, the most gripping one yet.
Not perfect as none of them have, but pretty damn well close.
Went to football today and we won 3-2 which was exciting!
And I've gone and got organised for Xmas, I've got stuff for Welshy's bro, sister and mam, (only chocolates but still!)
Presents for TP and TJ - actually I must confess, I brought them gifts when I was in Dublin last year but completely forgot to send them to them!
And presents for my friends who have children.

Gonna try and talk to the bro and see if he wants to go halves on flight vouchers. I heard Ryanair were offering them and if we can get some for Mum then she can take herself off to Grotty when it all gets too much, plus a little something each from us and she's sorted and E will be the usual Wildlife Photographer of the Year when payday rolls around.
Efficiency is my middle name!

Guess who just got asked out by one of the Astronomers at work, "now i'm single again."
News to me, good to know i've still got it though, whatever "it is!

HARRY POTTER TONIGHT!!!! ROLL ON 7:30!!!

well my decision to pick horses over football probably wasn't inspired as I missed us win. After two lessons, where even if I do say so, I was pretty awesome and rode close to my best. This lesson wasn't as good. The horse I rode, Roo was rather bumpy, and seemed to slip and trip a lot. Horses are normally sure-footed and especially just plodding round a school may just slip once. So this was a bit off-putting. I saw a pony, Holly at my old stables, a half Welsh/half Arab slip and go right over onto her side, breaking her riders leg as it was crushed under her once.
So I've always been a bit wary of something like that happening to me, even though that was an one in a two trillion accident.
So I think that played on my mind a bit and I didn't rise to the occasion too well.
Never mind.

Today was another quiet, meh sort of day, not a lot going for it. Still, two days till my date with Harry Potter and 16 sleeps till Barca!

Oh dear.

I had a really pleasant day with Lollypop from work, counting donations. I really like him. He's sweet, ever so slightly old-fashioned, despite being younger than my brother and is disturbingly obsessed with castles and historic houses.

Today was the first day of the new position. He got it too, which is nice. Me, him and two other people who just happened to be made Seniors as well were told to collect donations and do the Poppy boxes. Nothing strange in that. I've helped Lollypop and the other Cashiers do it hundreds of times, as have others. One girl. Greek C has just come back from an operation to remove a cancerous lump growing in the bone of her thigh. (All clear now) so can't move about too much. The other girl was just a spare. So sounds reasonable to have them do the Poppy Boxes and me and Lollypop do the usual Monday collection of the myraid of boxes.

Head back down in the afternoon, then Indian N and Tall S who both went for the job and both got rejected and were working the front together accosted me and Lollypop, making their new W gesture at us, asking why it had taken 4 seniors to do the job when anyone could have done it and then if we were plotting against them.
Both me and Lollypop are pretty pissed with this now. Since the two weeks its been announced we've had nothing but aggro. TS has been telling me its everything from Racism (no coloured people got the job, perhaps not all that unreasonable when you consider. One of them is incredibly lazy and bolshy. One has been in front of HR countless times for unappropriate conduct towards the female members of staff - [Never me. Not sure if I should take it as a compliment or be outraged that I'm not good enough to be perved over!] for an assault against another member of staff - Nothing crazy but a childish Chinese Burn. Oh and for not doing his work. I can't explain why Indian N didn't get the job and TS claimed that if he got the job he was going to ask for more money, wasnt sure if he was going to take it and answered most of his interview questions with "call a manager") So its not racism, nor ageism as they also tried to claim as others older than them got it. And I certainly ain't no Managers Puppet.
I do not appreciate being told by TS that if I ever tried to use my new seniority over him that he would go to the managers and tell them about my mischief.
A - I dont care really.
B- I'm sure most of them are aware of it anyway, I don't hide my antics.

One of the questions was: "How would you feel if one of your collugues got the job over you?"
I don't think running to HR or complaining to every manager that you find is setting a good precident if the job comes up again!

Anyway we were talking over the stupidness of it all in the cash office and came out to get a new donation to be moaned at for plotting and talking about them in there. Sigh.
Rosta Tom popped over with the paperwork for the Poppy Donation and asked why we were hanging out in there rather than in the messroom and we told him about some of the dramas. Anyway when he returned to the managers office, he mentioned it to the Duty Manager, who then saw fit to put his Size-11's all over it, go speak to Indian N and call us up to the office.
I told him, what I've pretty much told Lollypop. We just have to man it out. Once the next bit of drama arrives we'll be forgotten about. I don't like the thought that they're now gonna think we went running to bitch when we can deal with it ourselves.
Yes its dragged on for a fortnight now, but it has been very quiet.

Its just a bit sad as until now I considered these people friends! _ but they're not bitter! Oh no! We're not to think that, they constantly reassure us.

You know I may never blog again. Just stare in awe of my new pretty coloured blog.
Brought myself a new bed today, a plain silver small double. Means I'm pretty broke now until payday, and yet have to pay for a hotel in Barca. Oh well. I've got a good 7 hours overtime to claim this month and new pay kicks in from Monday, so it'll all be good, even if I have to wait until payday to get the hotel.
Done some mega-restructuring of my room. Got rid of a lot of crap, uni posters and stuff. Bit sad but they were just cluttering the place and I swapped the position of my large pine desk over with my bed and now my room looks HUGE.
I love how just a simple change makes it look like you've completely redecorated.
Threw out a few things, photos and that, that related to the LF. Didn't realise I still had them, forgotten that I had treasured them once. Long, long ago.

Do you have any idea how happy my new background makes me?

Back in the day when all this was fields *waves arms vaguely* I had three choices of blog background that wasn't white. Or boring. Or completely girly.

Remember how exciting the day was when I got comments as standard? Remember when I learnt and then promptly forgot how to HTML this. Remember when coloured TEXT arrived! Remember when PICTURES ARRIVED!

Now holy fuck! Look how pretty my blog is! With just a template and pressing the colour text option.

And there's loads of others! Some that I fear using as they are just so joyful and bright and vivid that an epilepsy attack might happen if I spin around too quick on my chair.

I love it! Its happy and colourful and fun. I need to figure how to make my text more readable though... But Colours! Swirls! Brightness!

The only thing that could complete this, would be if somehow I could get a set of colouring pens and colour each of the CHARBY letters in a different, clashing colour.

Slightly better day at work, although still deathly quiet. I can't describe to people who don't understand what its like at work on a quiet day. But at the moment we're getting probably the same number of people though the doors as we do in Dec/Jan, during the worst of the winter weather and if its like that now. I very much fear for my sanity during those quiet months.

We'll see...

Busy trying to find a cheap hotel or a decent hostel near to where Welshy is living in Barca, really need to get him on facebook to find out exactly where he is.
Having a vague look for a cheap and decent double bed. Months of being kicked in the face (Yeah kicked. He squirms about like a fish outta water) in a single bed is not appealing. Although I guess that depends on if he comes home!

Many lovely people at work have come up and told me not to worry about losing my Saturdays and to swap with them if I need to. I love my work chums.

And finally and positively I found the location of an old blog-friend. I lost the blog address aaaages ago. Although he seems not to have updated in forever and ever. YEAH YOU! Sort it aht!!

Today was the worst day at work I have had for a long time. It was just boring! No one was in! No one wanted to hear my talks, weather was atrocious which didnt help. and my gallery, being an art one was dark and dimmed so I felt sleepy all day and there wasn't even any fun staff about to talk to.

I've got a new rosta to do with my new job, before for the last two years, I've had a cushy number. being off 2 saturdays out of three and either block-booking the third or swapping days off about. Now I'm back to a standard one saturday out of three. Not helpful for football watching!

E's kinda upset me too a bit. I text her telling her about losing my Saturdays and she asked if I should be pleased that I have time off in the week and I said not really cos I dont enjoy them. Everyones at work, I'm too poor to go out and about, and I didnt even really prefer my weekends off cos of it. I prefer having a day off then working for a few and then having another. Means I can save up my tasks and stuff so I have things to do, reasons to leave the house.
She then got a bit snipey about how I'm always miserable lately, and that some people were never happy. I dont think i've been miserable, a little frustrated at how long my uni app was taking and being back at home again, but you know. I feel positive, either in the New Year or by September, my time at the NMM will come to an end and I will start a new adventure. And I was kinda happy with my rosta the way it was! Done especially for me!

I explained about not having any money and I dont particuarly wanna waste it unless I have too, what with saving for uni and that and then she got really sarky, telling me that if I was gonna sit at home all day I shouldnt then complain I'm bored. Asking me if I could afford to go to Harry Potter on the 19th and then when I pointed out that her workplaces starting salary is still a lot more than mine is going to be, and she has 10 days more leave than me, and gets days of in liu for working Bank Holidays which I don't and she earns 2k more than I will get and more on top cos she can do a lot more overtime there than at my corrupt system, she got arsey at that too.
She also commented when I said that me and mum were going to Pizza Hut or something before the cinema, whether I can afford to eat there or will I be outside with sandwiches!

Cheeky bint! I can't afford to waste time in the gym or meeting friends like she can, and I don't see the need to spend money for the sake of it, even if its only a £2 bus fare to get somewhere.
Not when every penny is going to count, when I may even end up worse off than I am now cos of student loan kicking in, tax and NI going up and Mother demanding that I hand over more money than I do now.

EWWW. EEWWW. EWWW.

And people tell me Horse-riding's risk-free and anyone can do it?
Dont check this out if you're squeamish.

Tired. Yesterday was a bit crazy. We went to Southend to watch us in the Jonstons Paint Trophy Southern Round Quarter final - try saying that when you're a wee bit pissed!!
We left at 10:30 and I got home about 12:20 THIS MORNING. Yeah. I'll leave you to decide just how many alcoholic beverages were consumed during this 14 hour session, cos frankly I have no idea.

Chips by the beach though! and I rode those little kiddy car thingys and found that they are pretty hard to get in and out of.
We won which was exciting, just gotta make it through the semis... Then the Southern final (2 games in that round) and then the final itself... Hmm. Plenty of chance to cock it up there!

While waiting for a bus home, I saw a man go and get into the local bank and then turn lights on. Do bank employees normally start work at 12.04? Poor sods. Was half expecting to see a yellow police "Assistance Needed" sign outside this morning.

Fun day at work, although rumours are reaching that the Divide and Conquer strategy employed at work in the creating of these senior posts ARE doing exactly that. And while I can see why people are pissed that summer seasonals are getting these roles over more experienced staff who do extra jobs, going to HR and kicking up a stink aint helping your case!

Welshy is at the Nou Camp tonight, watching Messi Blud in their cup competition. Jealous. He doesn't wanna come home at the end of his month and I can't go out there. Sent off my uni application, gotta organise a school placement now. ASAP as i'm supposed to get it done before New Year.

We'll see....

Welshy arived safely, is safely in with his new landlady and found where his friend lives. Course starts tomorrow.
I keep carrying my phone about in case he texts me! Gotta get out of that habit! Far too clingy, especially when I know I wont hear from him much!

I booked my tickets for Harry Potter! Can't wait! Wheeeeeeeeee! Welshy's friend (one of the guys I went to India with) texted me actually asking if he can come, we might go to the IMAX together! Lol! I think he'll be a bit lonely without Welshy and their mutual chum.

Hopefully tomorrow I can get this thing sorted and find a placement and then get my application in....

Hmmm. Drawing 0-0 with the team ranked 92nd out of 92 teams in the Football League wasnt part of the plan yesterday!
And the replays on the 16th! I'm meant to be riding then! What a Dilemma! Ponies or footy? I think ponies will win, as I'm missing being on horseback and it'll be three weeks since my last ride. Plus I've already paid in advance for that and havent for the Football.

Welshy flew away today. I'm trying not to think of it as a countdown until the 3rd. When did I get so girly?! I dont like it!

H2 has started a blog, I introduced her to here, Welshy was the only other real life person who knew of its existence. Not sure how I feel about real world people reading this, but its only the selected specials!

She showed me stats! Apparently I've got over 144 views this month from the Netherlands alone and 29 from Mexico. And many people found their way here by googling "Tobey Maguire fish hook scar"
Ha!

Time for work....

Welshy left me this morning at 5.15. I miss him already! I'm gonna accompany him home on the 3rd of December though, so its not the end of the world.

Good News Update!

I got the job! Whoohooo! Goldsmiths also take my HND as good enough, I gotta get in touch with Derby uni though and organise for them to confirm with Goldsmiths. Bit annoying as my deadline for applications is rapidly approaching.

Ho hum. What else? Tomorrow I'm off with the Boys to watch us play Barnet in the Cup and then we're off to Sarfend on Tuesday for a different cup competition that we're in the Quarter Finals of.
If I keep busy I can't miss Welshy too much!

Transport wise, my trip to Bristol wasnt a success. I forgot the train tickets. And they basically called me a liar when I went to the ticket office, sent me on a wild goose chase and then made me buy new tickets.
The originals cost 45 quid.
The new set £111. Yikes.

The taxi booked to take us to the church from our Hotel dumped us on the outskirts of the village and made us walk the rest of the way, citing the three car "traffic jam"

But, apart from that, it was a nice little get away. Nice to have a double bed, all cosy without being shoved about by a thrashing Welshy.

Saw MH too. Size of a HORSE. Actually I've met smaller horses. Harsh.

She came up to me and started talking like it had only been a few days since we last spoke instead of two years. Like nothing was wrong. I couldnt believe it. There was not one moment when she could have taken me aside and quietly apologised. I guess that shows her lack of remorse or regret or lack of belief that she has done anything wrong.

I answered briefly where I could, ignored her for the most part and then refused to say goodbye.

Tomorrow N is coming and making me go o the Meridian Line and do other touristy things. On my day off I have to go to work? Mean! Kinda looking forward to it though.

D-day is rapidly approaching Welshy's departure. Been looking at best dates to possibly go for a weekend to see him. Its only a month (at the moment) though. So we its not the end of the world if nowt gets sorted.

Got a travel brochure for South American Adventures. I wanna go. NOW.

Good News Four:

I am to be offered an interview to become a Senior Visitor Assistant, providing me with an extra 3k a year should I get the job. Said 3k would be rather useful if all goes well in the Uni department.

Good News Five:

NB at work, offered to provide me with a reference in regards to the work I do helping him with the schools

Good News Six.

I identified correctly the right person at the ID parade. Nothing more must be spoken of this in case it goes to Court.

Good News Seven (!)

I am going to see CL tomorrow.

Good News One:

After initially telling me that my HND maths wasnt good enough, Goldsmiths Uni are investigating it further.

Good News Two:

I am to go to an ID parade later today in the hope that they have caught Mr Mugger, I doubt i'll be able to recognise him, but thats good too.

Good News Three:

Welshy is off to Barca in a few weeks and I am applying for unpaid leave to work in a Primary School for two weeks, one in November, one in January. If dates and times work out, I can go visit him and escape the bitter cold for a weekend.

Welshy got accepted onto the course in Barca.

Now just to see if he'll go and then what happens with me...

Home alone, Welshy is out at his friends. I was invited but I dont really fancy sitting there watching him play Pro Evo online or Poker.
BORING!

The winter is rocking on, Charlton played so, so badly today and we lost 4-0. I cant see us scrambling out of this shit-poor league we are in this season either. Which as E put it may not be a bad thing, at least it means we wont end up heart-broken again after failing to make the playoff final like last year.

Welshy has a telephone interview on Monday to go do a TEFL course in Barcelona. His friend has already been accepted on it. I want to do it too, but not yet. I have to wait and see about this Primary School teaching lark first. Only once I get my rejection in December can I then play.

If he gets through, he will be out there at least a month. I want adventure too. Not to Spain though. I went to Barcalona once. We went on a tour of the football ground, walked down Las Ramblas and I learnt how to order Macdonalds in Spanish.

He only wants to TEFL it up in Europe. Pah to that I cry! Lets go far, far, far away! Lets go to South America! Specifically Costa Rica. Everything I read about it sounds amazing. The wildlife. Beaches. Rainforest. I can sing endlessly "Do You Know The Way to San Jose?"
Plus if you're going to do these things, lets go do it properly!

I worry that Welshy will not come back if he is accepted. Welshy does not want to live in the UK. He scorns the things I love about England.
I love the mental weather, I love knowing the animals and plants that I pass on the way, I love football. I love the history.

I want very much to spend a year abroad having an adventure and then I want to come home.
I dont know if Welshy will want to. I do not know if he will come back or stay out there once he has done his course. I cannot make any crazy decisions until I know whether I am accepted into uni or not. I have also gone for a promotion at work. I would earn more money for which to save for uni if I can get the job and stay at the museum in the meantime.

ITS ALL SO TRICKY!!!!! WHY ARE THESE THINGS HAPPENING AT ONCE!?

The best thing, I feel for me to do, is to stay here. If I am accepted, to earn as much as I can at the Museum before I start uni in September. If it all goes tits up and I cannot get into uni, as I suspect I will not, then I can go.
I have no fear that if he goes out and stays out, it will be a downer on our relationship. I just dont want him to go and have adventures without me! But he's too impatient! Grrrr!!!!!! Naughty Welshy!

I am off next weekend to visit CL and see her baby get Christened. MH will be there. I kinda fear seeing her and how I will react. Whether she will say anything. Its been two years since we fell out and I spelled out in no uncertain terms how I felt about her behaviour. She is now 7 months pregnant with her "sperm donor" baby. I am a grown-up (unfortunately) However much I would like to push her down a flight of stairs I shall be on my bestest behaviour!

Whee! They've announced London 2012 ticket prices! Now just to wait till next March before I can buy.....

I can't wait. I am that saddo who is there at 2am watching the synchronised swimming finals. I couldnt even NAME a move involved in it, but when the Olympics rocks up, there I am nodding wisely and pretending I know the name for a lot of different types of splashing.

I registered for tickets ages ago! For Archery, Athletics and of course Equestrianism.

Not much is rocking out lately.
Gone for a promotion at work to a new post. Frankly I cant see why they need this post, its an almagamation of severol roles that I and many others do already. But its an extra 3k a year. Its causing all sorts of debate at work, better than us normally bitching about how bad the place is and taking gossip away from the forthcoming departure of the Nelson Uniform, which is all people come to see as the new wing-building has destroyed many other galleries and other shit had to be taken away for its own conservation.
So what else?
CL is getting her baby christened at the end of the month so I'll be trotting off to Bristol for that, with Welshy in tow. Poor guy hates churches and all that kinda nonsense, but I fear seeing MH there, and the company will be good.
E has decided to become a lesbian. Nothing wrong with that, but I dunno. I'm not sure its what she wants deep down. I kinda think maybe its a reaction to what happened to her in the past. The incident that was so painful and of which I cannot even speak of on here.
She admits its the less scary option and is very confused by it all herself. I guess I just hang about and see what happens and support her and if it is the way forward for her at least. Well it doesn't matter does it? We're not living in the 1800's anymore!

I went out for a friends leaving drinks tonight.
She recently came out and has herself a girlfriend. Its really cute to see her finally happy and shit. Even if she is a bit sickening. I dont really care to hear how much you love her. Come and play with me.

There was another guy out with us, a mutual friend who works in the security department. I dont like him, I find him creepy.
He pops up in my gallery and never really says much, is hard to get into a chat with. But he seems to think we're good friends and always wants hugs. I dont like it, he makes my stomach feel ill for no reason I can really describe. He's not too bad looking I guess, he's fairly clean and yet.... He gives me the creeps.

I've had male friends now for longer than I care to remember, and them occasionally trying to push it dont bother me, pinching my butt, the occasional grope of the tit hidden as part of a wrestling match. Thats par for the course, I flirt back with them and its all fun and games.
One of my best friends at the museum, a guy named TDR made it very clear that if Welshy wasnt on the scene, that he would make a move, and a couple of times when we've gone drinking just the two of us, he's forcibliy made the effort to only kiss me on the cheek goodnight, a few near misses, but he respects the fact that I love Welshy and I respect the fact that he wouldnt make a move as long as I'm with him. That's all good. I have no problem hanging out alone with him, he doesnt make me uncomfortable in any way and he is my friend.
This guy. I dunno. The hugs, the stroking of my arm. It makes me uncomfortable and I've never fooled about with him like I do my other friends. I keep a distance.
Today my friend has got a job working as airport security. So she was playing at pretending to pat me down. All good fun so far.
Then he tried to have a go and I shied away like a frightened horse. Saying goodnight and there was one hug that lingered for longer than needed and I dont know why he tried to grab my legs on the way out when I said goodnight to another male friend.
I dont think there's anything TOO wrong with him, he is like it with everyone seemingly. But him just being about me, makes me feel ill and I try to avoid being around him.
I wonder why it is, that makes me feel so funny about him?

Wheeee!
They're making another Pirates of the Caribbean movie!
Filming if at work and in the building next door, today I watched a Jack Sparrow Stunt double jump out a window.
They need extras.
Did I put my name down for it?
What do you think?

my version of tomorrow is clearly different from other peoples!
Finally got my new phone up and running after a few days on hold to different people arguing as to why it wasnt working when they promised it would be.
Plus there's been the excitements of a new job at the museum - a senior - not quite management - not quite supervisor - type role.
Basically doing all the shit i do now, but for 3.5k a year more. This kinda news makes Charbs a happy bunny as I am so poor and I need money for things, fun things like travelling and riding and football.
Of course - ahem - I will be saving a large percentage of this for potentially going back to uni.
Thats still looking pretty doubtful as they've all upped the ante this year and where as I could have blagged my way in with a D and a maths equivelancy, they're now not taking it.
The uni that I want to go to however, is offering a maths module on the HND course as good enough, I did a module on my HND that combined Maths, English and IT so I have my fingers crossed that somehow this will be good enough!
Dont hold your breath, I plan on being disappointed!

So let me tell you now about our house disappointments.
The place that we had lined up, had been sublet the year before, 24 chinamen had fitted somehow into a 3 bed flat, the council found out about it after we had passed the reference check, after we had all our deposits taken....
So its taken nearly three weeks to get our moneys back and it was so much that until we got it back, that we could afford to apply again and house hunt.
Only now Welshy's all sold on the TEFL thing he's badgering me to do it now, but i'm so unsure cos of applying for uni, cos of this new job thingy. I need to hang on here till Xmas at least to find out if I can go to uni or not and he's right, we shouldnt tie ourselves down to a flat if my application goes tits up like it probably will and stop ourselves from adventuring!

I met a lady this morning walking to work.
She approached me rather excitedly.
"I saw you! You were attacked on Wednesday!"
"Erm yeah..."
I was already feeling nervous, I had to walk past Blackheath Bluecoats this morning which, is a rather Black school and for the first time I eyed them up, worrying that they might come for me. Irrational. I felt kinda sick walking down the same path thinking... this is where it happened...
"I was behind you! Walking my dog! I saw him hold you and you were screaming! Dirty Little Bastard! Did he hurt you? Did he get anything?"
I showed her my finger, I've been showing everyone the cut on my finger from where he dug his fingers in.
"Dirty Little Bastard! You did well though! I saw you! You were really going for him, you were squirming and kicking and everything and then I saw you chase him into the bushes and I tried to cut him off but when I only saw him leave I was afraid you were hurt so I looked for you and couldnt find you so ran home to call the police!"

I felt so better hearing her say that I'd done well in fighting him, it had all been so quick and the worst thing (well apart from the actual crime and the woman who had done nothing to help) had been the thought that I had given up too easily, that I had been a sissy girly, a pathetic victim.
She was keen to reassure me though.
"No! There's no way I could have done that, you were really going at him, he'll think twice before trying it out on you again!".
Once was enough.....

Anyway, new phone is on order, and I walked that way home, I wanted to go alone, as I was feeling nervous, a kinda getting back on the horse feeling I guess.
But a friend made up a phoney excuse about having to walk that way anyway and I was glad.

Shorty.. Am not sure pepper spray is even legal in the UK, anyway there's no way I could have got it out of my bag to use with him pinning my arms down.
Time to move onwards and upwards.
Be prepared tomorrow for the reason for almost regular updates and news of a potential new job!
dum-dum-dum!!!

I got mugged yesterday! Mugged! I cant fucking believe it.
I'd left work and the park and was walking alongside the heath, on the route that I've covered thousands of times. Many a time with my phone out, skipping along, singing.
Yesterday I was distracted answering a text from Welshy. There was no one lurking outside the park, then halfway down the road, some guy grabbed me about the waist pinning my arms down and screaming that I should give him my phone.
At first I thought it was one of my friends playing a joke, but I instantly realised after that, it wasnt.
I fought him, I wriggled and tried to headbutt him. I screamed for help. There was a lady with a pushchair perhaps 100 yards ahead,
"HELP! HELP ME! YOU CUNT, GET OFF! NO! HELP!"
and similar. She was watching me! She never tried to help. I hope your baby dies in the night. You whore.
I kicked backwards. I caught him on the shin, not a good kick cos his legs were astride, but enough to make him yelp and he dug his fingers into me.
Ripping the skin open on one, making me bleed (shame its not enough to get it done for assault as well.)
I yelped then and automatically let go, I regret that now. Not putting up enough of a fight, letting go.
He grabbed my phone and ran into the bushes, down whats called the Dip and up again. I chased him, still screaming at him.
"COME BACK! YOU CUNT! COME BACK! SOMEONE HELP! SOMEONE STOP HIM! YOU COWARD, COME BACK AND FIGHT ME PROPERLY!"
Then I fell over going up the hill and lost him.

I found a lovely man walking two huskey dogs and he called the police for me. They came and they had stopped every black youth, nearby, even getting them off of the bus and we drove past slowly, but I never got a clear look at his face. So a pointless act.
I know he was black, African, he was my height and weight more or less and probably 16-18.
Dressed in black.
Where on Earth did he spring from? The road was empty. Where does this kinda thing enter your mindset. I have to walk that way home on Friday. I am nervous now, I hope I see him again. I will kick the living shit into him. But I am nervous too.
Everybody has been sympathetic and tell me I shouldnt have fought him, shouldnt have chased him into the dense bushes of the dip where you dont find people. But I am angry, I am angry that no one, especially the watching lady didnt help (She came by when I was with the man and asked me if I was ok and if there was anything she could do to help.) Yeah. You could have come when I was screaming at you.
I am angry that I couldnt fight him better, that I panicked like a stupid girl, that he made me bleed, that I CRIED when the police came. and I'm angry he's made me feel nervous walking along one of my favourite routes.
I could have understood somehow if it had been pitch black in the park. I could have understood if I was in the dip itself, but for it to be broad daylight, a row of nice, posh apartments on oneside, a road on the other. How could no one have come and how could this have happened?

I've had a fab weekend! I went up to Stoke on Friday to fulfil a long-held dream (ok, denied uni trip) to visit Waterworld, which is one of the big water parks in the UK, me and STF talked about going there a long time in Derby but it never quite worked out.
Then we headed across to Birmingham to see his friend and then Saturday and Sunday was a whirlwind! We caught up and went for tea with the Lizard and her bf, we met up with STF, A, Booker, JN and MV, only R was missing from my motley crew of boys!
Drank in Our Beloved Friary, in town, then left them in a shit club, and we went to what had been D&E. Only D&E is now Syn and instead of playing fab cheesy music. It was awful new stuff. Very disappointed.
But we were in at 1am eating a yummy pizza (and oh! it was so nice to not be squashed in a single bed as we have been lately!)
Then Sunday we met TP, TJ and H. and then H2 before catching the late train home. And I can't believe that rent for a 3 bed house is half of what a 1 bed flat is here!
Madness!
I'd love to be up there again, perhaps not in Derby, but closer to my friends.
Welshy is pushing for us to go to a TEFL course. I really wanna do it, but I'm not sure its a good time, I wanna get applying for uni, and we've half commited ourselves to living with two guys should we find a place. I just feel bad messing them about.
We'll see....

So we're back in London for what two weeks?
And lets see, Granddad has checked himself into hospital. Yeah. Seems HE's suffering from dementia too now and his is going at a lot faster rate than Nan.
They've all decided to move Uncle J in to look after him, despite all the aggro he caused last time.
I wonder how long it'll be before he gets moved into Perrygrove alongside Nan, or how long before John walks out on him again and leaves them, foodless, and medicineless, like the last time he was supposed to be caring for them.
Or how long till he moves his new girlfriend in.

J is suffering from some kinda mental illness. He has attacked Mother, attacked his own daughter and tried to get his wife arrested. He was forced to retire from the police force and got a job as a school caretaker. Then he pinned one of the children up against the wall and was made to leave.

Mother thinks it comes from some sorta post-traumatic thing, years ago when I was like 13/14? He was working as part of the Transport police and was chasing some random, he chased him over the bridge and got caught, in his effort to free himself, he fell off the bridge and down onto the live wire train track.
He was electrocuted, I remember visiting him in Tommy's and seeing the entry point, just under his armpit and then where the current left his body, somewhere on his leg. he just managed to roll free before the 12.34 fast train to Brighton thundered along the tracks.
The stress, and understandably so! of this incident, is what he blames for the two heart attacks he suffered a few years later and which was what finally forced him to retire from the police.

This is what Mother feels is made him the... I dont wanna say unhinged, but slightly unstable person he is. And she is deathly worried that he might snap again onto Granddad.

Oops. Today is my normal rostered day off of work, only I went to play at Go Ape on Tuesday and I must have swapped my day off around cos I got a rather confused phone call at 12 asking me why I wasnt in work.
I was really confused too but I guess I must have swapped it over, will check when I get in tomorrow.
I'm going to Derby. I cant wait. I spoke to Booker for the first time in nearly two years quickly on FB chat tonight. Now i'm hit with a wave of nostalga.
I shall take Welshy with me. We plan to go to Stoke on the Friday and visit Waterworld and then either head to Brum to see his pal or we'll go to Derby, its my weekend off so I just need to work out Friday. No messing it up like I did today!
Mother is home and dropped a bombshell that she's BROUGHT a flat out in Lanzarote that she plans to have rented out for half the year and keep for our own use the rest of the time.
Its sounds so POSH! I remember when I was younger, worrying about how my parents would afford to pay the rent and have us evicted.
Then we brought my home now and that seemed so incredible to me and even more so when the Life Insurance paid it off and now we have TWO homes! One abroad!
We put in our paperwork for New Flat and hopefully we'll be able to move soon, 10 days to a fortnight, Welshy confidently predicts me, we'll see.
I'm gonna be living all multicultural, I assured Welshy, not only am I going to be living with a Welshman, I shall be taking up residence with a Saffa and a Kiwi.
Two guys. I dont know the Saffa all that well and Welshy knows the Kiwi better than me, but he seems a lovely sweet thing and I like him.
So its gotta be better than the horrible atmosphere last year.