Wee update for you all.

Start job two weeks ago, its been fine so far, a lot quieter than I'm used too, feel like i'm only doing half my job. Gonna chat with them Monday about changes I want to implement because frankly. I'm quite scared about what they can get away with being off framework and I might be a lazy cow but I like to feel like I'm earning my money.
Resenting staying there till 6.30. I guess in scheme of things its no different to the 8.30-6pm I did at Tower Bridge. Also discovered last week am expected to work a 6 day week.
Fuck That.
Seriously Fuck That.
I'm quite happy to have everything pro-rata-ed if neccessary to only do 5 days a week.
Been staying with E and her partner during week. Its ok, feel a bit in the way but I guess that'd happen whereever I statyed.
Boy has not fed any of the animals at all while I've been away. FFS I said he could do them every other day. You can get away with that during the Summer when they eat less and the water doesnt freeze overnight.
Its a 5 minute job really.
Found a possible house to move into, at top end of our budget but might let me take birds up there. Will book some time off first week of September when Welshy is home and we can make appointments and stuff.
Riding is down to Fridays and Sundays now. Two Pretty good sessions.
Crashed car today (all is fine) was attempting to pull out to turn right on busy road, edged when safe halfway across lefthand lane, was looking at right hand side judging when I could move on, quick glance left, saw white car slowing to stop. Edged forward to the safe box in the middle of the road between two Islands to see if I could move on.
SCRAPE! Goes the car, some cunt had decided that he couldn't wait for me and had tried to drive around me and was in my safe spot.
No damage to his car I think, mine is missing some paintwork on the bonnet but thats all. Was very shocked, drove terribly all the way home, will have to see if I can patch that up before Mother comes home

Mother is her usual wonderful self. Telling me that they now have a combined income of e2K out there, which is fucking loads for Spain.
Moaning how she has no money herself but yet she is diving all the time, going to the bars with him while he works most nights, they have a cleaner ffs.
I get home about 10.30 on Fridays and then spend most of my Saturdays running around doing all the errands she sends me messages for Saturday, and then trying to tidy the house a bit after the boy hasn't bothered all week.

She comes home 2nd week of September to talk about what will happen to the house, vague talks of selling it, giving us some money each for a deposit, vague talks of seeing if she can access all of Dad's pension at once and giving us some of it for a deposit, using the rest to do up the house and then look for someone to rent it.
Would be nice if that could happen! Won't hold my breath!!

I got offered the job hurrah! I start on Friday!

Went to Spain last week, spent some time in Bilbao and San Sebastian before heading back to Bumpkinville for the main event, their yearly fiesta.
Was crazy, wine and fanta showers, dancing in garages, foam cannons, giants, fireworks, eating meals with ridiculously rich people in garages, eating beans, a bulb of garlic and drinking champagne, marching bands and a tribute Queen concert sung in Spanish that was really good.
We left for a 17 hr trip home on 3 hours sleep then I woke up early the next day and took P and her mum and L to E's and we went to the Butterfly Project which I was too tired to enjoy really. Yesterday car was MOT-ed. Two new tires needed :-( only 300 left in my account... time to work on extending the overdraft as that won't last until payday, not that I know when payday is!!
Had a decent sleep today so I feel normal at last and I joined a website for language exchanges so I can practise Spic a bit more via Skype. So far I've had 38 replies since 9pm last night!!!!

Drove to Bedford and back on my own for a rather random second interview. I do love the location, pretty lakeside. I sat by it for half hour before going in and I could feel it soothing my mind.
E has offered a temporary bed should I need it, she is only 30 mins away apparently near Watford now, so I can give it a month to see how its getting on and that should clear a large chunk of my overdraft so we'll go from there.
Told them I'd only do it for 20-21k which looks like being plenty and also voiced my concerns over working ridiculous hours. I understand that in compliance you do need to perhaps stay till 5.30/6.00pm but till 7 is stupid and stops any work/life balance, especially with a potential long old commute at the end of my day!
Welshy is back on Monday, he elected to stay in Germany for the WC final, bit sad about that but I'd do the same in his situation!
I got housing benefit! Hurrah! Such a sponger, still waiting and hoping that they'll send me backdated stuff cos that'll clear mr overdraft too!
Things are looking up!

Just watched Germany beat Brazil 7-1. I already believe this to be the best World Cup I've ever seen but this score line is just beyond anything I've ever seen in any game of football ever.

Came back in from the interview. Joke company, knew that already. long hours as in Tower Bridge, 4.5k less money. Career wise I'm better off going to Bedford.
Ended up having an argument with Mother about me driving there and back every day. Be a 4 hour commute in total.
She basically put a guilt trip on me saying how if I go then she will have to sell the house and what about Brat? How she can't afford to live.
Telling me that I take her for granted. That I blow hot and cold with her.
I dont know what to do. Moving away from everything is a huge step but its the step I've craved for 10 years since returning home. I'm scared that if I go and get sacked I'll be trapped.
The interview with the careers person scared me and I think she's right as the latest agency basically said the same thing. Second interview to discuss my dodgey work history.
I'm scared of being trapped until I retire in a job I hate. Scared I'll go there and hate it. Scared I'll give in and stay here and remain completely miserable and bullied by them both.
Could someone please give me an answer or tell me what to do for best?!

I shit you not. This just happened.
Mum gets up. Gets keys. Puts shoes on.
"OK I'm off out now."
Me: "oh ok. Bye."
Mum: "what should I take with me?"
Me: "I dunno.  Where are yoj going?"
Mum: "to the tax office. I want to get a rebate like brat."
Me. "Oh I dunno.  Like p60's and stuff. "
Mum: "oh."
Sits back down. Makes disappointed noise.
"How do I find out?"
Me: everything is on Google mum."

Bit of a CV revamp today, pretended I was in Spain longer than I was, removed one of the temping jobs I did and pushed up the other.
Let's see if that helps.
Interview confirmed for Wednesday over in Bedford to do medical compliance. Not a company I've ever heard of, not on any frameworks. At least its supposed to be quite pretty in that area so considering it more of a day out than an interview.

Around lunchtime I emailed that company from that debacle on Thursday, having no response I called the lady, apparently their email have been down and she's not had a chance to speak to the manager regarding getting my money back.
Whatever. I will call again tomorrow about the same time and see what happens then. I NEED that money back!

I went to an interview techniques doodah at the job centre today, to work out why I have such bad luck.

Apparently my life is against me! Cos of Dad and Mum and the Grandparents, people look at my CV and without knowing the background story dismiss me as a joke. Even having done all the courses outside the museum and the secondments make me seem that I have no aim and direction.... Which I probably don't....

I then go to interviews as a bit of a "joke" candidate, much like you'd go to the zoo to see a new baby rhino or whatever.
Bit sad to hear that from people but time for action! She gave me some ideas for things to try, will liase with the job centre so I can get discounted courses and I guess.... rebuild my CV...

I got a call from an agency yesterday, having found my details on Reed. Told me about a position they know of that is having a recruitment day. I had to prepare a 5 min presentation, and be there for 8.30 for a full day.
Kingston is quite a way from me, it cost me 16 pounds to get there and I had to leave at 6.40 to get there in time. Another gentleman came from Enfield and left at 5.40 to get there, after having begged a day off of work, short notice.
So yeah. Neither of us appreciated being told that someone or another was sick and we had to go home but they were prepared to interview 4 other people (who I happened to notice were fresh out of uni and local).
Apparently they'll re-arrange for us to do it over Skype and refund costs but as of yet no one has been in touch with me. 
A - Why send the people who travelled the furthest home? 
B - Why only interview a few people?
C - Why text me at 7am to remind me to bring my passport if they knew this was happening?
D - How can I do a presentation with handouts (as requested repeatedly) over Skype?
Anyway phoned them up and demanded that I get my money back..... watch this space....

Went out with Flashy as well tonight, great fun! Ended up meeting these two lads, who tried it on a bit but were a great laugh at the end.
Always good to be chatted up with the line "So would you kill a baby?"

So she went out earlier to see "someone". I suspect will nonsense. She told me she had a meeting at Nan's care home at 2. I said no worries I'd wait for her to come back before I went to the yard. So say the meeting went on for an hour and she spent some time with Nan (which technically I can't argue against [or I could as she knows I'm waiting and can spend all Wednesday and Thursday there]), its a 10 minute drive away. So where is she at 4.20? Or at least why not have the decency to text me and say I'm going here next.
It'll take me close to two hours to get there now via bus and I'm loathe to leave in fear she'll appear and I'll have wasted a two hour trip and 5 pound on the bus when I could tootle there in 20 minutes and it not cost me anything?
URGH. I am never gonna learn am I? I am the Reek to her Ramsey Bolton.

So far car sharing includes me getting a bus whenever I need to go out in  a three hour radius of her also going out.

I went with her to the solicitors. Basically woman got bitchslapped. Told to stop shirking her duties and delegating everything and step up to the plate. All of this drama could have been stopped with one phone call in February. Found it quite hard to keep the smirk off of my face and hide the annoyance that I've been dicking about as always trying to sort out her messes when she literally just needed to call social services and put them on the case and they would have dealt with it all.

Also. I got hit with the bombshell that he's asked her to marry him. Apparently she told him it was up to the children what she did. Boy will not be down with that. I am not keen either. She's known him a year FFS. I said this. She pointed out that she knew Dad a year. She was 18 then, had nothing. Now she's 50. Old enough to know better and owns a house.

 He has nothing. If she marries him he would be entitled to half of it. I don't even know if it was serious and she said yes or not. I may be worrying unnecessarily about that but the fact that it's been brought up means that it will again, and she may not give him the same answer again.

She also mentioned yesterday changing her will. I didnt think too much of it, I've seen her will. Its dated 1996, so long before Dad ever got sick. Before we owned our house. But Now the thought is: Would she have the sense to make sure the house only went to me and Boy? Would she leave it to him?
Have I been watching too many TV dramas to be fearing the worst????

She came back yesterday. Wasn't expecting her until tomorrow. Course the living room was a mess cos Boy lives down there now and I spend all my time in my room (which come to think of it, would have been good training for the medical trial had I got it). So yeah, told off for not tidying that. Told off for tidying snotty tissues and 4 year old Sainsburys reciepts out of the car in case I'd thrown something important(!)
And today I was asked why I had bothered to tidy the back garden when no one can see that, I should have either left it or done that and the front garden.
Which to be fair is not the expected criticism. Gone out in what I already think of as *my car* to see her friend and have dinner with her.
I expect at some point she might ask me how I am but until then I'm busy sorting out all the printing that needs doing for the solicitors. (reason she's back is that Granddad's will/estate has still not been settled and as mentioned someone is challenging her for power over Nan's finances.)

Today I learnt I have two birth certificates.  One for when I was born and one for three years later.
My original one confirms that mother wasn't married to Dad when I was born, no big secret I'm in all the wedding photos.

The second is dated when I was 3 and a bit years old and confirms that mum is now married to Dad.
Which is fine you know. Except it was done a year after my brother was born and 2 years 9 months after their wedding.

Well just call me Meg 'afterthought' Griffin from here on in...

"DEAR MEG. FOR THE FIRST FOUR YEARS OF YOUR LIFE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A HOUSECAT."

Its good to know I'm the only idiot who pays Mother rent in this house, that she's too dumb to realise no one else is paying her and that the others laugh at me for paying up blindly and for even considering giving her all the housing benefit should I qualify for it...

I got summoned on Friday to an agency office on Monday, to be put forward for a role within the NHS, I really wanted it, it sounded exciting, it paid well, I had visions of being able to move out, to solve all money crisises and problems forever. I thought it was fate, that it was part of Perfect Friday, having passed my test.
Of course I didn't get it.
Went for another interview today and I'm not sure I performed as best I could for it. It was at Welshy's old halls of residence and made me rather nostalgic for those years way back when I was working in The Health Food Shop That Shall Not Be Named and a lot more carefree despite everything than I am now. Back in the day when I thought I'd be able to use my degree, and escape the Mother.
Foolish child that I was.

The driving is coming along. I *may* have accidentally forgotten to turn off my right indicator and cruised happily along the A2 for about 10 minutes before realising and I'm stalling occasionally and bunny hopping a bit, but the car is a lot more powerful, larger and longer than what I learnt in so it'll take time and every trip fills me with a little more confidence. I had a pass plus lesson and drove to Gatwick Airport which filled me with terror but yet confidence in my abilities, so yay me!

If I do not get a job by the end of this month I will give up the horse, I decided last night. I meant to do it in May but I had a few interviews and postponed it hoping. I cannot afford this expense any more. It will break my heart but there will be other horses that need riders once I am employed again.
Of course knowing my luck the week after giving her up, I'll get another job and it'll be too late!

I just passed my driving test!!!!!!

Oh dear. Mother is being challenged by someone or another for power of attorney for Nan. Obviously this is a family member keen to siphon off some of it for themselves. That is if they haven't already stripped their house bare.
Just when things down there appeared to be settled....

Oh dear. Once again naivety regarding Mother has been my downfall. I had been hoping that the housing benefit would be mine to keep - apart from usual rent that goes to her. This would mean that I can live and pretty much break even each week.
BBBBUUUUUUZZZZ!
FAIL!
After lecturing me for ages about how wonderful her life is, how she only dives 3 or 4 times a week, only eats out once or twice a week, how they have a cleaner and how she only works now 4 hours a week, I then got told how she wants all of it otherwise she will be eating into her savings.
Well hang on. I'm about 1400 into my credit card and at least 800 into my overdraft (too scared to look any more). She has 3k in savings and TBH perhaps she should have thought about this.
Or maybe I'm the one being stupid and childish? I mean if it was a normal landlord I'd not know anything about their lifestyle so it'd be one of those things. And it is kinda benefit fraud otherwise.
Welshy rightly pointed out that he doubts very much if Boy will give it to her seeing as I'm the only one out of the two of us who does pay rent at the moment! And he gets to do " I told you so." as he was unwilling to sign the contract anyway necessary for this. And now I'm fretting that she'll want all of that still if I do go get a real job.

Had an interview on Friday, hoped to hear back from them before today. Haven't. Agency called me up to see if i'd be interested in a HR/Admin role. I said yes, but I learnt in the conversation that they've merged with another charity that I interviewed with earlier this year.
So yeah, it'd be the same role so not convinced I'll get a call back or interview! Hey ho. Just gotta keep on plugging away!

It had been a really nice week with him, he was settled, funny, caring and almost like old times. Then last night before he flew away I ruined it by being tactless and acting without thinking as I usually do. Then I realised I'd said the most stupid thing and also that apologising wouldn't fix it. And then of course by the time I did apologise, he felt it was too late and I didn't really mean it. URGH.
Back in a months time and now back to stressing over him and his mental health and indirectly us again.

Drivings going ok, fingers crossed for upcoming test!

Mother and TMWMinW are back on Monday - He has an interview to busk on the South Bank for 6 weeks. So plans on giving up key holiday season time and gigging most nights in bars and what have you for 6 weeks busking. Of course me questioning this leads to accusations of not being supporting enough!

Had a job interview yesterday, think it went well, lost a bit of interest when they mentioned the long hours. Applied for housing benefit so just waiting to see if that goes through....

Still. At least if I pass the driving thats 155 pounds saved and then if I don't get the benefit I'd have to think seriously about giving up the horse. I said I would unless things improved in May.
There are 4 jobs that I'd really like (any of them) with deadlines in first two weeks of June so perhaps if the benefit comes through then I can hang on and wait for them?

Got rejected for the medical trial after being sent for a second stage screening which is a shame. 3k would have come in handy!!!

Onwards and upwards! I do feel positive though despite my dire financial situation and crashing and burning relationship!

I've depressed myself this week by realising how much in debt I am. Fingers crossed I pass this driving test soon so at least thats one less debt to worry about! Welshy comes home tomorrow and we'll see how things go...... Stupid mental illness.
Been gardening this week mostly inbetween applying for jobs. Quietly pleased at the job i've done so far. Its  shame that I can predict what Mother will say when she sees it
It'll be A. "Oooh now you'll need to keep it like that." (Well duh) or B. "Well you could have done the front as well."
I plan on starting on the front at some point, I just dislike people watching and judging. Also I can't afford flowers and shit to put in there to make it pretty. And lets not pretend. I enjoy the slicing with strimmers and secateurs more than actual gardening. Its a good thing to take my rage out on!