So our annual end of year review.

GOOD POINTS - No one died this year. Well no one I know despite 2016's attempt at destroying people.
I still have a job.
I still have the dog and the horse.
I am slowly wriggling out of debt - another 26 months to go! God I wish I'd taken the loan sooner.
Russia - despite breaking up with Welshy, it was lovely
Exploring various places via flyball and the dog

BAD POINTS.
I am desperately lonely.
I am still so very, very poor
Its another lonely New Year and work again on Tuesday and the usual pretence about having had a good time, I feel like I've wasted this week of free leave somehow.

So as normal FUCK OFF 2016 and Hello 2017.

Its not been too bad a Christmas so far, The usual bout of lies about what i'm doing, going up to see the horse, walking the dog. I've been painting the upstairs hall and I think one more coat should do it. I was hit by a pang in the bottom of my stomach that made me feel sick when I saw that Welshy had been with his friends in London and not been to see me, but I remind myself there is no need for him to do so now.

I cut my hair off. Well I got a professional to do it. 6 inches gone and now we sport a casual little bob, I got my contact lenses back, just a pay as you wear type deal.

And here I am starting my vow early to blog at least once a week. I might have a nap now. That's the best thing about Christmas. Two weeks then I go to Rome!

So Wednesday when I blogged, I was hit by a fit of loneliness. I'd gone to bloody ASDA just to be around people, clutching my Yankee Candle and repeating silently. Fiercely. I am not Lonely. I am not Lonely.

Yesterday was a better day, I find my depression - if that's what I've battled all these years - to be hit and miss like this, up days and down days. Of course now with the dog I cannot let it win like I used to. I cannot simply spend the day sleeping in bed. She needs me. I must get up, I must get her breakfast and dinner ready, I must take her for at least two hours of exercise throughout the day.

So it manifests itself in other ways, aimless fantasies about how satisfying it would be to be fully independent, to reject Welshy should the unlikely occurrance of him suddenly appearing at my door from Russia and telling me that he had made a huge mistake.

This is another blog post for another day. The sudden realisation in the summer that, I had fallen out of love with him a long time ago, and my grief was the grief of losing my best friend and the fear of being alone. Well I'm alone now, and I was alone before him and I was alone when he was away. So what's the fucking difference really?

So Thursday after work I made a really nice (even if I say so myself) bacon and mushroom carbonana, I started to paint the upstairs hall - context - It has been bare plaster work for 6 years and I tidied the kitchen and I did some writing.

I kept busy. I mean I am busy every day, dog walking, work, horse riding, Spanish, tidying up after my brother's filth. Flyball. But focused busy. I have a plan.

Today I took the afternoon off. I made an appointment to get contact lenses again. I rode the horse early and then came home, made another pasta dish and did some more painting. I booked an appointment to get the brakes checked on the car. I can afford such things now!

I am taking next Wednesday off. Then we close on Friday for Christmas, I was dreading it a little, all that time with nothing to do but drift aimlessly. I have a plan.
The dog is overdue some nice long walks. I have not had my haircut in two years. I am going to book a real appointment in a real terrifying hairdressers. I realise my outdoorsy lifestyle means I cannot have too drastic a change, but I'm going at least to get a trim and be baffled by words like feathering, and layers, and highlights and lowlights.

I will finish painting the hall, at least the first coat. I will do some necessary repairs to the aviary. All being well I shall return to work, with new hair and new eyes so to speak! A minor image change!

And then I am at work for two weeks and then I am going to Rome which I did promise to tell you about and I shall explain the circumstances behind this soon.

But now, in my upcycle of motivation. I'm going to tell you my new years resolutions.

1 - I will sit the DELE A2 exam finally. February or April.
2 - I will blog - if not every day, at least once a week.
3 - I will go on at least one foreign holiday by myself.
4 - I will write that story, and see what happens with it.

I set myself various challenges to achieve before 30. Some remain and will probably remain uncompleted, like having my own home, yes I can speak Spanish but I do not class myself as fluent, I would like to reach B2 level before I would class myself as that, that may take a long, long time, but I am shitloads better than this time last year, this time two years ago. Fuck I'm a shitload better than 4 years ago when I lived in Spain.
Most took longer to achieve than I planned.

Tomorrow People. I will tell you about my planned trip to Rome.

There are good days and bad days in my life, and I expect there this will continue with battling the bad days more than the good but I have to remember that I am a fucking awesome human, who has seen and done some pretty cool shit and that should be enough to get me through the bad days.

In November I went out to Grotty - first trip in 6 years. I tied it up with a Spic course - actually had conversations - however stilted with people! Super chuffed with myself. The course I found harder and harder as the week went on although it was stuff I had covered.

I scuba dived as well and that was pretty cool and it was bearable being with them and then Mother came home (she has just gone again) three weeks later.
She has been given a preliminary payment from the wills of 68k. Remember how she said that I could have a third of whatever she got?
Yeah she forgot that. She said she didnt want to give me anything as she didnt want it wasted on paying off debts.
The debts that I got into after getting sacked after looking after her and being the go-between between her and her ridiculous family.
I cried. I have had to visit the pub up the road to go to the loo when I couldn't afford toilet rolls, had to choose between repairing shoes with holes or buying enough food for the week. I who blow a stupid amount of money on repaying loans and credit card bills and buying items like bleach, and lightbulbs and bin bags despite the Brat earning more than me, he refuses to spend out on anything.
Remember when the job centre refused to give me any money because I went to an interview rather than go sign on, despite giving them all the proof needed?
Remember when they told me I could get an emergency loan and then pay it back out of the JSA?
Remember when I took time off of work to support her in Court after their trumped up excuses and taking time off of work to go see Nanny?

Yeah. I do. I have had the thoughts of 20k - hell even 5k would clear my debts to keep me going for the last two years. And then it got snatched away.

She did  - to be fair - give me a thousand pounds. That's a 1/3 of my credit card paid off. And I was never mentioned in the will and therefore I cannot say or do anything. I am not my family. I will drag myself out of fucking debt my own way and if it means my only hope is now gone, then so be it.
I am not as fucking broke as I was this time last year having to accept a food parcel from E and P's mam.

Hell I even brought a Yankee Candle tonight and if that's not burning money I don't know what is!!

Xmas is coming and i'm feeling goddam lonely, but that will be a post for another night - including how I managed to book myself onto a flight to Rome which I realise makes a mockery of above or alternatively shows how I've managed to free myself so much that I can book these things. Maybe this time next year I could consider a longhaul flight although doing so alone frightens me.
But again a post for another day.

I've felt very guilty about the gaps in blogging.
I miss venting on this.

I took a bank loan to clear my overdraft. I feel really good about this, bizarrely its a good move (I hope) yes I've dipped back into it by about 200 pounds, but I got things I have been waiting and needing for ages. Like new back tyres, like new bedding (mine was more hole than sheet), I bought more food than actually needed so I can start to replenish supplies.
I was quite cross that there was a week in August that I bought a pack of four loo rolls. When we ran out, I literally had no money to replace them. We went through them in a week. I bought a back of 16 this month. We have used two. How do you figure that out?
Now I need to remain sensible. I obviously have to pay it back, its spread over 16 months, a realistic figure to pay.
I still need things. New brake pads are the most pressing outstanding item, but I'm going to do that in the November pay run. I've been picking up little bits of overtime each month - each little bit would be enough to cover the months repayment, but its still a doable figure should I not get that bit of money.
In February I foolishly booked flights to Grotty thinking I would be out of debt and could afford a Spanish exam and intensive course. Well of course thats not the case, but I'm going to use this months little bit of overtime to pay for the Spanish course and Mother and TMWMitW are going to also chip in for it.
Its such a weight off of my mind knowing I can buy food now, and not necessarily yellow stickered food.

 I bought daffs and tulips for the Grave, its made me sad to think of it neglected, and I thought that, being annual plants it would be ok but I've since found out that there are plans for a whopping slab of stone over the top. So I started to dig over the front garden. A project that has been neglected since we moved in - Sometime around 1998 - Its a hard slog and I struggle to find time, but I plan on planting a border and hopefully getting some turf to make a lawn.

I want to tell you the story of my Grandparents. I'm thinking of signing up to ancestory.com or similar to see if I can find out more.

It is hard now that there is no one to ask - but they were of the generation that didn't talk of their feelings or emotions - but theirs is an interesting story, of child-loss and working in mines and being sent to fight in Korea, of mother and baby care homes.

I will make it in Word I think and then it will be easier to edit and then I shall record it here.

The dog is doing amazingly well at her flyball. I love it, I love her. The horse nearly got sold and then came back again and now L has realised she needs more than she is getting at the current yard. I am currently losing riding mojo- I always do at this time of year when the nights draw in and the thought of mucking out and riding in frost and dark for months and months is almost too much to bear.

TP and TJ visited and we saw the Harry Potter Play. It was good, the effects made it really, storyline a bit naff but I'm keeping the secrets for those who haven't seen/read it.

Welshy is back in Russia. He was home for a bit over the bank holiday but now is gone again. We still talk semi-regularly, send each other Facebook links to things that may amuse.

I am starting - no I am lonely - but I dont understand how people meet people nowadays, nor how people have time for relationships. I made a timetable tonight, to try and use my time more effectively. I have genuinely scheduled weekend naps.

I don't particularly want a relationship either, but I want the person who has my back bit. Someone I could talk to about everything and anything, that endless conversation.

until then I have ice cream and I've learnt to make cheesecake and I have a dog asleep on my lap, what with that and vodka, who could ask for more?!

So the days roll on. I sometimes get lonely but I am busy.
V's owner has a list of people she is trying to set me up with. The Flyball team suggested someone.

What am I supposed to do to these people? Fall and grovel at their feet begging that "yes, please set me up with X Y and Z. Oh God anything to stop this loneliness."

Instead I smile politely and feign interest.

My frustrations mostly come from not having the money to celebrate doing what I like, like holidays. But whatever. I buy what ice-cream I like now instead of having to find one that suits us both. I'm gonna go to a heavy horse show on Saturday.

I carry on with my life pretty much how I did before. Yes sometimes there are satisfying fantasies about finding someone, or him coming back to me, but i'm happy enough on my own.

Meanwhiles the probate/will row rumbles on. The copywriting issue rumbles on and I await the results of both.

Gotta say how much i'm loving Wales in the Euro's. Obviously cos of Welshy I've watched a lot of their matches over the last nine years and this is the best I've seen - especially that game against Belgium!
Have a cheeky quid on them to win the thing - 66 to 1!
Also loved Iceland, super sad they're out. Least said about England the better though!

Welshy came back, was a little odd but nice to see him. Horse was broken for a while but is getting better now and we've had a couple of really good lessons.

My laptop has been on the verge of death for several weeks, there have been many things I've wanted to talk about but the fan overheats and then it dies.
However - hurrah - today I got my nice new fan ordered - thanks Amazon! - and we're cooking on gas again.

So we've been out and about at flyball competitions which drag me all over random parts of the home counties all weekend. We've been riding lots, I'm tentatively thinking about registering myself for an A2 DELE exam which is basically the equivalent of a A grade GCSE.
Work is ok, busy organising our next fun day. I went and spoke to the representatives at Greenwich Council about saving a field that I walk my dog on from development (Greenwich sadly is no longer green and lovely, it is developed greatly from when I started this blog and tower blocks are everywhere and no infrastructure to cope.) Somehow from this I became the elected Treasurer of a local residents association.
Mother is embroiled in more legal action regarding Nan and Granddad's wills, it all rumbles on. It is thought that all children get 60k, not sure if this includes inheritance tax, so a bit less than the 100k we initially thought but beggars can't be choosers!
Theft, libel, harassment are all flung about on a daily basis. I snapped and gave them all a peace of my mind and then threatened to do them for harassment separately if they continued to pester me.
TMWMiTW is busy trying to find out if one of his songs was copied by someone else who made it rather famous (all I can say on that really at this stage) and I'm made to write them letters to solicitors and deliver it.

The Brat remains a millstone around my neck, between all the above and the daily walks of a minimum of 2 hours that the dog needs I somehow am the only person who cleans and tidies the house, sorts out his dirty washing - or at least removes it back to his room from where it takes up residence about the house, I go on treasure hunts to find plates and cutlery so I can wash them so I have something to eat off of, I buy out of my meagre wages all the necessary items for a house, bin bags, bleach, washing up stuff.

Welshy has been in Russia for 2 months. He comes back to spend the night before going to Wales and then back down south to Folkestone. In March he moved all his stuff back to Wales and it hurt.
Yet we remain civil, we talk nearly every day as before, although obviously not as much. Not sure what it will be like tonight. We will see.

H2 did a flying London visit, was great to see her and TP and TJ come to visit in a fortnight and we're off to see the Harry Potter Play. Super excited.

I voted for the first time! Unfortunately it was not a positive experience. Leaving the EU. I am awaiting Gestapo boots on my street demanding passport checks.

It is all very interesting watching it unfold, I am trying to remain positive about it all and hope for a huge fall in house prices to something that I could perhaps one day afford and the return of passport stamps every time I bumble over to Europe.

Life goes on and at the moment it is sunny, I am taking a break from cleaning the house to watch England/Australia in the rugby and later I am going to get excited cheering Wales on in the Euros.

Not the biggest fan of Liverpool FC I think their fans are whiney and deluded but once a long, long time ago my housemate started taking an interest in football and Sheffield Wednesday FC. She had no idea of what Hillsborough represented and I insisted the first time I went to a game with her that we found the memorial and she asked whether it was the fans fault and I tried to explain that we might never know, but everyone knew really it was the police's, the stewards, those in charge on the day.
I've been to many games at Hillsborough, both in the home end and in the away end and I've tried to visualise that day. But you can't. No one should go to football and not come home. No one should have had to wait that long for the truth to come out.
Reading the reports today, watching the footage and it makes my heart ache and even makes me close to tears. 
Justice has been done at last. 

Phew- Blogger went a bit mental for a few days and I have been unable to post.

So he moved back to Wales last Thursday. I kept telling him he didnt need to go. He kept insisting that he did. I think he has realised now how hard travelling about for his job is from there though!
He is coming back next Friday and then probably back to Wales from there.

It's hard to think about but yet surprisingly easy how we have slipped into just communicating a few times a week, instead of almost every hour. It still breaks my heart and he is on my mind a lot but yet life goes on and its almost normal. I am grateful that we have always been a bit "long distance" as it makes this easier to bear but I am still lonely without him. I guess its the missing the contact and companionship more than anything else.

Dog went for her first flyball. She was overwhelmed and frightened by it all but tried so hard and I was so pleased when she did it for me on her final run.

Horse is going well.

I am still so poor. I have for the last three months concentrated on paying off my credit card debt and it is so frustrating this time of month when I still have 11 days till payday, my bank balance reads 0 and yet I have 215 pounds (alright its not a lot but its a start and I have dipped into it a little this month as the dog threw up in the car and I needed new jods as well as having it cleaned after). I can only access this for card payments. I cannot withdraw any nor transfer it into my normal account. I guess this is a good thing as it does make it harder for me to blow it but at the same time God it's frustrating.
In 11 days time though I shall be rich again (I HATE living payday to payday) and I can move enough over to make it up to 400 pounds of debt repaid and then even if i inevitably break into that at this point next month I will still not use all of that and its a slow, slow crawl towards financial stability!
Only another 2,400 to go and then I can work on the overdraft!! So should be debt free by oh I don't know 2020?

In a way its like he's away - which technically he is.
There's been a couple of moments which ache my heart. Like now. It's now been nearly 36 hours since we spoke and this is normal I tell myself but this is the longest we've gone for 10 years without communicating. I guess this is an unwanted record that keeps on growing. I rarely speak to my other friends weekly - I consider it keeping in good contact if I do it fortnightly!

I'm slowly starting to tell my friends, although less than three or four know at the moment. Its still I guess a bit of a hard thing to admit.
We spoke before he went away. I pushed him away a lot, always worrying that he would let me down, trying to protect myself from getting hurt (did a bad job there) being flippant, making him do all the running when it came to him visiting me because I was so insecure. (probably not much better now tbf) of course that hurt him. What i'm trying to say I guess is that I realise neither of us are blameless. We're not the people we were 10 years ago, not even 3 years ago. I still remain hopeful that the contact will stay however.

I'm just going to throw out here now that TMWMitW wrote a song a while back, he now suspects that this song was stolen and recorded by someone rather famous. Legal advice is being consulted. We'll see what happens there.

Still no news in regards to my inheritance.

Sunday was awkward. We didn't really speak. Monday he told me he was going back to Wales and he did and returned last night.
I ended up weeping to my boss at work about it on Monday but now the shock and pain has died away a little and perhaps he is right that it is for the best.

He is back now and today we walked the dog in Greenwich Park and he talked about how his brother is coming to collect some of his things.
Although things he doesn't use often. I guess he is slowly going to move himself back up there, although I'd love him to stay here, I realise that might not be possible.

So we endure, we start planning a new life away from him. I've booked a week off at Easter and am toying with the idea of taking the dog to Hampshire for the week if I can get a cheap enough deal. I could see CL there too, it has been years since I saw her last.

They are in the process of selling Nan and Granddad's stocks and shares. We have cleared their house now. I hope that when that's done, the inheritance can be sorted and we can move on from there.

Mother seems to think it could be done by the end of the month. I'm anticipating April.

I'm planning my first ever solo holiday - it will be a treat for when I clear 700 pounds worth of credit card debit or when I get my share of the inheritance. It wouldn't be far or long. Just a long weekend in Europe somewhere.
Everyone has to start somewhere and when I have enough courage about going away alone then I can try long haul. To the places I've always wanted to go but Welshy hasn't been keen. Canada. Australia. We'll see what happens. Obviously I need money first.

I've been trying to do some research into what to do with it. I'm hoping for 25k once all is said and done. Unfortunately that's not enough for a home of my own in London or even the outskirts of NW Kent which is local.

I'm considering the idea of buying a place up in Derbyshire and renting it out. At least I can then have some additional income and should I become unemployed for any reason again I can sell it.

We'll see.... knowing the way my luck goes. I'll be lucky to get 25p and be here this time next year attempting to get out of my debts still...

I loved St Petersburg. Russia was cold - not as cold as ancipated - but so, so pretty. The architecture especially the churches, the winter palace and the Hermitage.
We explored, got caught in a snowstorm, stumbled over ice. Ate pancakes, swam and made use of the sunas and restaurant where i ate in pitch darkness. I really recommend it to anyone and I'd love to see Moscow now.

Welshy and I broke up, its been on the cards for 2 years. We tried to do it in November. 10 years of friendship, 9 years dating and its over and that's quite scary.
He stayed in a different hotel to the one we booked. I spent the evenings alternating between hysterical sobbing and loudly bellowing out break up songs.
I relied on him to keep me strong for so long and he relied on me, and now its stifling, we don't talk any more.
He will be back upstairs in mums room this week and then away for three with work.
Then who knows. I don't want to lose him at all but today and the silence around each other has been horrid so perhaps best he moves out when he can.

During the day i can make grand plans and tell myself i will be ok. In the evenings i crumble and i wosh i was stronger. I am frightened of life without him - he has been the only person to care about me for a long time and life alone seems strange but i am so glad we don't have kids or a place of our own or any commitments past the animals.

I remind myself that what will come will never be as hard as what i have endured and i cross my fingers that, that is true and i will continue to endure.

Bit later than planned but here's my 2015 roiund up!

It was a meh year. Which the older I've got, the more I realise that's a terrible thing to say. I spent the first two thirds slowly paying off various debts and now I'm working on that credit card. (300 quid paid off out of a 2,800 debt!) so we're getting there slowly, and then can work on the overdraft. I would like it to be quicker but at the same time I've made as many cutbacks as I can although I know that I could do a LOT more such as stop riding but I have to maintain my sanity in this house somehow.

I also travelled this year - again not as much as I'd have liked but I went to the Baltics which were surprisingly pretty. Copenhagen was a bit of a disaster and took a long time to get the compensation back for that. Helsinki was a bit "meh" and very expensive so I probably could have done more if I had money, but I didn't so hey ho.

I got a dog! That was an amazing upside. I have bored everyone on Facebook with endless pup photos and statuses. She makes me laugh daily. She is great company when Welshy is away and encourages me to go out and not sit at home eating or being bored. I have spent a lot of the last 11 days thinking up adventures for her and we've been clocking 9 mile walks!

I have continued riding and I'm definitely better than this time last year. I had a huge confidence knock but I've learnt how to sit rears, hold a bit of a contact, how to wobble my way over 70cm jumps with vague competency, I learnt how to feel if she's lame.

My Nan died. This has led to the usual dramas. URGH. House clearance was slightly awkward. Obviously Mother and Boy were completely useless for this and as always I had to pick up the pieces. I can't wait for it all to be finished!

I've carried on learning a little Spanish - not sure if its improved at all and I've spent the last 11 days teaching myself half-hearted Russian in preparation for my trip at the end of January.

Work is ok. Sometimes boring, sometimes manic, sometimes frustrating. I'm learning lots and sometimes spending my days playing facebook games. I'd like more money but I know more money doesn't exist and I technically got a pay rise when London Living Wage went up.

Me and Welshy are drifting. Are we falling apart? I don't know. Maybe this time next year we won't be together. Maybe we will. I'm not too sure what to say about this or even how to process it in my head, although I'm not falling apart about it as much as I was last year.

My goals for 2016 are as simple. Carry on clearing the credit card and overdraft debts. I'd like to be at least out of the credit card debit by 2017, of course there is the hope that I'll get something once Nan and Granddad's wills are sorted and that would clear both!

The remaining goals from before I turned 30 remain. To have my own home and my own horse. I'd like to reach 30 countries this year travel wise (current total 26).

I'll try and be better with this as well.

So happy new year if you're out there.

Xmas was ok. I rode, I walked the dog. Skyped Mother and made a roast dinner for me and The Brat.

He ate his in his room and that was the last I saw of him all day.

I've been doing 5-7 mile walks most days.

Went out with work people on 23rd. Got absolutely cunted. Threw up twice when I got home. Out to see Lovely tonight. Urgh. I hope my year of enforced sobriety hasn't destroyed my ability to drink. I had the worst hangover (and I don't get hangovers!) the next day.

Simply ages between blogs.

Life is busy. Spanish lessons, work, riding, puppy (she has started flyball classes and loves it - first comp next Easter), quizzing...

I didn't renew my season ticket. I am glad of this - can you imagine me putting this when I started this blog?? I can't afford to go, I don't want to go. The football is appallingly bad. The way the club is run now is appallingly bad.

We are going to Russia - St Petersburg in January.

I think me and Welshy are splitting up. I don't know. To be honest I am not as affected/heart broken about it as I was last Summer.
He says he loves me but he isn't in love with me. He has moved upstairs to Mum's room, night times are awkward and I find it hard to go to bed knowing he is upstairs.

He has realised that he has - at times - treated me quite badly, to be fair, he has always been there for me for stuff like Dad, Mum, Grandparents, Sackings....

But yeah, he's never supported me in my attempts to leave home, even though he knows how much I hate it here. Even doing his best to scupper attempts, he doesnt pay rent or contribute like he should and I had to point out to him that it is me who does 3 walks a day with the dog while he sits about in his PJ's.

He is depressed/battling depression and I get that and I think this affects his thinking.

The finance officer at work has been away for a bit and he has been stepping in to help out, he says the work is boring but he likes the wage - a substantial amount more than I get per hour! In fact he could do 3 days a week and be on the same salary as me. I am as much amused by that as I am hating it.

I don't know what it will be like to go to Russia and stay in the same room/bed if we are broken up.

We've spent nearly a third of our lives together and I told him the thought of losing him completely from my life kills me. He is my best friend. He knows more about me than anyone else, more than I even put here on my top super secret diary.

The change from best friends to lovers was slightly awkward, and I'm guessing the change back would be just as awkward, I'd prefer him to stay here, upstairs. I don't know how much longer he'd be needed at work but if he became a proper staff member that would be preferable to him going back to Wales as has been mooted.

I am just leaving him to make his mind up really. If he stays then there must be support for me, as sad as it is, I am 32 living at home. I want my own place to decorate and do as I wish and not have to tidy up or even flush the toilet after my brother (who is 30 btw) and fret that he has come home drunk and left the gas on (as he has been known to do).

Tomorrow is the end of an era as I go to Nan and Granddad's for the last time and collect the dolls that were left to Mum in Nan's will and select a few more items that she wants.

I have had to be the go between for this. Mother refused to speak/email them directly. Even to ask them for the items I wanted.

I hope that this means things are moving forward and once the house sale is completed then the inheritances could be sorted. The house has gone for (I believe) 80k. Plus stocks, shares, accounts and life insurances I think everyone could get 100k. Mother said that she would split 50k between me and The Brat. Its not really enough for a deposit,
Who knows? I need at least 5k to clear my debts, which ARE going, just not as fast as I'd like. I am thinking of using another 5k on the horse I've always wanted. Leaves me with 15k.

I will have to take advice on what to do with it. I don't want to waste it but I have no idea about investments and shit like that. We'll see. It may well be a lot less. If I just got 5k to clear my debts I'd be happy.

I have reached my year anniversary at work. (well from my temping days anyway) I still like it, although sometimes it's frustrating and exhausting. We had a panto company come and there was some panic over if we'd make a profit from it or not.

We finish for xmas on the 23rd and I'm looking forward to two weeks of chilling out and just riding and walking the dog. It will be me and The Brat again. Let's see what happens.

There wasn't enough money for the funeral. Everyone was to contribute 600 pounds. This caused a shit storm.
"How can there not be enough money?"
"Because Granddad's funds have not been released yet and there was a fucking 10k court case"
"I think there should be more than enough money. Perhaps the Courts would be interested to hear this, and know that L (mother) had a holiday to Las Vegas booked."

FFS.

Anyway, money eventually got released from Granddad's funds. The funeral went ahead (the coffin was rather spiffing - if a waste of money) They tried to speak to me I ignored them and left as soon as was polite.

It has rained a lot, I have done some Spic practise, Welshy has been home and now back in Austria. We took puppy to a dog festival and she caused a screaming scene in all the dog show competitions for Welshy outside the ring.
She loved flyball and search and rescue and chase the lure have a go games.

We did an agility have a go, and were just a bit too late to have a go at a working gundog scurry have a go.
Went to the stables today and poor V pulled a shoe while riding.

So lets update as I feel the situation on here is stupid enough to need a full update.

• The death certificate was wrong. As in the wrong maiden name and date of birth.
• Before registering the death (a full 6 days after she died and three days after telling mum it wasn't for her to do) they went to the care home and demanded the 200 pounds that she had in her pocket money account there.
• They arranged the funeral for Sept 14 - 35 days after she died as they all have holidays booked.
• They want the most expensive coffin as "mum deserved the best" which is a shame that they argued that she didnt need to go into a home, didn't need one to one care after her fall earlier this year where she broke her hip.
• They want to take the coffin on the Woolwich Ferry. I have no idea of the logistics of this.
• They had to change the date to Sept 15. They realised that there is no money for a funeral as the care home fees are 60k. 
• Granddad's will is now - 20 months after his death - being sorted. 
• They realised they cannot use Granddad's money for the funeral, no one else seems to have money for a funeral.
• They told Mum that they are not happy with her using Nan's money for the solicitor after the court case. This is even though the solicitor was trying to get the will sorted so it could go to Nan. This is about 5k.
• They demanded all of Nan's accounts, they clearly didn't believe the court judgement that nothing untoward has gone wrong and also the finances up to Nan's death. I expect there will be some fallout there.
• Nan and Granddad's house was up for sale briefly at 475k.  I know of one account that had 10k in, another that as of Jan last year had 17k. There may be others. There is life insurance, there is stocks and shares. I think best case scenario is that the estate is worth 600k. There are 6 siblings. Is it worth all this drama and hassle? I'd be well away if I was given 100k. Apparently it is worth the drama.
•  We still have no idea who has paid the council tax and utilities for Nan and Granddad's old house. My cousin has been squatting in there since Granddad died. Judging by the above do you guys think they'd let him stay there out of goodness of their hearts? Do you think he's accessing money from another account? Its entirely possible!
• Yesterday I found out that my uncle I has got the police to investigate my uncle M who is a will executor and although not whiter than white in this whole sorry fiasco is the last person I'd expect to be accused of embezzlement. M is a solicitor. His entire career is now in jeopardy. Is throwing your career away worth 600k at most? I can't imagine so. 

I think that's everything guys. I'll update as and when more drama occurs.....

It was my birthday. I turned 32. Nan's funeral is scheduled for the 15th of September as they all have holidays booked. So she sits rotting in a morgue for 36 days. Everyone is fighting over money. I even have vague dreams about what I might get and then feel a little bad.
We had a community fun day at work that I organised, it went well. Welshy is in Serbia and I had a very bad day yesterday.
I have done some small gardening and went to Willowtree. The lady who owns it is selling up so we went for a last look.
Nostalgia. The first place I made friends, Like P and E. A place I have known and felt at home since I was 6. The place that inspired a lifetime of horses, memories of mini-adventures, laughs, sadnesses, horses that I've known and loved, tears and loss and regaining of confidence around horses. I always thought it would be there. I hadn't visited in I don't know how long. 2009? 2010? The place was run down, hardly any horses, hardly any staff. Standards slipped - never ever would we have left an empty haynet in a stablefloor with a horse.
I hit a car at the stables I visit now. I fear it to be an expensive insurance job - apparently both sides of the bumper need replacing not just the side I hit?
They all had a party there and I wasn't invited. I tell myself I don't mind but I'm a little hurt I didn't get invited. My paranoid self tells me its cos no one there likes me. Real me tells me to stop acting like a child and oversights happen.

So Mum went to register the death today.
Only to be told by Uncle D that it was nothing to do with her, that she wasn't to interfer and he would make all the arrangements and to pass over Nan's finances immediately. Oh and the funeral would be at some point in September as "we all have holidays booked".

Mother went hysterical, flew back to Grotty this afternoon. I'm here to pick up the pieces as always. She took my house and car keys with her.
That's a bit of a nuisance really.