Wednesday, August 30, 2006

A man pops into the shop.
"Do you sell phone cards?"
"Phone cards, you know, to swipe and top my phone up with?"
"Err, no. Sorry."
"Oh. Ok. Do you know where I can find one?"
"The phone shop maybe? The one just down the road there? Or the one opposite us?"
I walk him to the front door of the shop and point at two of the many many phone shops in Woolwich.
Unfortunately, this coincides with another trip to our shop for The Lurker. Today he is resplendent in a sky blue jumper and mustard cap, which he has fastened to his head with the aid of an elastic band, a matching band is around his ear and he's sporting the latest style of trouserwear, as in dirty grey trackie bottoms, with one leg rolled to above the knee.
"Charby!" He greets me with delight and I cringe. "Hullo." He decides against popping into our shop for the forth time today and carries on.
I point at the shops again.
"Oh! Maybe! I never thought of that!" He beams delightedly at me and walks off and into New Look.

A man stinking most suspiciously of fags and weed wanders into our shop and stands in front of the till, swaying slightly.
The Radio crackles into life.
"[health shop that must not be named] this is Street CCTV recieving. Has this man (gives description of the man standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME) entered your store? If so be careful, he's a known thief and can be dangerous if confronted."
"Oh. Ok."
"So just keep an eye alright?"
Whoa, hang on, he's been listening to me talk about him to the CCTV control people, and now you're leaving me o deal with him.
I dont think so buster!
"I think you guys should get down here." I lie. "He's causing trouble."
Actually he's too stoned to do much in the way of movement and he staggers out the shop.

While waiting for my bus, it looks like its gonna kick off between some mouthy girls on one side of the road and two girls about 14, one is at least 8 months pregnant.
"Dont worry." She says confidently. "That whore comes over here and starts I got your back. I might be pregnant, but I can still fight that slag."
I wonder if perhaps the best thing for her is to lose the kid and then save it from a life like that.

Just another typical day in Woolwich! Hometown to all of S.E Londons nutters!

Sunday, August 27, 2006

WE won yesterday! Yeeaaahh! And there is a stranger in our midst. The Brat gave up his season ticket last year and C who is our buffer between Scary M and Mr Swindon was gonna bring her kid to sit there, and in our typically disorganised way, left her to sort it as The Brats seat is inbetween mine and E's (only he never sat there.)
Anyhoo, we got to the ground and there was a stranger sat between us and C's kid, apparently has the seat to the right and a few along. Its a mystery!
And then JF turned up in Greenwich and I took her out to the Cutty Sark pub, and we had a nice night out.

But I promised you guys the story of the man who threatened me (Over a penny!) so sit back and make yourselves comfortable.

It was a busy lunch hour and I'd been left alone while the Big Boss Lady had headed out.
Now our shop has a minimum amount to be spent on the card and thats a fiver. This indian man had stuff that came to 4.99 so I pointed out that he couldnt use his card and he'd need to get something else or I'd look after it till he went to the bank, what ever was easist.
"No!" He shouted at me. "Why should I do that? You should be able to do that for me."
"Look, our systems pretty old and feeble. It wont handle it."
"Well change it!"
"I can't!"
"Change the details to be a fiver!"
"I cant do that!"
"Well this is ridiculous! Why are you so niave? Have you no idea how a shop works?!"
"Clearly I do, and I can't change it."
By now the queue behind me has grown and there's tutting and grumbling, I'm not sure at who but suspect its me, but there's nothing I can do and then he starts ranting and raving at me, demanding to speak to my manager who is out and who anyway would say the same thing and then he starts having a go at me, calling me stupid, niave and incompetent and using all these big words in the wrong context and by now I've lost my temper with him.
"Sir. It clearly isnt me who's niave, and if you're gonna use big words, at least use them correctly"
Ooops. Wrong move Charb!
He almost turns purple with rage and then starts shouting and raving about how he only lives a short way away and I should be frightened cos he's gonna go home and get a knife and then be waiting for me when the shop closes.
Seeing as I finish a half hour before the shop does I'm not too perturbed by his threat, anyway if you took all the ones you get in Woolwich seriously then no one would go to work at all.
Although I'll admit I was shaking and wobbly-legged about the whole thing for a while afterwards!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

fucking shop lifters!

THe morning girl, caught someone behind the till yesterday and tried to pin him there, while shouting for help.
Obviously he just barged past her, and even though a lot of the the Gymmie type people where there, no one tried to help her.
(I realise I've not told yet about the man who in the middle of a busy queue threatened to stab me and how the customers turned their backs on me, I will tomorrow though!)
Today I spotted one of the druggies, (I'm so tempted to use the real names of the shoplifters but perhaps its not the best idea) trying to take bottles of shampoo from behind the counter.
So I went up to him.
"Hi! Can I help you! Yeah I know exactly what the fuck you're up to and you're not gonna get away with it.
"Shit!" Opens a bottle. "I was just smelling it!"
Yeah sure fuckwit, walk away now.

And The Lurker, who seems to have developed something of a fixation, has recently been revealed as schizophrenic. Hmm.

Also in todays shop adventures, I successfully prevented some chinese twat giving me about 200 quids worth of forged twenties (or maybe I jumped to conclusions, but as if I'm just gonna change that up for him, what do I look like a fucking bank?)

Wednesday, August 23, 2006


I love the start of the football season, all those hopes and dreams, the first wearing of the brand new shirt, the sight of old mates, reclaiming your old favoured seat, seeing the sights, hearing the sounds, the smell of frying onions and chip shop chips.
Only... its supposed to be August sunshine on a Saturday afternoon, not a wet Wednesday afternoon and its supposed to be easy opposition not fucking Man United.
The first half seemed ok, we challenged them and it seemed pretty even.
Once the first goal went in though early in the second half.
They are a bunch of cunts though! I saw that Evra and his constant foul-throwing and when he bear hugged Lukey Young to pieces and Rio throw the ball at the back of Hermann's head.

Pah, maybe on saturday we can beat the might that is Bolton!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I met Curbs today! He's my new best friend!

He was slumming it doing a book signing in Woolwich so I rushed over after work and stood in the queue!

He laughed at me too! Boo!

Well when I told him how to spell my real name!

And then I asked him how his holiday was, He was supposed to be going to New Zealand and he told me he was going in September.
So I told him off and said I was gonna use him for holiday advice and he laughed at me again, and wished me a good holiday!
So we're now best mates! Hurrah!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

fucking football.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Today on my way into work I was sat next to all the kids collecting their Alevel results (For those of you who dont know, Alevels are the exams needed to get into uni)
Its kinda scary to think that these kids collecting them now, had only just started school when I got mine.

I remember my Alevel results day very clearly, down to what I was wearing at the time.

I knew that I'd failed my Biology Exam, as I've mentioned before School wasnt the happiest time for me. And with teachers openly mocking my misery and classmates doing their very best to make me feel like shit it was hard to concentrate on anything.
In a fit of madness I decided to retake all 6 biology modules in two days, along with the final exam. Of course by the end of it I was almost ready to collapse with the stress and the knowledge that it had done no good whatsoever.
The days that I took my two English Lit exams were almost as memorable, on the first attempt my brother managed to get himself mugged, so I was worried about him and didnt go as good in that exam as I know I could have.
The second exam I ate 4 packets of sugar-free polos, they have a little warning on them, about how the mass consumption can cause a laxative effect, I've tested it again since then and I wish I'd read those warnings before hand, although whether it'd have stopped me or not from doing it is another matter...
Its kinda hard to concentrate on John Donne at the best of times, let alone when you're convinced that any minute now your bowels will open, and never ever close again.

So on the day itself I wasnt too convinced on my ability to pass them, but being the stupidly hopeful optimist that I am, remained that something might have happened and I'd have got through.

Of course I failed them miserably and to this day am the proud owner of a U in biology and an E (worst grade possible) in English Lit, I think only my outstanding (hahahahahaha) coursework pulled me through that.
So I cried, and the head of the 6th form centre, tried to tell me it didnt matter, that I could retake them in a year or so, which made me worse, I was already so miserable and so close to doing something drastic at home that I still remain convinced that another year at home and I'd have made a serious attempt on my life.
She suggested that I rang Derby which was my chosen choice anyway and see what they said.

So crying and sobbing I rang John Cassella, who will always remain a hero after his organisation of my Graduation, who suggested I take the HND route into zoology.
Which I did, and it was the best thing I ever did!
So you see, even cocking up your alevels dont mean the end of the world!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

So it was a fairly nice birthday, pretty quiet which was what I wanted.
My grandparents gave me a hundred quid too, which The Brat matched to put aside for my trip, which is ace.
Today I also got a card from Dad's Mum.
Apart from one attention-seeking phone call a week or so ago, we've not heard anything from that side of tha family, but who cares? Amused to see that the card was posted and not actually brought round to me but that's not my problem.

So what did I do on my birthday?

Well in a fit of madness (and possibly slightly drunkenness) I applied for a two week volunteer position in Bristol, working with young foals.
The woman emailed me back today and seemed pretty keen on having me, so if I can get my two weeks holiday sorted from the shop I guess that's what I'll be doing!!!
I'm pretty chuffed about it really, I miss hanging round the stables, and I've never really spent that much time around young foals.
And these will be reaching the age of teenagerdom, all lanky legs and spotty and wanting to be stroppy and stay out late and smoke at bus stops.
So they'll be pretty cute.
And as I'll be in the back of beyond, spending money will be virtually impossible (unless these foals talk me into buying them fags from the local cornershop), accomodation and food is all thrown in, so it'll be like a holiday!
Only with baby horses! And it'll look great on the CV and did I mention the cute little baby horses?
So hopefully I'll be able to arrange time away from work and the Aquarium and go play!

Monday, August 14, 2006

Happy Birthday Charby!!!!!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

How can I have not blooged for nearly a week?!
And there has been excitement of such, that I can't possibly begin to tell you!

Ok thats a lie, but it got you interested didnt it?!

So what has been going on?

Well not a lot, I'm still scolding The Mothership for trying to do housework. The Brat is still avoiding it.

Oooh oooh! But the men who came in the other week and knocked me over came back into our shop on Tuesday, He looked at me, I looked at him, smiled sweetly and rang the buzzer, he walked out minus his attempted stolen items.
I think that counts as 1-1 to both of us!
Today, while listening to the walkie-talkie that connects us to the CCTV street team, I was visted by the Community Police type people who told us that they've arrested the dudes, after they came in Wednesday and stold more stock, and they might be bringing it back to us.
So 2-1 to us! We win, thank you very much!

I've also been getting more and more hyped about this holiday thing, although I can see it taking a large portion of my savings, if not all of them.
Still if you're gonna blow them, you might as well blow it on something good!

And my season Ticket has arrived! Hurrah! Now the start of the football season is nearly, almost here! All those games I can look forward to seeing us lose! Yay!

Monday, August 07, 2006


Guess who's going on a tour of the Land Down Under in Feb next year?

I've finally got dates settled, now all thats needed is to organise places to stay, places to visit and flights!!

I'm hoping for a month in New Zealand and two weeks touring Australia starting on the 27th Jan - through to the 10th of March!

I'm gonna meet Skippy and Steve Irwin and Crocodile Dundee and see where they filmed LOTR!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Upon departing my room this morning...

"MOTHER! What are you doing?!"
"Well the bathrooms dirty..."
"No! Bad parent! Go sit down, I'll do it."

"Mam! What are you doing out here?!"
"I wanted some Cheese on Toast."
"You're not allowed to bend over, go sit!"


"What the hell are you carrying?"
"Just some small washing"
"Drop it this instant! I'll do it!"

Hmm. Something tells me she's going to be a bad patient

Friday, August 04, 2006

Mums home! yeah!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

So there I was getting all excited about the Pre season Friendly!
And we go and lose! To Welling! They aint even a real team!

Blinding own goal though!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

so mum's operation went ok, and I've been toddling up and down from the hospital and working, but the Brat has still not been up.
Ho hum, its all good, the worst is over now!