Thursday, September 26, 2013

Instead of being up at 6 as she usually is. She was still in bed when I left at 7.30.
empty bottle of wine and two glasses lying about.

clearly the only person in this house with an ounce of sense and dignity.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Christ today has been awkward.
The Boyfriend appeared this morning when I was getting ready for work. Clearly spent the night here and they snuck in after everyone had gone to bed. Avoiding my brother. Very Grown-up.
So awkward introductions over my peanut butter toast. Mother telling the story of how newpony booted me at the start of the year and apparently I'd put on my limp as there was no bruise at the time until a couple of days later and i wasn't limping the next day.
Because people like to walk around with buckling legs and pain that even codeine can't take away.

So yeah. Whatever.

After work we were going to tea together with Mother's friend D - who incidently shares my concerns. I hardly knew where to look.
Only once did I ever see her hold my Dad's hand, when he was sickest and hallucinating. Never did I see them kiss, or touch.
But they were holding hands, they kept hands on each other knees, there was kissing, and touching and all those little sickening moments between new couples.
And. Yes. I found it harder than I ever thought I would. I could barely look at them.He tried to patronise me with some silly question about what I'd say in an interview - He said his answer was perfectionism. I said that was generic and I'd talk about my Maths.
Not sure he liked that.
Way home and D told me to get her number off of Mum which made me suddenly feel sad and weepy - obviously I didn't show it.
On the way home and we were listening to his CD. I asked him who the biggest thing he'd recorded for was. He told me. I'd never heard of them. Told me the next people. I'd heard of them. Didn't like them.
He didn't like that.

Meant to be preparing for an interview tomorrow but tbh I feel really shaken and upset and I know its pathetic.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

So the Mother Boyfriend situation continues.
Apparently she plans on moving in with him ASAP. Granddad is going into a home now (that sounds like she's forcing him to, she's not. The situation with him has deteriorated dramatically).
So I don't know where that leaves us. I cannot live with The Brat. I cannot live longterm hiding food and plates in my room, being forced to spend all my time in my room as I cannot bear the mess in the living room and also not wanting to tidy it up.
Where will I - we - go? We can only afford to stay at home if all three of us pay mother real rent and the bills.
She suggested moving into my Granddad's house. I'm not comfortable with that tbh. And it does not solve the problem of living with the boy except that the house is big enough to separate into two. And thats only if the other family members are down with it, and I can hardly see that being the case!!!
The other problem involves my aviary. Me and Welshy could possibly afford some scummy little flat even if it involves sharing with other people. Scummy little flats do not often include gardens.
It is not fair and simply not possible to move 14 birds that are used to being outside in a spacious aviary where they can fly, climb and play as naturally as possible into a cage.
Do Scummy flats include space for tortoises?
So options become even more limited...

I am worried about this. Selfishly worried about what will become of me and my pets. Worried as well that this is all so impulsive. Leaving her job, her home (she plans on renting it to strangers if we all move out), selling her car. Leaving her friends and family for a man she met a month ago. A "songwriter" in his 50's. She wrote to someone she knows "I've spoken to him every day since. I never thought I could feel like this again."

He is coming over next week. She wisely decided against letting him stay here, which I think would blow The Brat's mind and he's already struggling to deal with this - as am I. Lets not pretend.
One month ago and Dad was still all she wanted. His clothes still in the wardrobe. His slippers still by the radiator. 7 years and still mourned.
Now 1 month has passed and she's like a lovesick teenager and I have to bite my tongue least I am accused again of not supporting her, not wanting her to be happy.
And I do. I do want her to be happy. I guess I just assumed it wouldn't change anything for me. That it'd be someone in the UK and it could be a gradual process. This is all so rushed and quite frankly I fear her getting her heart broken and being left stranded, jobless and friendless and me again having to pick the pieces up.

I am also - selfishly - worried about being homeless and what will become of my pets.

Still. Went for an interview today, that will pay slightly more so if I get that, perhaps I'd be able to save a bit more and get some kind of deposit together for a flat for me and Welshy.

I forgot to mention. STF got married on Saturday. I was unable to go due to last minute change of plans. Funny but those guys that were once so close to me, are now like strangers and missing the wedding was sad, but at the end of the day left me rather unbothered.

Saturday, September 07, 2013

Little Boss has handed in her notice and is going to another job that pays 8k a year more than we get for the same role. Work are being arses about making her work her entire notice.
They've also decided that we need a real compliance manager (not little boss who has been doing the job in all but name since January) and have hired Uber managers sister who has no experience in this field to learn from us how to do the job and manage us. I think that swung Little Boss's decision to go and who can blame her. I have another interview next Friday. I wish we both end up leaving! It will be hard with no one to support me any more.
I agreed to do two days a week starting at 8 and finishing at 4. Cunningly both on pony days. God I love, love, love that horse. I just jumped a 50 cm jump. Yes there was a bit of terror on my part but before this, back in April 20 cm was my limit.
I'm gonna spend a few weeks working on 45 and 50 cm jumps. Get my confidence up some more and then maybe go up again.
I went to a centre last week and watched some friends jump the 90 and 1m class, was a lovely venue with a bar and a cafe. They are doing dressage in October and its where bitchpony's owner competes. I'd like to go there and try and smash her, but it means hiring a horsebox so it'll all get expensive!

BIG BIG News. Mother has a boyfriend! Except she's not come out and said so directly. But lots of comments about how she spent a lot of time with him. She's gone out of the room to discuss it with her friends and she showed me a ridiculously sappy card he wrote to her, saying how much he can't wait to see her again.

Not sure how I feel about this. I obviously want her to be happy and not mope after Dad all the time. But it's weird you know? I hope he's not the kind to dick her about and can put up with her when she's not in holiday mode and she is how we know her to be.
I dunno. Such a strange feeling.