Saturday, April 30, 2005
It's possibly the most traumatic thing ever!
Balamory is coming to an end!
I remember in the summer while I was in Scotland I wanted to go to Tobermory to see the coloured houses.
Gutted to find out that I was outvoted in that trip.
I may have to invest in a DVD. After all it's obvious that this will become a classic like Dangermouse and Dungeons and Dragons.
(On a kiddie-programme related note, I found my very battered Transformers toys! Yay!)
Friday, April 29, 2005
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Is it so obvious that I'm pissed off?
This is the really whingey, whiney I'm-acting-like-a-four-year-old one.
Cos I am.
Cos I'm fucked off.
Dad has been asleep all day and Brat and Mothership at work so I've had no one to talk to, then when people do come home and wake up, all I've got is requests for me to do chores, not one nice word and now they've fucked off to bed.
AND. I've looked forward all day to the Liverpool/Chelsea game, only I can't watch it. The Brat wants to watch a war programme on BBC1, and the football's on SKY. He has his own fucking TV and SKY is only in the Living room.
Guess where he's watching his programme?
Guess what everyone's responce has been?
"You've had all day to watch SKY, let him watch that. There'll be highlights later on TV."
I'm sooo unbelieveably fucked off.
I'm sick of being a dogsbody. I'm sick of the silent accusations that I'm not trying hard enough to get a job.
I'm sick of being bored and stressed and sad.
I'm sick of getting moaned at for being online when The Brat wants to go online and chat in dodgey American chatrooms, its not my fault that most of my friends are at work during the day and this is the only time I can speak to them.
I'm unbelieveably fucked off and Goddamn it I wanna watch the football!
Highlights aint the same.
And most of all, I'm sick and tired of coming across in this as some terrible, spoilt whiny little kid.
This was supposed to be a fun thing, when I read my achives (cos im that sad) all I do is whine, whine and moan and am full of self-pity.
That's not fun for anyone, least of all me.
Course I do. I remember four years ago, standing there and wondering, and being too scared to breathe almost.
The Fear is back. Suddenly crept on me today when I sat and thought and suddenly it was Deja vu to those years ago. It's worse than ever though, or maybe I forgot how bad the Fear was, taking my breath away and hurting my stomach. I see it everyday, how he gets worse and worse.
How he can't make it up the stairs without gasping for breath and needing to rest.
I see it in the fact that he hardly has the strength to leave the chair.
I see it when he refuses lunch or doesnt have breakfast cos he ain't hungry.
I hear it when he moans about being bored, but not having the energy to do anything about it, to even get a chair to sit in the garden.
Today he has been asleep, sleeping through the builders racket and I'm reminded of the days when he'd sleep all day long and I'd creep about the house, hardly daring to go and see if he was still alive.
Outwardly, physically he looks better than he did then, inwardly its as bad if not worse.
I am scared again and home alone again with him and no better, no more ready to deal with it than I was 4 years ago, no more ready than I was in the Summer.
Remember sitting here waiting for the sound of a cough so you knew he was alive?
Oh yeah I remember... And its back and here for good.
A part-time Admin assistants job, weds-fri.
It's local, part-time so I can look for work experience for the other days, espec weekends now footy seasons coming to an end.
Plus I got another scheme up my sleeve, one that involves a bit more thinking about, and appeals to my sense of Drama!
More on that when I suss it out!
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
They reminded me of the fact that Nigel Mansell took 8 attempts to pass his driving test.
There you go.. I shall pass the test and become an F1 Driver.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Seemed like a good idea, noone really expected us to win though!
I was proud that even with my shite sense of direction I found us all the way from Charlton Station to Carrow Road.
But being me and being unable to do anything with out screwing it up, managed to get us on the carriage for the Capital Canaries. Teach us to blag our way onto an earlier train.
Norwich is a lovely place, weather was nice, even train ride was nice.
The Brat being a terrible lightweight and a pisshead to boot was drunk by the time we got up there and created havoc for the rest of the day and got us suspicious looks from the stewards.
We explored the Castle Mall shopping centre on the hunt for a Chippie, having seen other people running around with Chips in newspaper, which we wanted seeing as neither me or E had eaten chips from newspaper before, only ordinary chip paper.
Do we really have to go there?
Coulda guessed that it'd have been Matty huh?
But we got to see Delia! In a very fetching pink jacket (she wasn't drunk, how very, very sad.)
So we have Man utd, Chelsea and Palace to go...
Well, I guess there's Welling away in Preseason, we'll win then.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Oh yes Google my real name and up i pop number 10 outta 24.
- I think ive overdosed on toast... is that possible?
- Canary land tomorrow! We excited? Just a little!
- The BB has his own blog... he sounds like a special needs kid in it.
Bizarre. Toyed with the idea of telling him about this one then decided not too.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
I'm leaving the house!
First time, since..... Well this week at least, not sure if I went out at all last week either if you dont count the football, and standing at the end of my road to watch the marathon.
Its actually the first time since I went to Derby
And i'm going to be busy, busy, busy!!
I'm going to play with vampires! and sign up for an agency and whoo! It's soo exciting, true its sad and nothing really and it's sad that I'm this excited about giving blood and joining the agency but there you go!
And Friday is signing on day so I'm leaving the house in two days in a row and Football away!
A big adventure there!
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Monday, April 18, 2005
It's annoying when people tell me it took them several attempts. 3 is NOT several in any stretch of the imagination.
Its annoying when your little cousins start taking lessons and ask you for hints (or even worse TELL you exactly where you're going wrong) and for the nice theory test booklet and DSA webpage, as if you have it stored in your head from the amount of times you've taken it.
Its annoying when your friends take up driving lessons and pass while you're still taking them and have taken them for nearly two years before they take up driving, and then pass while your STILL failing.
What's worse (and the reason for this ramble) is that it starting to affect my dreams. Last night I dreamt that M from school and JF knew each other, we were in my secondary school, and they both drove, I being unable to drive was forced to sit in the back seat.
As they drove I (still in my dream) sulked, and then my teeth started to fall out. We got to M's house and I ran to the loo where I held my hand over my mouth and allowed the blood and spit and goo to run through my hands, while I caught my teeth.
Naturally M and JF were very concerned.
I remember weeping knelt over the toilet, through a mouthful of blood and spitting out the odd tooth. "Why can't I drive? It's not right!"
I think its pretty awesome that even in this teeth-falling out crisis, my main concern was my lack of driving skills.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Come on this is Charlton! We knew we'd never make it! Theres always next season, perusing (my new favourite word) the remaining fixtures with E, we were considering our chances
" Well lets face it Chelski and Man-ure still to go - that's gotta be some more 4-0 results there. Knowing our luck we'll get turned over next week by Norwich."
"Yeah... Still there's always Welling next season, we might win then."
Referee was shockingly bad, God only knows what he'd been taking before the game, what with that penalty, and the lino in front of us was shocking. (he was actually getting pretty het up by the abuse)
I thought we did pretty well in coming back after that, its just a shame that the middle was a bit piss-poor and the end after they scored we perked up a bit.
Rommedahl played well and Jeffers was good too,
Matt Holland was proper gutted at the end of it, holding his head in his hands.
London Marathon tomorrow! Hurray! I love it!
Friday, April 15, 2005
" Its all about the tweeting! The never ending tweeting and then the tap-tap-tapping!"
"Is it Tappa-Tappa-Tappa?" My Brat misses the Simpsons Quote and carries on moaning.
"Tweet-tweet, tap, tap, tweet-tweet all night long! Little tapping feet along the floor and then one of them picks up the seed-dish and keeps dropping it and picking it up and dropping it and then it's tweet-tweet and the tap tap and the scrape-bang! And then I throw a pillow and then its all about the flutter-flutter and the screaming!"
I take it that he doesnt appreciate sharing a room with my birds, since losing his room due to an unwary builders foot.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Let's review the facts.
- Bargain Hunt is one of the most awesome daytime tv shows EVER.
- David (or The Duke or That Orange Dude) IS a legend! (Oh My God! The Legend has his own website!)
- No one is allowed to diss Bargain Hunt.
I went to hunt him down once when Bargain Hunt came to Derby Uni but there was only that new dribbling idiot there, which upset me greatly, however I did manage to get in on the background while they were filming AND take some pictures of the experts. (I can tell you're jealous now)
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Two of the latest websites that have occupied my time inbetween Neighbours (I reckon for the 20th anniversary they should repeat the Kylie/Jason Wedding, lets face it, its all that anyone remembers Neighbours for! - OF was soo in love with Scott at the time. (Apparently it was also voted best ever tv wedding ever!)) And Murder She Wrote (Very surreal, the other week was about a woman who could talk to horses.)
The main problem I have with MSW is that whether she goes, she knows someone, its like she knows the ENTIRE world, its no Diagnosis Murder but I still love it.
This first one is awesome fun, I love the idea of a voodoo doll online, might be good for you Cheryl, if the ex-hubby's pissing you off?!
Who doesn't love bubble-wrap?
I adore it, the greatest thing was when I found a duvet sized piece, wrapped myself up in and rolled on the floor to make it all pop.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
The usual places were visited, plus some new haunts, a stupid amount of alcohol was consumed and a lot of takeaway eaten.
Plus a random day out, the clue was given by STF going "diddlydum, diddly dum TWANG" which made me think of horses playing with bows and arrows and his giggle gave me a clue, especially when he told me we'd be in another city (for the benefit of Cheryl - Derby's not far from Nottingham, home of the legendary Robin Hood)
There was coupons involved of which I wasn't allowed to see.
But they turned out to be Red Arrow Bus tickets, that didn't come into action until today, how I teased him about his "meticululous planning"
(It was like when we went on my last night here to Nottingham Dog Track only to find out it was closed, had one drink in Hooters and then left.)
So we went in the car, played in the Robin Hood Experience and in the castle and came home, to check out the Grand National.
I was so disgusted, I picked the winner (so what if he was favourite?) and did an accumulator on that and the 5th placed horse to place so I won £16
I was there checking out form and getting serious into it, where as he went for the nicest names and won £16.
I sulked cos I put an accumulator on us to Beat Pompey too, and for that woman to finish and The Addicks let me down.
Another mad night out drinking, seeing N who I'd not seen for ages (he saw me for 2 seconds and then tripped me up, stole my bobble and left me with a 2p-sized bruise on my thigh)
It was a great, if hectic time, seeing various friends, although for some of them, I could only spare an hour as there was so many to see and so much alcohol to consume.
God how I miss that kinda life! Lol!
Friday, April 08, 2005
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
- Still waiting to hear by the way...
- I have train tickets! STF and N are fighting over where I'm stopping at the weekend and STF is planning a weekend full of awesome randomness and obviously lots of drinking!
- The builder working on our loft conversion put his foot through my Brat's room! Oh how I have laughed and laughed and then laughed some more!
Monday, April 04, 2005
Woke up this morning and headed out, after fist popping round to the Co-Op and shocking the morning check-out girl that I normally say Hi to.
"You've got shoes on! And trousers! Have you got contacts in?"
"I always wear shoes, if you count trainers (apart from one time when I walked there barefoot cos I forgot to put my shoes on) I always wear trousers too, Jeans ARE trousers. And I don't make a habit of pottering round half-blind so yes I would have contacts in."
This was mentally, I don't want her to refuse to serve me or even ban me from the shop. I'm a wimp, I know.
So I toddled out to find a bus to take me to the train station and DND (D Next Door - Actually It should be D Next Door But One but writing DNDBO is a no-no) was coming out.
And he kindly drove me to the train station, which is actually the first time I've spoken to him in seven years of living almost-but-not-quite-next-door. Other than Hello, you alright?
I got a *teeny* bit lost coming out of Warren Street Station but seeing as I still managed to get there 45 minutes early (and I'd stopped for Breakfast at MacDonalds) I wasn't too fussed.
So I got shown round and all that was chilled but the actual Interview itself was a bit scary.
I got sat in front of 4 blokes and the more nervous I got, the more I babbled on about shite.
Hopefully it was all ok
Rang the Mothership on the way out and apart from noticing I went past a Scream bar and thinking fondly of a trip to Our Beloved Friary on Friday I just wandered, which even for a person with a good sense of direction is bad but for me, who has NO sense of direction and even less of a clue about getting round London than your local Japanese Tourist was up shit creek without a paddle.
About 4 miles later and an hour of limping as my feet hurt more and more, and then being reduced to a crawl and getting lapped by 82 year old grannies I found myself in Oxford Street and eventually, veerrrryyy slowly at Tottenham Court Tube Station and then I painfully crawled home to inspect a bloody sock and two feet full of blisters.
(Best bet - If I get this job I can wear Footy shirt and jeans - Hell yeah!)
Fingers crossed that Its good news at the end of the Week when they tell me if I got the job or not!
Sunday, April 03, 2005
I was unable - due to piss poor upper-arm strength - to pull myself up to the first layer of horizontal poles so the Brat gave me a leg-up and I'm sitting here proudly with my roof-tile momento. (I won't be keeping it, it has to go back, later today.)
Then it was more drinking, and a game of poker, of which i'm shite.
Now I'm contemplating the mildest of headaches and trying to learn all about the fishies for tomorrow.
So far my knowledge extends to the latin name "Brachidanio rania" and the fact that they eat their babies.
Don't think that's gonna help me get a job really.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
STF has wanted me to come up for ages and I decided I'm coming, that I can just about afford it now.
So I'm going to see my mates and have a great stress- free weekend while Charlton are away to Pompey, just chilling and spending money that I don't have on drink and takeaway and train fare but who gives a flying fuck?
And in that sprit of who cares? Me and E and The Brat are going to Norwich to see us play away.
"We need a 12th man! Where are ya? Where are ya? Come on! Let's be 'avin ya?!"
Hurray! Fun! I've been good and bored for far too long!
Friday, April 01, 2005
Me and OF are funny, we have gone months without talking but do get on well together even though we're total opposites.
When we were kids we were the same, battered jeans, t-shirts and playing with lads and lads games.
Only she went to a Girl's Sec School and became girly as a result, so I kinda drifted outta touch.
Funny spending time with girls, (me and her and her mate went to see Miss Congenality 2) and she talked with much giggling about how she accidently walked into a blokes toilets, I didn't get this, I chased N into the Blokes at the Friary and then got pinned up against the urinals by N and STF and I was sober.
So I guess that's the difference now between us, she wouldn't have dreamed of doing that sober, or going to a strip club or a casino and missed out on a lot of the fun we had.
But then maybe she had fun with make-up and hair and giggling over boys.
I've known her for 17 out of my 21 years and she is a great friendly, bubbly and beautiful person.
I hate kids!
Absolutely loathe them.
Coming back to the test centre from the dual carriageway near Bexleyheath, at the traffic lights near the bowling alley. A little kid came running up to the lights, which were flashing amber.
I stopped in case the kid was to still carry on running, but he pressed the button.
And that was that.
With 8 faults too and just 5 minutes from the test centre and the end and a pass.
Hate kids, loathe them.