Urgh,

Its been a bad few days, so there's been all the upheaval and depression that comes with The Brat moving back in and realising that once again my life is dictated around cleaning up after him, plus the fight yesterday that has set Mrs Collie back in her rehab yet again.

Today I had a hospital appointment, I lost my hearing over Covid and its been 13 months since failing the hearing test and being referred to a specialist. 

Anyway, the appointment was today at 11.30. So I let work know and confidently said, worse case scenario i'd be in by 2pm, because even if it was runnng late, it couldn't be running THAT late?

Anyway, I was seen at 11.40 so thats not too shabby, I had another hearing test that I failed spectacularly and then had another wait to see a consultant and that was about 12.15, and he told me I needed hearing aids, which i'm pretty much resigned too and putting on a brave face about, but fucking hell, those NHS ones are so huge and ugly and awful and I can't afford 3k per ear for subtle invisible inner ear ones.

So the consultant told me to go back to the waiting room, so I did and an hour passes by and then a bit longer and at 13:30 I asked the Receptionist, who went to check, and yes, I had been told to wait there, but that was the wrong place to be waiting and I should be downstairs.

So downstairs I went. To be told that I shouldn't be waiting and that I'd be getting a letter in 6-8 weeks about a fitting. 

So it was 13:50 by the time I left the hospital, and 14:45 by the time I got to the office so I was in a really bad mood and then came home and I of course had to tidy the kitchen once I got in which just added to the mood and Mother is messaging me asking me what I want for my birthday and I don't want anything, I just want what i've wanted since I was 16/17 and that's to be away from them all and have a place of my own and she just sent back those crying/laughing emojis. 

So When the Brat appeared and thought it funny to try and communicate with me only in sign, I lost my temper again and threw the TV remote at him, which hit him on the leg, he threw it back at me and stormed out.

I'm tired, I don't want this to be my life for another 20 years but there's just no way out of it apart from the inevitable and at this point, basically I'm only living out of pure spite.